Author Notes: This fic shamelessly steals conceits and ideas from Charlaine Harris' fabulous Sookie Stackhouse series. Well Meyer did it, why can't I? Kidding! (hides from fangirls w/out a sense of humour). If you haven't read the Sookie books I urge you to check them out. Oh, and I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.
SUNLIGHT
**********
Chapter 1
Busy old fool, unruly Sun,
Why dost thou thus,
Through windows, and through curtains, call on us?
--John Donne, The Sun Rising.
**********
I was having an almost perfect morning until I opened my eyes and caught sight of a torso that glimmered furiously, inhumanly, in the melting Arizona sun.
It was over one hundred and ten degrees in Phoenix and the the sun-free classrooms of school were only a week away. Soon I would be forced to breathe in the dry, artificial air of Desert Vista High School's AC system every day. Until then, I was determined to gorge on as much real, sun-kissed air as possible and soak in the heat like it was a daily injection to live.
Jessica and Angela thought I was crazy. Jessica might have understood my obsession if I'd have insisted on sitting in the sun to work on my tan, but I was pale, and happiest in the shade where it was easier to stay that way.
So when the vampires arrived among the throng of people in Encanto City Park I was one of the few people not cooling off in the pool and content to bask in the hazy shade of a nearby tree.
There were three of them. The laughter and screams from previously fun-filled humans hushed noticeably and even I couldn't help but tense a little. Beside me a girl no older than five giggled happily and pointed a small water-winged arm at the three of them. "Pretty," she said in an admiring voice. Her distraught mom hissed a fearful "Quiet!" at her and grabbed the little girl close.
The girl was right. It was hard not to notice just how pretty they were. Much in the same way you might notice how intricate and delicate the golden and brown interlocking scales were on a prairie rattlesnake right before it went for you.
As they sat down on a hurriedly vacated bench, picnic goers stared and edged away from them. The one who was shirtless smirked a little as the humans around them began picking up nearby picnic coolers, food wrappers and blankets and moved away slowly, as if any quick motion might attract the vampires' attention.
Gradually, swimmers and divers who had stood dumbfounded began swimming and diving again; beer cans got lifted to lips once more, sandwiches chewed and suntan lotion applied. Kids giggled and ran about again, but there was a weird electricity humming in the air, and everyone gave a wide berth to the bench from which three figures radiated prismatic light that shifted and glimmered as they moved.
"Ugh, what nerve," said Jessica Stanley as she and Angela Weber returned, dripping, from the pool. She shot a furtive look of disgust at the three vampires, like many others seemed to be doing. I doubted these looks were as furtive to a vampire as they would like to think. "I mean, who do they think they are? This is a family place," she continued, squeezing water from her long dark hair and pulling a face.
The more level-headed Angela and I exchanged a small smile as I handed her a towel. It had been three years since vampires had declared their existence and demanded equal opportunities in society. Some of the reactions to that news since then, not just from individuals but whole countries, made Jessica's disdain look positively elated. The good ol' USA, the land of the free where anything was possible if you worked hard enough and wanted it just as much, reacted in a much more measured manner. Outwardly anyway. I guess finding out that the Vice-President and a bunch load of important scientists and businessmen - and who knows who else - were actually vampires probably had something to do with their liberal reaction.
"It's starting to get real hot, they probably just need the sun," said Angela with a shrug, drying off and slipping a loose cotton shirt and shorts over her bikini.
"You mean they didn't come here just to ruin Jess's day?" I said, feeling a little devious.
Jessica ignored me. "Well, I don't see why they have to be like that in public," replied Jessica with a huff. "Can we go now Bella or do you need to roast yourself some more?" She asked in a short voice. I gave her my sweetest smile. "Sure Jess," I replied, "if they make you feel uncomfortable, sure we can leave."
"I am not uncomfortable!" She huffed in a way which made it obvious that the exact opposite was true. "I just want to get inside before I get heat stroke and can't go to Mike's party tonight."
Right. As if anything but an earthquake, tornado and avalanche wrapped into one could possibly keep Jess away from an opportunity to bat her eyelashes at Mike Newton. "Do you still need me to pick you up?" She said more brightly, thoughts of Mike eradicating most of her foul mood – more proof that she was slightly unhinged in my opinion. I'd take a vampire over Mike Newton any day. I'd never met a vamp that made me feel more like a meal ticket than the way Mike Newton did.
What I actually needed from Jess was for her to shut up about this stupid party and stop insisting that I had to come. I thought when my car's radiator finally gave up the battle against Phoenix's raging heat I had the perfect excuse to miss the opportunity to see a bunch of my classmates feel each other up and then hurl into bushes. But even though it was completely out of her way, Jess was insisting on picking me up. Not out of the kindness of her heart mind. Not only was she guaranteed a designated driver back, but I was pretty certain that Jess thought if I was with her, it was more likely that Mike would talk to her – even if only by accident. Lust had made her desperate. It wasn't pretty.
I didn't say no to Jessica's question, which in her books was tantamount to an enthusiastic "Hell yes!" She gave an excited squeal that made both Angela and I grimace a little as we collected our stuff together and Jessica headed to the lockers to change out of the one piece she had worn swimming. It must have been a wash day for her, there would be no other reason for Jessica to miss an opportunity to flaunt her body in a tiny sneeze-and-it's-gone bikini.
"You know I could always pretend you're ill if you want,"Angela suggested sympathetically, "Just come to the door in pyjamas with a box of tissues tonight when we pick you up and I'll handle Jessica. No way she would want to risk having a runny nose in front of Mike." We both grinned and I had to admit I was definitely tempted for a moment.
