A Very Serious Case of the Not-so-serious Man Flu
Lily Evans wandered aimlessly around the quaint, little village of Hogsmeade with her long-time friend, Mary Macdonald. They had little money between them to buy anything, and were just waiting on an important call from Lily's boyfriend, James Potter, who, no doubt, would whisk Lily away for an afternoon of snogging in the dark corners of The Three Broomsticks in an instant. Mary could see Lily out of the corner of her eye, impatiently glancing at the small mirror in her cloak pocket. But this was no ordinary mirror. It was a tool that James and his best friend, and partner in countless crimes, Sirius Black, had produced when few too many boring detentions had gotten the best of the pair. They would use these to communicate to each other, no matter where the other person was, and ever since Lily had begun dating James, she had picked up the rather nasty habit of stealing. And James was supposed to have called and rescued her from this mundane Hogsmeade trip a whole ten minutes ago!
Mary, tired with her friend's so obvious desire to rid herself of present company, decided to break the silence with a rather loud huff. So loud, in fact, she made a group of timid third years jump in surprise, and scatter off into Honeydukes.
"Just call him Lily, for crying out loud!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands up in a gesture of frustration, "If I see you look at that mirror one more bloody time…!"
She tried her best to look menacing, but she knew it wouldn't work on Lily, who laughed, stuffing the mirror deeper into her pocket.
"Alright, alright!" she said, still chuckling, "But was there any need for that language? Honestly, Mary! I think you scared those kids half to death!"
"They'll get over it," she replied nonchalantly, "But are you going to call him? Because if you don't, I will! I can tell you're pining for him. Am I that boring? Or is it just because I'm not snogging material?"
Lily laughed again at her friend, and felt her cheeks warming. Her friend wasn't in the slightest bit boring, but she certainly wasn't, what had she said? Snogging material. And James most certainly was. He was supposed to be here by now!
"He was supposed to have called me already!" Lily said, a bit petulantly. "And you're not boring, Mary. I just haven't seen him all day and he was supposed to be taking me for drinks!"
"Well, maybe something has come up, or something has happened to him? He'd never stand you up," she said, but instantly regretted it when she saw the worry in Lily's expression, "Or maybe he forgot? Or maybe he's been held up by those pesky friends of his? Or…"
"Or nothing Mary, something has happened, I knew it! I'll contact him!" And Lily yanked the mirror from her pocket, and practically shouted his name into it, fearing the worst. Mary was just about to tell her that she was overreacting, but was saved by the appearance of the man himself, unharmed and seemingly safe.
"James!" Lily cried all but screeching at him, "Where have you been and where are you?" she questioned forcefully. Mary mentally noted never to stand Lily up after this. She saw James gulp, but it looked rather painful, and he winced. His eyes were a little bloodshot, and his nose red and shiny. To Mary, he looked rather ill, but Lily was too busy shouting. She had shut off, but caught the odd "How could you?" "Teach you to stand me up!" and a chorus of "I thought something awful had happened to you!"
"Somefing awful hab habbened to me, Lily," he managed to rasp out, his voice heavy from a blocked nose, "I'be caught the 'flu!"
"Oh, James!" Lily cried once again, finally taking in his features that had been distorted by his illness, "Why didn't you just say so?"
"I think he did," said Mary, cutting in, "But you were far too busy shouting at him to hear." James nodded his head in acquiescence, and even that looked an effort.
"I'm so sorry James! Is there anything I can get you? I can pop into a few places around Hogsmeade and get you some hot soup and a couple of remedies. I heard once that one of these shops even sells muggle medicines," said Lily, looking truly sorry for James, who shook his head.
"No, no," he said, "I'll be find"
"Fine?" Mary said.
"Yes, find!" he said, and both girls chuckled.
"Well what do you want James? I can't leave you suffering by yourself in your dorm!"
"Well," he began, looking sheepish, ruffling his hair in a familiar gesture. Mary could predict exactly what his next words, or rather, request would be, and Lily's oh-so-familiar reaction to it. "Well, err, my dad always used to say that the best remedy for the 'flu that he knew of was, err, love and cuddles."
Mary chuckled. James looked both nervous and hopeful. Lily was practically steaming from the ears.
