Konnichiwa~
This is my second fanfic.
This time, I tried to make a kazuheiji oneshot.
They are my favorite couple in Detective Conan.
This is my first angst fic.
I tried really hard to describe Heiji's emotion.
I hope it is good.
Once again, I'm not an English native speaker.
So please forgive me for any grammatical errors.
However, constructive criticisms are always accepted.
Thank you!
Enjoy~
Disclaimer:
Detective Conan and all its characters belong to Aoyama Gosho-Sensei.
The song I used here is "Kimi ni Aitaku Naru Kara" by Nishino Kana.
I [Don't] Miss You
It was a cloudy dusk. Kazuha had just finished her work and decided to go to her favorite coffee shop. The coffee shop wasn't too far from her office, only 300 meters away. She was on her way when rain suddenly fell from the sky.
"Oh, crap!" she growled.
Noticing the wet spot on her clothes, she quickened her pace, almost running to the coffee shop. Fortunately, she arrived before her body got all drenched. The warm temperature inside the coffee shop made Kazuha felt comfortable. A friendly waitress greeted her and guided her to a table with two seats next to the window. After taking Kazuha's order, the waitress left.
Kazuha looked at the dripping water on the window glass. From her seat, she could see people running on the street, trying to find a shelter from the rain. Everything was grey and gloomy. Kazuha sighed. She hated this kind of weather. While some people found rain inspiring, Kazuha found it really depressing. Rainy days were the worst, because rain always reminded her of him.
Yes, her childhood friend who also happened to be her first love—Hattori Heiji.
Kazuha didn't notice that the waitress had arrived with her order. She placed Kazuha's drink on the table, causing the spanking sound which startled Kazuha. "Oh, thank you," she said. After the waitress left, Kazuha took a sip of her vanilla latte. The warmth of the drink gushed through her whole body, leaving her contented. Suddenly the thought of Heiji popped into her mind. "If only he was here…" she whispered to herself. Kazuha stared at the falling rain outside the window and her memory flew back to five years ago.
Kazuha and Heiji were both 18 years old. It was their graduation day. It was supposed to be a happy day. Their parents were there, their friends were so excited. But Heiji didn't seem to be happy. Kazuha was wondering what was wrong with her boyfriend when Heiji approached her and ask her to talk privately.
"Heiji, what's wrong? This is our graduation day… You should be happy! At least, don't show that kind of face in front of your parents."
Heiji stayed silent for a while. That made Kazuha even more curious.
"Heiji, what happened? Why don't you say anything?"
Then, all of a sudden, the dark skin boy grabbed Kazuha's wrist and pulled her into his chest. Kazuha's eyes were widened in shock. She was blushing furiously when Heiji began to speak.
"…I'm sorry, Kazuha." His voice sounded deep, meaningful, and painful at the same time.
"Eh? What are you apologizing for?" The ponytailed girl asked questioningly.
Heiji took a deep breath. He continued with the serious tone he had earlier, "Actually, I'm going to London to attend a detective school… I've been planning to go since a long time ago, but I've just got my father's approval. Everything was decided in a rush. I didn't have the chance to tell you before."
"W-what?" Kazuha was stunned. Her body froze within a minute. Heiji let her go from his embrace and looked at her ruefully. It took a couple of minutes before she could speak again. "B-but, what about me? You promised that we'll go to Tokyo and attend the same university, didn't you?" she stuttered.
"Yeah, I know… I never mean to break our promise, Kazuha. You know that I never want to hurt you. But I want you to understand. Becoming a great detective has been my dream since I was a kid. You should know it better than anyone, right? Now I have the chance to pursue that dream. I can't let go of this precious chance. I have to go, Kazuha."
Heiji was right. Even though Kazuha loved him so much and didn't want to stay apart from him, she still had to let him go… She shouldn't be selfish. It was for Heiji's sake. Heiji has been dreaming to become a great detective for his whole life. She didn't want to get on his way.
