They were sitting on his bed, bodies not touching (not an inch), all his roommates gone, a cloudy day.
"Lily…"
"Yes?"
Severus turned to look at her, and their faces were exceptionally close. He became nervous. Reminded himself not to reveal anything serious (or try to kiss her). She doesn't like you like that. He had to remind himself often.
"How –how do you feel about Potter?" He was afraid she would know why he asked it, and it made him more uneasy. His worst fear was that Lily would find out how he felt about her.
"I think he's a stuck-up boy with nothing better to do than torment every decent person at this school because he's an immensely insecure prick," she finished, smiled.
Severus smiled back and looked at her hand sitting on her lap, thought about taking it, but didn't dare.
Lily sighed. "I mean, I should think it would be obvious-how I would feel about him…" she said, blushing as she looked away. "Anyone who's mean to you is not my friend. That's how it'll always be."
His heart beat faster.
"Why would you ask that Severus?"
He knew he couldn't give anything away, but he had to be honest – or at least honest enough. She could tell when he was lying. She was the only one.
"I should think that would be even more obvious," he said, settling for something nondescript. He didn't look at her.
"B-Because you're my friend, right?" And then Lily, without explanation, did what he had wanted to do before and took his hand in her own, their fingers intertwined.
His face briefly, unwillingly registered surprised, but he didn't move his hand away. "Yep," he nodded once, didn't look at her, didn't move his hand away, but he felt his palm start to sweat, immediately terrified.
"Severus," she whispered, lay her head on his shoulder. Sighed.
He examined their intertwined hands, as did she, and then, heart racing fast, he moved her hand to his lips, kissed it. He was immediately frustrated with himself for showing too much, but it was too late. He wondered if he should move his hand away now, to avoid further embarrassment, but he was too unsure for action.
Fortunately, he didn't have to worry about it too long. The door opened, and two of his roommates entered, sensed what was happening, and immediately tried to ruin it, like he knew they would. They were okay people, his only friends besides Lily, he reasoned, but they made him feel even more ashamed for liking her than he already did.
"You shouldn't touch that," Avery said, referring to Lily with cruel nonchalance as he threw his bag on his bed and glared challengingly at Snape who still held Lily's hand, more tightly now. "You should know better," he sneered, "Wouldn't want to smell like her muddy blood tonight, would you?" he asked, and Snape knew what he was referring to and hated it.
He slowly moved his hand away from Lily's. Didn't say a word.
Lily got off the bed, looked at him, hurt and frustrated. He looked away.
Her eyes started to water. She picked up her back and walked towards the door, slammed it behind her.
Snape was furious – at them and himself. "She's not all that bad, you know," he said, quietly, fearing their response.
"That's the kind of attitude that'll ruin you in this house, Snape," Avery said, walking over to Snape's bed-nicer now-and patting him on the shoulder. "Why do you think you got into Sytherin? It's because you've got pure blood. Besides, she's not even very pretty."
Snape said nothing. He waited for an unbearably long time before leaving the room to follow her. He didn't want his roommates to suspect what he was doing. It would only make things worse.
Severus found her exactly where he'd expected, sitting under her favorite tree.
He sat next to her, not too close. She ignored him. "You shouldn't be outside, Lily. The rain," he said, pointing to the sky. He immediately felt stupid. He wanted to apologize but wasn't sure how. He hadn't had any real practice.
"Why do you even care?" she said, glaring at him. "It's always them over me, Severus, isn't it? I don't how I've managed to ignore it since we got here. I must be a real idiot, right? How could you lead me on like that? You know I've always been there for you," she said, and Severus was afraid she would start to cry again.
"Lily, don't say it like that. I know you've always been there for me. I know… I-I'm sorry," he faltered – no longer sure of himself, looking at the ground.
"Well that's not going to change the fact that I'm a mudblood, will it?" she challenged.
"Lily…come on. You know they're just close-minded. They'll come around."
"Oh come on Snape. Stop pretending to be so naïve. Is it them or me? You can't have both."
Snape struggled, but had to accept it, no matter what the hardships that would follow. "It's you, Lily. Always." It was exactly what he'd meant to say, and it made him feel exceptionally vulnerable.
It started to rain. Snape stood up to go inside. The perfect excuse to leave, but she took his hand and stood up, still holding it.
"No… let's enjoy it," she said seriously, looking at him in a way that made his thoughts wander dangerously.
He couldn't move. He waited for her to act. She was looking in his eyes, and it felt like a long time had passed and still no one moved. He wondered if he should run, but was glued to the spot.
She moved closer to him, more close than she'd ever been and her face was moving closer too, maybe to kiss him, and he panicked.
"Lily!" he practically yelled. "I think we should go inside now, don't you?"
She looked disappointed, embarrassed, and he felt the same. She dropped his hand and picked up her things. "Yeah, sorry. I didn't mean to-" She didn't finish her sentence, just started walking, and Snape followed behind her, supremely frustrated by his inability to not only admit that he liked Lily Evans, but to admit that she might like him too.