"No," I sighed finally, "I should probably go. Charlie's working late tonight and he gets worried if I'm home alone. He'd rather I was at a party than that," I paused. "Actually, he'd probably rather I was at an orgy than that."
Both of us shot a glance at the table of vamps who had made newspaper rumblings of gang crime sound like the good old days for some people.
It was heading towards early afternoon and the sun was teetering at its highest point. My bones were singing happily with heat but I knew Jess was right and if I didn't want to look twice my age by forty, it was probably time to get out of the sun. Everyone else seemed to have had the same idea and were leaving the park in a steady progression. Just about everyone but the vamps. The one with his shirt off was leaning back against the table top of the bench. He stretching his arms out lazily and contentedly like a cat, sending pulses of jagged light so far the pool glimmered with the reflection. I wondered if it was like the sun and I'd burn my eyes if I stared at him for too long.
Somehow, through the rays of heat that settled on his shimmering body he felt my eyes on him. His head shot up to return my stare, his blonde pony tail whipping against his back. I looked away.
"Ready!" Jess was back in jean shorts and a dark shirt. Both Angela and I were in pale linen and cotton, the best thing for this sort of dry relentless heat. I figured fashion was way higher up Jess's list of priorities than it was on mine.
I slung my shoulder bag on and grabbed our cooler, joining the stream of people flowing toward the main exit. I hoped the vamp wasn't still staring at me and it was just the heat of the sun I felt on my back.
"Uh...Where are you going?"
Angela and I stopped and turned. Jess was standing hand on hips, car keys bundled in one fist.
"Erm...we're leaving?" I said. "You know, like you wanted to?"
"Well it's quicker if we cut back by the pool, you know that." There was a cut way round the back of the changing rooms and showers which took you to the street rather than the car park.
Angela and I exchanged looks. "But, we figured you'd want to go through the car park." Angela said, which was the more diplomatic way of saying although we were parked on the street, we figured you'd want to go the way that didn't mean going right by vampires.
Jess scoffed. "It's quicker if we cut across. I'm not about to be inconvenienced by a bunch of bloodsuckers." She wore a steely expression and I inwardly cursed myself for teasing her earlier. She was obviously determined to prove that vampires didn't bother her one bit.
I really wasn't sure that was true. For either of us. Although I had no problem walking past one on a busy street or serving one in the bookshop I worked in on a Saturday, I wasn't sure I wanted to get up close and personal to these three vamps and draw attention to ourselves by walking right by them in the opposite direction to everyone else. Especially when one of the said vampires was still staring at me like I'd sprouted wings and started to fly. Actually, if any of the rumours I'd heard were true, I wasn't quite sure a vampire would find that weird enough to stare at.
There was really no getting out of this, and the more we hovered, the more interested the blonde haired vamp seemed to get. Out of the corner of my eye I could see he was sitting up straight now, fingers clenching the wooden bench, still looking.
"Okay, whatever," I muttered, and looking smug Jess strode off towards the table with Angela and I trailing behind.
I must have been even more nervous than I thought. That or the universe was still playing 101 ways to make Bella's life more uncomfortable, because my palms were sweating and just as we were walking past them, squinting at the diamond bright glow of their skin, my bottle of water slipped from my hands.
I waited for the inevitable thud but it never happened. Quick as a flash the bare chested vamp was in front of me, smirking, my bottle of Evian in his hands.
I licked my suddenly dry lips. "Thanks."
His smirk grew larger. "My pleasure." Up close I realised if he had been human he would be plain looking. It was only the vampire in him which made him stand out and blessed him with a lean body, pale shining skin and dark ringed eyes.
He started chucking the bottle from hand to hand, apparently not intending on giving it up any time soon. To tell the truth, he could keep it. I really wasn't that attached. But this didn't seem like one of these situations where I could just turn and leave. For some reason, I felt running away would turn this vague sense of threat into full blown danger. Behind him his companions looked bored. One of them was dark skinned and looked impassive, not threatening, just sort of unconcerned. The other was a female with blazing red hair and a disdainful sneer. She soon returned her attention to examining her long nails which were painted blood red, dangerous talons against sun jewelled skin. Vampires and subtlety didn't seem to go hand in hand.
"You know," he said in a voice that sounded amused, but no less dangerous for it, "we could always offer you a more interesting beverage." He looked behind him. The red-headed female gave a low chuckle.
For the first time I noticed that the picnic bench they occupied was not empty. On top of it were three glass bottles filled with thick red, viscous liquid. A wave of queasiness washed over me. I swallowed. "That's OK," I said, hating how wavery my voice sounded. "I just ate."
He shrugged. "Suit yourself," he said and chucked the bottle at me. I thanked God I didn't drop it this time.
It was only when we got back to Jess's car that I realised my legs were shaking. I was doing fine until I saw the bottles filled with blood, gently bubbling in the intense heat.
"See," Jess said in a shaky voice, sliding into the driver's seat."Told you they didn't bother me."
I gave her an incredulous look and bit back a retort, trying hard not to bring up the fact that by the time I'd turned around she seemed to have edged so far away she was almost out of sight. I got in the back. Angela, to her merit, had stood firmly behind me the whole time, albeit nervously fidgeting a little. She turned around from the front seat. "You okay Bella?"
"Sure." I gave a small shrug. "No big deal." I said, though my traitorous thundering heart threatened to give me away. I hated blood. Sure, no one besides vamps probably loved blood, but I hated it. Just the sight of a paper cut reduced me to a quivering wreck; I hated feeling powerless and out of control like that even less.
"How can you say that Bella?" Jess pulled away and I could see her gaping in the rear view mirror. "It was a big deal. He could have bitten you."
