Confession Rehersal

by xXxEmeraldBlueXxX

" "I-I like you!" The words rang through my mind like they were on repeat. He had to ruin it by laughing and saying he didn't mean it, didn't he?" A Secret Santa for Katherine1753 on Tumblr. Rated T for cursing- well, Romano is in the story so it's to be expected.

TITLE: Confession Rehersal

AUTHOR: Hetalians-reunite / emeraldbluexx

RECIPIENT: katherine1753

GENRE: Romance/drama/ humor (?)

PAIRING(S): UKUS, mentions of Romano's 'unrequited love'- you can imagine whoever you want in the person's place

RATINGS/WARNINGS: T (I'm being paranoid- I mean, they don't even kiss but there's some cursing and there's one scene where Al daydreams though nothing vivid…)

SUMMARY: " "I-I like you!"

The words rang through my mind like they were on repeat. He had to ruin it by laughing and saying he didn't mean it, didn't he?"

NOTES: My prompt was: Something inspired by music- this is inspired by HoneyWork's Confession Rehersal (Another story). Merry Christmas to everyone and katherine1753, I hope you enjoy this! (It's almost 6. 000 words long…)

"I-I like you!"

The words rang through my mind like they were on repeat. I like you. I like you. I like you. I stared down, eyes wide behind my new (totally awesome) glasses (maybe I'll name them Texas since Texas is aweso- Ahh, focus, focus!) at Arthur Kirkland. Arthur Kirkland. The furry eyebrow-ed class president, the one with the intoxicating green eyes and a temporary scowl that would sometimes turn into this adorable little smile-and-and-and he was blushing! Fuck, fuck, so adorable. I just wanted to pinch his cheeks and I probably would've if my stupid body wasn't riggid. Dammit, say something!

I was sure I had a blush painted across my cheeks (heh, painted. My mind is weird) too and, from what I could feel, it was stretching to the hollow of my throat or something then up to my ears and stuff. How, after all this blood and warmth sent to my head I was still able to feel so damn warm inside is seriously a mystery, though. But having the guy you've liked since, like, forever confess to you so suddenly at school, near the lockers when you're just innocently taking off your shoes is cruel! It makes me all warm and tingly but…Not in a bad way, I guess.

I was just about to smile, the biggest grin to have ever crossed my face probably when the red died down on Arthur's cheeks. There was something I couldn't really recognize in his eyes for just a split second before he started chuckling.

Chuckling.

My expression must've been beyond confused, maybe even bewildered and a bit hurt or something because that's just how I felt and I normally wear my heart on my sleeve so it must've shown. But, can you blame me? The guy started laughing after he confessed to me! Who does that? What was funny, anyway? Did I make a weird face or something? That's impossible b-because my face is always cool not funny! Even if I was blushing like that was one of the most embarrassing things I've heard…Which it was not, definitely. I mean, if you have Francis for a friend you're used to hearing weird shit.

My ears perked up a bit when Arthur opened his mouth (my face was still as warm as Florida-damn, why did my mind snicker at this? It's weird I'm telling you- and my heart was still beating faster, stronger than a drum and I was stillso fucking warm inside that it was making me want to giggle-in an awesome, mature and manly way, mind you). Was he going to say more? Or-or ask me if I liked him back? Or maybe make fun of my weird expression or something? Dammit, just say something so my body can start moving and reacting normally already!

And he did say something. But that something…It made all the previous warmth disappear, leaving behind this strangling feeling and suddenly I just couldn't breathe because it was like somebody just socked me in the gut and knocked all air off me as well as poured cold water all over me. It wasn't a nice feeling; it was crushing, strangling and it just made me want to weep like a schoolgirl being rejected for the first time. And it wasn't awesome nor did I ever want to feel like that again.

"Don't look so put off, Jones. I was just kidding, don't worry." He smiled at me and he looked a bit sheepish but that didn't help. Not at all. I stuffed my hands into my pockets just so he wouldn't see them clench into painful fists. Arthur was cruel. So very cruel.

