"Cabbages!" Voldemort screamed, "I WANT MY CABBAGES!"
"You'll have to look elsevere, sir," replied the Russian man, "We don't have cabbages here."
Voldemort screamed in rage and stomped off to find cabbages.
Now, let us interview Mr. Voldemort himself.
***
Reporter: Why did you want cabbages?
Voldemort: They're yummy. Plus, they start with the letter C, which is right next to the letter V on a keyboard, and V is for Voldemort!!!!!!
Reporter: Uh... huh... And where, precisely, did you find cabbages?
Voldemort: *sadly* I didn't.
Reporter: Go on...
Voldemort: Which was why I attacked the Potter family. THEY HAD A GARDEN OF CABBAGES!!!!!!
Voldemort: *breaking down and sobbing* All I wanted was some cabbages!
Reporter: There, there, it's all right.
Voldemort: NO! IT ISN'T! I WANT CABBAGES! 14 (I think) YEARS AND I HAVE NOT HAD ANY CABBAGES!
Reporter: I see.
Voldemort: Oh, do you? YOU SEE HOW SKINNY I AM?
Reporter: Uh, yeah…
Voldemort: DO YOU KNOW WHY I'M SO SKINNY?
Reporter: Noo…
Voldemort: LACK OF CABBAGES!!!! THAT'S WHY!!!!!!
Reporter: I…
Voldemort: YOU DON'T SEE YET!!! YOU DON'T SEE HALF OF IT!!!
Reporter: Okay…
Voldemort: YOU SEE MY RED EYES?
Reporter: Uh, yeah…
Voldemort: DO YOU KNOW WHY THEY'RE RED?!
Reporter: Noo…
Voldemort: NEITHER DO I.
Reporter: Might it have had something to do with cabbages?
*Silence as Voldemort considers this fascinating idea*
Voldemort: No, I don't think so.
Reporter: Then what do you think?
Voldemort: Lack of sleep.
Reporter: I see…
Reporter: Um, has there been any regularity in your attacks?
Voldemort: You haven't noticed?
Reporter: Um, no.
Voldemort: All of my "victims," as you call them had CABBAGES!
Voldemort: They refused to tell me their sources and I accidentally killed them.
Reporter: Accidentally?
Voldemort: Not really.
Reporter: Ah.
Voldemort: You wouldn't happen to have any cabbages, would you?
Reporter: No, sorry.
*Voldemort begins strangling Reporter*
Voldemort: I SAID DO YOU HAVE CABBAGES?
Reporter: *choking* No.
Voldemort: *stops strangling him* okay, then.
Reporter: Okay then. So why cabbages? Why not lettuce?
Voldemort: Lettuce doesn't have anything to do with the letter V, that's why!
Reporter: Oh… okay…
Voldemort: IT IS NOT OKAY! WHY DOES EVERYBODY KEEP SAYING THAT?
Reporter: In hope of comforting you?
Voldemort: I DON'T WANT COMFORT! I WANT CABBAGES!
Reporter: Okay, then.
Voldemort: *sadly* cabbages.
Reporter: Any further comments, Voldemort?
Voldemort: Yes.
*silence*
Reporter: Would you like to tell us what your comments are, sir?
Voldemort: *considering this very interesting idea* No.
Reporter: Okay, then! That's our interview! Have a nice day!
***
Author's Note: My very unintelligent friend just gave me candy. I apologize for any harm caused by the reading of this fic. Flames will be used to burn my extra papers… BURN BURN BURN!!!! Anyways, yeah… leave a review or whatever… or you could leave, forever tainted, but I'd like you to leave a review first. Yes, I will shut up now. Bye-bye!