Finally, I snapped. "Don't be stupid Jess, they're members of society just like us." Sparkly, fanged members of society I wanted to add, but felt that would ruin the effect. Besides, I was on a roll. "More people get killed by humans like you and me rather than vampires so will you just leave the bigotry already – that's hardly gonna make them fit in any easier is it?"
It was a long outburst. For me anyway. I wasn't exactly known for being...verbose. I tried not to look at Jess's face in the mirror and stared pointedly out the window. Angela had the good sense to say nothing.
"Whatever Bella," Jess said in a stiff voice after an awkward silence. "Though I just thought you of all people might have some reservations about just how easy it is for unnatural, blood sucking monsters to fit into our society," she spat.
"Jess..." Angela said in a warning voice. But it didn't matter. I had no intention of replying because she was right. I knew better than most how difficult it could be, but it wasn't for the reasons Jess thought.
Luckily, Jess also seemed to be done and we drove back in a heavy silence.
*****
Ten or so hours later I was sitting on the edge of Mike Newton's pool, sipping a coke, hoping no one would bother me.
No such luck.
"Man, Newton's folks are gonna freak!" Tyler Crowley sat down beside me and together we surveyed Mike's pool in which beer cans, a couple of chairs, clothes, and even a potted plant bobbed about innocently. I hated to think what inside looked like.
"And then some," I agreed.
"You should see it in there Bella, Eric's trying to make a beer bong out of the hoover." He laughed in a slightly awed way.
"Tyler, that's gross."
"Maybe, but sure is funny." I shook my head, pretty certain Tyler and I had a very different idea of what funny was. "You should come back inside," he said with a hopeful look. I grimaced, the alcohol was obviously making Tyler more confident and me therefore more awkward.
"Once cleaning goods are involved I sort of make myself scarce."
Sometimes, I felt so different from my friends I wondered if there was some weird conspiracy going on and one day they were all just gonna shout "Gotcha!" and suddenly I'd be able to relate to them. Charlie said I was born old, and considering I called him Charlie in my head rather than dad I couldn't really argue. I guess looking after parents who can't really look after themselves since you were a kid is bound to make you a little different. Still, it got to me sometimes when Tyler would try so hard to get me to laugh or Jess and Angela would be giggling about something stupid and I just didn't get it.
As if on cue Jess and Angela emerged from the house, half holding each other up. It was strange to see Angela drunk, usually at least she stuck out soberness with me.
"Bella," Jess warbled, teetering about in heels. "I think I need to go home."
No kidding.
"Nuh uh," came a voice and a massive bear like arm threw itself around my shoulders. "The lovely Miss Swan is staying right here." I carefully managed to extricate myself from the heavy, unwelcome – and somewhat ripe – hold of Mike Newton, and ignore Jess's glaring - which she couldn't hide nearly as well as usual in her present state - at the same time. Women really can multi-task.
"Actually Mike, I do have to head off. I have to work tomorrow." I didn't, but I knew there wasn't a chance in hell I'd see Mike Newton in a bookshop so felt confident the lie could sit. He was so drunk he probably wouldn't remember anyway.
"Awww...spoilsport," he whinged playfully, looming over me and way too far into my personal space than I was comfortable with. Actually, having Mike in the next state would still be way too far into my personal space. His expression changed. "Does that mean you won't be coming to the beach tomorrow?" Excellent, my fake excuse scored a double whammy. And they say lying doesn't pay.
"Sorry," I said, trying my hardest to look disappointed. "College isn't going to pay for itself."
A dejected look ran across Mike's face. "I'm still going to the beach tomorrow," said Jessica, looking so hopeful it hurt a little to look at her. Well I think that's what she said anyway, it was sort of hard to tell with the slurring. I was absolutely thrilled at the prospect of having to drive her home.
I don't know if Mike heard her or not but he didn't say anything, either way, he suddenly brightened. "Well in that case, you have to do at least one beer bong to make up for it!"
I pulled a face. It must have been scarier than I intended. "Or not...." Mike trailed off.
Twenty minutes later and I was dropping Angela off outside her house. "Thanks Bella," she said. She was much more coherent than Jessica but still overly smiley. "You sure you don't want me to help you with Jess?" She asked. I did want her to help, but there was no way route wise I could have dropped Jess off first, she lived further out than Angela, and I didn't see the point in doubling back. The sooner I was in my own beer free bed the better.
"I'll be fine, thanks anyway," I said.
"Okay well, good night." She smiled, somewhat apologetically, and sort of weaved her way to her front door. I waited till it was closed behind her before pulling away.
Jess was slumped in the seat next to me, head against window. We drove in blissful silence for a bit before she interrupted it.
"I don't get it," she mumbled, though it came out more like "Ahdooontgeit."
Damn. I was hoping she'd stay passed out till I could get her home. Drunks do not a good conversation make. Drunken Jessica's less so.
"Why duss helike yaw so much...."
I sighed. I didn't honestly get it either. Nor did I want it. I had given no indication to Mike Newton that pursuing me was a good thing - that only seemed to spur him on. I hoped if I stayed quiet enough she'd just go back to being passed out again. I wondered if that made me a bad person.
It seemed that Jessica wasn't finished. "It's not like yooour even that pwetty.."
Ouch. I made sure I took the next corner quickly and listened to Jessica's head thump against the window. Now that definitely made me a bad person.
"Oww.." she whined, rubbing at her head, and I felt sort of bad for all of a second till she suddenly clasped her hand to her mouth and tensed up. "Oh god, I think I'm gonna be sick."
Ugh. Bella and sick do not go together. I'd barely come to a stop before she'd yanked the car door open and flung herself onto the sidewalk. There was that hard to relate to feeling again.