He looked away, green eyes flickering towards the window besides us while I pinched my eyes shut so he wouldn't see the redness spreading around. I was crying, I knew it. I could feel the sting of tears and my vision was blurring even through my awesome, brown Texas.
"It's…merely a rehearsal." He continued, silky voice unnaturally soft along with the look in his eyes. I knew because my eyes snapped open at the confession-at the sudden information. So he was gonna confess…? It made my throat clamp up further but I took in a shaky breath to try and hold in the tears. I still had to walk Arthur home, like I always did since we were neighbors and all. I couldn't let him know.

"Oh? Who're you confessing to then?" I tried to sound as chirpy as I always did and even made myself a grin but it didn't work if the perplexed look on Arthur's face was anything to go by.
"Well, you'll just have to wait and see, won't you?" He huffed and started fiddling with the hem of his plaid white shirt-a nervous yet cute habit he picked up from I don't know where but it was adorable so I didn't really question it.

I looked down again with a dejected sigh. Arthur must have missed it or something because the next thing I knew, he was rolling his eyes and motioning with his head. "Well, lets not waste any time. Shall we go? I still have the chemistry test to study for, you know."

I smiled a bit despite myself. He was such a worrier sometimes. The test was next month but he's already studying for it. I saw his shoulders relax a bit; I didn't even notice they were tense until right now. It made me chuckle a bit and even forget the pain of rejection for a split second.

"Yeah, yeah, you go and do your usual boring stuff." I waved a hand as if I was hitting a fly or something and looking up a bit dramatically, a snort coming from me. It made Arthur fum for a second or two but I was quick, already there with my hand around his wrist and dragging him behind myself outside. Thankfully I had put on my shoes before Arthur called me for his…Well, confession rehearsal, I guess.

Ah, there it was, the depressing thought. I slumped a bit, mood darkening again.

How am I supposed to survive more of these? To hear the lying words and say them in return. Well, in my case they wouldn't be lies but in Arthur's…I pouted a bit. Fuck whoever said "if the one I love is happy, I'm happy"! How am I supposed to watch him kiss and touch another guy (I knew for a fact Artie was gay since he came out to me a few years ago-I was so proud because I was the only one he told that to!) and still be happy?! I'm not really a pessimist but I think I'll die if I had to watch just a second of Artie and his boyfriend making out. Ugh dammit, I hate the guy he likes already…

XXX

"I-I like you!" Here we are again, with me and Arthur, in his house and his room and him sprouting lies that I was supposed to listen to. Right now, I'm his little guinea pig or something because he said he wants to practice 'confessing to the guy he loves' with me. That guy's one lucky bastard, seriously. It's been about two days and, every day we'd do this, with him trying to make a perfect confession because the guy'll deserve it or some shit. Ha, as if. If he won't be happy with a plain confession, one that'll be unique to him (and maybe a thousand other girls too but meh) then he just doesn't deserve him.

But still, I'm a hero and heroes are supposed to help people, right?

"Try a little quieter, Artie." I forced forth a chuckle and carefree grin as I crossed my legs, hands curling into the soft mint sheets of his bed. I dared to look around the place.

It wasn't any different than usual, with the plain white walls covered in, well, nothing and the desk right at his window. He said that he likes to daydream if he's stuck somewhere and, strangely enough, he was blushing and fiddling with the hem of his simple T-shirt again. If that doesn't give you an insight on just what he daydreams about then I'm dumber than a rock.

Heh, Francis was right, he's an erotic ambassador. The voice inside my head was dry and pained, void of its usual happiness and brightness. I'm actually kinda surprised I haven't burst out crying yet. Maybe I'm getting better at not wearing my heart on my sleeve! I grinned a bit at the though. Yeah, that'd be awesome!

"Was that okay?" Arthur's hesitant voice brought me out of my thoughts and I blinked a bit before forcing a wide smile and nodding. I could see his shoulders deflate in relief and he shot me a small smile, one I would've missed if i wasn't staring directly and intently at him. It was a smile that never failed to cheer and warm me up. Today was no exception really and I let my smile widen into a grin- a genuine one this time.

"Well, that's good I suppose." He muttered and turned back towards our homework, AKA what we were doing before Arthur randomly proclaimed his feelings for 'me'. I pouted a bit at it. Don't get me wrong, school's not so bad in my books but I just don't wanna do English…I'm not really good at it. It's why I asked Arthur if I could come over and do homework with him but our little rehearsal brought my spirits way down in the dumps so I'm not in the mood but whatever. Arthur's gonna yell at me for bailing out…Besides, it's an opportunity to spend some time with him and maybe drill out juicy details! Yeah!

