Title: My Misery
Author: Chaser
Disclaimer: Idea - mine, Characters - Capcom
Warning: Self-abuse, Angst, A rather disturbing view of Momo, Written in an
hour.
Pairings: None what so ever
Summery: It's the end of the school year and everyone is graduating except
Momo.
"God only knows that sometimes, it's hard to even fake a smile, it gets so old looking at these city light, but I'll be alright, I'm praying.My Misery." - Phantom Blue
My Misery
Schools finished, schools no more, school has ended. Everyone will now go on and probably do great things. While what will I do? What will I do now that I don't have school to hide behind? I think as I sit in my last class of the day.
People I barely know, my fellow classmates, surround me. They will be all I have come next semester.
Folding my arms on the disk, I rest my head and sigh. Next semester everything I know will change again. Again the things I have come to depend on will change and there is nothing I can do about it.
There isn't much I really have here. I have a mother and father but they too will leave me soon. Off on another adventure or as they call it business trip. Sometimes I think that they really just don't want to be around me. Am I that bad of a person?
Besides them I have my friends. Few as they may be, they are mine. I depend on them. They keep me together. I need them but just like always; everyone leaves Momo. I don't like being alone. Don't want to be alone anymore.
*******************
"Hey Momo, why you look so glum?" Roberto asks me as he sits next to me at the lunch table.
Roberto is the nice one. Always there when I need a laugh or a pick me up and he defends me when Shoma puts his jock strap on backwards.
" Nothing Momo is not happy."
"Why? You should be happy, classes are just about over and we'll be free."
" I know." I say as stare off aimlessly into the crowd around us.
Roberto was about to ask me something else but was distracted by a pouting Shoma. He was complaining about how he thinks he failed the final he had just taken. Even now after two years I love him. I know he doesn't want me but that's okay now. I know that if I were a better person he would love me like I want him too. One day soon I shall be that person.
" Hey Momo." He said to me. I waved meekly and mumbled a hello. " What's wrong with her?" Shoma asked Roberto.
" Haven't a clue, she was like that when I got here. Where's Natsu?"
That was the end of their concern about my disposition. Not that I blame them I would ignore me too.
Shifting my head that rested on my folded arms, I watched them. They were laughing, playing, joking around and making plans. They had big plans for the summer and even bigger ones for their future. Yet none of them included me.
I know I didn't start out as the greatest person but after two years, I thought I'd become part of their lives. Yet they all sat here and no one mentioned my name. It was like I was just something they dealt with out of force and once school was over they would be rid of me. Quietly I got up, gathered my things and left. No one noticed I had left, not one of them.
Throwing my bag over my shoulder I left school entirely. I wasn't going to stick around so they could just forget me. Why was I even bothering with it? They were all going to just leave me behind and go about their lives. I might be remember as the little obnoxious girl who looked like a cupie doll, tried to break up their friendship, had a crush on Shoma and was helping one of the worst people known to man once; if they remember that much about me at all.
Walking out of school, I went home or that's what I am supposed to call it. It wasn't my real home. I don't know where my real home is. I have never seen it before.
For as long as I can remember I have lived with foster families. The Komatsuzaki family, however have kept me the longest. It might have something to do with how they are rarely ever home. My looks and small form bothered most families. I came to terms long ago that I was never going to be like others. I was never going to grow much past five-foot or look like a full grown adult. It's just something that I will have to live with.
The house I lived in was moderately sized. The family I lived with now were well off and it showed. My bedroom was a large space covered from top to bottom in pink. I don't really like the color pink at all but everyone thinks it's looks just adorable on me and I have no choice but to suffer my pink hell.
Throwing several stuffed bears off my bed, I throw myself on it. Besides me the house is empty. I am alone. In one week and four days my friends will leave school forever. I will be alone. I don't like being alone. I don't like the silence. The feeling of being empty. I can admit I have a slight co-dependency problem but I have to. I have to have people around me. I need them to occupy my time, to fill the void. Distract me from myself.
Tears slip down my cheeks as I lay thinking. I know why this happens to me. I know why everyone leaves Momo.
"Momo is a bad person. Momo is bad person." I tell myself. "No one wants Momo. They all leave."
I know what I must do. I must get them to like me. Rid myself of the bad stuff. The stuff that makes them leave me. I know if I'm a better person they will love me, they will stay.
Off the bed and to the vanity I go. Sitting in the little pink chair, I swipe my arm across the top. Sending everything to the floor.
" Must get rid of bad stuff."
