All i needed was my fingers to play. I wanted to feel excitement, anxiety, pleasure. I wanted to be free in music. I wanted to change my past; i wanted to create and tell a story.
I bust the windows out your car
My throat cleared and my notes started of shaky but the confidence slowly kicked in ..
And no, it didn't mend my broken heart
I'll probably always have these ugly scars
But right now, I don't care about that part
I bust the windows out your car
My fingers had taken control, there was energy and technique. They were interacting with the keys like they had played with each other for centuries.
After I saw you laying next to her
I could almost feel the pain in the words. As if i was the one who saw it for real. I wanted to make every line sound and look real.
I didn't wanna but I took my turn
I'm glad I did it ?cause you had to learn
I heard the crowd clapping vigorously and i was slowly realizing that they were pleased with my voice. My face started to lighten up as I proceeded with the feeling of a true artist..
I must admit it helped a little bit
To think of how you'd feel when you saw it
I didn't know that I had that much strength
But I'm glad you see what happens when
You see you can't just play with people's feelings
Tell them you love them and don?t mean it
You?ll probably say that it was juvenile
But I think that I deserve to smile
I waited for the band to join in making the atmosphere perfect to dance a broken tango. I could almost sense ballroom dancers dancing in rhythm and creating a sexy sensation worth watching.
I bust the windows out your car
You know I did it ?cause I left my mark
Wrote my initials with a crowbar
And then I drove up into the dark
I bust the windows out your car
You should feel lucky that was all I did
After 5 whole years of this bull****
Gave you all of me and you played with it
...
As I ended on a perfect final note, the crowd stood up clapping and cheering. There was noise and contentment both in me and the audience. Somewhere in the midst of the crowd was my mother smiling as usual and extremely proud of her daughter. I knew this was one of those you've grown up so fast moments accompanied by a tub full of tears. I scanned the crowd once again and realized that she was right behind me. Standing in the very description I used. The Hug that came afterwards was honestly like a hug for a last time. If there were words to explain the joy I was feeling, i am sure i would have used them but i am sure she saw right through me.
"So your first real gig and as expected you nailed it" half crying and half smiling said my mother. "Well i did nail it didn't I? and can you stop with the tears it's embarrassing". "Fine, now what's your treat or are you going to abandon me to celebrate with your friends" trying to read my face , i replied "Umm i guess i could spend the night with my mother for ice-cream cause that all i can get with the pocket money you give me" . I knew I was looking in disappointment "quit complaining and who said the treat was from you, duu it's going to be me who gets to take her daughter out". I laughed and somewhere inside me i knew this was a special day. We both picked up my stuff and headed towards the car and before we knew it, we headed towards my favourite Italian restaurant in the city.
...
I guess thats all i remember of that night. Jena looked surprised and even more shocked.
" So you have no idea how you crashed or what time it happened" Jena looked confused and i could tell she wanted to know more. "look Amelia i know this is no time for questions but the police can't find your mother's body". I felt strapped to the bed i was laying in. I had 2 piercing needles in my arms with liquid flowing in and out. My eyes were barely open and they just wanted to pour out tears but for some reason i couldn't cry. No matter how i much i missed her or wanted to remember her i couldn't cry. Knowing my mother had just died and i or the fact no one else had no idea where her body was, was supposed to make me cry even more. The more i tried, the more i gave up.
Elena being my second cousin was sitting right next to me. I felt like she could understand what i was going through because i know she had gone through worse. She tried to comfort me by asking me if i needed anything but i felt that she had more tears then Jena. She could feel the pain of others losing their parents, she could feel what i wasn't. God i wished that i had died as well instead of being nothing but numb. I had never wished to experience more pain but trying to make my self cry seemed impossible. My body was just lying numb.