Disclaimer: Does not belong to me.
A/N 1: Somehow, I just never liked the fate/coin toss ending to Harm and Mac's story. So, if it were up to me, this is how it would have ended.
A/N 2: No seriously explicit stuff. Mostly suggestive in nature but I rated it T, just to be on the safe side. Let me know if you disagree.
The Morning After
That damn coin toss. That is where it all started. And now they will have to deal with the consequences. Who would have ever believed that the coin would end on its side. Not heads. Not tails. Sarah McKenzie sighed. But then again, it is par for the course where her and Harm is concerned.
Mac replayed the evening in her head. She and Harm finally admitting what neither of them could deny any longer. The happiness she felt at finally being able to show the love she has been hiding for so long and the indescribable elation she felt to see the same feelings mirrored in Harm's eyes. But she should have known right then and there that this would not be easy. A coin toss might solve all other people's problems. Normal people. People who meet, fall in love, get married and have kids. She and Harm were never "normal". She had had one relationship after another. She almost made the biggest mistake of her life and married Mic. And she doesn't even want to be reminded of the fiasco that was her relationship with Clayton Webb.
Not that Harm did any better than she did in the relationship department. Well, maybe he did. He never pretended to love anybody enough to marry them. Until now. Which is just one more reason why she should be the happiest person alive right now. At least they got that sorted out. They will get married. They will be together. But will they be together in San Diego or London? A coin toss seemed such a good idea to resolve that particular problem. Fate is what Harm called it. Well, Lady Fate obviously had different ideas about what her role was supposed to be in this whole affair.
Mac rolled over onto her other side, facing a sleeping Harm. Her eyes slowly wandered over his handsome face, relaxed in sleep, hardly able to believe that they are finally sharing a bed, finally able to express their feelings openly and freely. How many times did she dream about this? Does it really matter where they are, as long as they are able to be together? If she gives up her navy career, will she regret the decision in years to come? If she allows Harm to give up his career, will he not come to resent her in time? All valid questions.
Can they come this close to realising a dream just to fail at the last hurdle? Surely what she should be focussing on is that Harm has been the only man that has always been there for her. The fact that he gave up his career once already for her when he went after her to Paraguay should also, of course, be taken into account. He was the only one that she wanted to talk to after her endometriosis was diagnosed. He was there to pick up the pieces after Webb's deception. And if it wasn't for Renee's father passing away, he would have also been the one picking up the pieces after Mic left. Even back then she should have been able to admit that she did not marry Mic because she loved Harm too much. Instead she got all worked up because Harm chose to be with Renee in her hour of need instead of being with her, Sarah. Maybe she had reason to be hurt by that. But if she is totally honest, she cannot blame him for making the choice that he did. He has always been a very caring, protective kind of a guy. One of the reasons she loves him. And even if he did not love Renee in a romantic way, nobody can deny that he did love her as a friend.
If she was able to admit this back then, they probably would have been married for a couple of years already. But instead she ran away. Like her mother did. She's never been able to forgive her mother for running off and leaving her with her drunken father, but was she any better? She's been running from one thing or another for most of her life. And last night, when she finally stopped running, Harm was there to welcome her home. No recriminations, no ifs ands or buts. Just acceptance and a whole lot of loving.
Is she prepared to risk this? Is it not time to admit that love also means compromise? And maybe she should also accept that it is now her turn to do the compromise thing. Suddenly it felt as if the weight of the world has been lifted from her shoulders. She is going to do this. It is within her power to make this work. It is the right thing to do. She has loved this man for almost as long as she has known him. For too long she has convinced herself that something between her and Harm can never work. There were a million reasons, but underneath all those reasons, if she is brutally honest with herself, was the fear that Harm did not really love her. Not enough to marry her. Maybe enough to have a fling with, maybe even enough to make it work for a period of time. But deep down inside she knew she needed more. She wanted everything, the marriage, the forever after, the family they would have together.
But for as long as she has known Harm, through all the relationships she was witness to over the past nine years, he never once mentioned marriage. Until last night that was. He actually proposed. Even more than that. He showed a willingness to once again put his career on the line. When all has been said and done. That is all she really needed to know.
With a sigh of contentment she let her finger tips wander over his beard-stubbled cheek. His eyes opened sleepily. For a moment he looked disorientated and then the disorientation was replaced with a look of such love and happiness that she almost cried out. Instead she just snuggled closer.
"Good morning Sailor."
With one swift move he pulled her into his arms and rolled onto his back so that she ended up on top of him, their legs tangling in the sheets. His hand stroked over her cheek before allowing their lips to meet for a searing kiss.
"Good morning yourself." Their lips met again, briefly clinging.
"Did last night really happen?"
"'Fraid so."
"You regretting anything?" Suddenly, there were shadows in his eyes that weren't there when he woke up.
Mac smiled, preferring to let her actions be the answer to the question, but Harm was having none of it, rolling her over and pinning her down beneath him on the bed.
"Mac..."
"What?" For some reason she just enjoyed teasing him so much. The always confident, self assured Commander, no, correction, Captain Rabb suddenly at a loss for words.
