Is This Fate?
"Tommy!"
Sutan's deep voice broke suddenly through the deafness of Tommy's contemplation. He looked up, confused for a second as to where he was… oh yeah. They were at the venue, a few hours before show-time.
"Oh… um… Hi…" he said, looking down guiltily. Sutan HATED it when he spaced out like that, especially when he was talking.
"Earth to Tommy! I said… what's wrong with you? You're not right today!" The taller man's deep gaze seemed to penetrate into Tommy's soul. He could feel it burning into the back of his head. Anyways, he couldn't and wouldn't hide anything from Sutan. They were, after all, life partners fo' eva' and eva'. But what irked him at the moment was the door the dressing room which stood open like a gaping wound.
Sutan, who had been styling his hair from behind, set down his tools and products to slink around the chair in which Tommy sat. "Tell me. Is this about-"
"Shhh! Sutan, the door!" Tommy whispered, not wanting anyone to hear anything that they didn't have to. Sutan made a disapproving sound before strutting to the door, shutting it. He twisted the lock with a flick of the wrist and turned on his heels, cat-walking his way back over to the chair. Tommy had to look down again as Sutan stood before him with his chest puffed out like a horse, or maybe whore, for sale. The height difference never failed to make him blush. When seated, his eyes came up to MAYBE Sutan's belly button, making their current situation somewhat awkward.
"Dish," Sutan said, placing a hand on his hip and posing goofily, but no matter how silly the makeup artist was being, he looked fierce. The graceful curves of his smooth caramel body could make a grown man cry, and needless to say… it affected Tommy.
Blushing slightly, he reached up and grabbed the hem of Sutan's skimpy cut-up tank top. "Well come down here before I'm forced to blow you or something! Your crotch is entirely too close to my face, man!"
Sutan grinned, stepping closer and placing the palm of one hand on the back of Tommy's head, pulling the blonde's face against that sinfully smooth strip of tanned skin exposed by his teeny-weeny shirt.
"You KNOW you want all this, you pretty little elf!" he said.
Tommy moaned playfully, sliding his lips across hot skin and kissing just above the belt buckle. "M'hm… but we can talk about that later…" he mumbled, wrapping his arms around the man's waist and pulling him down. Sutan laughed, the sound as warm as summer sunshine, and before he knew it, Tommy was in his lap in the chair.
"Now… Tell Mama what's wrong!" Sutan demanded, giving Tommy a chaste peck on the mouth.
A snicker worked its way out of Tommy's chest, the sound humorless and unpleasant even to his own ears. "Honey, I do NOT kiss my mother with these lips," he said, his voice thick with irony. "I don't know.. I just…" he paused, blushing as tears began to roll down his cheeks.
"Oh baby…" Sutan said, squeezing the smaller man tighter against his chest. "Let me guess… this has to do with who you DO kiss with those delightfully sinful lips?"
"Yes…" Tommy sighed in relief. His 'life partner' could read him like a book, and in times like these it was especially helpful.
One of Sutan's hands drifted up to Tommy's face, wiping away the tears. Tommy's own gloved hand joined it, fingers lacing together before falling back to his stomach. Soft fingertips flitted over the strip of exposed skin beneath his shirt, making his heart flutter.
"I don't know… I just feel so… Ugh." He groaned in frustration. "It's like there are two sides to what we ha- well what I THINK we have… if we have anything at all…" He paused again, gathering his thoughts. Sutan just waited, placidly stroking Tommy's hand.
"I mean… sometimes it seems so perfect… it really seems like we're together… and I try to show him that THAT is what I want… and he even seems to understand… but then he turns around and assures everyone that no… no… his bassist is as straight as a ruler… like HE has something to prove!" Tommy frowned, taking a moment to fight back tears. "You think he'd be a little bit suspicious by now! What straight man lets his gay boss practically fuck him through his clothes in front of hundreds of people… dozens of times!"
Sutan clucked his tongue, nodding sympathetically. "I know, boo. He's one clueless fucker. It's not you, though. Remember that. It's HIM…" Strong hands grabbed Tommy's shoulders gently, and he allowed himself to be spun around so he was face to face with the makeup artist. Their friendship was strong enough that straddling each other's hips occasionally wasn't a big deal. "Did you hear me? None of this is your fault."
Tommy blushed, the intense stare he was receiving forcing him to look away… but he could practically feel Sutan's gaze slide across his face, trailing down to admire his thin frame before returning to his eyes.
"You know that… Anyone who wouldn't use every excuse to ruin those lips… to wreck that prefect little body of yours… Anyone who would squander the chance to be with you… well honey… they must be crazy!"
Tommy looked back up from staring at his hands to see that Sutan's eyes had gained a certain glint, a spark that both stunned and excited him. It was that sensual look that the drag queen's eyes often got when he performed. That dangerous quality that made him so alluring…
Yeah, Tommy had seen him perform. He'd watched videos, and had even been to a few live shows. He'd stood- hypnotized- in the dark corners of the clubs to avoid detection. He didn't, after all, want to ruin all of Adam's efforts to convince the world of his heterosexuality, now did he? Anyways, he had to admit that the shows were HOT. Hotter than almost anything he'd ever seen. Raja was a fierce bitch, but Sutan himself appealed to Tommy more… ha. Straight? As straight as a motherfucking rainbow, he was.