The words in my head tried (but failed) to cheer me up as I sat down on the floor, Arthur sitting so close that our legs were touching and I could feel their warmth. I really wonder what they would feel wrapped around my waist as our lips touched and locked together and, and,—

"Hey, Jones…?" His hesitant voice brought me out of my trance and I almost hit myself over the head. I'm so stupid, thinking that kind of stuff while Arthur's in the room! What if I got a sudden 'problem'? Or maybe go too far and think my fantasy was real so I kissed him? That'd just suck, even though I'd enjoy it more that I should've but Arthur obviously doesn't like me so I should lay off those thoughts for when I'm alone and it's dark and I'm in the safe embrace of my room…

"Alfred." I stated calmly, as if I wasn't just imagining anything related to those damn, lean and long legs. I dared a glance at them; Arthur's pants weren't really long, only reaching his knees so I had a nice view of the crossed, hairless legs. Dammit, it should be illegal to have legs that beautiful. "Just call me Alfred, Artie! We ain't in school anymore, right? So you can drop the whole 'stuffy Class President' act!"

He glared at me with those deep green eyes while I just smiled goofily. I'm pretty sure I know the reason he's glaring. "First off, 'ain't' isn't a word. Second, for the hundredth time, do not call me Artie!"

Then, he coughed into his soft hand and looked back down to his homework. I just chuckled but waited for him to continue as I did the same. Well, it didn't really matter if Arthur liked someone else, I guess. I mean, being his friend is pretty awesome, too! Inwardly, I scoffed at the thought. Who am I kidding? I want to be the one that holds him, holds his hand and whisper sweet, cheesy nothings into his ear that will leave him a blushing, stuttering mess and kiss him so hard it'll leave him breathless yet sated. I would be willing to fill any weird, fucked up fantasy he had, any erotic, kinky thought put into action so he'd really live up to the name erotic ambassador. But some guy already went and stole his heart so I'll never be able to do that. The sooner I accept that the better.

But, what if I don't want to accept it?

Damn, I was as selfish as…as something, I couldn't think of anything at the moment but the point remains that I'm selfish! I'm the worst, I suck. Fuck, I just wanna kill the guy Arthur likes- but he'll hate me if I did that. Ugh, why is this so difficult? Can't it be like Disney or Hollywood where your love and affection is always returned? Fuck real life, I wanna live in a movie or something where the hero always gets the girl or guy or whatever!

"Anyway, back to what I wanted to say…" Arthur's voice was soft and coated with that deep, rich English accent I really liked listening to. It was fucking hot even though American English is the right form of English, not that British stuff Arthur always curses and scoffs. It's hot to listen to him, don't get me wrong but…Football? No, it's soccer.

I hummed quietly to show I was listening, twirling my pencil around in my hand as I dared to steal a glance at his face; the porcelain skin, the gorgeous eyes, green like the brilliant forests and—-Okay, I gotta stop, I'm freaking myself out…

Another cough was thrust into the air, Arthur's hand in front of his mouth before he continued, "If I ever were to get a boyfriend…What would you do?" I blinked a few times before the same warmth flooded my cheeks and I looked back down, to our textbooks spread out on the floor, trying to block out all the images that the question brought but I just couldn't. I kept seeing Arthur with different people—with Antonio, with Francis, Hell even with Gilbert and Ivan! It made the toxic feeling return, the jealousy and distress all mixing into one and the same, mixing together just to torture me more. Ah, this is embarrassing. I always say that I'm a great hero but it's all suddenly a lie because…Because I feel more like a damsel in distress and it fucking hurts. Why does love have to hurt so much, dammit? Isn't it supposed to be magical, all laughter and happiness? Well, if that's so then where is the magic, the laughter and happiness? Because all I felt at the moment was pure desperation and frustration and jealousy all rolled into one and served on a silver plate. But, I guess that's just part of being in love with Arthur Kirkland, isn't it?

So, despite everything and successing in keeping my tears bottled up somewhere in the far corner of my heart, I managed to somehow not choke up as I said,
"I'll be there for you all the way, man! I'll be real happy for ya, if you do."
I am such a fucking liar.

