Why Heero Makes His Own Bed
Part 1
It Begins:
Friday, 9:30 AM
Relena Peacecraft awoke in a happy peppy mood, (as always), and called for her servant, Pagan. "Get me my robe. And breakfast. And prepare my clothes." she ordered. Stifling a sigh, he did as she commanded. Pagan came in with her robe. Then Pagan came in carrying her breakfast. Then Pagan came in carrying her regular uniform. Pagan served her everything she needed, one by one. What was weird was the speed in which he did all of this. "He must be taking running classes," mused Relena. After a leisurely breakfast, she handed Pagan a stack of envelopes. "These are my party invitations. Please hand them to all the guests and get their replies immediately. And hurry, the party is tomorrow," she instructed him.
"Miss Relena, what is the party for?" asked the bewildered Pagan.
"It's just a reunion party," she answered. "I want to see everyone. After all, it has been a year." She was eager to see all her friends, especially a certain suicidal pilot.
After all the years Pagan had lived, this did not seem to be a very long time. However, he just smiled politely. "I'll start right away, but I uh.. need to get something from the basement." No longer really paying attention, Relena nodded and dismissed him.
Part 2
The First Delivery
A timid knock on the door alerted the occupant of a small apartment on the upper side of town, just a few streets away from Relena's mansion. Zechs Marquise strode to the door and threw it open, pushing the tip of his new gun directly between the eyes of a very scared Pagan. "Oh, it's you,"Zechs said unemotionally. "What do you want? And keep your voice down."
Obediently, Pagan whispered the purpose of his visit. "I have invitations to Miss Relena's one year reunion party for you." Zechs' thoughts went momentarily to the fact that it would not be Miss Relena for long if she ever got a hold of that little punk Yuy. He was suddenly brought
back by Pagan's wording. "What do you mean, invitations?" He questioned. "Only I live here. "Somehow, Zechs was even more intimidating when he whispered.
"Well," stammered the hapless Pagan," you know Miss Noin so well,
and...I well...I thought you could..." He broke off when Zechs' eyes
narrowed and his face turned red.
"Just give me the invitations, and I'll come," he growled. Not wanting any more trouble, Pagan threw the two invitations at Zechs' open hand and bolted for the stairs. Zechs did not chase him; he merely turned and activated the emergency security system switch. And smiled.
Sweating in relief when he realized Zechs wasn't following, Pagan slowed down on the stairs. 'Don't want to fall' he thought. Suddenly, two hands came out of the wall and slammed into him. Tripping, he lunged and grabbed the banister. Which was oiled. Having put all of his weight on his hands, Pagan slid forward, face first. When he finally landed at the bottom of the stairs, he silently prayed that none of his old bones had
snapped. Realizing none had, he got up and left the building, completely unaware of the following Rottweilers.
Part 3
The Second Stop
Thinking he could kill a few birds with one stone, Pagan brought the next set of invites to the Preventer headquarters. He went to the office of Relena's not-so-good friend Chang Wufei. Before he could even knock on the door, Pagan heard yelling coming from inside the office. "How could you do this? You weak onna!" cried Wufei, putting a great emphasis on the word weak. "You should have known this colony was cheating on the reports! Injustice!"
"Excuse me, Mr. Justice, but I am not the only one working in this office. You should have known even before me!" A strong feminine voice answered. "And if you call me weak one more time I will stop coming to your apartment to make you dinner every night! Not even you cook that bad! I know why you always want me there!" Unfortunately, this was the exact moment that Pagan chose to walk in the room.
"How long have you been standing there, you weakling?" an increasingly red Wufei asked an increasingly frightened Pagan.
"Nothing!" cried Pagan, who was shaking. "I heard nothing!"
Sally Po peeled Wufei's fingers from around Pagan's neck. "What did you come here for?" she calmly asked him. After reciting his message, handing out invitations, and getting positive replies, Pagan decided to risk one more question.
"Who else is here?" He asked Sally.
"Lady Une and Mr. Trieze are in the next office over," was the reply. Pagan went into the hallway, and a sweat drop appeared on his forehead. These were two of the worst to deal with. Lady Une had never gotten over her split personality disorder, and since Trieze's mysterious return, he had suffered from the same ailment. Preparing himself for the worst, he knocked on their door.
Lady Une answered the door, alternately shaking Pagan's hand and slapping him in the face for, she coldly remarked, "interrupting mine and his excellency's important conversation." Meanwhile, Trieze was talking to himself, over behind a desk in a dark corner.
"What do you say, Epyon? Do we greet him, or do we destroy him, as Wufei thought he had destroyed me?" Scared by the words coming from Trieze's mouth, Pagan briefly considered running. Then he realized that well, all (four?) of them were a pretty good shot, and he stayed put. Finally, Trieze's normal side won out, and he stood up. "Welcome Pagan. What can we do for you?" Not wanting to get close, Pagan threw his invitations at Lady Une. In a flash, she put a bullet through both of them. "What were they?" asked the impatient Trieze. Pagan explained while Lady Une picked up the
pieces.
"Forgive me, Mr. Trieze. I did not know." She looked at Trieze for his reply to the invitations.
"Of course we will attend. Epy...I mean Lady Une and I would not miss it for the world." He smiled much like the way Zechs had. And Lady Une was smiling back at him the same way. Pagan decided to see himself out.
Part 3
6 Down, 5 to Go
Pagan peeked around the edge of the circus tent, wary of any approaching animals. He hated animals. Especially big cats. Trowa Barton, dressed in his circus uniform, snuck up behind him. "Hey, Pagan, what are you doing?" Pagan jumped about five feet into the air, and the ends of his mustache curled the wrong way.
"Trowa!" He cried. "You gave me a heart attack!" So Trowa gave him some Bayer, which may or may not have saved his life. After explaining what he came for, Trowa actually smiled at him. Taken aback by this, Pagan asked him why he was so happy.
"You don't know how long I've waited to get away from my big sis' for just one day. Besides, no one else will notice a nameless, faceless, soldier missing for one day. I'll get ready now." Trowa turned and walked away into the night. By now, Pagan was totally creeped out. Not watching where he was going, he stumbled into the lion tamer's tent.
Part 4
Let's Get Happy
Rashid tackled pagan to the ground before he had gotten within ten feet of Quatre Winner. "What do you want with master Quatre?"Rashid angrily questioned.
"No!' cried Quatre. "Please, Rashid, no more violence." Obediently, Rashid released the half crushed Pagan. "I just got a call from Zechs. Is that my invitation to the party?" Quatre practically ripped it out of Pagan's hands. "All I want to know is, who will be there?"Pagan gave him the list of names, and Quatre grinned at the thought
of everyone being in the same room together. *Even Trowa*
"That's all very nice, Sir, but the author of this fanfiction begs you to remember that this is the English version of Gundam Wing, not theJapanese." Pagan said, sensing Quatre's thoughts. He then coughed and added, "Will you be attending, sir?"
"Certainly. I would not want to hurt Miss Relena's feelings. Would you like a cup of mint tea before you leave?" Pagan readily agreed, and had downed three glasses before he remembered that he was allergic to mint.
Part 5
Welcome to the Scrap yard
It hadn't taken Pagan very long to locate the scrap yard where Duo worked. And it took him half as long to cut himself open on a stray piece of metal. Spouting every word he was not allowed to say while in Relena's presence, he made his way to the small house at the end of the yard. When Hilde answered, she noticed the gash (several inches long) that ran along his arm. As she ran to the bathroom to get the first aid kit, and then bandaged him up, Duo Maxwell greeted Pagan. Pagan told him about the party, and invited him and Hilde. After that, Hilde went to get them all something to eat.
"Well, I bet you're wondering what Hilde's doin' here," Duo said, scratching the back of his head nervously. Actually Pagan didn't care, but Duo continued on anyway. "She and I are just real good friends, and she's been real helpful. I can't really cook well at all. Why I remember one time me an' Heero were cooking, and he had on that cute pink apron..."Duo trailed off when he realized what he was telling Pagan. Heero would never forgive him if he found out he had told Pagan that Heero had worn an apron. Or if he had finished that story. Besides, Heero didn't like anyone calling his cooking bad. So Duo changed the subject. "Well, me and Hilde will be there, so see you later, Pagan." Pagan wound his way through the scrap yard and reached the side gate. Which was locked. He lugged himself up over the fence (should've exercised more when he was younger). When he reached the bottom, he turned to see a few people approaching. He was about to ask them for help reaching his car, when he noticed the knife in the leader's hand.
"Just hand over ya' money old man."
Part 6
Task Finished
Pagan finally reached the top level of the isolated apartment building (darn out-of-order elevators) and VERY carefully knocked on the door of the only occupied apartment on that floor. He cursed the powers that be (stupid fan fiction writers) that made him deal with this guy.
"What is it?" came a deep and agitated voice from behind the door.
Quaking, Pagan replied, "This is Pagan. I come on behalf of Miss Relena."
"And?" came the voice.
Near tears, Pagan replied, "I have an invitation from her and..."He was interrupted when Heero Yuy opened the door and ripped the invitation out of his hand. With a wild look in his eyes, Heero stared at the invitation. Then he tore it in half. Looking straight into Pagan's eyes, he then announced, "Omae o korosu."
"Does that mean you are coming?" Pagan asked, his voice breaking mid-sentence.
"Why should I? I am a soldier. I don't like parties."
"Miss Relena said to tell you it is a mission. She may need your help with something." Pagan was deathly afraid of Heero, but the party would be much more interesting with him there.
"Mission accepted," replied Heero, who then slammed the door in Pagan's face. Satisfied, Pagan stepped into the elevator shaft, forgetting that it was out of order, on the bottom floor.
Part 7
Unwanted Guest
Saturday, 1:00 PM
Just as Relena was setting up the stereo system, someone knocked on the door. "Pagan, could you please get that for me?" she asked. Pagan went to the door. At least she was being polite this time. Five seconds later he came back with a shocked expression.
"I think you want to deal with this one, Miss Relena," and with that, Pagan excused himself to the basement.
Startled, Relena went through the hall and over to the front door. Opening it, she discovered an enraged Dorothy Catalonia. 'No wonder he did not want to deal with her,' thought Relena with an amused expression on her face. "Why wasn't I invited?" was the first thing to pop out of Dorothy's mouth. "I was there, I helped your brother, and I deserve.."
"No, I don't think so," replied Relena.
"Then why? Is it because I support war?"
"No."
"Is it because on was on your enemy's side?"
"No."
"Is it because I almost got you killed?"
"No."
"Is it because it did not fight against Maremaia?"
"No."