But still, her heart ached so much, thinking about her days without him… It would be a nightmare. They've been together since they were kids, up until now, when they were graduating from high school. Kazuha remembered, when they were 17, she finally got the courage to tell Heiji about her feeling. And unexpectedly, Heiji accepted her confession. Finally they got to be together. After a wonderful year as a couple, why did they have to be separated?
Without realizing it, tears began to flow down on her cheek. Heiji was surprised. He cupped Kazuha's face and ran a finger to wipe away her tears. "Kazuha, please don't cry… You don't know how much it hurts to see you like this…" he whispered.
The ponytailed girl held Heiji's hands and pressed them on her cheeks. "Heiji, I am so sad… I don't want you to go, but at the other hand, I want you to pursue your dream. I want to support you whole-heartedly, but it's so hard for me to let you go… Tell me, what am I supposed to do?" She began to sob.
Heiji pulled her into his embrace once again and held her tight. He didn't say a thing as Kazuha kept crying. She tried her best not to cry in front of her boyfriend. She wanted to be an understanding girlfriend for him. But the thought of living away from Heiji was too much for her to bear… She couldn't help but crying in his arms. She tried to savor his warmth, his smell, everything about him… She didn't want to forget it. She realized that they didn't have much time left as every minute passing brought them closer to his departure day.
The next second, there was a loud thunder. The sky was all covered by dark clouds. Then slowly, rain began to pour down on earth. There Heiji and Kazuha were, standing and embracing each other under the rain. They didn't care if their uniforms were soaking wet. All they cared about was savoring each other's companion until the very last time.
At first, they tried to maintain their long-distance relationship. Everything was smooth at the beginning. But as time went by, both of them found it harder to carry on. Their busy schedule and time difference between London and Tokyo made it hard for them to communicate. They barely talked to each other, even at weekends. Everytime Kazuha got the chance to call Heiji, the dark skin boy must be busy, and vice versa. And then, another person showed up in their lives. Everything became harder and more complicated.
After half a year of hard attempts to fix their relationship without any result, Heiji called on one night.
"Let's make it clear… Don't you think it will be better for both of us if we break up?" Kazuha still remembered the coldness in his voice. He didn't sound like Heiji at all. But, of course, Heiji was the one to speak.
"Is that what you want? Fine, then. I don't think it will work for us anymore. Let's break up."
Yeah, she didn't sound like herself as well that night. Maybe she was already tired with that kind of relationship. She had to be realistic. Not every childhood friend would end up as a happy couple like Shinichi and Ran. Fairytales didn't always have their happy ending, right?
Now, five years had passed. Kazuha was 23 and working as an announcer at a radio station in her hometown, Osaka. But she no longer lived with her parents. She was able to rent an apartment on her own. However, her father insisted on supporting her financial, even though she had told him it was unnecessary.
Meanwhile, Heiji was still living in London. He has become a great detective like his dream. He was trusted by the police department and also the citizens. He could always solve cases that can't be solved by the police. Now, he deal with bigger cases that involving international criminals. His job was dangerous but the pay was high as well. It seemed like Chief Hattori didn't need to worry about his son anymore. Furthermore… Kazuha bit her lip. She didn't want to think about this, but the truth is, Heiji already had a girlfriend. A Japanese woman he met during college days. And they were still together.
She took another sip of her vanilla latte. Suddenly her phone rang. Kazuha reached for her handbag and grabbed her white cell phone. When she looked at the name written on the screen, she was stunned. She couldn't believe her eyes. With a shaking hand, she pressed the 'accept' button and placed the phone on her right ear.
"Hello?" When she heard the voice over there, she was breathless. Tears were forcing to flow on her cheeks, but she tried her best to hold back.
"H-hello?" she replied.
"Kazuha, is it you? Umm, I'm just calling to ask how you are doing…" The deep, low voice that she missed the most… The voice that could melt her to the core… That voice only belonged to one person in this world, and that was Heiji.