"Sutan… Stop it…" Tommy blushed even deeper at the compliments.
"Stop what, pretty boy?"
"If you don't stop saying those things… I'll have to kiss you or something!"
Sutan smirked, pulling the boy harder against him. "Mmmm.. Someone likes having their little ego stroked, eh?"
Tommy couldn't help but smile a little bit as he squirmed in Sutan's lap, trying to get a little bit more comfortable with the little problem in his pants that was starting to make their position a bit less comfy. Hey, he was egotistical at heart. Wasn't everyone? "Doesn't everyone? And I don't LIKE it… I'm just saying… be careful."
"Oh, so you don't like to hear about your perfect skin or your rockin' bod?" Sutan grinned, running his palms over Tommy's hard chest.
"I… I… d-don't know…" Tommy stammered, uncharacteristically embarrassed.
"Well, do you like it when I say that I'm actually jealous of Adam? He gets all your attention, all your body-ody-ody, gets to do whatever he wants to you… and I'm not sure he really appreciates it. He doesn't even have to call you the next day!" His hands began to slowly wander over Tommy's cloth-covered torso, moving downwards to his waist. "He gets to do all that and avoid all the messy emotional aspect completely by claiming it's all fan service or just two friends messing around when they get a bit tipsy… when we all know damn well that not what it's been for either of you."
Tommy flinched, the truth of the words cutting deeply. He let his head fall forwards, his face turned slightly to snuggle against Sutan's neck. "Don't wanna think about that…"
"But it's true. It's not fair to you, what he's doing. I don't think the poor bastard even knows that his actions affect you so much… Fuckin' idiot."
Tommy sighed, shaking his head slightly in exasperation before nuzzling back against the heat of Sutan's skin. "I don't know... I feel like… I feel like he can't be what I want… what I need… Maybe just not right now… Maybe not ever. But… I think that one day we could be together, y'know?"
Sutan smiled slightly. "That's it, young one! Never give up hope… although…" he trailed off, sliding his hands down from Tommy's hips. They crossed the gap between Tommy's shirt and pants, and with a small moan he let his fingertips dip beneath the fabric just above his belt.
"Although I have to admit… That makes me a little bit envious… I kinda like the idea of having you all to myself…"
Tommy blushed, looking up at the taller man. "Wh-what? Wh-" he began speaking, but the sudden warm embrace of Sutan's mouth on his shut him up. The kiss was brief, but it changed everything.
Sutan pulled away, maintaining eye contact with the boy. The look on his face made Tommy gasp. His warm honey-colored skin was formed into an expression that made evident dozens of emotions previously kept so tactfully hidden.
First and foremost was lust. Desire, need, and want. In that instant, however, this was the least of Tommy's concerns. He'd seen fierce desire on Sutan's face many a time before, especially during shows. What shocked him to the core was what, in that moment, he realized. He saw, by the swiftly changing emotions gracing the man's beautiful features, that no matter how much he THOUGHT he knew about Sutan, he really didn't know anything at all except for what the makeup artist WANTED him to know. For a split second, the usual façade of almost conceited indifference had fallen, and had exposed the soft, sensitive core of Sutan's being. The heart normally kept so carefully protected was sewn hastily upon his sleeve, just waiting to be broken. Tommy looked deeply into the drag-queen's eyes. What shone there was what Tommy could only describe as desperation; a hopeless fear that his advances would be shot down; an uncharacteristic vulnerability that made Tommy shudder.
All these months, Sutan had been his confidant, his guru. All these months, Tommy had come running to him for emotional support. After the AMA's, Sutan fixed everything with a few words and a kiss on the cheek. After the first Fever kiss, Sutan had calmed a shaking and sobbing Tommy down with a backrub and kind words. All these months, Tommy had been running around, not even thinking that- in his pursuit of happiness- he had been denying his best friend the simple joy of emotional peace.
All these months, Tommy had been running after the one who never saw him, and yet he never saw the one who was always there. The one who would always be there for him, would always love him for who he was…
All these thoughts hit Tommy with dizzying force, nearly knocking him from the chair in which they sat… But after a moment of hesitation he returned the gesture, pressing his lips against Sutan's. He poured all of his newfound emotion, tenderness, and affection into that soft, short kiss. As they pulled apart, everything was so raw, so tender, so pure.
They both pulled each other closer, their lips meeting again… but this kiss was different than any of the others that they had shared. They moved against one another, lips sliding and heads turning in unison; tanned fingers weaving into platinum hair, pale hands gripping caramel shoulders. The gentle sound, like the wind blowing through a hot desert, of their breathing… the wet clicks of their kiss… and the soft thump of fabric hitting the floor came together the create a sort of song… a song of affection and sex-deprivation and unrequited love.
As a wise man once said… Sometimes people are sent into each other's lives for a reason… and when they come together in a romantic way, that's the universe setting up a support system for them... People come into each other's lives to learn from each other, and to help each other grow, and to love each other.