"Would you care to stop petting me?"
"I can't touch my daughter?"
"Yeah, when I push her out you can touch her all you want. Not when she's still inside me."
"You're always saying I'm not romantic enough, so when I do try, I get yelled at."
"Well you don't have to fucking pet me."
"Whoa, language babe."
"Since when do you care? And what the hell are you doing?"
"Covering our child's ears because you can't control your horrible vocabulary."
"My horrible vocabulary? You screamed words I wouldn't dare say when we made this kid!"
"Okay, that is totally different. Whatever I say during sex does not count."
"Oh really? So if I just started cursing like crazy during sex, you wouldn't care about your daughter hearing because we were fucking?"
"That's not what I said. I can say it because she won't hear it, but she'll hear you say it because she's inside of you. Not me."
"What? That's the biggest bullshit I've ever heard in my life."
"Can you seriously not stop?"
"I learned from the best."
"Ya know, that sarcastic look on your face is really sexy."
". . ."
"Okay, ow! Any reason you decided to hit me?"
"You were being a perv."
"Because I called you sexy?"
"Yup, we don't want our child hearing such inappropriate things."
"Okay, really? You have to twist everything I say?"
"Yeah, pretty much."
"I am not a perv."
"Yes, you are."
"You're the one who can't keep her tongue to herself."
"And you can't keep it in your pants."
"You're horrible."
"What?"
"Why the hell are you so pissed?"
"I am not horrible!"
"Lucy, calm down. You know I didn't mean it like that."
"Fine. If I'm so horrible, go be with Kendra."
"Seriously Lucy, I'm not going through this conversation again."
"Because you love her."
"No, I don't."
"Yes, you do. Don't deny it."
"Lucy, are you kidding me?"
"See? You don't even have anything to say."
"I don't have anything to say because you're being ridiculous."
"Oh, so now I'm ridiculous?"
"Yes Lucy, you are. Because I married you and knocked you up. Not Kendra."
"That doesn't mean you don't love her."
"Um, it kinda does."
"No, it doesn't. You could just be with me to make her jealous."
"Do you seriously believe that?"
"Yup. I live by it."
"I take it back, you're not horrible, you're insane."
". . ."
"Ow! Lucy I swear to god you hit me one time…"
"What? You gonna hit me back? Because that would teach your daughter violence and we wouldn't want that."
"Lucy, I swear you drive me crazy."
"But that's why you love me."
"Yeah. For some strange reason I'm unsure of."
"Please, you adore me."
"Well it's kinda hard not to when you're chest is so big."
". . ."
"Okay, seriously I thought we just talked about the hitting thing."
"You only love me because my chest is big?"
". . ."
"Don't sigh and roll your eyes at me!"
"Lucy relax. I love you, your tits are just a bonus."
"Brett."
"Okay, okay, I love you and your chest has nothing to do with it."
"Yeah they better not!"
"They don't."
"Good. …Although, they are kinda awesome."
"I think that's the hottest thing I've ever heard you say."
"Eh, I try."
"You're crazy."
"Whoa, Brett what do I always tell you? Don't mess up my hair!"
"Now I can't even touch my wife's head."
"No you can't. It took me two hours to get my beautiful curls to set perfectly. You mess this up and it won't be good for your sex life."
"You're gonna cut me off because I touched your hair?"
"Man, you look terrified. This is fun! But if you wanna touch hair, go touch Patrice's head. God knows how disgusting her hair is."
"Luce, c'mon she's not that bad."
"Oh my god you like her now too!"
"I swear to God I'm not doing this again."
"Because you don't wanna deny it! Brett I can't believe you would-"
". . ."
". . ."
"Ow! Lucy I swear is this kid making you extra violent?"
"Don't kiss me when I'm mad at you."
"Lucy you can yell at me or we can make out. It's up to you."
". . ."
"Well?"
"Get over here."
"That's my girl."
. . .
A/N: Something random that popped into my head today.
Please review!
-LoveLikeYou'reNotBroken