Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, the realm/movie/characters/anything-associated-with-Robin-Hood, or the Rolling Stones' song 'Suck on the Jugular.
A/N: A story I was randomly inspired to write. It was originally going to be one looong chapter, but I thought I'd cut it in half, just for y'all's enjoyment! ;)
Also, I'd like to point out the unique tense of the story: characters' thoughts are present tense, and the actual events occurring are past tense…I tried several different tenses throughout my drafts of the story, and this one seemed the most natural, so I just went with it.
Also…the characters behave quite strangely (for them) in this fic. I tried to explain what happened to cause this in the story but…it might be a little surprising.
Lastly, let me just point out that the story changes points of view fairly irregularly, in a Sora/Kairi/Riku/Sora/Kairi/Riku cycle…I apologize if this is jarring in any way.
Now, let the amazingness take place!!
KoshKing777's
Rabblerousers
(Sora's POV)
Tonight was my close buddy Wakka's birthday party (more like a hoedown though, if you know what I mean), but I couldn't help but feel supremely pissed off, so much so that whenever I spoke it sounded like grinding metal, and when I breathed my throat burned with pure rage.
Why is it that I find myself in this pathetic state? I mean, I've fought off hundreds, no, THOUSANDS, of Heartless, Nobodies, and wicked men and women throughout my long eighteen years, so you'd think I'd have learned to fight off or suppress some stupid emotions. But no such luck.
My red-rimmed eyes turned down and gazed upon the thumping bonfire party, but the only thing I can see is that red-haired angel standing shyly by the fire, her glittering eyes and melting smile illuminated by the orange glow. Kairi…there's never been anyone as breathtakingly perfect as her, and there never will be again. Every time I look at her, my throat falls into my feet as I realize I'm nowhere near close enough to being good enough for her.
Unfortunately, I'm not the only one who feels this way.
I could see Riku, dancing in a pair of ridiculous water moccasins, being a general hog of all the attention and being…well, fun, to be around. The loser.
But I could see where his eyes point to. It's like he is ALWAYS looking, even if there are three or four people between him and her. The rabid, only barely-leashed want for her body, his near-drooling lust for her smooth, tan neck…it's too much for me to bear.
And so I'm up here nearly 500 feet away from the party. With a headache. Shooting off fireworks (which, trust me, is doing wonders for said headache) that I volunteered to dedicate to Wakka's "awesomeness." Well, I am the only one who can easily shoot fire, but…
"FIRAGA!" I screamed in a hoarse voice after I got another bolt of missiles into place, which ripped up through the dense atmosphere of the destiny islands and exploded in a mastodonic array of prisms, tetrahedrons, and rainbow beams of light.
The crowd "OOOHED" and "AHHED" appreciatively, but it would have been more fitting to my mood had they just booed instead. Then I might have felt like one of them. Felt…eligible to pretend to know how they think, and go through life.
My soul has been run through a garbage disposal one too many times. Whatever potential for joy and love of life I once had is now completely shredded and mangled, and it takes all my energy just to fake a smile, or force a joke.
I lit another one off and collapsed on the sand, grappling and squeezing a handful in bitterness.
It's not that I didn't try to flirt with Kairi back when Riku and I first returned to Destiny Islands. I did, but you can hardly bring yourself to look at (let alone talk to) someone when their sheer presence and state of sweet perfection incarnate is enough to make you want to fall face-down on the floor and worship them forever. I would gladly give my life to save her, and I would be happy just to be able to worship her like Riku does constantly with his eyes. I could give her more adoration and love than anyone…
But she's made it clear that she's not interested in the slightest. If I did bow down and kiss her feet like I have longed to ever since I saw her again in the World That Never Was, then ALL my friends would laugh at me (including Riku), and I would make her supremely uncomfortable, so all the love I'd have lauded on her would be lost in the denial.
After I returned six months ago, when we would get alone together, things always were full of that sucky air of awkwardness, and she would always bring up Riku. I could see the light in her eyes change whenever she mentioned his name…and I knew it meant she saw something special in him. Something she would never grace me with.
I looked down in despair at the party, and saw Kairi immediately turn her full, gorgeous eyes up to my resident hill and look at me. My breath hitched, and I just-as-immediately tore my gaze away. She just wants me as a friend, like the little brother I know she's always seen me as. But how could I live my life in that role, when all I feel for her is pure, unblemished love in the most uncontrollable sense. My mouth started to water as I pictured her in my arms, gazing at me like she always looks at Riku. When I know that she would deny me just as soon as I open my mouth, it's so much easier just to remain alone and aloof.