I hummed to myself, fingers in ears, for a few minutes to block out Jessica's retching. It must have still been in the hundreds outside and the night was still and thick with heat. I'd be sleeping with the windows wide open tonight, on top of the covers, night dress only. Charlie hated me having the windows open and sure the AC was less effective, but I loved the feeling of the night air brushing over me at night, cool and sweet.
Lost in thought, staring at the sky, it took me a moment to realise I'd stopped humming. I couldn't near retching any more. Actually,I couldn't hear a thing.
I removed my fingers from my ears and looked around. Jessica was nowhere to be seen.
"Jess?" I called, unbuckling my seatbelt and cursing not being in my own car where Charlie made me keep pepper spray in the glove compartment. "Quit overreacting Bella," I muttered to myself, getting out. She'd probably just stumbled behind some bushes for privacy. We were on Adams Street outside the Pizzeria. A few hedges lined the car park. I figured she'd stumbled into those for more privacy. "Jess?" I called again, louder this time.
The hedges were rustling.
The streetlights gleamed, cars were still going past. I couldn't be in any danger if there was still light, if people were driving home. Bad stuff only happened on deserted dark streets.
"Jess?!" I shouted, "Where the hell are you?"
The hedges rustled again.
I looked around for something I could use as a weapon but came up short. There was nothing for it. I swallowed and walked through a line of trees and closer to the strange sound, repeating an inner mantra of eyes, throat, groin dredged up from some barely remembered self defense class. It didn't cross my mind till I got there that while the street was bright, my own inner criteria for danger had been fulfilled: the car park was dark and deserted.
A couple of spaces down, Jess was leaning against the perimeter fence to steady herself. I sighed in relief and ran down to her, feeling the muscles I didn't even realise I was tensing relax. "Jess! There you are, why didn't you answer when I called?"
Her eyes were wild when I reached her, they darted up to mine. Her hands were clutching the metal fence so hard her knuckles were white. Something in the pit of my stomach twisted. She wasn't holding it to hold herself up because she was still drunk. It was because she was terrified.
Because she was bait.
Before I had a chance to process this information it was too late. A marble cold arm had wrapped around my neck in a stranglehold.
This is why people like Jessica hated them really. Not because they drank blood - that disgusted some, titillated others - but because they were so much more than us. Quicker, stronger, fiercer. Purer somehow, in some warped sort of way. And right now one vampire was proving that Jessica's hate had a very good foundation.
"Scream and I'll break your neck." He didn't hiss, or growl even. He said it very matter of factly. I recognised his voice from the park – had he been following us all day, or was this just a coincidence?
I didn't want to scream. I wanted to get out of here. I wanted to be as strong as him so I could rip his arm off me. It occurred to me that this was the second time tonight I'd had an unwanted arm around me. It was a bad habit I hoped I would live to break.
Jess let out a whimpering sound, she'd been joined by her own assailant. The flame haired woman had emerged from behind the foliage that had drawn my attention, her clawed fingernails biting into Jess's skin. She's what had made – and was still making – Jess paralysed with fear.
"She said she'd kill me if I moved Bella, I couldn't call out, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she babbled, "Oh god, Bella...Oh god, oh god..." She descended into hysterical sobs, shuddering head to foot. The red head leaned in and sniffed her, smiling rapturously.
"It's okay Jess. It's gonna be okay," I said, the hold on my throat tightened and I grunted.
"Really?" Said my captor, sounding bemused.
"My father's on the force," I managed to say in a raspy voice, "If you kill us the whole of Phoenix Police department will come after you."
"And just what makes you think I want to kill you?"
Stunned, I tried to think – if he wasn't going to kill us then what was he going to do.....? The alternatives made me more furious than any death threat, and though even as I did it I knew it was probably futile I bit down on the slab of pure white flesh that had encircled my neck. The blood I drew was like hot metal, sharp as a bee sting. I spat it out again, coughing and spluttering through the stranglehold. His grip hadn't even loosened.
"I'll have back what you just took later little girl."
My head was starting to throb from the lack of air and the taste in my mouth was making me queasy. I started struggling with all my might, trying to kick my leg back and just make contact with anything. He sighed as if bored and in an instant I was out cold.
**********
Jasper found me an indecent number of blood and vodkas down the line. I was not a pleasant person to be around, though I could hardly be called a little bundle of sunshine at the best of times these days.
"If you're not going to have a drink, you can leave," I told him through gritted teeth.
He held up two fingers to the bar and sat down. It looked like Jasper had picked the short straw tonight on the come give Edward a guilt-trip errand. When the barmaid brought over a fresh round he pushed aside the significant number of red streaked glasses with a pointed look at me. I gave him my best I-could-not-give-a-flying-fuck glare, grabbed the latest and downed it.
When I'm drunk my telepathy sort of fades in and out, like a bad radio. I got little hums along the lines of just wait till Alice finds out Edward's.....how can he drink this stuff.....mmm...Alice in that red dress....wonder if she'd....could make him calm...easier....
I quirked an eyebrow at that last part and Jasper looked guiltily into his drink. He cleared his throat. "Carlisle was disappointed you didn't make it."
Bullshit. Too busy charming humans to notice I'm sure.
"I've had plenty of opportunities to watch Carlisle be a vampire poster boy thanks Jasper. Think I'll sit the new couple of hundred out."
Jasper's face set into a hardened sort of frown – some might argue this was Jasper's default expression so it didn't particularly bother me. I knew it hurt them all, this growing distance between Carlisle and I. I wasn't stupid enough to kid myself this was just between him and me. In the rare moments when I was sober enough to think about that I felt guilty. But there is only so much guilt and remorse a man can feel. Mine was all used up.