"Is it because I stabbed Quatre?"
"No."
"Then why? Why can't I come?"
"It's your eyebrows."
"WHAT?!!" Relena calmly handed Dorothy a small metal object. "What is this?" Dorothy asked her.
"Eyebrow tweezers," Relena replied, and shut the door in Dorothy's face. "Mission complete," she said with a smile.
Part 8
The First Real Guests Arrive
2:30
Zechs Marquise stopped before Relena's door for a moment to run his hand through his long white hair and to adjust his collar. "You look fine, and it's just your sister and her friends," chided the woman next to him.
"I want to look good for this party. And besides, you fixed yourself up too, Noin." Zechs was right. Lucrezia Noin had spent two hours in the bathroom getting ready. Zechs had almost died of impatience. He was too worried about Heero coming to the party. He had spent 20 minutes rehearsing football tackle techniques just in case Heero got too close to Relena. Pagan answered the door, and they walked in. Zechs hadn't visited
in a long time, and he liked how the place looked. "Nice," he said.
"Thank you, sir," replied Pagan, who had overheard. Relena led them into the front room and instructed them to wait for the rest of the guests. They were early and she still needed to set up the refreshment table. Zechs sat patiently, dreaming about all the different ways he could break HeeroYuy's arms.
Part 9
Quadruple Threat
2:35
Pagan immediately regretted letting Zechs into the house. The man kept ordering him about. Just when he was going to hit breaking point, a knock was heard at the door. Pagan was not grateful for this interruption for very long. In the doorway stood Trieze and Lady Une. Sighing, he led them into the house. Since Relena was still busy, he seated them in the front room. He had to give them a seperate couch; they could not all fit next to Zechs and Noin. He left them arguing amongst themselves over who would say hello to Relena first.
Part 10
Injustice
2:40
Wufei was already agitated. Sally would not stop fixing his collar! 'Don't worry', he told himself,'she is just jealous of your beauty.' Sally just wanted to make sure he didn't embarrass her. Especially with that ridiculous collar! But that argument ended when Pagan answered the door. He set them down on a small couch against the wall, next to Trieze and Lady Une's couch. "What?! You weakling! This is a loveseat! Only weak women sit on loveseats! Injustice!" The screams of Wufei mingled with the other noises
of the room.
"Who does Yuy think he is, fighting me?"
"Epyon wants to hear music! ROCK MUSIC!"
"My nice half wants some OJ, but the other side wants some vodka. Mix them up for me."
"What's the matter, Wuffie? Don't want to sit next to me on the LOVE seat?"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
The screams brought Relena into the room. "Will you please calm down!" she begged them. "Everyone will be here soon, and I'm almost done. Noin, calm Zechs down. Trieze, you can put some LOW music on now. Lady Une, just mix your drink yourself. Wufei, sit down!" Then she left to finish the preparations.
Part 11
A Short Lived Peace
2:45
The next person to pop up at the door was Trowa. He calmly walked into the front room and sat in small armchair. Most of the other guests did not really know Trowa that well, but knew that he did not talk much or really stand out. So, when he smiled and brightly said hello, their jaws dropped to floor. Then he just sat and was quiet. For five whole minutes, nothing was said. Then Wufei opened his mouth. "How do you get your hair to do that?"
"That happens naturally. Why?"
"No way is that natural. How many jars of goo do you use?"
"Unlike you, Wufei, I do not NEED goo." Pagan escaped the room just as a fight broke out between the people who used hair gel and those who didn't. He was about to flee to the basement when there came a knock at the door.
Part 12
Bright Eyes
2:50
"Hello? This is the mansion of Miss Relena, isn't it?" Quatre kept shouting over the noise coming from the house. He kept knocking until his faithful Rashid offered to knock down the door. Quatre had almost agreed when Pagan opened the door.
"Come in, Mr. Winner. And only you are invited." Quatre went into the house despite Rashid's exlamations, and the door closed in Rashid's face. Pagan went to inform Relena that Quatre was there, and Quatre went into the front room. Of course, he greeted everyone with a smile, and went to sit in an overstuffed armchair near Trowa. They began to talk. Pagan snuck up behind Quatre, and handed him a note. It read:
English version, not Japanese.
-f.f. writer
Quatre turned bright red and ripped the note up. Everyone was confused by this change in Quatre's normally sweet demeanor.
"What's the matter," they asked him, but he never answered.
Part 13
The Fun Continues
2:55
Hilde yanked sharply on Duo's braid. "When will you ever get this cut?" she asked him. Cringing, he pulled the braid out of her hand.
"Never!" he cried. "Besides, you never minded it before," he added with a sly wink. Hilde indignantly turned a new shade of purple and huffed through the door Pagan was holding open.
"I was just kidding! You know I didn't mean that! I know that you...we... ugh!" He tossed up his hands, giving up. She grinned and threw a couch pillow at him.
Part 14
Strange Occurrences or
Double Trouble
3:00
Heero felt weird. But he was not going to give up. This was his mission. So what if he could not wear his green tank top and black spandex shorts. Sometimes the mission called for new clothes. What mattered was that he feared for Relena. Not that he had feelings for her, of course. wink, wink She was the newly elected president of the Earth and the colonies sand if anything happened to her, chaos would break out. Pagan had hinted at some sort of danger she was in. Besides, the thin blue jeans and t-shirt Duo had gotten him were not that bad, except for the slight fact that it was 6 degrees outside. "Brown braided bumbling bastard" Heero muttered to himself as he waited for Pagan to open the door. While he was waiting, Heero caught a glimpse of something moving around downstairs through the basement window. Pagan let him in just then, and Heero shook his head to clear his mind. 'I must have been mistaken' he thought. Because just before Pagan answered the door, Heero could have sworn that was Pagan moving around in the basement.
Part 15
The Dangers of Caffeine
Relena peered down the stairs into the front room. Everyone was there, and waiting for her to start the party. She smoothed out her non-formal party dress and stepped lightly down the stairs. No one noticed. The front room was in chaos. What is going on here?" she yelled through the noise. Suddenly, a knock was heard at the front door. Relena decided to go answer it herself. She did not realize that Heero was watching her closely. He knew there was something weird going on. Relena pulled open the door, only to discover an empty doorstep. "Hmmmm, that's strange." She turned around, only to walk into Heero.
"Have you gotten any death threats lately?" he asked her, peering outside.
"No, I..." she was interrupted by a loud crash in the front room. She ran to discover the source of the noise while Heero stood motionless in the doorway.
When Relena entered the room, she saw her favorite plant lying on the ground, having apparently fallen from its hook on the ceiling. "Now, how did that happen?" She questioned the group. Quatre, who always told the truth, finally spoke up.
"Well, you see, it's not really his fault, but Pagan gave Duo a can of Jolt, and-"
"Jolt? Duo? Oh no!" She was about to run off and find him when she noticed Hilde was missing as well. "Where's Hilde?"
Quatre continued explaining, "Well, he wanted to play cowboys and Indians, and she was the victim, and-" This time Relena really ran off. She was momentarily halted in the doorway when Heero asked her a question.
"Where does this door lead?"
"The basement. I have to go!" and she ran off again.
Part 16
Time to Eat
Relena peered into the den to see Hilde gagged and tied to a chair. Duo was apparently ready to scalp her, and she recognized the kitchen knife in his hand. The crisis was solved when Zechs tried a football tackle on him, knocking him unconscious until his caffeine high wore off. When he did finally wake up, Relena and all the guests sat at her large dining room table to eat dinner before they went to the movies then back home to party. Duo wanted to say grace, but Relena would not let him. She didn't want to trust him ever since she found out why her plant had fallen; he had been swinging from it. The seating was predictable: Une next to Trieze, Zechs next to Noin, Wufei next to Sally ("injustice!"), Duo next to Hilde, Heero next to Relena (to protect her, of course), and Quatre insisted upon sitting next to Trowa. Everything was going fine until Quatre got a strange message on his napkin. None but Quatre understood what it meant, and it seemed to be in code.
Eng., not Jap. - f.f. writer
Seeing how red Quatre was, Relena offered Quatre her plate food, she wasn't hungry. But before anyone could do anything, the door was knocked upon again. They all decided to go together to answer it. Pagan was presumably hiding from the guests. However, when they made it to the door, (Heero in the lead), no one was there. Feeling a little paranoid, they went back to the table.
IN THE BASEMENT
Pagan walked up the stairs. He walked a little stiffly, and he was somehow making a peculiar whirring noise. But he seemed fine, and headed straight for the dining room.
As everyone sat back to the table to eat, Rashid managed to sneak into the house. He popped up behind Quatre, howling something about food testing. After Relena had him thrown out, she asked Quatre what his outburst was all about. Quatre calmly explained that Rashid had someone always taste test his food before Quatre could eat it. To solve this, Relena simply called for Pagan, and had him eat all of Quatre's food. Pagan made a strange face, as though the thought of eating that food made him sick to his stomach. But he gobbled down the food and waited for any ill effects to surface. When all the other guests were done eating, and nothing bad had happened to Pagan, they all went back into the front room to decide what to do next. Once the dining room was empty, Pagan ran to the bathroom. His eyes turned a sickly yellow and his face grew white. He fell to the bathroom floor, hitting his head on the edge of the toilet. In the front room, Quatre was laughing. "Like anyone would want to poison me anyway!" Everyone laughed with him, except Heero. "What's the matter Heero?" asked Relena. "Do you really think someone would try to poison Quatre?"
"No," replied Heero, "I don't think anyone was trying to poison Quatre." With that response, he gave Relena an odd look and added, "I don't think we should go to the movies tonight."
Surprisingly, almost everyone agreed. They were all weirded out by the strange events earlier in the day. Everyone, that is, but Wufei. "Injustice! Chinese Warriors Strike Back 4 plays tonight! You weaklings will force me to miss it! IIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNJJJJJJJJJJUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Part 17
Things That Go OOOOWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO In the Night
8:00 PM
"Well, we can always watch a movie here," said Relena. She was trying to cheer them up. Zechs helped her bring her rather large video collection into the TV room. Together, they stacked the movies on an empty shelf in the room. There were so many of them that the top shelf was stacked higher then Zechs could reach. Pagan, just as he was coming up from the basement, was called into the room, along with a small stepladder. He had put the finishing touches on the last stack, when a wolf howl filled the room. Everyone froze. When the noise did not come again, they sent Pagan outside to investigate. A few minutes later, he came staggering back in.
