Author: subseeker
Title: From Darkness I Rise… (Sequel to Answer me…)
Pairing: Centon
Rating: K
Summary: Sometimes, when you need it most, there's someone who hears you.
Disclaimer: Don't own the boys. This is completely fiction, regrettably *sighs*
John's POV
I open my eyes for the second time today and this time you're here, sitting beside me. It's what you did the past days… the nurse told me.
Your eyes are closed, brows furrowed and you haven't yet noticed me being awake. You look tense, stressed, much older than you really are. I know you're waiting for me to wake up, but a little longer is okay, isn't it?
Doc told me you were completely panicked and horrified the evening they brought me here. That badly they had to sedate you. Poor Randy, to have to worry like that. I always knew you care for me but… that much?
You heave a heavy sigh and shift, but your eyes stay closed. You're face relaxes a little though. You're a handsome guy, you know that, don't you? Good looking, incredibly charismatic, body like a Greek god. You're intelligent, funny, caring and you have a heart of gold, you just show all of it rarely. Regrettably.
But right now you're back at being a little boy. Feeling all helpless and scared? I know, because I would be if our positions were changed. I'm glad that you're here, at my side. You don't know how much, Randy.
Did the doc tell you that I woke up earlier this morning? Did they tell you that your name was the first thing I said? Weird, isn't it?
Know what? I heard you, while I was dead to the world. Don't know if I just dreamt it or if it was real. If the things I heard are true. Gonna find out.
Another sigh, your brows furrow again and you start to rub the bridge of your nose. Your jaw sets. Oh Randy, I know the signs, you're starting to cry. Please don't cry… It's time to show I'm awake, I think.
"Randy," I rasp quietly, due to my dry throat.
You don't react right away and I begin to think that you haven't heard me, but then you tense. It takes another second until you open your eyes. You stare at me in utter disbelief.
"John?" you whisper.
"You look awful," I huff. "Next time I have to wake up after an accident, make sure you look better."
"You asshole." Your voice still just a whisper.
"But you love me," I reply and stick my tongue out.
You manage a smile. A shaky one, but nevertheless beautiful. And then the tears that you've tried to hold back so hard run down your face. With a sob you take hold of my hand. I want to hold you and comfort you and it almost breaks my heart that I can't. Not yet. But I will, I promise.
"Randy… hey…"
"Don't ever do that again," you say, and your voice, though as shaky as your smile, is deadly serious.
Your eyes tell a different story. Their expression tells you're insecure, shaken, vulnerable and I can't remember that I've ever seen you like this. It scares me a little, yet it makes me feel special.
While your thump caresses the back of my hand I wonder if you're aware of what you're doing, and I can feel a soft tingle where you're touching me. Despite the miserable situation I have to smile.
"Try my best," I whisper.
"Not try. Promise," you demand.
Your thump stops his movement and your grip tightens a little.
"You know I can't. No one could."
"Then I have to make sure you…" you start, but the words die in your throat.
You stare at me in frozen silence and I can see you're fighting a battle deep inside yourself. Maybe…
"I heard you," I say quietly and if possible, you freeze even more.
"What did you hear?" Your voice sounds flat, defensive.
"Honestly, I'm not sure," I answer and it's not a lie.
I heard your voice in the dark, I heard what you said, but I don't know if it was real, if you meant it… that way. This is your choice.
You get up and walk over to the window, gazing at the life outside this building. My hand feels cold without your touch, but to see your handsome features bathed in golden sunlight compensates the loss.
"Randy…"
Randy's POV
The bright sunlight feels warm on my face, but somehow I feel cold. I'm so incredibly relieved and happy that you're awake and everything inside me screams to crawl into your bed, hug you and never let go. But… you heard me? God, I don't know how to explain all this to you…
"Randy…"
The way you say my name, like a caress, sends shiver down my spine. I want you to say my name like this forever.
Yesterday I would have given everything to look in those baby blues of yours and tell you how I feel. Now that you're awake and I have the damn chance to do it… it scares the hell out of me. What if I tell you and it's the end of our friendship?
You're giving me and chance here, I know you. Whether to tell you and maybe set our friendship on the line, or to keep it to myself and we try to go on like nothing happened.
Could we? Go on like nothing happened? You're willing to give me this option, but honestly, you wouldn't have brought this on now, if it's something you could easily forget about. In fact, neither you nor I could forget about it.
"John, I… I'm scared," I begin, unsure how to start and what to say.
God, I suck at this feelings-thing.
"Randy, it's okay. You can tell me everything. You know that, don't you?"
Yeah, everything. But this is different. My heart is hammering in my chest, and I close my eyes, trying to brace me against what will come…
"We've been friends for such a long time, I can't imagine how my life would be without you, John. We've been there for each other in our best and in our worst times…"
I stop, try to calm down my still hammering heart, without success. I start to feel dizzy and for a brief moment I think that I pass out any second, but your voice anchors me.
"And nothing can change that, okay? You hear me? Nothing."
I want so much to believe it.
"I… never wanted it to happen. The moment I realized it, it was already too late. There was a moment when I looked at you and I… there was suddenly more than… just friendship."
You say nothing. My eyes are still closed and I'm too afraid to open them and look at you. So I keep them closed and continue.