"In here you mean?" He gestured to the bar we were in, nose turned up in disdain.
The bar was certainly grim – I couldn't argue about that. Goblets attracted a certain calibre of vamp that cared nothing for the accoutrements of comfort and taste. Only blood. Blood whipped up in strange alchemical mixtures and potions – blood and vodka, blood and rum, blood and drugs, blood of humans mixed with the blood of animals. After years of hiding their sustenance, vampires were revelling in the opportunity to refine their diet. And some of those experiments had to be hidden away from human eyes, under the guise of human habits. Absent-mindedly I picked at the stuffing that exploded from a rip in the leather booth we occupied. Around me posters peeled from grotty walls, the tables were scored, the floors sticky and the light low and grainy. Yes, it wasn't pleasant, but what right had I to be somewhere pleasant?
That was one reason I felt comfortable here, comfortable enough to drink myself into a numb oblivion anyway.
The other was that there were no humans here. Only the sleek callous minds of blood glutted vamps. The kind who had looked at the new laws, our 'integration', thrown their heads back and laughed. The kind of vamp who made me feel a lesser sort of monster.
I patted down my jacket pockets for my lighter and cigarettes, leaning back in the booth, "Carlisle afraid I'll ruin his image?"
"We're worried about you Edward," Jasper said. "That's all." His eyes were narrowed and he spoke in a voice that sounded strangely far away. I narrowed my eyes at him and my fangs slithered out to part my lips. "You try that shit on me Jasper and I'll insert these glasses somewhere so painful that you won't give a damn about Alice or her red dress for weeks."
Looking sheepish Jasper sank down a little in his seat and sipped at his drink, frowning at the taste.
"How you can drink this stuff is beyond me."
"The vodka or the blood?" I asked, emphasizing the last word.
Jasper didn't reply.
"They're not like us here Edward. This place is bad for you."
I scoffed, tugging a cigarette from the packet. "Not half as bad as one of Carlisle's benefits." I spat the last word out.
"How can you say that? Alice can't even get a lock on your future any more you're so messed up. When was the last time you hunted? You look like hell brother."
The beautiful accuracy of that statement swelled inside me. I laughed a little crazily, lit my cigarette and took a drag. When I exhaled the smoke quivered between us.
I looked at Jasper, his face pale and tight with concern, and felt suddenly tired and very unreal. Until the great 'integration' I hadn't felt tired in over a hundred years. It wasn't a human tiredness, the kind that lead to sleep, but a preternatural lethargy that lead only to more restlessness: to more moving, more not thinking, more drinking, more trying not to be - trying only to abide this terrible on-and-onness to which I was condemned. I was propelled mercilessly by a force that had tangled me in its grasp and would not let me go.
Jasper seemed to read the struggle on my face. He reached across the table to grab my wrist. "Just tell me what I can do Edward," he said in an urgent voice. "Just tell me."
I didn't move his hand.
"It doesn't matter Jasper." I shook my head slowly. "It doesn't matter. We're damned. Through and through."
He settled back in his seat, wordless, and the urgency dropped from his face.
"I'm leaving now Edward," he said sombrely. "Please don't come back to the house like this. I won't have Alice upset."
I nodded stiffly and took another drag on my cigarette.
After only the briefest of pauses he got up to leave. He didn't make it out of the booth - someone was blocking his way.
James.
I swallowed some disgust back down with a gulp of Jasper's discarded drink. My night was improving by the second.
"And to what do I owe the pleasure meat huggers?" He asked, his voice all politeness and light.
"Well I came for the fantastic company," I replied, taking another drag on my cigarette. "Jazz?"
"Oh, definitely the décor."
"Hilarious," James snapped, the smile wiped off his face. Some people are born with faces that are meant to be hit. James was one of those people.
"We've got some...entertainment tonight," He said, expression intent. "Vamp rules, old rules, go. None of your father's modern habits of human pandering." Both Jazz and I noticeably tensed at the venom in his voice. But James was right, this was a place where the old regime went, and if they were doing anything we didn't like there wasn't much we could do about it anyway when we were outnumbered by vamps who didn't adhere to our creed. That was why it was better to stay drunk somewhere like this, it was easier to turn away. James wasn't finished, he placed his hands on our table and leant over. "Try to interfere and you'll regret it."
I suppose he was trying to be threatening. I wanted to see him threaten me again when he wasn't surrounded by vamps who only tolerated my presence because the money I spent in here probably made up half the income.
Apparently satisfied, James sauntered off, casting one look back as if in warning. Jasper frowned. "What do you think he meant by that?"
"I couldn't care less," I replied smoothly, nodding at a passing barmaid for more alcohol, earning me a disapproving look from Jasper.
The smell hit me first and eradicated anything that was good and humane inside of me.
Describing the smell of blood to someone who doesn't require its consumption must be much like the junkie explaining his addiction to the clean. As the years pass, my time as a human greys more and more, becoming a shallower reflection in my mind, as if it were only some distant fairytale read in my unending wakefulness. But this I remember – our need for blood is not like the human need for food. It is something more than necessity. Blood becomes our sleep, our water, our food, our everything - it is all we need. I knew its every hue and temper: the raw bitterness of rodent blood, the vibrant meatiness of bear blood, and the euphoria of human blood.
Live blood is also different to dead blood. It smells different. Dead blood will do the trick, but it doesn't sing to us, it doesn't promise the dizzying heights of hot fresh life stirring every cell in your body, allowing you to become all flesh for just one second, to forget the burden of thinking and existing and be just pure instinct, hunger, need. To be so truly what you are.
Drinking makes me melodramatic.