"Nothing more to worry about, Miss Relena," he managed to utter. His clothes were torn and there were strange claw marks on his face. However, no one was paying any attention. They were too busy competing to be first to pick a movie. Suddenly, a loud rumble came from the top shelf and approximately300 movies fell. They came down by one, each bouncing off of Pagan's head. He was buried, and the others jumped into the pile to claim a movie. A large explosion came from outside, but nobody heard.
Part 18
Lights Out
8:30 PM
Finally, two movies had been decided on. They were going to watch The World's Strongest (DBZ) and the semi- religious movie, I Know What You Did: Last Supper. However, Zechs, wearing his famous white mask, threw a rose through both movies. "Tuxedo Zechs!" he cried. After a strict lecture from Lady Une on how hard it was to handle more than one personality, Zechs gave up and put his mask away. They decide to watch their third choice, Scream. After settling down on several couches, the guests were ready. Heero put the movie into the VCR and the previews came on. While Heero fast-forwarded them, the others saw commercials on the television. All of a sudden, a loud shriek came from the couch. Wufei had screamed and ducked behind the loveseat he and Sally shared.
"What is your problem?" Relena asked him. All that was on the screen was a commercial for Barney.
"He was almost killed by a psycho in a Barney suit as a child," Sally whispered back to her.
"I love you, you love me, I love you-," Wufei droned on. Finally, the previews were over and it was time to watch the movie. Everyone settled back down and Heero pressed play. Some time went by, and the killer in the movie was going to strike. He cut the victim's house's electricity. Suddenly, the lights in Relena's mansion went off. So did everything else. The movie stopped, and there was complete silence. Heero pulled a flashlight out of his blue jeanshow does he do that? and shined it on everyone to make sure they were all there. After this was done, he turned to Relena.
"I'm going to get to the bottom of this," he stated, and began walking towards the door.
"Wait!" Relena halted him. "Before you go, let me a walkie-talkie. I can communicate with you and give you directions to the shed outside. That's where all the house's electrical stuff is." She handed him the walkie-talkie and switched hers on. The others volunteered to split up and search the rest of the house for any signs of an intruder.
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MEANWHILE
IN THE BASEMENT
"Those blasted fools!" He cried. "They ruined half of you. And they don't even know who you ARE!" He had every right to be mad. He had to fix them again! But now they were complete, and he could exact revenge. Yes, Revenge! For 17 years of his life, she had pushed and bossed him around, yelled at him, and treated him like a personal slave. Plus, she had refused to go on a date with him! But that would stop now. Now, he finally had what he had been working for these long years. He threw the switch, and his newly repaired regiment of androids stood up, awaiting his orders.
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"I'm making my way to the shed. Over," Heero was threading his way through Relena's large backyard. If he could find and fix this electrical problem... Suddenly he arrived at his destination, or what was left of it. An explosion had taken out the shed, and some surrounding shrubs. Heero decided that something was definitely wrong. He also noticed that apparently someone had been caught in the explosion. A uniformed leg with something metal (a gear?) sticking out of it lay on the ground. Suddenly, Heero understood. He spoke to Relena over the walkie-talkie. "Relena, who is with you? Over."
"No one. The others have gone off checking the house. Have you found the shed yet? Why do you want to know who is with me? Over."
"You're in danger, Relena. Someone is after you. Over."
"Who is it? One of the guests? An outsider? Heero, I need to know. If I'm in danger, then you should get here immediately. Over."
"Hang tight. I'm on my way. Whatever you do, stay away from-" He was abruptly cut off by a loud scream.
"Heero!" Her walkie-talkie went dead.
Part 19
A Deadly Game of Wink
Heero ran into the front room, along with all the other guests, who he crashed into. They had just picked themselves up when an evil laughing noise filled the room. Several shrieks were heard, and in the dim moonlight, Heero saw a sight he would have actually laughed at, had the situation not been so bad. Lady Une leapt into Trieze's arms, only to slap him for touching her. Hilde was was trying to hide in Duo's hair, which he had let down for 'camouflage'. Noin and Zechs were calm as ever, but both had weapons out. Heero knew that Zechs was really just waiting to get a quick shot at him. Wufei was sitting on Sally's foot, arms and legs firmly planted around her leg. "Please don't let me die." When he saw Heero looking at him, he jumped up quickly and tried to look brave. Quatre had leapt into Trowa's arms, only to jump down when he saw everyone looking at him. Heero gave him a Remember-The-Message-Pagan-Gave-You look, at which both Quatre and Trowa blushed. Suddenly Duo had an idea. To mark this occasion, an actual light bulb appeared above Duo's head. Unfortunately, it was not lit up.
"I've got it!" He yelled, startling everyone. Even Hilde poked her head out of her 'hiding spot.' "We'll play Wink!" Everyone groaned. How could that help them find out who kidnapped Relena? Duo kept talking. "You know, the game where someone is the killer, and when he winks at anyone else, they are dead?" They knew the game, but stared at him with blank expressions. This helped how? "Duh! One of us is the killer, and they will wink at the others."
"Wait a minute!" Trowa spoke up. "Why would they wink and possibly be caught as the killer?"
"And I thought you were smart. Killers are psychos. Whoever has Relena will wink for the sheer hell of it. "
"Baka!" Cried Trowa. "If it is one of us, now we'll never know, because everyone will be looking for the killer and they won't want to be spotted!"
"Oh." Duo's light bulb disappeared. "Well, we could play just in case. "The others agreed, and soon the game began. All the players sat in a circle on the floor. First Duo dropped out, then Zechs. One by one, they were knocked out of the game. Finally, only Wufei was left.
"Wait a minute. Wufei did not wink me!" Sally objected. The others agreed. But if it was not Wufei, then who had-? An eye in the dark winked at Wufei. He fell back in his seat, out of the game.
"I WIN!" A mysterious voice announced.
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IN THE BASEMENT
While Relena sat gagged, bound, and wide-eyed in a chair, her abductor went over what he had needed to repair his androids. "Let's see... 70 allergy shots, two leg casts, 95 bandages, disinfectant, new uniforms, rabies shots, etc. Hmmm. This doesn't even count money stolen or the one lost in the explosion. We'll just add them to the bill! Ha ha ha ha! And this is coming out of your expense account!" He laughed in Relena's face. She struggled to tell him something. He decided to be nice and let her talk for a moment. After all, the basement was soundproof. He pulled off her gag.
"Bad breath!" She yelled, and proceeded to scream for help. He angrily replaced the gag and tightened the ropes holding her. Embarrassed! In front of his androids, no less. He decided to add the cost of creating the androids, which were part man, part machine, to the list of money she owed him. With an evil laugh, he started planning his next move.
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As Wufei sat back in his chair, a strange thing happened. It flipped completely around, revealing a trapdoor beneath it. When it resumed normal position, Wufei was gone. Sally Po screamed in horror. Who would want Wufei? She had no time to discuss this, because lightening flashed, and she was gone. Heero gathered the others around him "I know who it is," he whispered. "But I think that you are safer not knowing. He will go after anyone who knows his identity."
"Then why did he get Wufei and Sally?" asked Lady Une.
"Wufei saw him when he was winked at. Sally was just being loud and annoying," replied Heero. "Our best bet now is to split up into pairs and search the house for any sign of where he could have hidden Relena and the others. "Everyone agreed and the pairs started off in various directions around the house.
Part 19
Double Cross
Lady Une and Trieze Kushrenada made their way up the dark stairs to the last floor: the attic. Trieze fought the desire to push Lady Une down the steep wooden steps; she was being her mean self for the moment. She was currently grumbling about the lack of light on the way up. At the top, a small door led into a rectangular room stuffed with...junk. "Ugh!" exclaimed Lady Une. "Who would want any of this stuff?" Trieze found it rather strange as well. He knew Relena, and she would not want to collect all this stuff. Maybe they were her dead parent's belongings. Treize was walking towards the windows in the back when he stumbled and fell. Picking himself up before Lady Une could see what had happened, he shined his flashlight on the object he had tripped over. It was a small metal gear. Treize picked it up, and suddenly, it dawned on him. He knew who the killer was! He turned to tell Lady Une, but she was no longer there. Her abductor stepped into the room, right in front of Trieze. "You! Double crosser!" Trieze yelled. His Epyon side wanted to crush this man. But it was too late. Trieze felt himself falling. The smile of a very evil man was the last thing he saw before he blacked out.
Part 20
The Wrong Guy
Noin and Zechs moved silently down the hall. Zechs was in the lead, and Noin had him covered. Their assignment: search the third floor for any sign of Relena or her captor. It had taken them an hour, but they had searched every room except one: the guest room. Zechs pulled the door open with a loud creak. They shined their flashlights around the room. Everything seemed to be in order. Noin watched Zechs go into the closet to check it out. She walked over to the window, looking at her reflection. Suddenly, she saw a face behind hers. No, it couldn't be! Noin scanned the room, but no one was there. Not even Zechs. Now frightened, she turned towards the door. A black form filled the doorway. Noin screamed. Someone walked into the room. Noin almost cried in relief at the sight of him. "Oh, it's just you. Help me find Zechs."
"I'm not helping you do anything." He stepped forward. Noin screamed again.
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IN THE BASEMENT
Noin awoke to find herself tied to a chair. Most of the others were in the same predicament. The only ones not tied up down there were Trowa, Quatre, Duo, Hilde, and Heero. She hoped that they would figure out a way to get them out of here. In the seat next to her, Zechs was slowly waking up. He sat bolt upright when he saw her there. "Noin! It's-"
"I know," she answered him calmly. "And we have to find a way to escape." All around her, the others were talking amongst themselves. Noin figured they were also planning an escape. Noin's thoughts were interrupted by aloud, hideous laugh, followed by a hacking cough, that came from her left. She turned that way to see the kidnapper standing next to Relena. He was going to make a speech.
"I know what you are all thinking. And I wouldn't try it if I were you. See this machine here?" He pointed to a large mechanical device that seemed to be controlled by a large switch. "If you didn't figure it out yet, you are all hooked up to this machine through wires in your chairs." They all looked at the wires strewn about. "That's right, one wrong move and I hit this switch and fry you all," he finished with a wild look in his eyes.
"Wait a minute," yelled a confused Trieze. "How does that thing work if the electricity is out?"
"It runs on very big BATTERIES! Wa ha ha ha ha ha!" At that exact moment, everyone sweat dropped.
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Part 21
Never Eat Soggy Wheaties
Trowa and Quatre were lost on the second floor. "I thought he said two rights. Or was it two lefts? Or a right and a left? Or a left and-"
"It's fine," Trowa explained to the stricken Quatre. Obviously, being lost really bothered Quatre. It had never happened to him before. He always had so many people to fall back on. "Sooner or later, we'll find our way out of here."
