Author's note: This is a very random piece that came to me all of a sudden. thank you Katie as always for reading it and telling me what you thought. First off before you make a judgement regarding a person, there are going to be either two or three more parts to this. it'll all be explained... well, as long as you all want it to be. which in other words means leave me your reviews, so I know where exactly you'd like to see this go.

enjoy!

3

Manda

Vanessa Abrams's daughter was beautiful, so what, Blair got the picture. Sitting at lunch with Serena the blonde in front of her couldn't stop gushing over the month old baby girl the low class Brooklyn whore had brought over for a visit the day before. They were thirty-five years old now, what was the use in gushing over a child that would never be anything more than a public school dropout. Maybe Blair was bitter that she didn't have any of her own, not for lack of trying. It was her husband who always said it wasn't the time. At least 'wasn't the time' was what she told herself.

"She's beautiful! She has these big blue sapphire eyes"

Serena continued to muse much to her best friend's dismay. She was tired of watching everyone around her with children, Dan and Serena's two year old son, even Penny and crew had children. Blair just wanted to be included in mommy and me classes, she could care less about the actual child part. Blair just didn't like to be not included in things. It was the husband, the husband that didn't want any part in having a child. at least any part in having a child with his wife.

Nate and Blair had been married at twenty five, Blair had always sworn that Tipp had been the reason for it. He'd persuaded Nate that money married bigger money. Grandfather Van der Built wouldn't be happy unless Nate went up rather than down. Blair had always known that he'd only settled for her. There wasn't anything Nate had ever wanted more than Vanessa, Blair had known that one from the beginning of it all. She'd just figured that maybe with time Nate would learn to put his feelings for Vanessa in the past and he'd learn to once again love Blair for who she was.

As she twists her fingers around in her perfect chestnut hair she yawns absently as she continues to listen to Serena go on about how the baby was well mannered and tempered. How she was a silent child that was completely content just looking up at whoever was holding her. Angelic and sweet, it was all making Blair nauseous.

Blair tried to wave her off, but, when she wouldn't stop talking. Blair pushed her own seat back and made an excuse, looking down at the time on her cell phone she just wanted to get out of there.

"I gotta get out of here, Nate and I… I think we're going out tonight."

Seeing the pained look on her friends face made Blair roll her eyes. It was obvious to everyone in the outside world, Nate and Blair weren't happy together nor had they ever been happy together. She was sick and tired of everyone's pitty and sympathies. She'd much rather just play it off as though she and Nate both had too much work to deal with one another or even think about starting their own family. Denial was becoming very close to her in that way, part of her was starting to believe it all herself.

"B… ok, well, I guess I'll talk to you later."

Nodding her head Blair gave Serena a chastened hug before her always stiff figure gathered up her things and left the restaurant feeling more inadequate then she'd felt when she'd walked out of her bedroom in the morning. Her bedroom, the bedroom she slept in alone. It had been over four years since she'd shared a bed with her husband, a bed that had stood solely for sleeping for four years prior to that. Nate either slept on the couch or spent nights in the office, anything not to be near her. He didn't love her, it was clear as crystal.

The drive home to the home she shared more with her own self then Nate was boring and left her completely in her own thoughts. An annoying place that reminded her that she'd picked the wrong guy way back when. Maybe if she'd chosen the one she'd really wanted her life wouldn't have ended up as meaningless as it was now. Maybe she and Nate both would have been better off.

Pulling up to her driveway there was an unknown car, the first thing she'd spotted. She scrunched her nose in distaste, must have been work buddies she'd have to pretend to be the perfect wife for. Just to add to the façade that she was in the perfect marriage. So that no one of importance would believe that there was anything wrong with their lives, god forbid they admitted the truth for once, god forbid she admitted the truth.

Putting on her best fake smile she got out of the car, shoulders back, chin up and strode straight to the door like the high class wife she pretended to be. She shut the door behind her and hung her keys up where the rest were. The house was silent she noticed then, no loud men making a ruckus. The silence baffled her. She continued to walk further into the house till the gentle quiet humming threw her for even more of a loop.

Finally reaching the doorway of the living room she'd made sure to have lavishly decorated, she couldn't say she hadn't been partly expecting it. Even if she was a little pissed off, Nate hanging around with ex girl friends, Nate with the tiny newborn nestled so securely in his protective arms. Every single second of it looked so natural and so right for Nate. Her suspicions were escalating as she stood too shocked to move or say anything. Blair's brown eyes feel upon the next part of the 'hallmark' photo made her blood boil. Vanessa's sleeping form was right beside her husband. Vanessa's head right in Nate's lap, Vanessa's baby contently in her husband's arms. Wasn't it supposed to be Blair's baby in Nate's arms, wasn't it supposed to be a sleep deprived Blair in Nate's lap? But that wasn't the way it was nor was it the way it would ever be.