"I found myself in this mess of unwanted feelings for you and I tried to suppress them, to fight them, but… All I wanted was to hold you close, to be more than just your friend. All these month it almost killed me to be so close to you without being allowed to touch you. And that evening, when they called me to the hospital and told me you… God, I saw you lying in that bed, IV's stuck to your arms, your face as pale as death and I was so afraid that you wouldn't wake up. And suddenly all I could think of was that I needed to tell you how I feel, that I…"
The dizziness is back and I lean heavily on the windowsill.
"I'm in love with you, John."
There, I said it. Oddly enough, my heartbeats slows down and I feel calm. Eventually I open my eyes to stare at my face, mirrored by the window and I wonder how my life will be…without you? Because that's how it will be, right? Either you'll tell me to go now, or it will be like a slow death – everyday our friendship dies a little more until there's nothing left than an awkward Hello and Goodbye everytime we see each other. Huh… no way you ever gonna get in the ring with me again. I'll have to find a new job and a new apartment and…
"Randy," you say quietly.
I flinch. Your voice sounds strangely blank.
"It's okay, John. I… I'll go. You should rest now. I won't bother you again. I'm sorry."
I whisper the last words, not trusting my voice. The tears are back, stinging in my eyes, but I won't cry again. Not now. I have to at least get out of this room. So I turn away from my face in the window, turn to leave your room and your life.
Before I reach the door, I hear you call my name again. I stop, not turning to face you.
"You should at least give me the chance to say something, before you run away. Now, come back and sit down."
You call me back, but I can't move.
"Randy, please…"
Your voice isn't blank anymore. It's tender and…begging? The rustle of bedcovers and a low groan breaks the moment of silence and makes me turn eventually. Your blanket is flipped back and you try to get out of the bed.
"Are you crazy? You're seriously injured and supposed to stay in bed!" I snap.
With a few quick strides I'm back at your side, pushing you back down carefully, ignoring the frown on your face.
"I told you to come back and you didn't. So I had to get to you."
Avoiding your baby blues, I tuck you in and sit down on the chair, defeated.
"Now, will you listen? Please?"
I nod, still avoiding your eyes. This time you take hold of my hand.
"Randy, look at me," you murmur.
I look up wary, afraid to see something I don't want to. But there is a small smile on your face, no anger or uneasiness.
"If we want to make this work, we have to at least look at each other and talk. That's…"
"What?"
"I said, if we want to make this work. You want the 'you and me' to be an 'us', don't you? Well… same here."
I stare at you, dumbfounded. No way you seriously mean that.
"John, look, you don't have to say that just because…"
"You really think," you interrupt me, "I'd consider a relationship with you because of… what, pity? Did they hit you on the head to sedate you?"
I have to smile a little and shake my head no.
"We're a pair of idiots, you know that? Remember the double-date we had with theses twins a few months ago?"
I nod and wrinkle my nose in disgust. "It was a disaster. These girls were a disaster. We ended up in a bar, without the girls, and got shit-faced. That was a hell of a hangover."
"The next morning I woke up in some cramped position next to you on the couch. I remember that I stared at you for a while, thinking about us. We work together, we live together. In fact, we spend every damn single minute together. Hell, they all cal us an old married couple. You sum up all the things I'm looking for in a partner. And that was the moment I realized that somewhere along the line, I had fallen for you. Talk about shocked. And for the last few months, while you tried to hide, I tried too."
Your gaze lingers on our hands, like on something precious. I'm shocked about your revelation and I hope this is not just a weird dream.
"I love you, Randy. I really do."
"Really, huh? I still can't believe it…"
"You better do, because from now on, you're stuck with me."
We fall silent for a few minutes, just gazing at each other, me probably having the dumbest grin ever spread on my face, but I don't care.
Then you clear your throat and gnaw at your bottom lip. You blush slightly. Never thought I would use the word cute when it comes to you, but you are. Cute, that is.
"Have you… ever been with a man?" you ask quietly.
"No. You?"
You shake your head no. Wouldn't have expected anything else.
"Well, this will be very interesting."
"Yeah." you chuckle. "But we have a lot of time to…find things out."
Your eyes are sparkling in a bright blue and a promise of a happy future. Together. I intertwine our fingers, savouring the feeling of it, of being allowed to touch you like this. Then you tug at my hand.
"This is the moment were you should kiss me," you whisper.
You pull me over to you to sit down in the edge of the bed. God, I feel like a giddy schoolgirl. Like this is my first kiss ever.
Hesitantly I reach out to cup your face and my heart jumps happily as I feel you lean into the touch. I lean down to you, our lips almost touching. Your eyes are so damn beautiful, I want to drown in them.
Then I place a gentle kiss on your lips, and they are soft. So much softer than I ever imagined them to be.
After a moment I feel your lips moving beneath mine and your tongue, that's softly caressing my bottom lip. I open my mouth and you deepen the kiss and all I can do is melt into it. It's slow and passionate, loving and it seems to last forever. There is a soft moan and I don't know if it was you or me.
Eventually our lips separate bit by bit. You scoot over a little and pull me with you. Carefully to not jar your injuries, I settle beside you.
"Try to rest. I'll be there when you wake up," I whisper.
You close your eyes and after a few moments you're asleep. My eyes linger on your peaceful face to remember the image for eternity. Like yesterday, the sky is blue, dotted with white little clouds and rays of bright sunshine fall onto you. Like yesterday, the birds are chirping happily. A perfect and idyllic day. And I love it.