Opening the top drawer I pull out a little pink fuzzy bag. Inside it holds my way of being a good person. A person everyone will love. A person they will stay for, a person that will never be alone again.
Standing I watch myself in the mirror as I unzip my dress. It was a shame that at sixteen, I still looked like a ten-year-old, short and square.
Once I folded my little striped dress and placed it neatly on the bed. I once again sat in front of the vanity. Opening the small bag, I pulled out a tiny notebook and pen.
"Momo will be good."
In the notebook I write the date. June 9th and cross out the name Kiyomi Muramatsu.
" One more off my list. One more repented for. One more. Momo remembers you Muramatsu-san. Momo never forgets. Momo did bad now do right. Be good person. One more."
Placing the book back inside the small bag. I pull out an even smaller box. Flicking the small latch of the wooden box, I begin piecing together my tool of repent. A shiny exacto knife I twirl between my fingers.
" Momo will be a good person. Seven more and never alone."
Running my hand across my exposed flat chest. I can feel the ones before, all eighty-nine of them. Finding an unmarked spot between number 14; Shouya Chiba, a small businessman who was withholding information from Kurow; and number 34. Yasuyo Eguchi, A young woman I ran into in Shibuya one day. The daughter of a family I lived with when I was very young, who had locked me in the closet for hours.
A small incision, a small cut is all I need. The only indication that the skin has been broken is the tiny line of blood that follows the blade. Holding in from crying out from the pain I tell myself, "One more. Never alone again."
Putting my tool to rid myself of my evil down. I quickly gather my blood in a tiny black vase. Mustn't let the blood spread. Bad blood is what it is. I might infect others. I couldn't let that happen. I gather it all, to properly to dispose of the evil within the crimson liquid.
Once I gathered all the blood and the wound began to close. I once again opened the top drawer. Inside held a first aid kit. Cleaning the wound, I could feel myself better. I didn't feel as alone. Another evil I had committed was repented for and cleansed. Another small weight had been lifted.
Soon I would be free. Soon I would be the person people liked. Person they stayed for. Never forgotten, never discarded, never left behind. I was a step closer to being that person I had always wanted to be.
Even as I felt slightly light headed and dizzy, I made sure I cleaned my tool and out it away. Disposing of the evil in a metal bowl, I set it a blaze. The smell was simply sickening.
Finally when I was done I could allow myself to rest. Sleep came quickly. I welcomed it for I knew I was going to have good dreams. Where I was a good person and was surrounded by people who loved me and I was never alone anymore.
END.
"God only knows that sometimes, it's hard to even fake a smile, it gets so old looking at these city light, but I'll be alright, I'm praying.My Misery." - Phantom Blue
My Misery
Schools finished, schools no more, school has ended. Everyone will now go on and probably do great things. While what will I do? What will I do now that I don't have school to hide behind? I think as I sit in my last class of the day.
People I barely know, my fellow classmates, surround me. They will be all I have come next semester.
Folding my arms on the disk, I rest my head and sigh. Next semester everything I know will change again. Again the things I have come to depend on will change and there is nothing I can do about it.
There isn't much I really have here. I have a mother and father but they too will leave me soon. Off on another adventure or as they call it business trip. Sometimes I think that they really just don't want to be around me. Am I that bad of a person?
Besides them I have my friends. Few as they may be, they are mine. I depend on them. They keep me together. I need them but just like always; everyone leaves Momo. I don't like being alone. Don't want to be alone anymore.
*******************
"Hey Momo, why you look so glum?" Roberto asks me as he sits next to me at the lunch table.
Roberto is the nice one. Always there when I need a laugh or a pick me up and he defends me when Shoma puts his jock strap on backwards.
" Nothing Momo is not happy."
"Why? You should be happy, classes are just about over and we'll be free."
" I know." I say as stare off aimlessly into the crowd around us.
Roberto was about to ask me something else but was distracted by a pouting Shoma. He was complaining about how he thinks he failed the final he had just taken. Even now after two years I love him. I know he doesn't want me but that's okay now. I know that if I were a better person he would love me like I want him too. One day soon I shall be that person.
" Hey Momo." He said to me. I waved meekly and mumbled a hello. " What's wrong with her?" Shoma asked Roberto.
" Haven't a clue, she was like that when I got here. Where's Natsu?"
That was the end of their concern about my disposition. Not that I blame them I would ignore me too.
Shifting my head that rested on my folded arms, I watched them. They were laughing, playing, joking around and making plans. They had big plans for the summer and even bigger ones for their future. Yet none of them included me.