I was very fucking drunk. And out there somewhere, hot, urgent blood was singing to me. I stubbed my cigarette out on the nearest ash tray and shuddered.
Goblet's was an all vamp spot, it served only animal blood and - in shadier, under the bar transactions – donated human blood from the black market banks. But tonight something else seemed to be on the menu.
"A taster?" The barmaid was back with my drink in one hand, and balanced on the other a tray full of small shot glasses. They were filled with blood. I picked one up and inhaled. It was still warm. Warm – and human.
The scent cleared my drink fogged mind in an instant, sending beautiful shivers down my skin. My bones itched with need and unbidden my fangs emerged once more. Consumed with a hunger that made my throat ache, the mental shields I had carefully assembled melted and the inner thoughts of the vampires around me seeped inside my skull. They sounded little different to mine: blood, blood, blood....fresh, hot blood.
"Edward." Jasper's warning brought me back to myself again. Inside I fumed a little. I had dealt with the thirst far longer than Jasper had. Why had I been so quickly affected that it had required the newest member of our 'vegetarian' brigade to bring me to my senses?
Before I could regret being parted from that cloying, tempting aroma I slammed the shot glass back on the tray – the barmaid let out a disgruntled "Watch it!" as the liquid inside the other samplers shimmied. Some of the blood had sloshed onto my hand and I wiped it quickly against my jeans, unsure if I could resist the urge to lick that beautiful nectar from my fingers.
"I think we'll give it a pass," I said coolly to the barmaid.
"Suit yourselves," she replied, huffing, and sashayed over to the next group of drinkers who were standing, their attention drawn by a growing crowd on the other side of the bar.
The blood had energised me with an interest and curiosity in something other than my own damnation for the first time in months. Though still a little unnerved at the effect it had had on me, I felt suddenly alert and very dangerous at the possibility that James might have done something which would make me justified in hurting him. I turned to Jasper and raised my eyebrows. "Fancy taking in a show?"
He smiled dangerously. "It seems rude not to." Like me, his fangs were already out. He obviously hadn't been quite as immune to the smell as his warning would have me believe.
We pushed our way through the growing crowd, earning a few grunts of protest. The scent was growing stronger the closer we got to the stage where every Friday night some would-be Lestat tried to sing badly written rock music. By the time we had reached the front every muscle in my body was tense and poised.
To call an elevated platform a stage is probably a little inaccurate, but nonetheless James was prowling it like a circus ringmaster.
His show was a small, pale girl who couldn't have been older than seventeen tied to a chair, a tourniquet still around her arm, a spot a little lower swathed in a bandage. Beside her, a needle and vacutainer system had been discarded. But only temporarily.
No wonder the blood was still warm; the source was right here.
I waited for the quick, panicked throbs of human fear to emanate from the mind of the girl and assault my skull.
They never came.
I focussed on tuning out the greedy swarm of mental clutter from the surrounding vamps and tried to pick out anything resembling a human mind.
Nothing.
Perturbed, I doubled my efforts, staring at the girl, directing all of my concentration on her. But still..... nothing. Silence. Just those fierce frantic hazel eyes, darting around above her gag.
James threw his arms out in an exaggerated motion and the murmuring around me hushed to silence.
"Welcome my friends!" He greeted. "Tonight there will be a special addition to the menu..." He paused dramatically, slowing pacing the stage. "A rare delicacy among the cold, dead beast-blood and synthetic rot we have reduced ourselves to." He grabbed a bottle of said 'synthetic rot' from the top of a nearby amplifier, brought it to his nose and grimaced. He finished the display by chucking the bottle against the nearest wall where it smashed into a thousand pieces and its dark insides gushed and dribbled to the floor.
Not one of us so much as flinched. I had to give it to him. He sure knew how to put on a show.
"So I give you the best of old worlds......and new," he added, more sinisterly. "Let us play at being humans in our bars and our hotels; in our jobs and at the supermarket. But behind closed doors let us not forget what we are!" He moved quickly behind the girl and grabbed her by the shoulders, swooping down to inhale dramatically at her neck. Her whole body stiffened and her small, bound hands clutched the arms of the chair. But she didn't cower. James straitened and addressed the crowd again. "We are vampires!" He shouted, "Anything but fresh, human blood is compromise, and no predator compromises with his prey." Slowly, almost lovingly, he tucked a stray strand of hair behind the girl's ear. Her eyes narrowed in hatred and I felt a begrudging sense of respect for her ability to conjure anything but fear under such circumstances.
James turned to us once more, and gave a full fanged smile. "We will be selling both pint and half pint measures tonight. Orders can be placed at the bar."
The humans were right. We were soulless monsters; we deserved annihilation and nothing less.
"Vampires and capitalism," Jasper muttered under his breath to me as a queue emerged at the bar. "A lethal combination."
I nodded but my attention was elsewhere.
I couldn't tear my eyes from the girl. I knew her rigid stoicism was an act, that inside she must have been terrified. Her whole body radiated fear, anger and defiance all at once: a caged bird, futilely fluttering about its cage and crashing against the bars, desperate for freedom. But I couldn't hear any of this. I was frustrated and intrigued.
But I was also something worse than that.
I was hungry. Painfully, monstrously, hungry.
Whilst she was still and I was surrounded by the smells of other bodies the scent was not so strong. But now she struggled to free herself, straining against her binds, hair whipping wildly about her face. The more she fought the more that smell struck me, a thundering bolt of temptation and pleasure.
In that moment I was all vampire. All need and want and teeth and tongue - body coiled to pounce and eat and gorge. Venom flooded my mouth. If only I had known such a thing existed, that such sublime sensation was possible. My whole being yearned for her taste. If I moved any closer, it would be the end of her.