"I-I'm doing fine… How about you, Heiji?" she asked nervously.
"Great, then. I'm doing just as good. I have just solved a series of murder done by a mafia gang. Guess what? I caught the leader when he was just about to depart to other country! Only a few minutes late and everything would be ruined… Fortunately, the plane he supposed to ride had a little mechanical problem, so the departure was delayed for half an hour. You won't believe how much I get from this case!" Heiji kept bubbling like an excited child who had just came from his first picnic trip.
"Oh, really? Wow, you're awesome as usual! Congratulations, Heiji! I'm glad for you," Kazuha said sincerely.
"Yeah, thanks…"
Then there was a long silent. Kazuha turned her head to the window. The rain was still falling hard outside. The sight was blocked by the water vapors, she barely saw anything. But the sound of the rain was too clear for Heiji to hear.
"Is it raining over there?" he asked.
"Yes," Kazuha murmured softly.
The dark skin boy sighed. "Kazuha, I miss you," he said out of the blue.
That was not the first time she heard him said it. That wasn't their first call after breaking up as well. But hearing those words from his mouth only made her chest tighten in pain. She was happy, knowing that Heiji actually still thought of her and missed her. She wanted to reply and tell him that she missed him, too. But was that the right thing to do? Their relationship wasn't the same as five years ago. They both already had a partner. Heiji with the girl he dated in college, while Kazuha had just started dating one of her friend at the office. It felt so wrong to tell him that she missed him, but it didn't feel right to lie either.
I look up at the falling rain
And then wanted to hear your voice
Right now, surely you're looking
At the same sky somewhere
Messages sent to you, the photos
Everything's gone but the memories
Still won't go away, and suddenly
A ring informs me: incoming from your number...
After a while, Heiji broke the silent. "Why don't you say anything, Kazuha? Why don't you tell me that you miss me, too?"
Kazuha bit her lip. "Do I have to say that? You know that isn't the right thing to do."
"But you sure feel it, too, don't you?" Heiji asked. He sounded a little bit forceful. "I don't care what is the right or the wrong thing to do. I just want to know your feeling… Please, Kazuha… Please tell me that you miss me, too." He begged in despair. His voice sounded so painful, making it harder for Kazuha to control herself.
I wanted to meet you, I was sad
But I couldn't say anything
I just wanted to hear a bit of your voice
If you notice me acting tough
Don't be kind
Because then I'll want to see you
Finally, she gave in. She couldn't hide it any longer. She missed him, more than anyone else on this earth. She wanted to see him, to hug him tight, and never let him go. She wanted to smell him, she wanted to kiss him, and she wanted to be with him. "I miss you…" she whispered.
"…I know," Heiji replied. "I miss you, too. A lot." After another silent, Heiji began to speak again, "How is your current boyfriend? Does he treat you nice? If I'm not mistaken, he is one of your friends at the office, right?"
"Takahashi-san is a very nice person. He treats me really well. He always cheers me up whenever I have a problem, especially about the job."
"Really? I'm relieved, then."
Kazuha didn't want to ask this question, but the curiosity got the better half of her. "How about you, Heiji? How is your relationship with…" she paused for a moment, forcing herself to say the name "…Nanako-san?"
It took a while for Heiji to answer her question. "…To tell the truth, I'm getting bored of this relationship. She sure is an understanding and nice girl. She is always so caring and sweet, but something doesn't feel right.
"You know, Kazuha, I excitedly told her my latest achievement earlier this morning. I expected her to be proud of me, to congratulate me with a big smile on her face. But instead, she scolded me for putting myself in danger. She said that she's getting tired of my job and doesn't want me to get involved with the mafia anymore. But, hey, that IS my job! Who will deal with the criminals other than me? Sure, there are polices out there, but still, a detective like me is required here… She asked me, no, threatened me, to quit my job or she'll end our relationship.