XX

"Okay, gotta keep calm and move on Alfred. Tomorrow's the last day." I tried to do a little pep talk for myself, so I wouldn't be dreading tomorrow so much but nothing worked. I just kept thinking of having to listen to those words being meant for someone else. I could imagine it already; Arthur with his face flushed in that cute way standing in front of someone-couldn't imagine who so I have no idea-, stuttering with his voice wavering, filled with so many unspoken emotions. The other person would probably be shocked out of their mind or something, looking at him with this stunned expression before he chuckled- a sound more of relief than anything else. Arthur'd look up, all alarmed and heart broken but that look would disappear once he starts talking and confessing his own feelings in return. They'd share a hug, a kiss at most though in my opinion, kisses should wait a bit. They just got together, no need to hurry.

I slumped against the cold marble against my back, the warm water balancing it out as it lapped at my chest. I couldn't imagine him with anyone else; it felt too wrong. I kept seeing myself in the bastard's place because those were my words. The guy's a thief; he stole Arthur and he stole the words right outta my mouth. It's just not fair! What does he have that I don't? I'm pretty good looking (according to the people at school, anyway-not that I really care what anyone thinks of me, though) and charismatic (again) and pretty damn heroic if I do say so myself. Is it because I'm so loud? Or maybe because I'm so childish and selfish? For some reason, I don't want to know what Arthur thinks of me. He calls me 'git', 'wanker (again, my mind snickered at that one-weird mind)' and 'twat' more times a day I can count so that means he thinks I'm annoying, right? I do tend to bother him while he's working… Wait, what?

I blinked a few times before my face scrunched up in horror. Was the water getting to my head or something?

"Since when did I start being so damn negative? Get it together, Alfred!" I scolded myself, hitting the side of my head and wetting up the previously dry hair. I could feel a drop run down, from my ear to my cheek and further but I ignored it, getting up and out of the bath instead. Water pretty much flowed down my body, back into the bath that was slowly turning cold but I paid it no mind, wiping myself clean and pulling on an American-themed bathrobe. I grinned down at it; I got it from Arthur for my birthday so I used it pretty much all the time. Besides, it's American! How awesomer can you get?

There was a voice in the back of my head nagging me (it seriously sounded way too much like Arthur) that I should stop 'butchering up English' and 'make up new words'. I didn't even make up that word, Gil did!

Bathrobe loosely tied around my waist and barely concealing anything beside my lower body, I walked out of the bathroom. My feet felt like they were stepping on ice or something while I was walking across the tiles-seriously, who made up the rule that tiles have to be in the bathroom? Geez…

Just as I arrived in my bedroom (it was connected with the bathroom and was covered with posters and stuff of my all time favorite super hero Captain America!) and sat down on my red, white and blue bed, my ring tone rang loud and clear, the sound of country filling the air-and I totally did not squeak or jump in fear at the sudden noise! That would've been totally unheroic and lame!

So, I not-squeaked and not-jumped before reaching for it. It was on my Captain America night stand so I didn't exactly have to really stretch far for it but whatever, I still laid down and kinda made a show of reaching out and stretching my arm as far as it could then fishing around on the top of the night stand for a bit. I was pretty sure whoever was calling me was getting tired of waiting for me to pick up but whatever. I was just being fashionably late and stuff, they should wait for a hero like me!

But, when I saw who was actually calling, the words'Artie Kirkland' flashing on my screen, I just wanted to run away because…I gulped before mustering a wide smile as I reached for Minty, a toy I got for my tenth birthday from Arthur himself, as moral support. I could do this, only one day left. Yep.

"Hey Artiekins!" I chirped (totally faked it though) as I held the phone to my ear. I could hear Arthur's annoyed huffing from the other side. Laying my back against the bed and staring at the ceiling, I added, "So, 'sup dude? One last rehersal or something? 'Cause I thought you were gonna confess in person not through the phone."

He seemed kinda nervous for some reason when he denied my words but I tried to shrug the thought off. Arthur nervous? For what? All he had to be nervous about was telling the guy he liked those three lying words he said to me then hear them be returned (or rejected, a gleeful, evil part of me said but I instantly cursed myself. I was awful for even wanting that), not talking to me, Alfred F. Jones, the guy he thought of as a friend at best and bro at worst. Ugh, he always considered me that from when he started babysitting me…

"Actually, I wanted to ask you if…if you would mind practicing with me for the last time tomorrow after class?" I groaned in my head. Yeah, I minded! But I couldn't say that.