And perhaps the last part of me that resembled anything good.
But then those brown eyes found mine as if she had stolen my telepathy and - though I stood completely, dangerously still - she could hear the murderous thunderstorm inside my mind. Her eyes widened in a flurry of emotions so fast I could not read them all. Her chest heaved and I tried not to look at the pale ripe flesh exposed at the top of her blouse; I tried not to imagine tearing into the thoracic vein that lingered below her blouse, pumping with the blood that would slake this interminable thirst.
But as fantasy threatened to overwhelm me, I realised she was not looking at me with disgust. Those wide eyes were begging, and pleading with me. Calling out for help. Of all the vampires for her to turn her pleas to she had chosen me: the very one for whom her blood seem to be made.
It disturbed me so much that I was able to subdue the hunger long enough for Jasper's thoughts to penetrate my mind.
What can we do? He thought, catching my eye so that I knew the question was directed at me and not merely rhetorical.I shook my head, a small movement, almost imperceptible. If I moved any more than that I wasn't sure I would be able to stop myself from jumping on the girl and tearing into her throat there and then. To hell with morality and a bar full of vampires who would no doubt be more than pissed that tonight's 'special' had been removed from the menu.
I wanted her and wanted to kill her in the same moment. The two conflicting parts of me tore and raged at one another. Whichever I chose there would be mutiny, a fight certainly, and one I wasn't sure we could win.
Beside me, Jasper was undergoing his very own conflict. His relatively new appreciation for human life was warring with his survival instinct. He couldn't see a way to extricate the girl without a fight, and even if we did manage to rescue her, he wasn't sure it was worth the risk of revenge from James – a skilled tracker as well as a budding capitalist apparently.
And just like that, I had my answer.
"I'll give you five thousand dollars for her."
I caught James by the collar and held him there as he made his way to the bar, probably to add up his profits. He looked confused for a second, and then his face broke into a satisfied grin."Well, well, well, the famous Cullens are finally seeing the error of their ways." The grin faded. "Sorry Edward, no sale." He spat reaching round to remove my arm.
Desperate, I flung myself into his thoughts, tightening my hold. I found the number I had been looking for after a few unbearable seconds.
"Ten thousand." I said.
Jasper was looking at me as if I'd just burst into flames. He'd decided I'd finally lost my mind and was wondering how to break it to Alice.
James paused and studied my face, puzzled. "And what would you do with her Cullen?" He said slowly, amused. "Set her free so she can go running to the cops?"
"What I'll do with her is my business." I said sharply, because I honestly wasn't sure if I was saving her, or damning her.
"Not if it ends in my execution," he growled back.
"I'd be found just as guilty as you," I said,."This place is hardly legal and our kind aren't exactly granted sympathy and understanding in the courts are they?"
I was grasping at straws. James' thoughts were muddled. The money I'd offered was more than he'd make selling her pint by pint, but he wasn't sure what I wanted her for. He knew Carlisle and maybe some of the rest of my family were human lovers but he wasn't sure about me. Until very recently Jasper had been hunting humans so that was to my favour, but Carlisle was pretty much becoming television personality and national spokesperson for vampire and human love-ins.
But then there was all the money he was sure Carlisle was making through associations with humans. He was certain I wouldn't want to jeopardize that with all the bad press something like this would create.
It seemed James might have found a hunger to somewhat match that he felt for blood. He assumed we all felt the same and wanted the money so badly he was adequately justifying taking it to himself. He just needed a little something more to push him over the edge.
"You know what I can do James," I said in a low voice. "If I decide to keep her alive, I'd know if she was going to the police." I swallowed. "I'll kill her in a heartbeat if she tries."
It worked. He nodded and I finally released him. He made a gesture at another vampire I hadn't noticed, standing in the shadows. I didn't know her name but I had seen her with James before. Flame haired. Lethal.
They whispered together quietly for a moment, which I thought was pretty pointless considering James knew I could read their minds. They had others ready for draining and were planning how to swap them so the vamps here would still get their fill. This was all information I couldn't, and didn't, want to hear. I shut their minds out.
After a few moments of discussion James returned.
"Do we have a deal?" I asked.
"We have a deal."
"Good. Jasper will make the arrangements." This was news to Jasper who looked startled at the mention of his name.
Then, before I could consider the insanity of what I'd just done I walked towards the girl. I refused to breathe. Breathing in her smell would mean the end of both of us.
Her eyes had previously pretty much begged me to help her, but as I approached she couldn't resist the urge to shrink a little into her seat.
"It's okay now," I said in as steady a voice I could muster. It's all I seemed to be able to say. I couldn't promise I wouldn't hurt her because I had not idea if this was true. However, just my voice seemed to calm her and she relaxed visibly.
This was strange. Most humans recoiled from us, even now that they knew what we were. Even those who worshipped us were tense in our presence, enjoying the frissons of fear we gave them in a perverse way, but fearful nonetheless. As I tore away the rope that had bound her, snapping the strands easily after hooking my hands underneath the knots, she didn't jump at my cold touch. Instead, she allowed herself to slump a little in the chair. I wasn't sure how much blood they had taken but the effect of it seemed to suddenly be hitting her. Her skin was cool and clammy, covered in a light film of sweat. I finished the job quickly, my whole body quivering with suppressed need. Relief flooded me when I was done and I stepped back, ensuring I was upwind of her and the temptation of her flesh.
I wondered if she would be able to stand. I prayed she'd be able to stand.
After a few moments she gazed up at me standing over her through drowsy, heavy lidded eyes, and seemed to realise I was expecting her to get up. With shaky movements she reached up to remove the cloth gag from her face. I had been unable to do this myself, as it would put me in a precarious proximity to her neck.
