Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.

After the first time, it was almost awkward. From the moment he succumbed to her at his front door, it had been lust and passion and four years, four years of sexual frustration that had led them to the bedroom. Clothes were scattered, buttons went flying and they couldn't even reach the bed as he pinned her against the wall, her legs wrapped around his waist as they finally, finally gave into everything they couldn't deny they wanted.

Afterwards she had unwrapped her legs, looked down at the floor shyly, and attempted to cover her face with her hair.

Castle thought she was going to leave. He really believed she would, but he was too tired to fight it that night. So when he came out from the bathroom to find her sitting on the edge of his bed, waiting for him, he was flooded with a wave of relief. And as she looked up at him, smiling shyly, it was all he could do not to pick her up and spin her around the room.

So he lent down and kissed her.

And it wasn't like the others this time. It was slow, light. She opened her mouth slightly to allow his tongue access, but it still wasn't heated. A lazy exploration of each other's mouths filled with happiness and content and thankyous. They nudged her back onto the bed and they lay together under the sheets, and he kissed her again and again and again as they fell asleep, intertwined with each other.

It would have been two hours later that they awoke around the same time, the need for food and water after their strenuous activity becoming evident in their growling stomachs. She laughed lightly against his shoulder at the sounds, and he smiled because he would never eat if she was going to laugh like that every time his stomach grumbled.

They sat out at the kitchen counter in the darkness. Their food had been consumed long ago but they had been awake long enough now that their bodies had properly woken up and wouldn't allow them to fall back asleep. The air was filled with unanswered questions, the need to know becoming great in the overwhelming silence.

"We followed the lead. Found Maddox' hideout. Tried to figure out why he kept the scrapbook, find out who he was looking for."

She was explaining. She knew he was wondering, filled with questions about how she almost died and who almost killed her and why she was here when in any other circumstance involving her mother's killer; she'd still be at the precinct attempting to solve the case.

"We?"

"Me and Espo."

"Just you two? No back-up?! Kate, you could have gotten yourself killed!"

He thought about what she'd been through today. How she had almost died, again. Except this time he wasn't there to save her, wasn't even there to die with her. What if she had died this time? He couldn't have dealt with it. Losing her, without ever have even having her. He was working himself up, he knew. She was here. With him. Something had made her come to him. But he couldn't get past the fact that she almost hadn't, she was almost gone and-

"Castle, shhhh..."

She interrupted him from the stream of thoughts that was taking him into darkness. A darkness that he didn't want to feel right now, not with her so close and not after they'd finally taken the plunge into this - whatever it was.

"Kate, you can't keep doing this. Putting yourself in danger over your mom's case and not thinking about how its going to affect everyone who cares about you and especially now, especially after we've-"

"Castle, relax. I know."

She reached out and placed her hand reassuringly on his arm, gently rubbing it as she calmed him down.

"Maddox and I fought. He pushed me, he was too strong. I tried to fight back but I couldn't and I fell over the edge of his building. I clung there, Castle. He left, and there was nothing else to do but scream for help, hope that somebody would hear me."

She said it so matter-of-factly, like she was just telling a story of somebody else's almost-death. He went to talk but she stopped him, placing a finger over his mouth. He let her continue.

"Ryan told Gates that Espo and I were chasing the lead without back-up. He was there, Castle. He pulled me back over the ledge. He saved me."

Castle made a mental note to kiss Kevin Ryan the next time he saw him.

"Gates lost it. Started going on about putting our lives in danger, losing control over the case. She put us on suspension, me and Espo. But- God, Castle. My mom's murder is what drove me, is what defined me as a cop. And I just can't- I couldn't do it if there was nothing to strive for. She wouldn't let me fight it."

He didn't like where this was going. The way she talked about her job as if it was over, as if it was done. She wouldn't, would she?

"I told her to keep my badge. I resigned, Castle."

She would.

"Kate, are you sure? I mean, what else will you do?"

"I don't know yet. All I know is that I can't keep working like this, so many restrictions, so many…"

She trailed off, staring blankly into the darkness. Maybe it was the lack of light, maybe it was because he knew that she had almost died again today, but she looked so small, so frail, curled up on the kitchen stool. She looked up at him with the same, blank eyes and he couldn't help himself. He needed her to be okay for him to be okay. He was selfish, whatever. He didn't care. He pulled himself off his stool and reached over to her, pulling her into him, capturing her lips with his own and leading her slowly back into his bedroom. He didn't yet know enough about what happened today to know how bad it had gotten, all he knew was he had to make her okay again. This was the only way he knew how.

And this time, afterwards, they fell asleep buried in each other's arms, the stress and the worry of the day all melted away by the comfort of the fact that when they woke up, they would both still be here.

He couldn't sleep properly. Not that he was really complaining, because every time he woke up he got to look at her again, sleeping next to him, in his bed looking ten times more beautiful than he had ever seen her. After their little kitchen conversation, he couldn't look away from her. He didn't want to admit it, but he was scared that she wouldn't be there when he opened his eyes again. And it wasn't because he was scared she was going to leave. No, he was fairly certain she would stay. What was worrying was the possibility of someone taking her from him. After they'd finally decided to give them a go, it seemed fitting (given their past incidences with bad timing) that something bad should happen. Was it horrible that he was waiting for it? It was all too good to be true.

He looked over at her again. She was lying on her stomach, the sheet draped loosely over her hips. Her back was fluorescent blue, painted by the moonlight shining through the window.

How did he get so lucky? Did he even deserve her? She almost died. He wasn't there. And yet he she was, lying next to him, seemingly happy. She stirred slightly, turning over to face him.

"Mmph...stop thinking." she slurred. She reached out and lightly grabbed his arm, pulling them closer together and then pulling him so he was slightly leaning over her. She began placing feather light kisses on his jaw, moving ever so slightly upwards until she was kissing his ear, his cheek, and then finally his lips.

It wasn't rough, it wasn't fast. He wasn't trying to comfort her, eliminate her uncertainty. It was slow, and intimate, and perfect. It was all so perfect and she was so perfect and he was so, so lucky.

And this time, afterwards, as they lay next to each other as close as possible with her smiling into his neck, he thought there wasn't a single thing in life that could possibly be better. And maybe somebody would try and take her away. Maybe somebody would try and keep her from him, but he wouldn't let that happen. Not this time. Kate Beckett was his. He kissed her hair. She sank happily into his arms.

"Thankyou." She whispered.

"I love you." He murmured silently into her hair.