Breaking from her sudden daze Blair cleared her throat and Nate's concentration from the baby broke right away. Nate's moves were more than gentle as he held the baby in one protective arm and slipped a pillow where his lap had been under Vanessa's head. As he walked toured Blair he made sure the baby in his arms was swaddled comfortably in the pink blanket.

"Wasn't expecting you home"

His statement was blunt, not that she hadn't been expecting it like that. They'd fought just the night before viciously causing him to storm out as always. He'd begged for a divorce again, a divorce was one thing Blair refused to grant him. Why should she let him have what he wanted when he wouldn't give her what she wanted the most. Getting a divorce would only provide more of a scandal, Blair urged scandals along, she wasn't the center of them anymore. She'd rather just watch others lives blow up around them, her own was private, she'd choose to keep her own together.

"Didn't feel like being with Serena any longer"

Blair looked up to see if she could meet his eyes but he wasn't having it. His thoughts and emotions were too far gone on the innocent little child nestled so close to himself. He was far to enamored in the life of the child in his arms. The way he pulled the blanket back just enough for him to look at her little face, a face that Blair to caught. Innocence glimmered off of the tiny child, little curls were already giving the four week old a head of hair, and then there they were. The bright sapphire eyes, Blair would have known them from miles away. They were the eyes that looked at her with dread and regret day after day.

"There's quite a resemblance"

With her uppity tone she knew he'd catch the underlying meaning. Then the ball would be in his court to either confirm or deny her accusations. He didn't bother to do either, he almost didn't even respond to her question. But then he nodded his head as the little girl in his arms started to stir. She watched on as he put the little girl to his shoulder and rubbed her back kissing the side of her tiny head.

" Shh it's ok pretty girl, keep fussing you're going to wake up your mommy. Daddy thinks we should let mommy sleep for a while, you kept her up all last night. You missed daddy didn't you?"

Her eyes were wide, of course she'd known it was coming but she hadn't expected it that openly without any such hesitation. It was plain obvious that Nate was proud of his daughter, regardless if she didn't belong to the woman he was married to. it was then in that moment that she knew she couldn't hold Nate to her any longer, no matter how hard she tried to hold onto him, she was making him break more and more, and in turn her own life was falling down around her.

"I'm um… I'm going to go pack my bags"

There it was, those were the first words to the first steps of setting them both free. It was the first time in years she saw the light in Nate's blue eyes light his face. She hurt, part of her hurt badly. Then there was part of her, the selfless part that didn't show its self all too often that knew this was what Nate had wanted all alone.

"Blair, you don't have to do that. I don't want the house. I just want you to sign the papers. Please Blair, that's all I'm asking for. You can take whatever you want."

His voice was a whisper, a whisper so that he wouldn't frighten his daughter, she knew it. She nodded her head as she walked to the other side of their dining room and opened up the paper cabinet where she'd hidden the papers four years ago, inside were the divorce papers she'd told him she'd burned. This would not only let Nate free but Anne also. She'd noticed and complained to Blair about how unhappy her son looked lately.

"I'm going to go wake V up, take her and the baby home."

Blair nodded her head as she put her head up and looked at him, he'd gotten his daughter to sleep, Nate with his magic touch. If she looked really hard she could see the sixteen year old boy she'd been in love with. But that was a life time ago, and they weren't the same people from back then. They hadn't been the people from back then in a very long time. In the very beginning their marriage had been worth something, but, it had been many years since that something had been meant.

Snapping back out of her daze she noticed him struggling to place the baby in the carrier. He finally stood back up when she was safely fastened inside. He stood up, glanced an admiring look at his daughter then headed to the couch to wake up Vanessa.

"I really don't care to see her awake, why don't you just carry her out to the car and not wake her. I'll bring the baby to the door."

Nate looked up at her with innocent eyes full of remorse, it was the look of the Nate that had once upon a time been her best friend. It wasn't the part of her that she'd ever admit to but the part of her that told Nate to carry Vanessa outside was the part of her that cared to see her friend happy, her friend Nate. The part of her that knew he'd be happy, that knew Vanessa wouldn't ever cheat on him like herself had done to him many a time. She watched him pick up Vanessa and kiss the top of her head before carrying her out to the door and she looked away to hide the jealousy she felt. It wasn't jealousy of Vanessa, it was jealousy over the way Vanessa had someone to take care of her and love her unconditionally, two people to do so. Two people to do so when Blair had destroyed her own happiness before she'd even said 'I Do'.