"Hold my hand for support?"
"Don't even think about it." Trowa turned the corner, only to walk into the wall. "That's funny," he said, "I don't think Heero said there were any dead ends."
"How does Heero know so much about Relena's house, anyway?" asked Quatre.
"I don't even want to know. My best guess is that he thinks he has to. After all, he is her self appointed protector."
"I wish I could have one of those," grumbled Quatre. He gave an evil look to the fan fiction writer.
"Well, when this one's over, we'll just be put into someone else's story. Who knows what will happen. At least we'll get away from this formulaic plot."Fan fiction writer gives Trowa her death glare They turned around and began heading back in the direction they had came. But something was wrong. They took a turn that Quatre swore had not been there before. A few minutes later, they found an old kitchen.
"This I remember," remarked Quatre. "Heero said we could probably find some big kitchen knives to defend ourselves with. Only Heero brought a gun." He started going through the drawers. Big knives were something he could handle.
"Hey Quatre, check this out," Trowa called from the other end of the kitchen. He shined his flashlight onto a sign hanging from the ceiling. It was made of paper and written in dripping red ink. It read:
Why are you two alone in the kitchen?
They blushed simultaneously. And:
NEVER eat soggy wheaties.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Both messages upset Trowa. Someone was messing with their heads. Quatre gasped. Trowa grinned; Quatre had never heard him talk like that. "What a minute. I think I know what this means." A childhood memory came back to Trowa. "I used this to learn my directions. North East South West. Never Eat Soggy Wheaties."
"Oh, but then why is north capitalized?" Quatre asked. They both looked in that direction. A large cabinet stood against the wall. Determined to show Trowa that he could be brave too, Quatre walked up to it and slowly opened it's right door. It was empty, except for a box at the top. Trowa came up behind Quatre. He was quite a bit taller, so it was easier for him to see the box.
"Wheaties," he said. He reached out a hand to grab the box, but was stopped when a hand reached out of the cupboard, and began to pull him in. Quatre screamed in fright. Trowa desperately grabbed Quatre's shirt, and they both tumbled into the cupboard.
************************************************************************
IN THE BASEMENT
Trowa and Quatre were tied to two chairs next to Noin and Zechs. Once they had learned what their abductor had planned, they started thinking about what to do next. Quatre finally came up with a plan. If they could manage to unhook the wires that attached their chairs to the machine, they would not have to fear electrocution, and could jump up and fight when the others came for them. Unfortunately, he was caught trying, and everyone was tied to the chair tighter. The wires were then double checked for security. Their captor smiled.
Part 22
Down to the Wire
Duo slowly snuck up behind Hilde. When he was almost touching her, he reached out and poked her back. "AAAIIEEE!" she screamed. Duo stood there and laughed until his sides hurt. He stopped laughing when her flashlight bounced off the top of his head.
"Hey! That hurt!" He rubbed where the flashlight hit. She just laughed, picked up her flashlight, and started down the hall. Duo was glad Heero was with them on the first floor. He was the only one who was armed. Unfortunately, he was in the other room. 'Hmmmm' he thought, looking at Hilde, 'maybe not so unfortunate.'
Hilde caught Duo looking at her. "Mind on the mission, Duo." She opened the door to the next room.
"Geez, that's where it was. You're worse than Heero." He peered into the room. It was Relena's bedroom. "Hey, what've we here," said Duo with a grin. He flashed the light on Relena's bed. "Just as I thought. She's got that teddy bear sitting right there. It's probably been there ever since Heero gave it to her." Duo smiled. Then he looked closer. The bear's head had been cut off!
"Well, I wish someone I knew would be kind enough to give me a teddy bear for my birthday." She gave Duo an accusing look.
"Hey! I thought you wanted a mini Deathscythe. You thought it was cute!" Hilde was ignoring him. She saw something peculiar on Relena's desk. It was a set of plans. For a set of androids.
"Duo! Look at this! I know who-" she was abruptly cut off. Duo spun around, only to see the set of plans fluttering to the ground.
"Hilde!" He screamed.
Part 23
How the Story Got it's Title
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YOU KNOW WHERE
"You know, Hilde, I can probably psychically control my braid," Duo whispered.
Squinting his eyes, he gave his best move-or-I'll-cut-you-off look to his braid, but it didn't work.
"Stop that, you brown braided bumbler!" cried their captor.
"Why? Why did you do this?" screamed Duo. "You probably cut that bears head off too. Am I right?"
"You got it. I'm sick of you. All of you. Taking all the credit. I helped Relena the most, especially the past two years!" Duo decided not to push him any more. He was coming too close to the switch.
The kidnapper started yelling again. "Everywhere I go, she's always there! And I hate that damned pink limo!"
Relena lost her cool. So much for the pacifism "I trusted you! We all trusted you! How could you do this to us? How could you do this to me?"
"Did you think I ever cared about you? That I would ever care about you? You were fooling yourself. I never cared about anyone but myself. And these!" One by one, the androids came out of their dark corners and stood around the captives.
"They look just like you!" exclaimed Sally.
"Exactly. How do you think I was in more than one place at once?"
"I knew you best. I should have known." Relena started to cry.
"You didn't know me at all. And now," the kidnapper whispered, reaching for the switch, "Omae o korosu." Just before he flipped the switch, the basement door flew open, and a shot ran out. The kidnapper stared at the blood pumping out of his wounded hand.
"That's my line," Heero said, holding his smoking gun, "and if you say it again, it won't be your hand I shoot off, Pagan."
"How did you know? I sent an android out to destroy you!" cried Pagan, trying to stem the bleeding. Heero just laughed. "That's it. Paganoids, attack!"
Heero threw Duo (who had untied himself during the attack) a knife. Using it, Duo freed the others, and a war between the Paganoids and the party guests ensued. Because some were still recovering, there were only 12 Paganoids left to destroy, not including the real one. Trowa did a circus flip and landed behind one of them, grabbing a nearby weapon (the basement was full of 'em) he shot a hole through it. Nearby, Quatre was skillfully defending himself with a large knife. Apologizing profusely, he cut up the Paganoid.
The next ones to go were the two foolish enough to stand too close to Lady Une and Mr. Trieze. Lady Une was encouraging Trieze to fight. "You know what Trieze?" she yelled, "I've always liked your destructive side better. The more blood, the happier I get." She gave Trieze her sweetest smile and added, "Epyon always had a bigger gun." With a battle cry, they both picked up a gun and fired at whatever was closest; namely, the two Paganoids.
Nearby, Wufei and Sally had their share of fighting. Sally put a bullet through a Paganoid head while Wufei executed an intricate Chinese martial arts move. "Wow," said Sally, impressed. "I didn't know you could do that."
Noin and Zechs didn't need weapons to fight. Noin simply grabbed the nearest Paganoid and ripped the gun out of his hand. She then proceeded to break every bone he had. She dropped his crumpled body to the ground and turned to time Zechs. He looked his opponent in the eye. The Paganoid dropped his gun, mesmerized. Zechs' gaze burned into him, and the Paganoid dropped dead. "Nice," Noin told him. ". 325 seconds. A new record."
Duo centered himself. He tilted his end, and started spinning his braid. It had just about gotten to max speed when a Paganoid approached him. He quickly twirled his entire body around, striking the Paganoid with the braid. It completely beheaded the Paganoid. Hilde shot another Paganoid so full of holes that Duo could see straight through it to the other side of the room. "Whoa. Watch it with the firepower." He laughed and turned to watch the others fight. Only two Paganoids were left standing. No one knew where the real Pagan had gone.
They surrounded Relena, mechanically locking their weapons on her. They were programmed to destroy her, at any cost. These two Paganoids were the most powerful. The first pulled out his gun. He aimed it straight at her heart. She suddenly ducked and dove forward. Those football tackles her older brother had taught her were coming in handy. She rolled out of the way as Heero jumped straight up into the air, coming down on top of its head. Mechanical brains went everywhere. Heero turned, and dispatched the last Paganoid by grabbing its face and twisting its head 360 degrees, snapping its neck. He dropped it and turned around to face the others. They were congratulating each other, and feeling slightly embarrassed by the fact that they had been captured in the first place. But Heero didn't see Relena anywhere. 'She trusts her servants way too much.' He thought to himself. 'This is why I make my own bed.' And then he ran to save Relena.
Part 24
The End of Them Both?
Pagan shoved Relena into the pink limo. "As much as I hate this thing, it's the only way out of here." He threw her in the back and got ready to speed away. Just before leaving, however, he made sure she could not unlock the doors. He laughed to himself as he put up the glass barrier between them. She pounded on it with her fists as hard as she could, but the glass was too strong. Checking his rear view mirror, Pagan noticed a blob far back on the road. It was following them. Realizing that no one else should be on this road at this time of night, Pagan began to speed up. The blob came closer, and Pagan saw that it was Heero, on a motorcycle. Angrily, Pagan pushed the gas down even farther. He turned to look at how close Heero was getting, and was not paying attention to the street. Before he even knew what was coming, Pagan ran the limo into a large oak tree on the side of the road.
Part 25
Finally Over
Heero jumped off the motorcycle and ran to the crash site. It did not look as though anyone could have survived. The limo had been demolished. Pagan was slumped over the wheel, and Heero saw that he was not breathing. Frantically, Heero dug through the wreckage. Where was Relena? He was oblivious to the pain in his hands that came from the sharp metal. He heard a small noise, and dug faster. Finally, he saw a hand reaching out from underneath a collapsed passenger side door. He threw the door off of her. She struggled, but managed to stand up. Heero helped her limp away from the car, and sat her down at the side of the road to check her out. Besides a swollen ankle, her only injuries were slight scratches and bruises.
"Are you sure you'll be okay?" he asked her.
"Yes, I'm fine. I just can't believe I ever trusted him."
"We all make mistakes. Even me, the perfect soldier. Do you want me to take you home?"
"No! I don't want to see that place for a long time." They started down the road. Suddenly, they heard a car approaching.
"Need a lift into town?" It was Duo and the others; they had grabbed a spare limo. Heero helped Relena into the car and then got in himself. "We're staying the night in a hotel in town." He looked at Relena's injuries. "She can get herself looked at there as well." Duo looked at the group gathered around him. They were tired but happy; the enemy had been defeated. 'Was that all that mattered to Heero?' Duo caught him looking at Relena. 'Maybe not.' He thought. "After that," he said aloud, "who knows?" They drove off into the night.
Part 26
Until Next Time
It took Pagan a while to drag himself back into the lab in the basement. It would take him even longer to heal from his massive injuries. But he could wait. And plan.