"This is too important. Don't try to distract me. "
"Okay." But her hands were already wandering again.
"Mac, we need to discuss what happened yesterday. We were supposed to discuss it last night already." He looked at her accusingly.
"What? It's my fault we got...uhhm... carried away?"
"Yes."
She smiled. It was definitely her fault.
"Okay, so maybe it was my fault...but I did not hear you complain at the time..."
Harm looked down at the beautiful woman laughing up at him. Whatever happens from here on out, there is no way he would ever let her go. If it means he has to give up his career, then so be it. It took them nine years to reach this point. But now that he knows what it is like to have the love of the one you have loved for such a long time, he is not prepared to give it up again.
"Mac... Sarah..."
"Uh-oh. You never call me Sarah..."
"Well, this is important."
Mac sobered up some. Harm was right. This IS important. Probably the most important thing she will have to say in a very long time.
"Okay. But before you say anything, I feel there is a need for me to clarify something. "
Mac's throat was suddenly dry. This is it. The moment of truth. The moment that will determine the direction her life will take from here on out.
"The coin toss idea was a silly one. And I am very, VERY glad that it fell the way it did."
Harm frowned.
"What are you saying?"
"I am saying that if the coin came down heads or tails, the one who won would always be wondering if the one who lost was okay with the outcome. The sacrifice would have been forced on the one who lost. And that person might in time come to resent the other one. "
"Maybe." Her flyboy was still frowning.
"But, now that fate decided to stay out of it, it made me think of all that could be lost to me. You. A life with you. Waking up with you every morning. Maybe, if we are lucky, even a couple of babies down the line. Mattie. "
"Mattie?"
"Yes, Mattie. As much as she needs a father figure, she also needs some female guidance, let's say a bigger sister. I would love to be able to be that for her. She is a great kid who had a couple of tough breaks. It's time that she has some stability in her life. "
"I think I'm becoming very confused. What are you trying to say?"
Mac looped her arms around his neck, staring deep into his eyes.
"I am saying, Harm, that I have made a choice, not one that was forced on me, but one I am making because I want to be with the people I love. I would like to go with you to London; I would like for us to try to have a family. I would like to provide some stability for Mattie. "
Mac gently kissed him on the lips before continuing.
"And most importantly, I would like to do this because the alternative, to be without you or to be with you because some stupid coin determined that I should give up my career or you should give up your career, is just not good enough."
There was silence in the room for a very long time. Mac could see that Harm was not sure how to deal with this particular surprise. That was okay. Let him take the time he needs to assimilate what she said. So, she remained quiet, letting her hands wander slowly up and down his back.
Suddenly, unexpectedly, he rolled of her, got up and strolled over to the window. With his back still turned to her he said:
"I can't let you do this."
Mac got up as well and went to stand next to him. She gently laid her hand on his arm, asking, without words, for him to look at her. When he turned to her she moved in closer.
"You are not letting me do anything. It was my decision to take and I took it. "
She circled her arms around his waist and rested her head against his chest.
"I love you. I have loved you for such a very, very long time. You have been the one constant in my life over the past nine years. Besides, you have already given up your career for me once before when you came after me to Paraguay. Now it's my turn."
He was still rigid within her embrace, not returning her touch.
"Sure I'll miss my job. But if I have to choose between having a job and having you... There is no choice really."
"I know you, Mac. You will never be able to be a stay-at-home-wife. It will drive you crazy within the first six months. And in time you might come to resent me anyway. I'm not prepared to run that risk. Loosing you is not an option I care to consider."
"Harm, I'm not saying it will be easy. That we will be living a fairy tale where everything turn out exactly the way we intended. Of course we will have to work at it. Of course there will be bad days. Maybe we will have to consider other options along the line, if we see that things are not working out."
"Mac..."
"Wait. I don't mean if things between us don't work out. I mean if being a housewife ends up driving me around the bend."
She planted a row of kisses along his collarbone.
"There are lots of options out there for retired JAG lawyers. If there ever comes a time where I feel I need to get back to a job, I'm, sure I'll find something that I like. "
Finally she felt his arms circling around her waist, holding her just a little bit closer.
"But, for the next few years, Sailor, I would just like to focus on you and me and Mattie. I've also done some research on what options are available that might increase my chances of conceiving. So, you know, I might actually be too busy in years to come to worry about a job."
Harm looked at her upturned face. There was a light in her eyes that he has never seen before. She was positively glowing. And he started to believe. To believe that things will work out. That after nine years of wishing and wondering and hoping, they will finally be together.
"Just promise me one thing. If ever there is a time that you feel things are getting too much, just promise me you will let me be there for you. That we will work through the problems together."
Mac smiled, more relieved than she wanted him to see.
"You've got it."
Suddenly he swung her up in his arms and carried her back to the bed.
"You should also know that now that I have you, I will never let you go again."
He placed her in the middle of the bed.
