Disclaimer: I do not own any Marvel characters that may be mentioned here, only in another dimension, but...we won't get into that here. I do own this warped story. I DO NOT own the Mary Sues, nor do I WANT TO! They own themselves. They are pristine and evil and must be destroyed at all cost! There might be one in your town, next door, behind you BEHIND YOU! BEWARE!!!
AN: Just trying to humor myself and answer the question of where Mary Sues go when their reign of terror is over. Oh, and Bud, I gave you the butt-scratching MAry Sue in this story...hee hee. Enjoy!
Further more!...For a great story read: Magdellin, The Mean Spleen, Bandit, Icy, PallaPlease, Tara, The Reaper...sorry if I forgot anyone!!!
"The Truth About Mary Sues"
By Ruth "Kat" Richter-Woytsek
Where do Mary Sues go?
That is the one question on everyone's mind, even if they are afraid to admit it. It never goes away, perhaps retreating to the recesses of their mind for a while and then coming back later with an irritating whine, troubling their sleep. No, no one can sleep until they know for sure...because the possibility of a Mary Sue creeping in the shadows of their closet is too scary to imagine. Are they ever REALLY gone?
You see, I had the courage to pull a Mary Sue aside once--only ONCE!--and ask her what happens to Mary Sues after they've exhausted their use in a story. She shook her perfect, long blond hair that glistened like spun gold in the sunlight, and I shuddered. She then announced her self as Genevieve Mrywen Abbeyhill from Wales and said that her mission with the X-Men was over. They had saved the world again, and now she was being called away to save the Multiverse. But, alas, she had to end her "perfect" loving relationship with Kurt Wagner, but that is what a heroine must do. While I was failing my struggles to keep from vomiting everywhere, she mumbled something about a starship.
"Jefferson Starship?" I asked, not really caring either way.
"No," she continued with such grace that I had to stifle a groan, "my sisterhood and I must board the starship to save the Multiverse. We must always do this. It is our Destiny."
Ugh, and she said "destiny" like I should bow to her in awe. Then I had to struggle with the urge to gut her.
"Save the Multiverse? What the friggin' hell are you talking about? I just wanted to know if you ever die, not hear your life-story!" I wailed.
She smiled at me and spoke slowly like she was explaining something difficult to a Kindergartener. God, I hate Mary Sues! "After our mission is over, my sisters must leave their loves and lives and board the ship that will take us to our Destiny. We must travel to the end of the Multiverse to a black hole called Marvelle. We must plunge ourselves into it to keep its incontinuity from spreading!"
I was totally confused. "Incontinence??"
Ignoring me, the hateful pixie flailed her arms about dramatically. "We must plunge ourselves into the hole to close it up, thus sacrificing ourselves. We can never have happiness!"
"Yes!" a voice yelled from somewhere behind me. Suddenly I was surrounded by Mary Sues...agh, my worst nightmare!
"Huh?" I sighed weakly.
A raven-haired vixen in leather stepped forward. "We aren't perfect, you know."
A hot pink-haired girl popped her gum and piped up, "Yeah, look! I have a broken nail!"
A young woman with plaster-white skin and fiery hair held her hair out for me to examine. "And I have split-ends!"
"And I can't count past twenty!"
"I never get the man I want!"
"Because of my past, I can't sustain a relationship!"
"I can scratch your ass and steal your powers!"
"I can scratch my ass."
"My hair is always frizzy!"
"Mine is brassy!"
I could not take anymore. With too many Mary Sues around me, my head was bound to explode! "Aghh! Shut up! Shut up! Get on your damn ship and leave! No one cares if you have less-than-perfect lives! You're only here to annoy us, to be evil, to outdo every superhero and villian on this planet! You must die!"
They hung their heads in silence, doing what they considered their duty, and boarded the Ship to Hell...erm, Destiny. Even the way they walked was in perfect rhythm to each other, hips swaying back and forth. *Barf*
I felt a presence behind me and turned. A lonely Goth girl hung back, sharpening a blade. "What the hell are you looking at?" she spat. "I'm not a Mary Sue!"
We watched as the ship headed out of the horizon, breathing a sigh of relief.
"So, Rhianna," I said, smiling, "Want to go cut something?"
She nodded, and we both skipped off into the sunset like Mary Sues.
Oh God! It's contagious! Someone shoot me!
*********************
Sometime later that week at a mansion down Greymaulkin Lane, the X-Men are trying to sleep after finally rushing the latest Mary Sue on her way. Suddenly, what sounds like a thousand female voices screaming all at once shakes the mansion's foundation, waking most of the people up.
A very awake Logan, nursing a beer, jumps to his feet, claws extended. "What the flamin' hell??!!"
Kitty, who is sleep-deprived, takes another long sip of coffee and rubs at the duct meat in the corner of her eyes. "Ah, it was nothing, Logan. Calm down." She smiled to herself.
An innocent smile? No...she knows what a dying Mary Sue sounds like, and she likes it.
*********************
And that, meine Freunde, is the story of the ill-fated Mary Sues.