THE END
Part 1
It Begins:
Friday, 9:30 AM
Relena Peacecraft awoke in a happy peppy mood, (as always), and called for her servant, Pagan. "Get me my robe. And breakfast. And prepare my clothes." she ordered. Stifling a sigh, he did as she commanded. Pagan came in with her robe. Then Pagan came in carrying her breakfast. Then Pagan came in carrying her regular uniform. Pagan served her everything she needed, one by one. What was weird was the speed in which he did all of this. "He must be taking running classes," mused Relena. After a leisurely breakfast, she handed Pagan a stack of envelopes. "These are my party invitations. Please hand them to all the guests and get their replies immediately. And hurry, the party is tomorrow," she instructed him.
"Miss Relena, what is the party for?" asked the bewildered Pagan.
"It's just a reunion party," she answered. "I want to see everyone. After all, it has been a year." She was eager to see all her friends, especially a certain suicidal pilot.
After all the years Pagan had lived, this did not seem to be a very long time. However, he just smiled politely. "I'll start right away, but I uh.. need to get something from the basement." No longer really paying attention, Relena nodded and dismissed him.
Part 2
The First Delivery
A timid knock on the door alerted the occupant of a small apartment on the upper side of town, just a few streets away from Relena's mansion. Zechs Marquise strode to the door and threw it open, pushing the tip of his new gun directly between the eyes of a very scared Pagan. "Oh, it's you,"Zechs said unemotionally. "What do you want? And keep your voice down."
Obediently, Pagan whispered the purpose of his visit. "I have invitations to Miss Relena's one year reunion party for you." Zechs' thoughts went momentarily to the fact that it would not be Miss Relena for long if she ever got a hold of that little punk Yuy. He was suddenly brought
back by Pagan's wording. "What do you mean, invitations?" He questioned. "Only I live here. "Somehow, Zechs was even more intimidating when he whispered.
"Well," stammered the hapless Pagan," you know Miss Noin so well,
and...I well...I thought you could..." He broke off when Zechs' eyes
narrowed and his face turned red.
"Just give me the invitations, and I'll come," he growled. Not wanting any more trouble, Pagan threw the two invitations at Zechs' open hand and bolted for the stairs. Zechs did not chase him; he merely turned and activated the emergency security system switch. And smiled.
Sweating in relief when he realized Zechs wasn't following, Pagan slowed down on the stairs. 'Don't want to fall' he thought. Suddenly, two hands came out of the wall and slammed into him. Tripping, he lunged and grabbed the banister. Which was oiled. Having put all of his weight on his hands, Pagan slid forward, face first. When he finally landed at the bottom of the stairs, he silently prayed that none of his old bones had
snapped. Realizing none had, he got up and left the building, completely unaware of the following Rottweilers.
Part 3
The Second Stop
Thinking he could kill a few birds with one stone, Pagan brought the next set of invites to the Preventer headquarters. He went to the office of Relena's not-so-good friend Chang Wufei. Before he could even knock on the door, Pagan heard yelling coming from inside the office. "How could you do this? You weak onna!" cried Wufei, putting a great emphasis on the word weak. "You should have known this colony was cheating on the reports! Injustice!"
"Excuse me, Mr. Justice, but I am not the only one working in this office. You should have known even before me!" A strong feminine voice answered. "And if you call me weak one more time I will stop coming to your apartment to make you dinner every night! Not even you cook that bad! I know why you always want me there!" Unfortunately, this was the exact moment that Pagan chose to walk in the room.
"How long have you been standing there, you weakling?" an increasingly red Wufei asked an increasingly frightened Pagan.
"Nothing!" cried Pagan, who was shaking. "I heard nothing!"
Sally Po peeled Wufei's fingers from around Pagan's neck. "What did you come here for?" she calmly asked him. After reciting his message, handing out invitations, and getting positive replies, Pagan decided to risk one more question.
"Who else is here?" He asked Sally.
"Lady Une and Mr. Trieze are in the next office over," was the reply. Pagan went into the hallway, and a sweat drop appeared on his forehead. These were two of the worst to deal with. Lady Une had never gotten over her split personality disorder, and since Trieze's mysterious return, he had suffered from the same ailment. Preparing himself for the worst, he knocked on their door.
Lady Une answered the door, alternately shaking Pagan's hand and slapping him in the face for, she coldly remarked, "interrupting mine and his excellency's important conversation." Meanwhile, Trieze was talking to himself, over behind a desk in a dark corner.
"What do you say, Epyon? Do we greet him, or do we destroy him, as Wufei thought he had destroyed me?" Scared by the words coming from Trieze's mouth, Pagan briefly considered running. Then he realized that well, all (four?) of them were a pretty good shot, and he stayed put. Finally, Trieze's normal side won out, and he stood up. "Welcome Pagan. What can we do for you?" Not wanting to get close, Pagan threw his invitations at Lady Une. In a flash, she put a bullet through both of them. "What were they?" asked the impatient Trieze. Pagan explained while Lady Une picked up the
pieces.
"Forgive me, Mr. Trieze. I did not know." She looked at Trieze for his reply to the invitations.
"Of course we will attend. Epy...I mean Lady Une and I would not miss it for the world." He smiled much like the way Zechs had. And Lady Une was smiling back at him the same way. Pagan decided to see himself out.
Part 3
6 Down, 5 to Go
Pagan peeked around the edge of the circus tent, wary of any approaching animals. He hated animals. Especially big cats. Trowa Barton, dressed in his circus uniform, snuck up behind him. "Hey, Pagan, what are you doing?" Pagan jumped about five feet into the air, and the ends of his mustache curled the wrong way.
"Trowa!" He cried. "You gave me a heart attack!" So Trowa gave him some Bayer, which may or may not have saved his life. After explaining what he came for, Trowa actually smiled at him. Taken aback by this, Pagan asked him why he was so happy.
"You don't know how long I've waited to get away from my big sis' for just one day. Besides, no one else will notice a nameless, faceless, soldier missing for one day. I'll get ready now." Trowa turned and walked away into the night. By now, Pagan was totally creeped out. Not watching where he was going, he stumbled into the lion tamer's tent.
Part 4
Let's Get Happy
Rashid tackled pagan to the ground before he had gotten within ten feet of Quatre Winner. "What do you want with master Quatre?"Rashid angrily questioned.
"No!' cried Quatre. "Please, Rashid, no more violence." Obediently, Rashid released the half crushed Pagan. "I just got a call from Zechs. Is that my invitation to the party?" Quatre practically ripped it out of Pagan's hands. "All I want to know is, who will be there?"Pagan gave him the list of names, and Quatre grinned at the thought
of everyone being in the same room together. *Even Trowa*
"That's all very nice, Sir, but the author of this fanfiction begs you to remember that this is the English version of Gundam Wing, not theJapanese." Pagan said, sensing Quatre's thoughts. He then coughed and added, "Will you be attending, sir?"
"Certainly. I would not want to hurt Miss Relena's feelings. Would you like a cup of mint tea before you leave?" Pagan readily agreed, and had downed three glasses before he remembered that he was allergic to mint.
Part 5
Welcome to the Scrap yard
It hadn't taken Pagan very long to locate the scrap yard where Duo worked. And it took him half as long to cut himself open on a stray piece of metal. Spouting every word he was not allowed to say while in Relena's presence, he made his way to the small house at the end of the yard. When Hilde answered, she noticed the gash (several inches long) that ran along his arm. As she ran to the bathroom to get the first aid kit, and then bandaged him up, Duo Maxwell greeted Pagan. Pagan told him about the party, and invited him and Hilde. After that, Hilde went to get them all something to eat.
"Well, I bet you're wondering what Hilde's doin' here," Duo said, scratching the back of his head nervously. Actually Pagan didn't care, but Duo continued on anyway. "She and I are just real good friends, and she's been real helpful. I can't really cook well at all. Why I remember one time me an' Heero were cooking, and he had on that cute pink apron..."Duo trailed off when he realized what he was telling Pagan. Heero would never forgive him if he found out he had told Pagan that Heero had worn an apron. Or if he had finished that story. Besides, Heero didn't like anyone calling his cooking bad. So Duo changed the subject. "Well, me and Hilde will be there, so see you later, Pagan." Pagan wound his way through the scrap yard and reached the side gate. Which was locked. He lugged himself up over the fence (should've exercised more when he was younger). When he reached the bottom, he turned to see a few people approaching. He was about to ask them for help reaching his car, when he noticed the knife in the leader's hand.
"Just hand over ya' money old man."
Part 6
Task Finished
Pagan finally reached the top level of the isolated apartment building (darn out-of-order elevators) and VERY carefully knocked on the door of the only occupied apartment on that floor. He cursed the powers that be (stupid fan fiction writers) that made him deal with this guy.
"What is it?" came a deep and agitated voice from behind the door.
Quaking, Pagan replied, "This is Pagan. I come on behalf of Miss Relena."
"And?" came the voice.
Near tears, Pagan replied, "I have an invitation from her and..."He was interrupted when Heero Yuy opened the door and ripped the invitation out of his hand. With a wild look in his eyes, Heero stared at the invitation. Then he tore it in half. Looking straight into Pagan's eyes, he then announced, "Omae o korosu."
"Does that mean you are coming?" Pagan asked, his voice breaking mid-sentence.
"Why should I? I am a soldier. I don't like parties."
"Miss Relena said to tell you it is a mission. She may need your help with something." Pagan was deathly afraid of Heero, but the party would be much more interesting with him there.
"Mission accepted," replied Heero, who then slammed the door in Pagan's face. Satisfied, Pagan stepped into the elevator shaft, forgetting that it was out of order, on the bottom floor.
Part 7
Unwanted Guest
Saturday, 1:00 PM
Just as Relena was setting up the stereo system, someone knocked on the door. "Pagan, could you please get that for me?" she asked. Pagan went to the door. At least she was being polite this time. Five seconds later he came back with a shocked expression.
"I think you want to deal with this one, Miss Relena," and with that, Pagan excused himself to the basement.
Startled, Relena went through the hall and over to the front door. Opening it, she discovered an enraged Dorothy Catalonia. 'No wonder he did not want to deal with her,' thought Relena with an amused expression on her face. "Why wasn't I invited?" was the first thing to pop out of Dorothy's mouth. "I was there, I helped your brother, and I deserve.."
"No, I don't think so," replied Relena.
"Then why? Is it because I support war?"
"No."
"Is it because on was on your enemy's side?"
"No."
"Is it because I almost got you killed?"
"No."
"Is it because it did not fight against Maremaia?"
"No."
