Cramping With Style
By: Jaha Canon
Disclaimer: Force of habit. I own nothing but the force of habit to write disclaimers.
I'd like to dedicate this piece to the upcoming next few days of cramps that I'm expecting.
"Roger? Are you all right?" Angel asked the man sitting up against the door of his girlfriend's place.
"…I am never going to try to be around Mimi during that time of the month again… EVER!" Roger exclaimed. "She's insane! Mimi in PMS is bad, but those cramps are completely making her flip out!"
"Uh oh." Collins said, he reached out to pull Angel's arm so that they could go up the last flight of stairs to safety.
"The poor dear! I hear periods can be awful things!" Angel remarked, moving out of Collin's reach and towards Mimi's door.
Roger jumped up and grabbed Angel's shoulders, shaking her. "Don't go in here, Angel! Certainly you're male enough to know to stay away from women when they're flipping out during -that- time!"
Angel easily got out of Roger's grasp and disregarded the warning. She knocked on the door, "Mimi sweetheart! It's me! Can I come in?"
"Angel?" said Mimi's cheerful (yet pained) voice through the door. "Come on in, I'm feeling terrrrrrrible and I need company!"
"My poor dear Mimi!" Angel said as she slid open the door and walked in.
Collins could only stand there, gawking, with his arm still out.
Now mostly recovered, Roger began walking up the stairs, "Come on, Collins. Man, don't worry about it- they do that sometimes."
"A-angel…?" Collins called silently through the door. There was no response and he followed Roger up to his place where Mark was working on a film.
"Hey Collins! Where's Angel?" Mark asked innocently.
"The lioness' den" Roger answered casually.
"Oh, she's with Mimi?" Mark chuckled.
"What -he- is doing is tempting fate in women's clothing." Roger replied.
"Oooh boy…" Collins said, rubbing his forehead.
"In all the time I've known you, Angel, I never would have thought you would be the one male on earth who could truly sympathize with the toils of women. I always thought there would be one man on earth that could, but I never thought I'd be lucky enough to know him!"
"I've just heard over and over again from different women about how much of a burden it can be. It's got to suck to have to put up with this once a month" Angel replied, rubbing Mimi's back sympathetically. "Want some tea and toast?"
"Yes and thank you, Angel! You're awesome!" Mimi complimented as she watched her enter the tiny kitchen area. "You're better than all of my old best friends rolled into one…"
Angel looked over her shoulder and winked. "Thanks! You're a great friend, too, Mimi! You'd do the same for me if I was absolutely miserable, right?"
"Of course!" Mimi exclaimed. "Owww…. Cramps."
"Motrin?" Angel offered.
Mimi nodded, "Motrin, please."
"I never would have thought, Collins!" Roger said with a smirk. He drank a little more of his beer as the philosophy teacher gave him a dark glare.
"Never would have thought what, Roger?" he asked.
"That we'd be having a sort of a straight guy moment together. I mean, this hasn't happened before to you and it's kind of funny. You know, in the same kind of way Mark's singleness is funny." Roger grinned as Mark shot him a glare across the room.
Collins inspected the beer can in his hand. "Got anything stronger? Or at least 15 more cans of this?"
"What? Do you thing we're made of money here?" Roger asked.
"Hey guys!" Benny greeted as he entered as if on cue.
"Oh, hey Benny!" Mark greeted. "Roger is just being an asshole right now, so don't mind him."
"Is Mimi downstairs? I knocked on her door and got no answer." he asked.
Roger narrowed his eyes at Benny. "She's got horrible cramps. I wouldn't even advise you to be in there right now. We already lost Angel to her insanity…"
"Calm down, Roger," Mark interjected. "They're probably just talking. They're really good friends, after all. Mimi probably feels better talking to Angel."
Benny silently looked at the sparse amount of beer cans and at the expressions on their faces.
"I'm going to buy some more liquor." He turned and left.
"That, my friends, is a good man." Collins said, "He doesn't always show it, but he's a good man."
A while passed, then the door slid open again, Maureen and Joanne walked through.
"Hey guys! Where is everyone else?" Maureen asked.
"Mimi is in her room having horrible cramps, Angel is comforting her, and Benny is out getting more booze." Mark explained to his ex and her girlfriend.
"Mimi's having her period now, too?" Maureen asked excitedly, she turned to Joanne. "It's like I have a soul sister now! Come on! Let's go talk to her!"
Joanne watched Maureen exit and turned to the men. "You know, -really- you guys have as much ability to be understanding of the physical aspect of women as Angel does if you would just put out the effort."
She rolled her eyes at the blank stares she was receiving and followed Maureen.
"I know for a fact that whatever conversation is going on down there is going to take a turn for the worse once Maureen is there…" Mark commented. He shook the thoughts out of his head and buried his mind in working on his film.
"Hey Collins! Looks like you had a lot of fun hanging out with the guys upstairs!" Angel exclaimed, pulling the man into a hug. She found herself supporting a lot of his weight. "You're really, really drunk." she said with a giggle.
"Not drunk enough, my love." Collins slurred as Angel began guiding him down the streets.
"I'm sorry for leaving you like that, honey… but today was really amazing! I never knew that was such a bonding topic for women. I've never seen those three talk so animatedly to one another before! I mean, they're always friendly but just now it was like they could say anything to each other…"
Collins made an "unn" sound to show that he was listening.
"Sorry, should I tell you all about this some other time?" Angel asked.
Collins got a better hold of the bottle he took with him. He brought the bottle to his mouth and took a big gulp from it.
"Now is as good as any time will ever be…" he slurred.
"Honestly, Collins, you are such a baby!" Angel laughed. "You're go and get yourself drunk off your ass and practically beg for a hangover all over some silly girl talk."
"You're too much for me, Angel…"
"Hey! Hey! No backing out now!"
"I wouldn't dream of it… but…. Oww…"
"What's wrong, honey? Cramps?" Angel asked. She laughed when she received the glare. "Come on, let's get you home now."
Yay for period inspired fiction!