"I don't know what's getting on her… She has been acting strange lately. She has become paranoid. I know that she cares for me, but that's kind of over protective! I don't find her supportive anymore." Heiji sighed. "She's so different from you, Kazuha… She can't support me, unlike you."
It has become harder for Kazuha to breath. The pain in her heart grew as she heard Heiji's words. Silently, she begged for Heiji to stop comparing his girlfriend with her. If he kept pointing out his girlfriend's weakness and praising Kazuha, she would begin to hope again. And she didn't want it. She didn't want to have further expectation. But the temptation he was giving her was too much.
"I miss those high school days… Even though we had been a couple only for a single year, but we've been friends for life. You understand me more than anyone, Kazuha… You see through me. You see something inside me that others can't see and you understand what I am thinking or feeling, even without a single word. I miss you… I miss you so much." He kept repeating the same words, begging for her, making it harder for her to resist. The urge of having her under his arms right now was killing him.
"I know… I miss you, too," Kazuha began to sob.
I make no promise that
We'll see each other again someday
Don't simply nod and agree
Because you'll make me cry
Holding hands, embracing
I thought such days would
Certainly continue
Why are we now lost in a phone call
We can't end?
"Where are you now?" Kazuha asked.
"…At home," Heiji answered hesitantly.
"…Is she there?" Kazuha asked nervously, not sure whether if she wanted to know the answer.
Heiji didn't answer her question right away. It took him a few seconds before saying, "...Yeah, she's here. Laying on the couch, seems like she has fallen asleep while watching TV."
"I see," Kazuha murmured. "You sure she doesn't know we're on the line?"
"Nah, I can assure you, when she's sleeping, not even an earthquake could wake her up," Heiji joked, trying to ease the mood. When he heard Kazuha was chuckling over there, a smile spontaneously formed up on his face. Then he sighed again. "…Wish it was you, though."
That sentence had successfully stopped Kazuha from laughing. Her eyes began to soften and she could felt a tight knot in the pit of her stomach. "Yeah, I wish I was there, too."
I wanted to meet you, I was sad
But I couldn't say anything
I just wanted to hear a bit of your voice
If you notice me acting tough
Don't be kind
Because then I'll want to see you
Suddenly a ring on the door almost made Heiji jump out. "Oh, crap!" he cursed. "I forget that the inspector is coming over for dinner. Talk to you later, Kazuha!"
Kazuha couldn't deny that suddenly a wave of sadness hit her. But she didn't have any choice. "Umm, okay. I understand. Take care, Heiji!"
She was about to end the conversation when Heiji shouted, "Wait, Kazuha…!"
Kazuha put the phone back on her ear. "Yes, Heiji?"
"…I love you. You know I'll always do." Heiji said in the most delightful voice he could make, sending shiver down her spine.
From this point forward
I won't forget you
Our memories together will sparkle brightly now
"Yeah, I know. I love you, too." was all Kazuha could say. There was a deep sigh coming from over there, and then the conversation ended.
I wanted to meet you, I was sad
But I couldn't say anything
I just wanted to hear a bit of your voice
If you notice me acting tough
Don't be kind
I'm missing you
A long, continuous beeping sound was heard from the phone. Kazuha kept staring at her phone, even the screen had turned blank since two minutes ago. She bit her lower lip, trying to press the tears that could burst anytime with all her might. Her heart was still aching from the conversation earlier. She didn't know when this little 'affair' began. She didn't know when they started to call each other, saying things like 'I miss you' and 'I love you', even they already had their own partners.
But one thing she knew for sure—there was no turning back. His voice was like a drug for her. Once she got to hear his voice, she would be begging for more and more. No matter how many times she tried to stop this, she would end up missing him. Too much until calling him was the only way to ease the pain. And now, how could she sleep tonight, when she was so sure that her head would be filled with him and only him all night long?
I wanted to meet you, I was sad
But I didn't say anything
I want to look ahead from now on
If you notice me acting tough
Don't be kind
Because then I'll want to see you