Hello fanfiction world! I'm starting a new CM multi-chapter! (and here my subscribers to "Something Better" get worried) It's summertime so I don't have school holding my free time hostage right now, so don't worry too much!

This is going to be Morgan-centric. You don't see a lot of Morgan fics out there that aren't romance, so hopefully this is something original.

The first chapter is Garcia's first person narrative. Not every chapter will be in her point of view, but I haven't figured all of that out yet.

The title comes from a Havelock Ellis quote: "All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on."

Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds; if I did we would have seen the inside of Spencer's bedroom by now! ;)

"There is still no cure for the common birthday." ~John Glenn

I knew something was wrong the minute I stepped into the bullpen. JJ, Em, and Reid were sitting at their desks looking over to Morgan's chair.

"Where's our birthday boy?" I asked in an optimistically jovial voice, attempting to squash down that feeling of foreboding.

Derek was always one of the first people in the office. Hotch was always here a full half hour before the rest of us, but Morgan was usually the second to arrive. Spencer and I usually came next, always carrying piping hot coffee. Emily, a late sleeper; JJ, mother of a preschooler; and Rossi, a man who'd gotten used to the retirement lifestyle, were the last to arrive.

But this morning I had been running late. My hands were full balancing a birthday cake, a gift bag, and my venti-three-pump-vanilla- macchiato -with-extra-caramel-and-whipped-cream. Judging by the light in his office, even Rossi had gotten to work before me! Yet the desk belonging to my chocolate thunder birthday god was vacant.

"Morgan texted me this morning at five a.m." answered Reid. "It said 'won't be at work for a few days. had to go to chicago. hotch has more details.' Read it for yourself." He held up his archaic flip phone to show me the text message.

"And did you ask Hotch what Morgan said?" I asked, anxious to know more.

"Well…" started the young genius.

"Mrs. Morgan was taken to the hospital last night," explained Prentiss, cutting Reid off.

"What happened?" I asked, quickly setting down the items in my arms and plopping into Morgan's chair.

JJ continued, "We really haven't heard much. The doctors don't know what's wrong with her. They're running lots of tests."

I turned to Reid, "Why didn't you let me know? Why didn't Derek text me?" (I guess I wasn't being fair, I realize this now.)

"I didn't realize,"… "I should have," muttered the doctor, "I'm sorry, Garcia."

That day the team flew off to Denver, Colorado for a case. I spent the day and night anxiously watching my phone for any calls. I would periodically scroll through my text inbox just in case I were to have missed one (which would have been impossible in my hyper-vigilant state). I had to stop myself several times from calling or texting him. I was dying to contact him, but I knew it would be better to just hold off. Finally around 5 p.m., a full 36 hours from Morgan's initial text to Reid, my cell phone rang.

"Hey babygirl," It was the greeting that I'd been awaiting for so long. His voice sounded haggard and I knew him well enough to know that he'd gotten little, if any, sleep.

"Hello Angel Face," I tried to sound cheerful, but I'm sure my voice quavered.

"Look, I'm sure Reid and Hotch have told everyone what was going on…. I'm sorry I didn't call you before I left," he started.

"Don't worry about it, I know you were probably in a hurry to catch a flight."

"No, I had time. I just, well, I decided not to call you. I know it sounds horrible, but I just couldn't deal with you trying to cheer me up at that time. I was concerned about my mom and I didn't think I could handle a Garcia style pep talk."

"It's okay. Really!" I urged him to keep talking, though I was a little hurt by what he'd said.

"But that's why I called you first now. Baby," his voice broke. It always pained me to witness the great Derek Morgan crying, as rare as it occurred. "Baby girl, they think my mom has cancer."

"What?" I didn't know what to say; what I could do for him.

"They still have more tests to run, but the doctors are pretty sure. And…. And it doesn't look good. The scans showed what look like multiple tumors in her lungs."

"Lung cancer? She doesn't smoke, right?"

"No, she's never smoked a day in her life. But the doctors say that even nonsmokers can develop lung cancer, it's just not as common."

I knew that lung cancer is among the deadliest cancers and that made it even harder to know what to say. "She's gonna be okay, right?"

"I don't know, baby." He paused. "It's pretty bad. They think it might be as advanced as stage three. Apparently she's been having trouble breathing for months now but she never told my sisters."

"Oh, Derek. I'm so sorry!" I was crying now. "I don't know what to say to comfort you, Cupcake." Saying cake made me remember his birthday cake that had been left uneaten. "Gosh, this must have been the worst birthday ever for you!"

"Something like that." He didn't even try to suppress the bitterness in his voice. "Can you do something for me?"

"Sure, whatever you need."

"Could you let the team know? One phone call like this is enough. I don't think I can talk to Hotch right now."

"Yeah, don't worry about it." I myself dreaded making such a call, but I understood where he was coming from. "Just go spend time with your mom. Tell her I'm praying for her. Get yourself something to eat, and try to get some rest. I know how you are Derek. When you're worried about someone you completely forget to take care of yourself." I tried my best to lift his spirits.

He chuckled slightly, "Thanks Baby girl, you're right of course. I'm gonna go now. I'll keep you updated."

"You're welcome. Love ya, Sweet Cheeks." I just wanted him to smile.

"Bye Garcia" he replied sullenly, hanging up before I had a chance to say goodbye.

"We cannot direct the wind but we can adjust the sails." ~Author Unknown

I know it's short and not-so-sweet, but it's just the first chapter! I have to introduce the fic someway!

Please review!

Also, I've just created a beta profile, so if anyone wants help on a fic, contact me! :)