Pain.
I had always though of myself as someone with high tolerance for it, I prided myself on it. I guess growing up in the McKinnon household, with four brothers who tackle you to the floor on a daily basis does that to you.
Throughout my life there had been pain, at least as much as could be expected. I fell off a swing once and broke my lip. The next-door neighbor tripped me. Thousands of fights with Maize, the youngest of my brothers. And then, at Hogwarts when I fell down the moving staircases, or the time that girl pulled my hair in fourth year. I lost count of my Quidditch injuries by fifth year, and just a few months ago, I twisted my ankle because of my too-high heels.
And there had been more than enough emotional pain too, especially lately. When my dog ran away, and when daddy and mommy fought. When I failed my first exam and when my boyfriend cheated on me. When Mom died, then Mary, and then Benjy, along with too many more.
There were times when I cried rivers and fell to the floor and prayed to every God I didn't believe in for the pain to please just stop. Of course, it didn't, but I dried my eyes and held my head high, because yes there was pain, but I could deal with it. I was Marlene Mckinnon: beautiful, fearless, proud and above all else strong. I battled against Pain time and again, and sometimes I struggled, but I always won in the end.
What I hadn't realized was that there's Pain and then there's Crucio.
And no matter how strong or fearless or stupid you are, you can never win against Crucio. You'll lose before you can even think about trying.
I think about all of this as I sit with my hands tied to the small wood chair and my eyes blindfolded, and I try to listen to what's happening around me, but my heart's beating too loudly.
And then I feel the tip of the wand poking my neck, and I know what's coming. I tell my body to stop feeling, I ask my heart to stop feeling because it's here, that agony you cannot fight.
It's been described as the pain of a hundred knives, the burning of a thousand fires, the crashing of a million rocks, but that's not enough. That's Pain.
You're facing Crucio now.
I vaguely wonder if I will scream. I know last time I did, when I woke up my throat was raw. Or maybe I will writhe and cry but not make a sound. Maybe I will die. Will my body give up quickly? I know my mind already has.
I almost smile as I remember that I used to be strong. And then I finally hear it, barely above a whisper.
"Crucio"