"I know it's selfish of me to expect that of you when you've done so much already but…"

It was selfish, so, so selfish. Couldn't he see my feelings for him? I mean, they weren't exactly transparent and hard to see. It just wasn't fair, why did the guy keep torturing me like this?! But, I had to be a hero and help him, that's just how I was. So, taking in a deep breath, I held Minty closer to my chest. " Sure, I'd love to do that! No worries man, it's not selfish."

Were liars sentenced to death? Because that's how I felt inside. Please someone just end this, this sucks.

XXX

"Ugh, this is fucking stupid…" The guy beside me groaned and plopped his head on his desk. I couldn't agree with him more even though i had no idea what he was complaining about but I was sure my problems were a ton worse than his, whatever they were.

I peeked at the guy- his name was Lovino Vargas and he was my seat amte for the last year and yeah, we were at school and class was about to start but right now, I didn't even care.

"What's wrong, man?" I asked and leaned my head ontop of my hand. Lovino just groaned loudly again and lifted his own head, the same scowl he always wore etched on his face. But there was something else in his eyes and the only reason I could notice it was because the same identical look greeted my mirror whenever I stood in front of it for the last few days. It was longing, rejection, heartbreak and pain and I only frowned softly, feeling symphathethic of him. Who wouldn't be when they're going through the same exact thing? It was totally unawesome and I hated it so, so much. I just wanted it to fucking stopbecause I felt like I was gonna be suffocated any minute now and let me tell you, it wasn't a nice feeling. It was hard to act like I usually do in front of Arthur anymore because…because he was just cruel.

"You know how they say 'a love that lasts a long time'? Well, fuck that shit, they're just sugaring up the expression 'unrequited love'." There was a groan before his head hit his desk again and all I could do was make a sympathetic sound and look at the clock on the wall. Ten more minutes 'till class starts. Great.

"Hey, you ain alone, dude. I know how it feels and it's really shitty."

I could swear Lovino actually chuckled at that and I allowed myself to smile. Me and the Italian didn't exactly hang much but he was still a cool guy- ha, nice pun. A guy with a 'cool head' wouldn't snap at everything that dares stand in his vision, right? Get it?

Hahahaha…hahaha…Whatever, I was weird, talking to myself in my head.

"The fuck, you think I dunno that Jones? Weirdo." I smiled even more and patted his back before turning to Arthur-who just came in, by the way- only to greet him with a (totallynotforcednuuhbuttotallyactuallyforced) grin.
That he returned with a blush and averting his eyes. Huh, weird. Must be the fear of getting rejected by that stupid guy getting to him. Probably. He wouldn't blush because of me 'cause he doesn't like me now does he?

XXX

"Okay, this is…This is the last time, I promise." His face was that cute cherry red again- he was averting his gaze to the floor as he obviously forced the words out, stuttering like crazy. I only sighed as I tugged my arm, trying to free it from his steely yet shaky grip.

This sucked; having to listen to the guy you like say those lying words to you was the absolute worst. I swear I could feel my heart cracking inside my chest! A few months ago, I thought that the expression 'heartbreak' was just stupid because let's be real, people. A heart can't break, can it? But nooo, I just had to be proven wrong! Because right now, I could feel it cracking even more and it was about ready to finally lose those cracks and splatter all over my body, falling out in a million pieces. Yes, that's how much it hurt- my throat was tight and I could swear there were tears stinging his eyes but if there were, Arthur didn't notice them when I turned back with a grin and nodded. His grip softened and I pulled my hand back, letting it stay limp against my body as I continued struggling to keep that fake grin on.

"Okay, let's do this then." He nodded and that's where I blacked out; I stopped listening to him and simply focused on him instead. I just didn't want to hear those lying words, that were intended for some lucky son of a bitch.

I watched the way his face flushed; it wasn't just his face, the tips of his ears were red as well and my face felt pretty warm too so I guess I was blushing too but whatever. I watched his eyes, the way they were clouded over in uncertainty and nerves.