"I intend being a very demanding husband. I've spent more than enough time on the margins of your life. If you are going to offer me the opportunity of being part of your life, you should also understand that I intend being involved in every part of it. No more medical procedures without me being aware of it or being there before, during and after said procedure. If you so much as sneeze, I want to know about it and be given the opportunity to offer you a tissue. If you are happy, sad, upset, angry, scared, excited or experiencing any other kind of emotion I want to know about it as well as the reason for said emotion."
Harm was now pacing in front of the bed, his brow furrowed in deep concentration, the type of concentration he usually only exhibits when he is trying a very difficult case. Finally he stopped his pacing and turned to look her square in the eyes.
"Those are my terms."
Mac pretended to think it over.
"You drive a hard bargain counsellor. But I think I can get onboard with it. If..."
"If...?"
"If you understand and accept that I am going to be an equally demanding wife. I have realised over the past 9 years that the strong, silent type is not my type at all. Well, maybe I can still live with the strong part, but absolutely no to the silent part. "
"Okay."
"Okay. Now are you gonna come over here so we can seal this deal or do I have to beg?"
Harm grinned at her before he joined her on the bed, his actions making sure that the woman in his arms understand exactly how important she is to him.
0 0 0 0 0 0
Epilogue
Sarah MacKenzie-Rabb was angry. No. Make that furious. How dare he?
She stomped out to the garage. But then decided that she was too upset to drive. Better to calm down first and to take it from there. Hubby may be a lawyer but that does not mean he wants to see his wife brought up on assault charges. It is in anyway maybe a better idea to first speak to Harm about this before she goes off and start assaulting people. He's usually much more level-headed about these things than she is. Although the guy basically ditched Mattie at the altar. Her usually calm husband might also lose it this time.
Back in the kitchen she pulled out her mobile and punched in Harm's number. He answered on the first ring.
"I need you."
"I'll be home in 15."
Mac put her mobile back in her pocket. Harm had warned her that he will be a very demanding husband. As it turns out he was an incredibly involved husband, managing to juggle a very demanding career, a wife, a new baby and an adoptive daughter with seemingly great ease. Of course there are times when he is travelling or trying important cases or dealing with issues at the office. During these times he needs her to be more understanding. But as a rule, Harm has been there with her every step of the way. The partnership they forged during the nine years before their marriage had become so much more in the past five years.
If anybody had told her that they would be this happy, she would have scoffed at them. But both she and Harm have taken to married life as if they were made for it. He was there for her every step of the way when she underwent fertility treatment. He held her hand during each and every procedure. He comforted her time and again when it became clear that once again they were unsuccessful. How many nights did he sit with her on his lap, just holding her while she cried? Too many to count. And when it finally happened, when the doctor finally gave her the news that she was 6 week pregnant, she cried even more. But this time, her husband was crying with her.
She suddenly felt a pair of arms embracing her from behind.
"Hey, Mac. What's up?"
She turned in the circle of his arms and looped her own around his neck, leaning in for a quick kiss.
"Tommy broke off the engagement. Mattie is heartbroken. She cried for hours. I finally got her to take a nap about an hour ago, so I can go kill the little twerp."
Harm frowned at her.
"I'm confused. All along you've been saying that she is too young to get married. Why are you upset now? You should be happy that it turned out this way."
He took one look at her face before he rushed to continue.
"Ok, ok not happy. But you understand what I mean."
Mac shrugged.
"I AM happy...in a way. Apart from everything else, he is not good enough for her. But he hurt her and I cannot let him get away with that."
Harm momentarily marvelled, as he did many times before, at how fortunate he was that this wonderful human being agreed to spend the rest of her life with him. She has become like a mother to Mattie and as with mothers everywhere, if you hurt the child, you will have one very angry mother to deal with. Or in this case, one very angry Marine.
"Look, Mattie is young still. She'll get over this. And we will be there for her. Maybe we can go away somewhere for a week or so. It might help her to take her mind of things."
Mac nodded and Harm continued:
"She is much better off without this guy. And if he is too much of an idiot to realise what he has just given up on, I'm not gonna help him figure it out. "
"Of course that does not mean that I'm not going to pay him a little visit a bit later today, just to help him understand that we will all be very happy if we never see him again."
Mac nodded again.
"Maybe it's better if you go."
Harm chuckled.
"Well, if we don't want our daughters to have to visit you in prison for the next couple of years, it's definitely better if I go."
Mac just smiled and hugged him closer. Sometimes he knows her almost too well.
They stood like that for a while longer, just enjoying being together. Then Harm looked at his watch.
"There is one or two things I need to finish at the office. Why don't you guys meet me there later and we can all go out to dinner together?"
"Okay."
She cocked her head slightly, listening.
"Speaking of which, I think Danielle just woke up from her nap."
Harm looked at his watch again.
"Well maybe I can just quickly say hello to her."
Mac smiled as she followed him out of the kitchen. Her husband is no match for their 18 month old baby daughter. There is nothing that he would not do for her. Well, actually that goes for both her and Harm. And as they both cooed over the precious little bundle of joy a few minutes later, she once again gave thanks that fate allowed them to make their own choices.
-fin-