Dear Journal,
I hate that term... Dear journal I feel like a sixth grader writing about my secret crush or something. Although I find the term to be ridiculous I guess its needed. So much has gone on this week I don't even know where to begin.. I guess I'll start where I tell everyone to start from, the beginning. It was sometime last week in the middle of the night Fitz texted me asking me to get my sister off of him... it was to say the least the strangest text I'd ever gotten. I made my way downstairs to find my sister already awake and angry with Fitz for texting me about it. I followed Fitz out we argued then we talked, both agreeing we'd skip church the next day. Darcy though told me that night she liked him as much as she liked Peter...and she liked Peter A LOT. I knew something was up then that she wasn't herself because that irrational, there was no way after knowing Mark for one night she could feel that way about him. Not only that but the boy is only a year older than me, that's not logical or legal. I should of known then but I thought maybe it was just I don't know nothing, that she was being silly or something. Then days after that Fitz came to my house, he was drunk and really upset over his mom. She had been in an accident he was scared and I felt so bad for him. He kissed me in his drunken state, I'll never forget it. Not in a good way because it made me realize how as much as I care about him as a friend his lips will never compare to my boyfriends... but this still caused problems. Which were once again my fault, I decided not to tell Eli. He found out though and broke up with me .Right now I kind of wish we were still broken up... Don't get me wrong I love him,so much but it would of saved him from all of this. He has so much on his plate already he doesn't need my stuff, he has his hoarding issues, Julia and I don't want to be another burden of his to have to bare. I don't even blame him for breaking up with me then, I would of done the same thing I deserved it. Maybe I deserve everything that's happening, maybe I did something wrong and God's punishing me by harming those I love the most. Maybe I'm the problem...
-Clare