"Is it because I stabbed Quatre?"
"No."
"Then why? Why can't I come?"
"It's your eyebrows."
"WHAT?!!" Relena calmly handed Dorothy a small metal object. "What is this?" Dorothy asked her.
"Eyebrow tweezers," Relena replied, and shut the door in Dorothy's face. "Mission complete," she said with a smile.
Part 8
The First Real Guests Arrive
2:30
Zechs Marquise stopped before Relena's door for a moment to run his hand through his long white hair and to adjust his collar. "You look fine, and it's just your sister and her friends," chided the woman next to him.
"I want to look good for this party. And besides, you fixed yourself up too, Noin." Zechs was right. Lucrezia Noin had spent two hours in the bathroom getting ready. Zechs had almost died of impatience. He was too worried about Heero coming to the party. He had spent 20 minutes rehearsing football tackle techniques just in case Heero got too close to Relena. Pagan answered the door, and they walked in. Zechs hadn't visited
in a long time, and he liked how the place looked. "Nice," he said.
"Thank you, sir," replied Pagan, who had overheard. Relena led them into the front room and instructed them to wait for the rest of the guests. They were early and she still needed to set up the refreshment table. Zechs sat patiently, dreaming about all the different ways he could break HeeroYuy's arms.
Part 9
Quadruple Threat
2:35
Pagan immediately regretted letting Zechs into the house. The man kept ordering him about. Just when he was going to hit breaking point, a knock was heard at the door. Pagan was not grateful for this interruption for very long. In the doorway stood Trieze and Lady Une. Sighing, he led them into the house. Since Relena was still busy, he seated them in the front room. He had to give them a seperate couch; they could not all fit next to Zechs and Noin. He left them arguing amongst themselves over who would say hello to Relena first.
Part 10
Injustice
2:40
Wufei was already agitated. Sally would not stop fixing his collar! 'Don't worry', he told himself,'she is just jealous of your beauty.' Sally just wanted to make sure he didn't embarrass her. Especially with that ridiculous collar! But that argument ended when Pagan answered the door. He set them down on a small couch against the wall, next to Trieze and Lady Une's couch. "What?! You weakling! This is a loveseat! Only weak women sit on loveseats! Injustice!" The screams of Wufei mingled with the other noises
of the room.
"Who does Yuy think he is, fighting me?"
"Epyon wants to hear music! ROCK MUSIC!"
"My nice half wants some OJ, but the other side wants some vodka. Mix them up for me."
"What's the matter, Wuffie? Don't want to sit next to me on the LOVE seat?"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
The screams brought Relena into the room. "Will you please calm down!" she begged them. "Everyone will be here soon, and I'm almost done. Noin, calm Zechs down. Trieze, you can put some LOW music on now. Lady Une, just mix your drink yourself. Wufei, sit down!" Then she left to finish the preparations.
Part 11
A Short Lived Peace
2:45
The next person to pop up at the door was Trowa. He calmly walked into the front room and sat in small armchair. Most of the other guests did not really know Trowa that well, but knew that he did not talk much or really stand out. So, when he smiled and brightly said hello, their jaws dropped to floor. Then he just sat and was quiet. For five whole minutes, nothing was said. Then Wufei opened his mouth. "How do you get your hair to do that?"
"That happens naturally. Why?"
"No way is that natural. How many jars of goo do you use?"
"Unlike you, Wufei, I do not NEED goo." Pagan escaped the room just as a fight broke out between the people who used hair gel and those who didn't. He was about to flee to the basement when there came a knock at the door.
Part 12
Bright Eyes
2:50
"Hello? This is the mansion of Miss Relena, isn't it?" Quatre kept shouting over the noise coming from the house. He kept knocking until his faithful Rashid offered to knock down the door. Quatre had almost agreed when Pagan opened the door.
"Come in, Mr. Winner. And only you are invited." Quatre went into the house despite Rashid's exlamations, and the door closed in Rashid's face. Pagan went to inform Relena that Quatre was there, and Quatre went into the front room. Of course, he greeted everyone with a smile, and went to sit in an overstuffed armchair near Trowa. They began to talk. Pagan snuck up behind Quatre, and handed him a note. It read:
English version, not Japanese.
-f.f. writer
Quatre turned bright red and ripped the note up. Everyone was confused by this change in Quatre's normally sweet demeanor.
"What's the matter," they asked him, but he never answered.
Part 13
The Fun Continues
2:55
Hilde yanked sharply on Duo's braid. "When will you ever get this cut?" she asked him. Cringing, he pulled the braid out of her hand.
"Never!" he cried. "Besides, you never minded it before," he added with a sly wink. Hilde indignantly turned a new shade of purple and huffed through the door Pagan was holding open.
"I was just kidding! You know I didn't mean that! I know that you...we... ugh!" He tossed up his hands, giving up. She grinned and threw a couch pillow at him.
Part 14
Strange Occurrences or
Double Trouble
3:00
Heero felt weird. But he was not going to give up. This was his mission. So what if he could not wear his green tank top and black spandex shorts. Sometimes the mission called for new clothes. What mattered was that he feared for Relena. Not that he had feelings for her, of course. wink, wink She was the newly elected president of the Earth and the colonies sand if anything happened to her, chaos would break out. Pagan had hinted at some sort of danger she was in. Besides, the thin blue jeans and t-shirt Duo had gotten him were not that bad, except for the slight fact that it was 6 degrees outside. "Brown braided bumbling bastard" Heero muttered to himself as he waited for Pagan to open the door. While he was waiting, Heero caught a glimpse of something moving around downstairs through the basement window. Pagan let him in just then, and Heero shook his head to clear his mind. 'I must have been mistaken' he thought. Because just before Pagan answered the door, Heero could have sworn that was Pagan moving around in the basement.
Part 15
The Dangers of Caffeine
Relena peered down the stairs into the front room. Everyone was there, and waiting for her to start the party. She smoothed out her non-formal party dress and stepped lightly down the stairs. No one noticed. The front room was in chaos. What is going on here?" she yelled through the noise. Suddenly, a knock was heard at the front door. Relena decided to go answer it herself. She did not realize that Heero was watching her closely. He knew there was something weird going on. Relena pulled open the door, only to discover an empty doorstep. "Hmmmm, that's strange." She turned around, only to walk into Heero.
"Have you gotten any death threats lately?" he asked her, peering outside.
"No, I..." she was interrupted by a loud crash in the front room. She ran to discover the source of the noise while Heero stood motionless in the doorway.
When Relena entered the room, she saw her favorite plant lying on the ground, having apparently fallen from its hook on the ceiling. "Now, how did that happen?" She questioned the group. Quatre, who always told the truth, finally spoke up.
"Well, you see, it's not really his fault, but Pagan gave Duo a can of Jolt, and-"
"Jolt? Duo? Oh no!" She was about to run off and find him when she noticed Hilde was missing as well. "Where's Hilde?"
Quatre continued explaining, "Well, he wanted to play cowboys and Indians, and she was the victim, and-" This time Relena really ran off. She was momentarily halted in the doorway when Heero asked her a question.
"Where does this door lead?"
"The basement. I have to go!" and she ran off again.
Part 16
Time to Eat
Relena peered into the den to see Hilde gagged and tied to a chair. Duo was apparently ready to scalp her, and she recognized the kitchen knife in his hand. The crisis was solved when Zechs tried a football tackle on him, knocking him unconscious until his caffeine high wore off. When he did finally wake up, Relena and all the guests sat at her large dining room table to eat dinner before they went to the movies then back home to party. Duo wanted to say grace, but Relena would not let him. She didn't want to trust him ever since she found out why her plant had fallen; he had been swinging from it. The seating was predictable: Une next to Trieze, Zechs next to Noin, Wufei next to Sally ("injustice!"), Duo next to Hilde, Heero next to Relena (to protect her, of course), and Quatre insisted upon sitting next to Trowa. Everything was going fine until Quatre got a strange message on his napkin. None but Quatre understood what it meant, and it seemed to be in code.
Eng., not Jap. - f.f. writer
Seeing how red Quatre was, Relena offered Quatre her plate food, she wasn't hungry. But before anyone could do anything, the door was knocked upon again. They all decided to go together to answer it. Pagan was presumably hiding from the guests. However, when they made it to the door, (Heero in the lead), no one was there. Feeling a little paranoid, they went back to the table.
IN THE BASEMENT
Pagan walked up the stairs. He walked a little stiffly, and he was somehow making a peculiar whirring noise. But he seemed fine, and headed straight for the dining room.
As everyone sat back to the table to eat, Rashid managed to sneak into the house. He popped up behind Quatre, howling something about food testing. After Relena had him thrown out, she asked Quatre what his outburst was all about. Quatre calmly explained that Rashid had someone always taste test his food before Quatre could eat it. To solve this, Relena simply called for Pagan, and had him eat all of Quatre's food. Pagan made a strange face, as though the thought of eating that food made him sick to his stomach. But he gobbled down the food and waited for any ill effects to surface. When all the other guests were done eating, and nothing bad had happened to Pagan, they all went back into the front room to decide what to do next. Once the dining room was empty, Pagan ran to the bathroom. His eyes turned a sickly yellow and his face grew white. He fell to the bathroom floor, hitting his head on the edge of the toilet. In the front room, Quatre was laughing. "Like anyone would want to poison me anyway!" Everyone laughed with him, except Heero. "What's the matter Heero?" asked Relena. "Do you really think someone would try to poison Quatre?"
"No," replied Heero, "I don't think anyone was trying to poison Quatre." With that response, he gave Relena an odd look and added, "I don't think we should go to the movies tonight."
Surprisingly, almost everyone agreed. They were all weirded out by the strange events earlier in the day. Everyone, that is, but Wufei. "Injustice! Chinese Warriors Strike Back 4 plays tonight! You weaklings will force me to miss it! IIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNJJJJJJJJJJUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Part 17
Things That Go OOOOWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO In the Night
8:00 PM
"Well, we can always watch a movie here," said Relena. She was trying to cheer them up. Zechs helped her bring her rather large video collection into the TV room. Together, they stacked the movies on an empty shelf in the room. There were so many of them that the top shelf was stacked higher then Zechs could reach. Pagan, just as he was coming up from the basement, was called into the room, along with a small stepladder. He had put the finishing touches on the last stack, when a wolf howl filled the room. Everyone froze. When the noise did not come again, they sent Pagan outside to investigate. A few minutes later, he came staggering back in.