I know I didn't start out as the greatest person but after two years, I thought I'd become part of their lives. Yet they all sat here and no one mentioned my name. It was like I was just something they dealt with out of force and once school was over they would be rid of me. Quietly I got up, gathered my things and left. No one noticed I had left, not one of them.
Throwing my bag over my shoulder I left school entirely. I wasn't going to stick around so they could just forget me. Why was I even bothering with it? They were all going to just leave me behind and go about their lives. I might be remember as the little obnoxious girl who looked like a cupie doll, tried to break up their friendship, had a crush on Shoma and was helping one of the worst people known to man once; if they remember that much about me at all.
Walking out of school, I went home or that's what I am supposed to call it. It wasn't my real home. I don't know where my real home is. I have never seen it before.
For as long as I can remember I have lived with foster families. The Komatsuzaki family, however have kept me the longest. It might have something to do with how they are rarely ever home. My looks and small form bothered most families. I came to terms long ago that I was never going to be like others. I was never going to grow much past five-foot or look like a full grown adult. It's just something that I will have to live with.
The house I lived in was moderately sized. The family I lived with now were well off and it showed. My bedroom was a large space covered from top to bottom in pink. I don't really like the color pink at all but everyone thinks it's looks just adorable on me and I have no choice but to suffer my pink hell.
Throwing several stuffed bears off my bed, I throw myself on it. Besides me the house is empty. I am alone. In one week and four days my friends will leave school forever. I will be alone. I don't like being alone. I don't like the silence. The feeling of being empty. I can admit I have a slight co-dependency problem but I have to. I have to have people around me. I need them to occupy my time, to fill the void. Distract me from myself.
Tears slip down my cheeks as I lay thinking. I know why this happens to me. I know why everyone leaves Momo.
"Momo is a bad person. Momo is bad person." I tell myself. "No one wants Momo. They all leave."
I know what I must do. I must get them to like me. Rid myself of the bad stuff. The stuff that makes them leave me. I know if I'm a better person they will love me, they will stay.
Off the bed and to the vanity I go. Sitting in the little pink chair, I swipe my arm across the top. Sending everything to the floor.
" Must get rid of bad stuff."
Opening the top drawer I pull out a little pink fuzzy bag. Inside it holds my way of being a good person. A person everyone will love. A person they will stay for, a person that will never be alone again.
Standing I watch myself in the mirror as I unzip my dress. It was a shame that at sixteen, I still looked like a ten-year-old, short and square.
Once I folded my little striped dress and placed it neatly on the bed. I once again sat in front of the vanity. Opening the small bag, I pulled out a tiny notebook and pen.
"Momo will be good."
In the notebook I write the date. June 9th and cross out the name Kiyomi Muramatsu.
" One more off my list. One more repented for. One more. Momo remembers you Muramatsu-san. Momo never forgets. Momo did bad now do right. Be good person. One more."
Placing the book back inside the small bag. I pull out an even smaller box. Flicking the small latch of the wooden box, I begin piecing together my tool of repent. A shiny exacto knife I twirl between my fingers.
" Momo will be a good person. Seven more and never alone."
Running my hand across my exposed flat chest. I can feel the ones before, all eighty-nine of them. Finding an unmarked spot between number 14; Shouya Chiba, a small businessman who was withholding information from Kurow; and number 34. Yasuyo Eguchi, A young woman I ran into in Shibuya one day. The daughter of a family I lived with when I was very young, who had locked me in the closet for hours.
A small incision, a small cut is all I need. The only indication that the skin has been broken is the tiny line of blood that follows the blade. Holding in from crying out from the pain I tell myself, "One more. Never alone again."
Putting my tool to rid myself of my evil down. I quickly gather my blood in a tiny black vase. Mustn't let the blood spread. Bad blood is what it is. I might infect others. I couldn't let that happen. I gather it all, to properly to dispose of the evil within the crimson liquid.
Once I gathered all the blood and the wound began to close. I once again opened the top drawer. Inside held a first aid kit. Cleaning the wound, I could feel myself better. I didn't feel as alone. Another evil I had committed was repented for and cleansed. Another small weight had been lifted.
Soon I would be free. Soon I would be the person people liked. Person they stayed for. Never forgotten, never discarded, never left behind. I was a step closer to being that person I had always wanted to be.
Even as I felt slightly light headed and dizzy, I made sure I cleaned my tool and out it away. Disposing of the evil in a metal bowl, I set it a blaze. The smell was simply sickening.
Finally when I was done I could allow myself to rest. Sleep came quickly. I welcomed it for I knew I was going to have good dreams. Where I was a good person and was surrounded by people who loved me and I was never alone anymore.
END.