Yay, my first story! I'm so excited right now :)
So I got this idea a while ago (the date of the letter to be exact) and decided that I wanted to share it with my fellow fanfictioners. My friends said they really enjoyed so I really hope you guys do too :)
Disclaimer: These amazing characters belong to the one and only Stephenie Meyer.
February 3, 2010
Dear Tanya,
There are no words that I can write you that will ever express how sorry I am. You don't know long it took for me to sit down and pick up a pen to write all this down. It's been exactly two years since that night. I regret everything I yelled at you; everything that I accused you of. I know now that each and every object you flung at me, I deserved. I should've followed you as you walked out. If I had, I wouldn't have lost you. Since you left me, I've gotten looks of pity from friends and family. I hate it.
I miss you. God, I miss you so much. Those first 8 months I couldn't get your face out my head. Everywhere I'd look, your bright eyes and prefect smile would haunt me. Sometimes I would try and pretend that you were just a figment of my imagination. That those great five years of our lives were just made up. But the ache that I would feel in my chest, in my heart, would remind me of the truth. The next four months, Jasper and Emmett finally told me to get out of the house. Have some fun. But the thing is, they just didn't get it. They didn't love you like I did. I still do, in fact. But they begged me. Told me that you wouldn't have wanted me to stay locked up in my room for the rest of my life. So I tried. Not for them, but for you.
On one of the nights I went out with Jas and Em, we were at one of Newton's stupid frat parties. I was standing in a corner, nursing a beer and minding my own business, when a girl crashed into me. She apologized profusely, telling me how clumsy she was. I told her everything was alright, not really wanting to converse with anyone. She told me her name was Bella, I told her I was Edward, and we pretty much parted ways. We met again when I went to one of her friend's party. As we chatted, I finally noticed how beautiful she was. How captivating her brown eyes were. How two cute dimples appeared on her rosy cheeks when she smiled. How small and cute her nose was. How inviting her full pink lips looked.
Oh Tanya. I did something bad that night. I couldn't control myself. I was drunk and confused and hadn't felt the pleasure of a woman's body in so long. I took her upstairs and I took advantage of her. But I didn't expect to have feelings. She asked me to stay and I did, but she woke up to an empty bed.
I was so scared, Tanya. Why did I have these feeling for her, when I was still in love with you? I felt guilty and dirty. Not just for having those feelings, but for using an innocent, beautiful girl like Bella. She didn't deserve it at all. But what could I do? So I decided to forget about her and avoid her at all costs. That was easier said than done.
It didn't help that we went to the same school; had the same circle of friends. Every time I looked at her, she would either look away or completely ignore me. It hurt me every single time.
I finally got the nerve to go to her dorm room and talk to her; apologize for hurting her. I knocked on her door, praying her roommate wasn't there, and waited with my hands in my jacket pockets, waiting for her. She opened the door, looking beautiful as ever, and stared at me. I asked her if it would be alright if I talked with her for a few minutes. She said nothing, but opened the door wider and walked over to her couch and sat down. I followed her in and sat next to her. I told her how sorry I was, how I couldn't stop thinking about her. She told me how she couldn't stop thinking about me either and how hurt she was to wake up and find no trace of me anywhere. I told her again how sorry I was, and begged her to let me make it up to her; to take her out some time to show her that I cared about her. She accepted, smiling brightly. We talked for a while until her roommate, Rose, walked in. She smiled at both of us before going to her room, biding us both a goodnight. Taking that as a hint, I told her I'd see her the next day for our date. At the door, she leaned up and gave me a kiss before pulling back, smiling, and closing the door. I had an extra bounce in my step as I walked back to my apartment.
After a month of dating, she became my girlfriend. I had fallen in love with her. She was sleeping over at my place one night, when I told her all about you. I cried and she held me, telling me how strong I was. Telling me how you would be so proud of me. I told her that I loved her, and she told me she loved me too. We made love all night long, and I fell asleep holding her, with my hand over her heart, beating steady for me.
It's been exactly two years since that night. The night I lost you, Tanya. I should've followed you as you walked out. If I had, I wouldn't have lost you. You wouldn't have been hit by that car. I wouldn't have had to watch as they buried you in the ground.
I realize now that I wasn't in love with you. What we had had was the strongest friendship you could find; and unbreakable bond. That doesn't mean that I didn't love you. Because I did, I still do. I miss you so much. And I wish you were here so I could tell you some great news.
I'm gonna ask Bella to marry me tonight. I got her the perfect ring. I wish it was you who I went with too look for the engagement ring. Don't get me wrong, Rose is great. She knew just what Bella liked. But she's not you.
I hope everything is alright, wherever you are. You are in both me and Bella's prayers. She smiles when I tell her about you. I can tell she's happy that everything's alright. And you know what? Everything is alright.
Rest in peace, Tanya. You'll always have a piece of my heart.
Love always,
Edward
*peeks behind her fingers* Sooo, how was it? Feel free to leave me some reviews. I wanna know what you guys think :)
Thank you so much for reading!