"Nothing more to worry about, Miss Relena," he managed to utter. His clothes were torn and there were strange claw marks on his face. However, no one was paying any attention. They were too busy competing to be first to pick a movie. Suddenly, a loud rumble came from the top shelf and approximately300 movies fell. They came down by one, each bouncing off of Pagan's head. He was buried, and the others jumped into the pile to claim a movie. A large explosion came from outside, but nobody heard.
Part 18
Lights Out
8:30 PM
Finally, two movies had been decided on. They were going to watch The World's Strongest (DBZ) and the semi- religious movie, I Know What You Did: Last Supper. However, Zechs, wearing his famous white mask, threw a rose through both movies. "Tuxedo Zechs!" he cried. After a strict lecture from Lady Une on how hard it was to handle more than one personality, Zechs gave up and put his mask away. They decide to watch their third choice, Scream. After settling down on several couches, the guests were ready. Heero put the movie into the VCR and the previews came on. While Heero fast-forwarded them, the others saw commercials on the television. All of a sudden, a loud shriek came from the couch. Wufei had screamed and ducked behind the loveseat he and Sally shared.
"What is your problem?" Relena asked him. All that was on the screen was a commercial for Barney.
"He was almost killed by a psycho in a Barney suit as a child," Sally whispered back to her.
"I love you, you love me, I love you-," Wufei droned on. Finally, the previews were over and it was time to watch the movie. Everyone settled back down and Heero pressed play. Some time went by, and the killer in the movie was going to strike. He cut the victim's house's electricity. Suddenly, the lights in Relena's mansion went off. So did everything else. The movie stopped, and there was complete silence. Heero pulled a flashlight out of his blue jeanshow does he do that? and shined it on everyone to make sure they were all there. After this was done, he turned to Relena.
"I'm going to get to the bottom of this," he stated, and began walking towards the door.
"Wait!" Relena halted him. "Before you go, let me a walkie-talkie. I can communicate with you and give you directions to the shed outside. That's where all the house's electrical stuff is." She handed him the walkie-talkie and switched hers on. The others volunteered to split up and search the rest of the house for any signs of an intruder.
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MEANWHILE
IN THE BASEMENT
"Those blasted fools!" He cried. "They ruined half of you. And they don't even know who you ARE!" He had every right to be mad. He had to fix them again! But now they were complete, and he could exact revenge. Yes, Revenge! For 17 years of his life, she had pushed and bossed him around, yelled at him, and treated him like a personal slave. Plus, she had refused to go on a date with him! But that would stop now. Now, he finally had what he had been working for these long years. He threw the switch, and his newly repaired regiment of androids stood up, awaiting his orders.
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"I'm making my way to the shed. Over," Heero was threading his way through Relena's large backyard. If he could find and fix this electrical problem... Suddenly he arrived at his destination, or what was left of it. An explosion had taken out the shed, and some surrounding shrubs. Heero decided that something was definitely wrong. He also noticed that apparently someone had been caught in the explosion. A uniformed leg with something metal (a gear?) sticking out of it lay on the ground. Suddenly, Heero understood. He spoke to Relena over the walkie-talkie. "Relena, who is with you? Over."
"No one. The others have gone off checking the house. Have you found the shed yet? Why do you want to know who is with me? Over."
"You're in danger, Relena. Someone is after you. Over."
"Who is it? One of the guests? An outsider? Heero, I need to know. If I'm in danger, then you should get here immediately. Over."
"Hang tight. I'm on my way. Whatever you do, stay away from-" He was abruptly cut off by a loud scream.
"Heero!" Her walkie-talkie went dead.
Part 19
A Deadly Game of Wink
Heero ran into the front room, along with all the other guests, who he crashed into. They had just picked themselves up when an evil laughing noise filled the room. Several shrieks were heard, and in the dim moonlight, Heero saw a sight he would have actually laughed at, had the situation not been so bad. Lady Une leapt into Trieze's arms, only to slap him for touching her. Hilde was was trying to hide in Duo's hair, which he had let down for 'camouflage'. Noin and Zechs were calm as ever, but both had weapons out. Heero knew that Zechs was really just waiting to get a quick shot at him. Wufei was sitting on Sally's foot, arms and legs firmly planted around her leg. "Please don't let me die." When he saw Heero looking at him, he jumped up quickly and tried to look brave. Quatre had leapt into Trowa's arms, only to jump down when he saw everyone looking at him. Heero gave him a Remember-The-Message-Pagan-Gave-You look, at which both Quatre and Trowa blushed. Suddenly Duo had an idea. To mark this occasion, an actual light bulb appeared above Duo's head. Unfortunately, it was not lit up.
"I've got it!" He yelled, startling everyone. Even Hilde poked her head out of her 'hiding spot.' "We'll play Wink!" Everyone groaned. How could that help them find out who kidnapped Relena? Duo kept talking. "You know, the game where someone is the killer, and when he winks at anyone else, they are dead?" They knew the game, but stared at him with blank expressions. This helped how? "Duh! One of us is the killer, and they will wink at the others."
"Wait a minute!" Trowa spoke up. "Why would they wink and possibly be caught as the killer?"
"And I thought you were smart. Killers are psychos. Whoever has Relena will wink for the sheer hell of it. "
"Baka!" Cried Trowa. "If it is one of us, now we'll never know, because everyone will be looking for the killer and they won't want to be spotted!"
"Oh." Duo's light bulb disappeared. "Well, we could play just in case. "The others agreed, and soon the game began. All the players sat in a circle on the floor. First Duo dropped out, then Zechs. One by one, they were knocked out of the game. Finally, only Wufei was left.
"Wait a minute. Wufei did not wink me!" Sally objected. The others agreed. But if it was not Wufei, then who had-? An eye in the dark winked at Wufei. He fell back in his seat, out of the game.
"I WIN!" A mysterious voice announced.
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IN THE BASEMENT
While Relena sat gagged, bound, and wide-eyed in a chair, her abductor went over what he had needed to repair his androids. "Let's see... 70 allergy shots, two leg casts, 95 bandages, disinfectant, new uniforms, rabies shots, etc. Hmmm. This doesn't even count money stolen or the one lost in the explosion. We'll just add them to the bill! Ha ha ha ha! And this is coming out of your expense account!" He laughed in Relena's face. She struggled to tell him something. He decided to be nice and let her talk for a moment. After all, the basement was soundproof. He pulled off her gag.
"Bad breath!" She yelled, and proceeded to scream for help. He angrily replaced the gag and tightened the ropes holding her. Embarrassed! In front of his androids, no less. He decided to add the cost of creating the androids, which were part man, part machine, to the list of money she owed him. With an evil laugh, he started planning his next move.
************************************************************************
As Wufei sat back in his chair, a strange thing happened. It flipped completely around, revealing a trapdoor beneath it. When it resumed normal position, Wufei was gone. Sally Po screamed in horror. Who would want Wufei? She had no time to discuss this, because lightening flashed, and she was gone. Heero gathered the others around him "I know who it is," he whispered. "But I think that you are safer not knowing. He will go after anyone who knows his identity."
"Then why did he get Wufei and Sally?" asked Lady Une.
"Wufei saw him when he was winked at. Sally was just being loud and annoying," replied Heero. "Our best bet now is to split up into pairs and search the house for any sign of where he could have hidden Relena and the others. "Everyone agreed and the pairs started off in various directions around the house.
Part 19
Double Cross
Lady Une and Trieze Kushrenada made their way up the dark stairs to the last floor: the attic. Trieze fought the desire to push Lady Une down the steep wooden steps; she was being her mean self for the moment. She was currently grumbling about the lack of light on the way up. At the top, a small door led into a rectangular room stuffed with...junk. "Ugh!" exclaimed Lady Une. "Who would want any of this stuff?" Trieze found it rather strange as well. He knew Relena, and she would not want to collect all this stuff. Maybe they were her dead parent's belongings. Treize was walking towards the windows in the back when he stumbled and fell. Picking himself up before Lady Une could see what had happened, he shined his flashlight on the object he had tripped over. It was a small metal gear. Treize picked it up, and suddenly, it dawned on him. He knew who the killer was! He turned to tell Lady Une, but she was no longer there. Her abductor stepped into the room, right in front of Trieze. "You! Double crosser!" Trieze yelled. His Epyon side wanted to crush this man. But it was too late. Trieze felt himself falling. The smile of a very evil man was the last thing he saw before he blacked out.
Part 20
The Wrong Guy
Noin and Zechs moved silently down the hall. Zechs was in the lead, and Noin had him covered. Their assignment: search the third floor for any sign of Relena or her captor. It had taken them an hour, but they had searched every room except one: the guest room. Zechs pulled the door open with a loud creak. They shined their flashlights around the room. Everything seemed to be in order. Noin watched Zechs go into the closet to check it out. She walked over to the window, looking at her reflection. Suddenly, she saw a face behind hers. No, it couldn't be! Noin scanned the room, but no one was there. Not even Zechs. Now frightened, she turned towards the door. A black form filled the doorway. Noin screamed. Someone walked into the room. Noin almost cried in relief at the sight of him. "Oh, it's just you. Help me find Zechs."
"I'm not helping you do anything." He stepped forward. Noin screamed again.
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IN THE BASEMENT
Noin awoke to find herself tied to a chair. Most of the others were in the same predicament. The only ones not tied up down there were Trowa, Quatre, Duo, Hilde, and Heero. She hoped that they would figure out a way to get them out of here. In the seat next to her, Zechs was slowly waking up. He sat bolt upright when he saw her there. "Noin! It's-"
"I know," she answered him calmly. "And we have to find a way to escape." All around her, the others were talking amongst themselves. Noin figured they were also planning an escape. Noin's thoughts were interrupted by aloud, hideous laugh, followed by a hacking cough, that came from her left. She turned that way to see the kidnapper standing next to Relena. He was going to make a speech.
"I know what you are all thinking. And I wouldn't try it if I were you. See this machine here?" He pointed to a large mechanical device that seemed to be controlled by a large switch. "If you didn't figure it out yet, you are all hooked up to this machine through wires in your chairs." They all looked at the wires strewn about. "That's right, one wrong move and I hit this switch and fry you all," he finished with a wild look in his eyes.
"Wait a minute," yelled a confused Trieze. "How does that thing work if the electricity is out?"
"It runs on very big BATTERIES! Wa ha ha ha ha ha!" At that exact moment, everyone sweat dropped.
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Part 21
Never Eat Soggy Wheaties
Trowa and Quatre were lost on the second floor. "I thought he said two rights. Or was it two lefts? Or a right and a left? Or a left and-"
"It's fine," Trowa explained to the stricken Quatre. Obviously, being lost really bothered Quatre. It had never happened to him before. He always had so many people to fall back on. "Sooner or later, we'll find our way out of here."