I fell backwards onto the sand, and a gust of breath was knocked out of my lung. What I would give for just one sign, just one bone from her…I know that broken dreams is how I got in this state in the first place, but at this point…dreaming is the only way I can get by day-to-day.
"Yo, Sora!" a deep, bullfrog-like voice bellowed from immediately over me.
"AARRRGGH!!" I roared in horror, leaping about ten feet in the air and hovering there with my totally baller Peter Pan powers.
There, on the hillside beside my corpse-shaped mark in the sand, are Wakka and Selphie, grinning stupidly.
"Oh," I said, grinning sheepishly and descending again to the ground. "Eh…I thought you were…something…else?" I tried explaining.
Wakka laughed loudly, clutching his muscular belly. "It seems so, my man!"
Selphie stepped forward, dressed only in a VERY flimsy lime green bikini (with even flimsier white polka-dot panties on…they seemed a bit crusty or soggy, actually) and poked me on the arm with a grin. "Some good job YOU'RE doing with the fireworks, Sora!"
"Oh my God, I'm sorry! I just got lost in my thoughts up here…" I said wide-eyed, feeling terrible for ruining the mood of Wakka's birthday party.
"I'm just kidding," she said, grinning winningly (or at least it would have been winning were she remotely attractive). "C'mon down to the party, we feel sorry for you missing out on all the fun!"
I started to shake my head and respond, but Wakka clamped a huge-ass hand on my shoulder and said, "Bro! You've been so uptight all month! This is the perfect chance to get down with your bad self. EVERYBODY'S stinking drunk, man! C'mon!"
I felt heat rise to my cheeks and looked down at the party again. It DID sound like fun, but…my eyes immediately clung to the astral girl of my dreams, and I again felt like total crap. If I felt this thrown away up here, then I'd feel even worse were she ignoring me when I was down there IN person! Being near her now…would be more than my shredded heart could take.
"I…can't…" I whispered. "I'm sorry guys, but…"
"It's Kairi, isn't it," Selphie said knowingly.
"WHAT?!" I said, jolted out of my moping. Was it that obvious to everyone? And if so…why was Kairi still ignoring every single move I make? Clearly she just didn't feel the same way about me…
"Aw Sora, c'mon, you can admit it to me! You're just jealous of Riku and her's relationship!" Selphie said, fluttering her eyes (which only served to fuel my anger).
"R-relationship?" WHAT?! Since when?!..well, that would explain why she's letting him throw his arm around her and hug her and cough grind her leg…
"That's right bro! Since you've been moping around on other islands all week, you missed when Riku asked her out earlier!" Wakka said. "Man you should have seen it, he took her out on waverunners and…"
"SORA DOESN'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT THAT!" Selphie snapped at the birthday boy. I felt a sudden increase in chemistry between us. She whirled around, her sticky, dirty hair hanging heavily behind her head. "Listen, it's perfectly understandable that you'd be jealous about that! I mean, Kairi's a great girl!" I nodded dumbly. "And YOU lost your CHANCE!" She said, thrusting her finger in my chance. Okay, chemistry's gone bye-bye now…
"So it's only natural that you'd be jealous," Selphie finished, looking satisfied.
"Well of course! Kairi's got the hottest bod in all of the Destiny Islands put together!" Wakka proclaimed, earning a mean glare from both me and Selphie.
Selphie turned back to me. "But it's not like they're married yet or anything!" I flinched at the thought. "You can still break them up and be with her, I know you like her!"
"No, I can't, I…look, if she really liked me, she would have never started dating Riku in the first place! For all I know, she can't stand me! What do you want me to do about it?" I congratulated myself on this point; after all, I know that nearly everyone on these islands is better-looking, smarter, and happier than me, and I'm perfectly fine with that fact.
"Dude, make her wanna dig the Sora man!" Wakka said encouragingly. I raised an eyebrow. Right, like that was gonna happen. Me and all my mad skill with the ladies…riiight.
"Oh Sora, you're so DUMB!"
"LOOK! I appreciate you coming up here to, to…INSULT me!" I snapped at them, and blasted off another firework in anger. The retarted crowed applauded it again. "…but I'm NOT going to like Kairi anymore, I've decided. (snort, fat chance of that happening) I'm going to get over her, as she's so clearly gotten over me. That's (my voice cracked majestically)…that's the only way I can ever get over this mess…or get on with my life…"
Wakka and Selphie shared a look.
"But that doesn't mean…I'm not coming down to the party with y'all," I said with a sad smile. I couldn't keep living like this…I had to learn to let go of the past, of both Riku and Kairi…I simply had to believe that somehow, somewhere, there was hope for me to go on with life.
They both grinned. "Buuut, one problem?" I asked.
"Ya?"
"Um…my wardrobe isn't exactly…what we're goin' for down there."