"Love and cuddles?" she screeched, "What good are they?" she cried, "We'd both just end up with the 'flu!" She paused, but Mary could tell that the rant wasn't over. She was rather sick of these rants herself, having naively believed that they would stop all this nonsense once they burnt off some excess tension with all the kissing these two seemed to do. But no! It would always be the same, it seemed. "Oh, I know your game, James Potter! And I know your idea of 'love', too! Don't think I can't see past this phoney man 'flu you have!"
"What's the difference between normal 'flu and man 'flu?" asked Mary, butting in once again.
"Man 'flu," Lily snapped, clearly enraged that she had been interrupted from her second favourite past-time regarding James, but soldiered on, "is very similar to normal 'flu except it affects men only. They have the same symptoms of normal 'flu, or even less symptoms, and yet these affected males thrash around and sob like they are dying. And," she said, looking at James in the mirror, who still looked rather sheepish, "they demanded special attention and care off of any woman in the vicinity, almost like a small child would. They pick mothers or girlfriends usually, whoever's nearest, really." She finished, shaking her head at James.
"Bud I really do neeb love and cuddles, Lily! My dad saib so! My retired ex-healer dad saib so! I don'b think I can go on!" he said, through a series of overly dramatic coughs, "My dying wish, is do habe you, my lobe, besibe my bed, holding my hand. Gibing me my lobe and cuddles! C'mon Lily, you know you want to!" he finished dramatically clutched his head as Mary imagined a film heroine might do, and she laughed.
Lily rolled her eyes, but her cheeks flushed the red of her hair, and her emerald green eyes sparkled. Mary could tell that she wanted to, too. However, in typical Lily fashion, she shook her head wildly. "We all know what your idea of love and cuddling is Potter! And we all know you're just trying to get me all alone in your dormitory because Sirius, Remus and Peter are all here in Hogsmeade so you can snog me on your bed!" she said, looking very odd to the average passer-by, pointing and gesturing to a mirror, "Well I'm not buying it! I'll just stay here with Mary and you can get better buy yourself!" she shouted, throwing the mirror back into her pocket. Mary heard tiny squeaks coming from said pocket, and assumed that James was protesting vehemently against her. Lily held her hand tightly over the pocket in order to smother the noise.
"Well James can't be that ill of he's able to scream and shout that much, eh Lily?"
"Exactly." She said, lifting her chin in an attempt to be haughty. It didn't wash with Mary, but the two girls walked on. Mary had to listen to another rant of Lily's about James and his tricks. She didn't think she could stand much more of this.
"Oh for goodness sake!" she cried, startling Lily. "Look, why don't we save some time here. We both know that once you've ranted some more you'll eventually ditch me and grant James his 'love and cuddles'. It's pathetic! James will predictably keep hounding you through the mirror, and you'll shout at him for a while, moan to me some more, but eventually you'll go and snog him senseless anyway! Don't look at me like that Lily! It's all I'd expect from you two, being this being the general theme to your relationship! Him chasing, you saying no, then you giving in and enjoying it! So please, just go now and save yourself some breath for snogging!"
Lily didn't often look gob smacked, but she did so now. Eventually though, after several moments of unattractive gaping, her lips formed a reluctant grin and Mary rolled her eyes.
"Thanks, Mary."
"Just go! But you'll only have yourself to blame if you wake up tomorrow with a sore throat! Don't say I didn't warn you," she shouted to Lily's retreating back. She shook her head, some people just never change.
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The next morning, Mary was rudely awoken by the sounds of someone evidently coughing their guts up. She rolled over in her four poster bed and saw, to her amusement, the figure of Lily Evans coughing and spluttering, trying to lift her heavy head from her pillow, and failing miserably. She was trying to reach the vial of pepper up potion on her beside cabinet, but couldn't. Mary chuckled, but got up none-the-less to help her friend.
"Good morning, Lily," she said brightly, hearing her friend moan in agony, "You know, this could be the perfect time to say 'I told you so'"
"Yes, it could, but how about this. You don't say it, and you pass me the potion in complete silence."
Mary chuckled once again, and on passing said potion, whispered, "I only hope that all the snogging was worth this."
Lily grunted noncommittally into her pillow, and rolled over, but Mary could sense the smile that her friend hid, knowing that her friend would risk even the most serious case of not-so-serious man 'flu for just one of James Potter's special kisses.