(Set somewhere in the 4b, don't know exactly during or just after so bear with me)

Come to me

First came the awe to be able to do magic; it was exhilarating, almost like being girl again and dream about fairy tales in a way that weren't dirty and worn out because of adults experiences or twisted and dark like she now saw them because of Storybrooke. Having magic was fun, unexpected. It was strange and not entirely normal but she saw in it the opportunity to be, maybe, closer to everyone else. She had magic in a city full of fairy tales characters after all.

Then it come the uncertainty of what exactly magic represented and how she could, or couldn't, use it. That phase was something that happened while she was fighting shadows and nightmares back in Neverland and she barely could actually think about it, too focused on getting Henry back.

Then it came the obliviousness and memories that consequently came from that, the memories made her cringe, making her remember that while she was winning a family she was being burdened with a title and so magic and what she was supposed to do merged, forming a single unit of something that she really didn't like.

And, finally, came the pressure, the fear, the oppression inside her chest every time she felt her magic bubbling, swirling, calling from inside her chest, wanting to explore the world she was experiencing, wanting to be used, or to use. Magic was alive and she was still too uneducated to the force she had inside her, a force that no one in town actually had. She was different once again, she had a potential that could be destructive, worrisome, used and so she acted feeling the pressure building inside, day by day, hour by hour, her emotions calling for the magic that fed from them in an orgy of feelings that she couldn't stop.

It was somewhere after that that she learnt how to act as if she was doing good, as if every time someone said magic and repeated the old tales of good and bad she didn't feel her insides churn, it was daunting how easy she knew she could fall at the other side.

"Magic is anger, is feeling, is passion, is hurt" She thought, repeating the words every time she felt the magic rising, tickling her insides, wanting to be freed.

And then…

If she would have need to be truthful everything started with Neal, with a potion and a second curse, with sentences that weren't said and apologies that weren't told and words that were forgotten since they weren't important anymore. The anger fed and malice whispered things that Emma couldn't block. The Ice Queen became something else that she had expected and once again she couldn't quite process that too scared, too full of things she needed to do to actually be allowed to be human, to be Emma.

But she really didn't want to be truthful.

The magic laughed and waited. The magic was alive and was an important part of her, one that she had adored, scared, hated and used, one that could be both good and evil but that didn't exactly came without a prize; her sanity.

And so she found herself starting to be unable to fall asleep, the magic too much, the feelings too many, the secrets maddening and little spurts of magic started to happen around her. They weren't bad, or made by anger like it had been so she kept it to herself, too tired to even try to explain why she relished in those few moments in where the pressure inside her chest were eased and the voices and good versus evil crap were forgotten.

Jealousy, despair, sadness…. She could forget all of them while little sparks moved here and there through the apartment. She was never going to be as good as Regina but, at least, her magic wouldn't combust her.

But that only worked for a while and when Robin appeared again and good vs evil was said again and she needed to transform herself into the savior just because she had been born to be the one blessed and cursed the magic inside of her turned stronger, faster, and hurt her. Hurt her with thunders and torrents of pure magic that crashed against each other inside of her, making her float and sink at the same time, making her tremble when Regina was around and make her cry on her sleep, those few minutes she could always steal. Magic was everything and nothing at the same time and she didn't know how to be good enough anymore.

That's how she had found herself, lost in the center of a hurricane; being nothing and everything, being the enabler and the trapped in a mist of magic that no one was able to get through it. She could hear her parents' voices and still she couldn't say anything back. She was too tired, she had probably fell asleep when she had tried to ease part of her tension on the little puffs of smoke she usually convoked but her thoughts had been elsewhere, somewhere. She cried and the furniture cracked, the lightbulbs exploded and the pans and the rest of the utensils in the room swirled and danced around her.

Lost, she was lost and her skin hurt and burned and she was starting to get too weak, the magic consuming her, making her cry silently in despair, not knowing what she was, who she was, what she needed to do. She heard Snow's asking for help, heard Neal crying, heard David shouting and, ultimately, she heard the silence that followed all of those.

That's when she realized that she had been left alone, in the middle of a broken apartment. Alone, alone once again, like she had been for so long that it didn't mattered anymore. She still couldn't think straight or even try to open her eyes that had closed in the middle of all of that, fragments and dust swirling and sometimes hitting her as the moving vortex kept growing.

That's when she heard it; a voice, deep, calming, soothing. A voice she dreamt to hear every night, a voice that could keep her grounded, a voice that had a soft undertone that made her tremble. A voice that cared about her, that had evolved alongside with her; Regina was here.

"Emma" The voice, the woman, said and whereas she wasn't screaming Emma could hear her perfectly from the middle of the destruction, hot tears staining her cheeks, her lips cut and dried because of the wind that kept moving around her. "Emma come back"

Emma wanted to say that she didn't know how, that she wasn't too far to actually be saved; she wanted to ask for another way, for the magic cuff, for anything that could help her. But her voice was too weak and so she kept there, trapped by her magic, almost crouched now in the middle of nothing.

"Emma, please" Regina kept saying, her voice holding emotion, warmth, care. "Emma come back to your family"

Emma wanted to laugh, she needed to be the hero and after something like this she doubted she would still be the hero for them. But then Regina said something else, something laced with a quiet sob that didn't go unnoticed.

"Emma come back to me, breath, focus, magic is emotion, you can control it, you can do it, magic doesn't reign in you."

"Come back to me"

The room fell silent and Emma fell to the ground, now unable to even try to answer, her body thrumming, her magic suddenly satiated.

"Come back to me"

A gentle hand pressed her shoulder and a sudden influx of energy run through her body, making her moan as wounds that she hadn't even been aware she had closed slowly.

"That's it" Regina whispered, her hand lingering, her voice still warming her heart and cooling her skin "You are here, Emma, with me, open your eyes"

And so Emma did.