She blinked a few times and her words were slow and careful when she spoke, "My friend," she said. "They took her somewhere." She clocked the blank look of my face and interpreted it as indifference. It wasn't a completely inaccurate interpretation. "I won't leave without my friend," she said in a stubborn voice. An angry little tiger cub playing at being a lion.
For fuck sake. Here she was, surrounded by vampires who were paying for her blood and she was thinking of someone else? Couldn't she have been selfish like the rest of her kind?! I looked at her face. She wasn't going to back down. Not that she was in any position to put up a fight.
I don't care for humans. Less so since the integration. All I cared for right now was her and the mystery of her blood. But I didn't seem able to say no and was sure that right now any sort of argument would inflame my blood and I would jump her there and then. I sighed.
Somehow, this girl would be the undoing of me.
"Jasper,"I called. He turned. He was on the phone, obviously arranging for the money to be transferred. He excused himself and made his way over, James watching him warily the whole time. "She has a friend who was caught with her," I told him, "Get her too. Offer them whatever they want."
Jasper's mind was flooded with suspicion, he didn't understand why I was risking us like this for the very humans I seemed to despise so much. I wasn't entirely sure of the answer to this myself. Then he noticed that making stupid decisions that put us in life-threatening decisions was preventing me from drinking. This was a good thing he decided, and would make Alice very happy. An important motivational factor for Jasper.
"Okay," he agreed. "I'm parked out back," he threw me the keys and I caught them smoothly, putting them in my back pocket. "You take her and I'll meet you there with the other one when I'm done."
The girl was scrutinising us both intently, catching herself every now and then from falling off the chair as the blood loss threatened to overwhelm her. I turned back. "There. Happy now?"
"Thank you," she said in a quiet voice.
I didn't reply. With a jerk of my head I gestured towards the back exit. She nodded and swallowed, apparently bracing herself for the effort. She used the back of the chair to steady herself as she shakily got to her feet, her legs giving away a little every now and then like a newborn deer.
Oh, for the love of all that is holy. Fate was obviously intent on my complete ruin. With an audible growl I scooped her up into my arms and charged off towards the exit. If I could just get her to the car I could lock her in. Lock that gorgeous, subtle flesh away: flesh that promised an escape from thought and being...
Fuck. Not again. I desperately recalled every trick Carlisle had taught me to deal with the thirst. But he hadn't ever prepared me for something like this.
Thankfully, Jasper's corvette was parked not too far away. In a probably not too gentle motion I placed her on her feet so she has the bonnet to support her and stepped away, retrieving the car keys from my pocket and bleeping the doors open.
"Where are we going?" She asked in a small, shaky voice. Her whole body was trembling with the exertion of just leaning. I was hardly in a much better state. I turned away, my fangs were at full length and grazed my lips. I clenched and unclenched my fists, willing all the other dirty street smells into my body. Anything but her.
I laughed a little in jittery amazement when I was calm enough to realise what she had asked. "Shouldn't you be asking what I'm going to do with you?" I said, my voice deceptively controlled.
The little cub was back. Though the energy was obviously swiftly deserting her, she tilted her chin at me defiantly.
"You won't hurt me," she replied firmly.
I was too taken aback to reply. The monster in me danced in glee at her trusting nature - formulating fantasy after fantasy in which I could take her, glut myself on that heaving blood. The monster revelled at the glimpse of her fragile wrists, the bird like delicacy of her cheek, the tender failing of her entire body. The seductive vulnerability of this small, stubborn girl.
"Won't I?" I replied. Genuinely unsure.
In response her body lolled and she crumbled to her knees, the blood loss finally taking its toll. Before I had time to think I was at her side, helping her to her feet again. Her eyes rolled back in her head a little as I held her, marvelling at the lightness of her small frame, marvelling that such a small delicate body should hold such power over me. I tensed my jaw, nostrils widening in frustration as I desperately tried to look anywhere but her exposed neck. She came to suddenly, her eyes focussing again. Staring at me. "God you're beautiful," she whispered in such a quiet, far away voice I thought I might have imagined it.
With a start the exit behind us burst open. Jasper emerged, dragging a blubbering human girl who was trying to fight her way out of his vice-like grip. Her flailing and equally blubbering human thoughts pummelled my mind and I quickly blocked her out again.
"Is it even worth me asking what all that was about?" He asked.
"Nope," I replied.
He opened a door and turned to the flustered teenage girl who still insisted on clawing at his arm like a deranged lunatic. He turned and spoke as if he was addressing a young child, "You are going to get in, sit down, and calm down. More importantly, you are going to be very, very quiet." Suddenly, all her protests died and she gaped at him. Some are more susceptible to Jasper's gift than others. From my own observations, this often seemed to correlate with the relative intelligence of said person. I had little doubt from the babbling of this new girl's inner monologue I had been proven correct again.
Jasper slammed the door shut and turned to me. "Well as you're in charge of this little jaunt I suppose I'd better ask you what next?"
I opened the opposite back door and laid the fragile young body I held in my arms on the back seat with her friend who wore a dazed, vacant expression. The girl in my arms had passed out. For an awful moment her face was close to mine as I placed her head on the lap of her friend. Her closed eyelids were thin and delicate: blue veined. I wrenched myself back out of the car.
"Carlisle must be back," I said in answer to Jasper's question. "We head home. This one needs a transfusion." I chucked him his car keys. "You can drive. I need a run."
I didn't give Jasper a chance to protest. I left him open mouthed, inwardly cursing, and flung my monster and I into the salve of speed and the night.
**********