But I swear they are still evil, just trying to gain your sympathy, and then...
THEY'LL STRIKE!
*sillyness, I know, but don't we all love it? :)*
AN: Just trying to humor myself and answer the question of where Mary Sues go when their reign of terror is over. Oh, and Bud, I gave you the butt-scratching MAry Sue in this story...hee hee. Enjoy!
Further more!...For a great story read: Magdellin, The Mean Spleen, Bandit, Icy, PallaPlease, Tara, The Reaper...sorry if I forgot anyone!!!
"The Truth About Mary Sues"
By Ruth "Kat" Richter-Woytsek
Where do Mary Sues go?
That is the one question on everyone's mind, even if they are afraid to admit it. It never goes away, perhaps retreating to the recesses of their mind for a while and then coming back later with an irritating whine, troubling their sleep. No, no one can sleep until they know for sure...because the possibility of a Mary Sue creeping in the shadows of their closet is too scary to imagine. Are they ever REALLY gone?
You see, I had the courage to pull a Mary Sue aside once--only ONCE!--and ask her what happens to Mary Sues after they've exhausted their use in a story. She shook her perfect, long blond hair that glistened like spun gold in the sunlight, and I shuddered. She then announced her self as Genevieve Mrywen Abbeyhill from Wales and said that her mission with the X-Men was over. They had saved the world again, and now she was being called away to save the Multiverse. But, alas, she had to end her "perfect" loving relationship with Kurt Wagner, but that is what a heroine must do. While I was failing my struggles to keep from vomiting everywhere, she mumbled something about a starship.
"Jefferson Starship?" I asked, not really caring either way.
"No," she continued with such grace that I had to stifle a groan, "my sisterhood and I must board the starship to save the Multiverse. We must always do this. It is our Destiny."
Ugh, and she said "destiny" like I should bow to her in awe. Then I had to struggle with the urge to gut her.
"Save the Multiverse? What the friggin' hell are you talking about? I just wanted to know if you ever die, not hear your life-story!" I wailed.
She smiled at me and spoke slowly like she was explaining something difficult to a Kindergartener. God, I hate Mary Sues! "After our mission is over, my sisters must leave their loves and lives and board the ship that will take us to our Destiny. We must travel to the end of the Multiverse to a black hole called Marvelle. We must plunge ourselves into it to keep its incontinuity from spreading!"
I was totally confused. "Incontinence??"
Ignoring me, the hateful pixie flailed her arms about dramatically. "We must plunge ourselves into the hole to close it up, thus sacrificing ourselves. We can never have happiness!"
"Yes!" a voice yelled from somewhere behind me. Suddenly I was surrounded by Mary Sues...agh, my worst nightmare!
"Huh?" I sighed weakly.
A raven-haired vixen in leather stepped forward. "We aren't perfect, you know."
A hot pink-haired girl popped her gum and piped up, "Yeah, look! I have a broken nail!"
A young woman with plaster-white skin and fiery hair held her hair out for me to examine. "And I have split-ends!"
"And I can't count past twenty!"
"I never get the man I want!"
"Because of my past, I can't sustain a relationship!"
"I can scratch your ass and steal your powers!"
"I can scratch my ass."
"My hair is always frizzy!"
"Mine is brassy!"
I could not take anymore. With too many Mary Sues around me, my head was bound to explode! "Aghh! Shut up! Shut up! Get on your damn ship and leave! No one cares if you have less-than-perfect lives! You're only here to annoy us, to be evil, to outdo every superhero and villian on this planet! You must die!"
They hung their heads in silence, doing what they considered their duty, and boarded the Ship to Hell...erm, Destiny. Even the way they walked was in perfect rhythm to each other, hips swaying back and forth. *Barf*
I felt a presence behind me and turned. A lonely Goth girl hung back, sharpening a blade. "What the hell are you looking at?" she spat. "I'm not a Mary Sue!"
We watched as the ship headed out of the horizon, breathing a sigh of relief.
"So, Rhianna," I said, smiling, "Want to go cut something?"
She nodded, and we both skipped off into the sunset like Mary Sues.
Oh God! It's contagious! Someone shoot me!
*********************
Sometime later that week at a mansion down Greymaulkin Lane, the X-Men are trying to sleep after finally rushing the latest Mary Sue on her way. Suddenly, what sounds like a thousand female voices screaming all at once shakes the mansion's foundation, waking most of the people up.
A very awake Logan, nursing a beer, jumps to his feet, claws extended. "What the flamin' hell??!!"
Kitty, who is sleep-deprived, takes another long sip of coffee and rubs at the duct meat in the corner of her eyes. "Ah, it was nothing, Logan. Calm down." She smiled to herself.
An innocent smile? No...she knows what a dying Mary Sue sounds like, and she likes it.
*********************
And that, meine Freunde, is the story of the ill-fated Mary Sues.
But I swear they are still evil, just trying to gain your sympathy, and then...
THEY'LL STRIKE!
*sillyness, I know, but don't we all love it? :)*