Ha. What was he nervous about? Not like he was confessing to me or anything so he doesn't really have any reason to be nervous when saying those word. Liar, fucking liar, I hate you so much right now because why are you doing this to me-?

There was a nervous cough that pulled me out of my miserable, lying thoughts and I blinked a few times while Arthur fidgeted with his shirt a bit. "So, umm, how was that?"

Again, I forced a nice, big grin on my face and gave him the thumbs up. He relaxed a bit.

"Hey, that was actually pretty good! Nice job Artie, you got it!" Let's ignore the fact I wasn't even listening, okay? I just wanna get out of here as fast as I can and-wow, he just smiled! It was so pretty I coudln't help but stare; it was filled with relief and gratitude but also with nervousness. Must be thinking of the guy he was gonna confess to. "I'll be cheering for ya, okay man? No go get 'em, tiger!"

With one of my famous Hollywood worthy grins, you know those bright, cheesy smiles that make you swoon and want to get sick because they're just so perfect when you, well, not (but you are, you just don't see it, by the way), I turned around and finally, finally left this fucking classroom.

Or, I would've if Arthur's voice wasn't suddenly raised in a cry of, "Wait!" and suddenly, I found myself be embraced in warmth of Arthur. His scent was everywhere, and my skin was tingling from the contact- forget the fact I can't even feel his skin through my shirts but whatever, I can dream- and I was kinda…intoxicated, I guess. Drunk off his scent and all those cheesy stuff but when you grow up with Disney and Hollywood right under your face from year one, you start to be that kind of person I guess, all up for the cheesy pick up lines and-

And how did I come to that topic from thinking of Arthur suddenly hugging me from behind?

Anyway, his hands were clamped at my stomach and there was a pleasant warmth suddenly filling me, making me want to curl my toes from the soothing feeling and get drunk from it. Remember, I grew up with Hollywood so I can think these cheesy stuff so don't judge me!

Why am I talking to myself in my head…?

"A-Arthu—?" Before I could even stutter out his name- no, wait, I'm not stuttering! Stuttering's not heroic!- or something else heroic like not-stuttering (because I totally didn't, nu-uh), he started speaking. His voice was muffled by my leather jacket. How did I not notice his head was buried inside my shoulder'll forever remain a mystery because I really didn't notice- though I wasbusy talking to myself in my head.

"I like you." Did I mention my heart stopped at the words and that my cheeks heated up further? Though I seriously dunno how I wasn't fainting because my cheeks were already pretty damn hot in the first place- literally and figuratively of course.

My voice was stuck in my throat for some reason- ugh, stupid traitor- but there was only one thing in my head right now.

How?

Why?

Huh?

And did I mention none of them was heroic in anyway? I just…couldn't wrap my head around it, I guess. He just said that he liked me, didn't he? B-but why?! He said he didn't a week or so ago, right? Then how can he suddenly like me? He said he liked someone else!

But before I could put my unheroic thoughts in words and out of my mouth, he continued, voice growing even quieter as he spoke, "I-I know I said otherwise and I apologize but…You were so quiet and speechless-which is really rare, you know? You're loud and a total git sometimes and it was surprising to see you void of anything to say so I guess you could say I…I panicked and said the first thing I came to mind. I am really sorry, Alfred but I promise I'm not lying now. "

I gulped and took a deep breath. This…Is this real? If this is some fucked up dream I swear I'm gonna go crazy and break down or something, I dunno what I'll do! I just…Really, really hope this isn't a dream.

"O-okay, I believe you…" I felt his tense shoulders and chest relax against my back and, after taking another deep breath to steady myself and my beating heart -I swear, it was running faster than the time I ran that marathon without stopping and that's saying a lot- I continued, "I-I like you too."

There was a moment that Arthur tensed up again but then his hands gripped at my waist and I was suddenly spun around and he was releasing happy, relieved sighs against the nape of my neck. And then his eyes turned to look at me; they were filled with so many emotions and even unshed tears that I found myself grinning, the first real grin I showed him since he said that all of that was a confession rehersal.

God, how I love this beautiful guy and since he confessed, he's stuck with me forever if he likes it or not.

(Though I want him to like it but whatever, you know what I me- Ugh, I'm doing it again!)