"Hold my hand for support?"
"Don't even think about it." Trowa turned the corner, only to walk into the wall. "That's funny," he said, "I don't think Heero said there were any dead ends."
"How does Heero know so much about Relena's house, anyway?" asked Quatre.
"I don't even want to know. My best guess is that he thinks he has to. After all, he is her self appointed protector."
"I wish I could have one of those," grumbled Quatre. He gave an evil look to the fan fiction writer.
"Well, when this one's over, we'll just be put into someone else's story. Who knows what will happen. At least we'll get away from this formulaic plot."Fan fiction writer gives Trowa her death glare They turned around and began heading back in the direction they had came. But something was wrong. They took a turn that Quatre swore had not been there before. A few minutes later, they found an old kitchen.
"This I remember," remarked Quatre. "Heero said we could probably find some big kitchen knives to defend ourselves with. Only Heero brought a gun." He started going through the drawers. Big knives were something he could handle.
"Hey Quatre, check this out," Trowa called from the other end of the kitchen. He shined his flashlight onto a sign hanging from the ceiling. It was made of paper and written in dripping red ink. It read:
Why are you two alone in the kitchen?
They blushed simultaneously. And:
NEVER eat soggy wheaties.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Both messages upset Trowa. Someone was messing with their heads. Quatre gasped. Trowa grinned; Quatre had never heard him talk like that. "What a minute. I think I know what this means." A childhood memory came back to Trowa. "I used this to learn my directions. North East South West. Never Eat Soggy Wheaties."
"Oh, but then why is north capitalized?" Quatre asked. They both looked in that direction. A large cabinet stood against the wall. Determined to show Trowa that he could be brave too, Quatre walked up to it and slowly opened it's right door. It was empty, except for a box at the top. Trowa came up behind Quatre. He was quite a bit taller, so it was easier for him to see the box.
"Wheaties," he said. He reached out a hand to grab the box, but was stopped when a hand reached out of the cupboard, and began to pull him in. Quatre screamed in fright. Trowa desperately grabbed Quatre's shirt, and they both tumbled into the cupboard.
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IN THE BASEMENT
Trowa and Quatre were tied to two chairs next to Noin and Zechs. Once they had learned what their abductor had planned, they started thinking about what to do next. Quatre finally came up with a plan. If they could manage to unhook the wires that attached their chairs to the machine, they would not have to fear electrocution, and could jump up and fight when the others came for them. Unfortunately, he was caught trying, and everyone was tied to the chair tighter. The wires were then double checked for security. Their captor smiled.
Part 22
Down to the Wire
Duo slowly snuck up behind Hilde. When he was almost touching her, he reached out and poked her back. "AAAIIEEE!" she screamed. Duo stood there and laughed until his sides hurt. He stopped laughing when her flashlight bounced off the top of his head.
"Hey! That hurt!" He rubbed where the flashlight hit. She just laughed, picked up her flashlight, and started down the hall. Duo was glad Heero was with them on the first floor. He was the only one who was armed. Unfortunately, he was in the other room. 'Hmmmm' he thought, looking at Hilde, 'maybe not so unfortunate.'
Hilde caught Duo looking at her. "Mind on the mission, Duo." She opened the door to the next room.
"Geez, that's where it was. You're worse than Heero." He peered into the room. It was Relena's bedroom. "Hey, what've we here," said Duo with a grin. He flashed the light on Relena's bed. "Just as I thought. She's got that teddy bear sitting right there. It's probably been there ever since Heero gave it to her." Duo smiled. Then he looked closer. The bear's head had been cut off!
"Well, I wish someone I knew would be kind enough to give me a teddy bear for my birthday." She gave Duo an accusing look.
"Hey! I thought you wanted a mini Deathscythe. You thought it was cute!" Hilde was ignoring him. She saw something peculiar on Relena's desk. It was a set of plans. For a set of androids.
"Duo! Look at this! I know who-" she was abruptly cut off. Duo spun around, only to see the set of plans fluttering to the ground.
"Hilde!" He screamed.
Part 23
How the Story Got it's Title
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YOU KNOW WHERE
"You know, Hilde, I can probably psychically control my braid," Duo whispered.
Squinting his eyes, he gave his best move-or-I'll-cut-you-off look to his braid, but it didn't work.
"Stop that, you brown braided bumbler!" cried their captor.
"Why? Why did you do this?" screamed Duo. "You probably cut that bears head off too. Am I right?"
"You got it. I'm sick of you. All of you. Taking all the credit. I helped Relena the most, especially the past two years!" Duo decided not to push him any more. He was coming too close to the switch.
The kidnapper started yelling again. "Everywhere I go, she's always there! And I hate that damned pink limo!"
Relena lost her cool. So much for the pacifism "I trusted you! We all trusted you! How could you do this to us? How could you do this to me?"
"Did you think I ever cared about you? That I would ever care about you? You were fooling yourself. I never cared about anyone but myself. And these!" One by one, the androids came out of their dark corners and stood around the captives.
"They look just like you!" exclaimed Sally.
"Exactly. How do you think I was in more than one place at once?"
"I knew you best. I should have known." Relena started to cry.
"You didn't know me at all. And now," the kidnapper whispered, reaching for the switch, "Omae o korosu." Just before he flipped the switch, the basement door flew open, and a shot ran out. The kidnapper stared at the blood pumping out of his wounded hand.
"That's my line," Heero said, holding his smoking gun, "and if you say it again, it won't be your hand I shoot off, Pagan."
"How did you know? I sent an android out to destroy you!" cried Pagan, trying to stem the bleeding. Heero just laughed. "That's it. Paganoids, attack!"
Heero threw Duo (who had untied himself during the attack) a knife. Using it, Duo freed the others, and a war between the Paganoids and the party guests ensued. Because some were still recovering, there were only 12 Paganoids left to destroy, not including the real one. Trowa did a circus flip and landed behind one of them, grabbing a nearby weapon (the basement was full of 'em) he shot a hole through it. Nearby, Quatre was skillfully defending himself with a large knife. Apologizing profusely, he cut up the Paganoid.
The next ones to go were the two foolish enough to stand too close to Lady Une and Mr. Trieze. Lady Une was encouraging Trieze to fight. "You know what Trieze?" she yelled, "I've always liked your destructive side better. The more blood, the happier I get." She gave Trieze her sweetest smile and added, "Epyon always had a bigger gun." With a battle cry, they both picked up a gun and fired at whatever was closest; namely, the two Paganoids.
Nearby, Wufei and Sally had their share of fighting. Sally put a bullet through a Paganoid head while Wufei executed an intricate Chinese martial arts move. "Wow," said Sally, impressed. "I didn't know you could do that."
Noin and Zechs didn't need weapons to fight. Noin simply grabbed the nearest Paganoid and ripped the gun out of his hand. She then proceeded to break every bone he had. She dropped his crumpled body to the ground and turned to time Zechs. He looked his opponent in the eye. The Paganoid dropped his gun, mesmerized. Zechs' gaze burned into him, and the Paganoid dropped dead. "Nice," Noin told him. ". 325 seconds. A new record."
Duo centered himself. He tilted his end, and started spinning his braid. It had just about gotten to max speed when a Paganoid approached him. He quickly twirled his entire body around, striking the Paganoid with the braid. It completely beheaded the Paganoid. Hilde shot another Paganoid so full of holes that Duo could see straight through it to the other side of the room. "Whoa. Watch it with the firepower." He laughed and turned to watch the others fight. Only two Paganoids were left standing. No one knew where the real Pagan had gone.
They surrounded Relena, mechanically locking their weapons on her. They were programmed to destroy her, at any cost. These two Paganoids were the most powerful. The first pulled out his gun. He aimed it straight at her heart. She suddenly ducked and dove forward. Those football tackles her older brother had taught her were coming in handy. She rolled out of the way as Heero jumped straight up into the air, coming down on top of its head. Mechanical brains went everywhere. Heero turned, and dispatched the last Paganoid by grabbing its face and twisting its head 360 degrees, snapping its neck. He dropped it and turned around to face the others. They were congratulating each other, and feeling slightly embarrassed by the fact that they had been captured in the first place. But Heero didn't see Relena anywhere. 'She trusts her servants way too much.' He thought to himself. 'This is why I make my own bed.' And then he ran to save Relena.
Part 24
The End of Them Both?
Pagan shoved Relena into the pink limo. "As much as I hate this thing, it's the only way out of here." He threw her in the back and got ready to speed away. Just before leaving, however, he made sure she could not unlock the doors. He laughed to himself as he put up the glass barrier between them. She pounded on it with her fists as hard as she could, but the glass was too strong. Checking his rear view mirror, Pagan noticed a blob far back on the road. It was following them. Realizing that no one else should be on this road at this time of night, Pagan began to speed up. The blob came closer, and Pagan saw that it was Heero, on a motorcycle. Angrily, Pagan pushed the gas down even farther. He turned to look at how close Heero was getting, and was not paying attention to the street. Before he even knew what was coming, Pagan ran the limo into a large oak tree on the side of the road.
Part 25
Finally Over
Heero jumped off the motorcycle and ran to the crash site. It did not look as though anyone could have survived. The limo had been demolished. Pagan was slumped over the wheel, and Heero saw that he was not breathing. Frantically, Heero dug through the wreckage. Where was Relena? He was oblivious to the pain in his hands that came from the sharp metal. He heard a small noise, and dug faster. Finally, he saw a hand reaching out from underneath a collapsed passenger side door. He threw the door off of her. She struggled, but managed to stand up. Heero helped her limp away from the car, and sat her down at the side of the road to check her out. Besides a swollen ankle, her only injuries were slight scratches and bruises.
"Are you sure you'll be okay?" he asked her.
"Yes, I'm fine. I just can't believe I ever trusted him."
"We all make mistakes. Even me, the perfect soldier. Do you want me to take you home?"
"No! I don't want to see that place for a long time." They started down the road. Suddenly, they heard a car approaching.
"Need a lift into town?" It was Duo and the others; they had grabbed a spare limo. Heero helped Relena into the car and then got in himself. "We're staying the night in a hotel in town." He looked at Relena's injuries. "She can get herself looked at there as well." Duo looked at the group gathered around him. They were tired but happy; the enemy had been defeated. 'Was that all that mattered to Heero?' Duo caught him looking at Relena. 'Maybe not.' He thought. "After that," he said aloud, "who knows?" They drove off into the night.
Part 26
Until Next Time
It took Pagan a while to drag himself back into the lab in the basement. It would take him even longer to heal from his massive injuries. But he could wait. And plan.
THE END