Selphie grinned. "C'mon, we can help you out of that!" She gyrated her hips rather sensually. "See? I'm just wearing underwear myself!"
I sighed in happiness, feeling a weight lift off my heart. Maybe these two could replace Riku and Kairi..? As I started to undo the plethora of zippers on my black outfit, Selphie started to come over and help, but I sent her a look that I hoped said, "Keep your horny hands off me!"
(Kairi's POV)
I like Wakka and all, but in all seriousness, this party is pretty out-of-control. Even for one thrown by the self-proclaimed 'party-meister' himself. Weird, spacey, and even a little creepy funk was blasting through Tidus's stereo system, inspiring all of the drunken teenagers (and sigh preteens) to dance around and proceed to have all sorts of creative varieties of dry sex all over each other.
Including my simply scintillating (sarcastic, mind you) new boyfriend, Riku, who is quite literally the life of the party, bouncing around off other people and having an apparently amazing time. He'll be feeling that one in the morning, and if it's not cuz of a hangover, I'll give him hurt that'll last even longer…
Sigh… What am I saying? I love Riku. He's totally sexy and sly in that addictive basic way. And he's been nothing but a total gentleman to me ever since he came back from the darkness with Sora.
Sora…
For the whole time that Sora and I were separated, I did nothing but dream of him and hope he was still alive…I never doubted that he would fulfill his promise and join me again.
And he did keep it, in a sense…he came back, and everyone's in one piece still. But, something's noticeably different in him. I pictured us quickly becoming good friends again (I never really let myself hope we would get together; he had never shown any indication that he had feelings for me before).
Instead, Sora has hardly looked at me twice, and whenever he does, he has this terrible condescending look in his eyes, like he completely despises me for some reason. That's the part that hurts the worst…I know that he treats everyone like that now, and prefers the company of the unexplored islands miles off coast, where he camps out on magnificent vistas and the like (during one of our few conversations together, he showed me a few photos; I hinted that I would like to come with him sometime, but he just blew me off).
I have no idea what's happened between us, but it's starting to slowly kill me. Ever since I moved here in my childhood, Sora was the only one there for me, but now…he's completely cut off himself from me and the rest of the world. I need my daily dose of Sora, dammit! (Not literally, of course…not that I would be complaining, cough)
And so here I am, manning the champagne table (which mostly involves me drinking all of it) and giving my boyfriend a look of utmost derision (I hope…it's hard to control your facial expressions when you're as hammered as I am). I have to admit, three years ago, I would have never seen Riku being this outgoing. His year in a crusty old man's body must have helped him realize the sanctity of life or something like that…cuz at the rate he's spending it now, he'll only live for about, oh, ten more years, I'd wager. God, that was a terrible thing to say about my best friend…wait, I mean boyfriend! Damn champagne!
In fact, my two best guy buds seem to have entirely traded personalities; Sora's all bad-ass now (which adds to his sexiness, but clearly detracts from his ability to stand me), and Riku's a girly extroverted moron. Never saw that one coming, didja?
All of a sudden, I noticed those mind-boggling fireworks (designed by my boyfriend; eat that, sucka!) had stopped being shot off entirely!
As the champagne made me snicker dim-wittedly at the realization of such thoughts, Sora himself suddenly showed himself, accompanied by Wakka in his soggy swim trunks and Selphie in her self-prostitution garb. My jaw nearly hit the floor, but I quickly recalled it.
Sora, the single most gorgeous man I have ever known, was TAKING his CLOTHES off!
I'd never seen something so heart-flutteringly incredible; Sora gracefully uncoiled his assortment of zippers and curved his muscular shoulders out of his clothes.
I blushed terribly and looked away, taking another long sip. I felt SO angry right then…angry at Sora for taking his clothes off for a drunken party, and without any regard for my feelings (he should have only taken them off for me…sigh in a perfect world, anyway)…and also guilty, for the chain reaction of thoughts of adoration his perfectly toned body set off in my head. I was his close friend, and that was never likely to change; I had no right to, to want to rape him like I did.
I shivered at the thought. I'm so hopeless…but I can't help it! As Sora descended into the party, immediately collecting all the island folks' fawning gaze, I risked a look at his now only-boxer clad form. WOW! Never again would I ever think another person was hot in the slightest; Riku is sexy, but Sora is BUILT like a BULLDOZER!!
Dammit Kairi, stop thinking such dirty thoughts! I smacked my forehead with my hand repeatedly in punishment, trying to banish the thoughts that I know Sora would be offended by if he could hear them. He'd probably see it as nearly incest, since he's always treated me like a sister.
I half-covered my eyes and looked back up at him, and he hadn't even paid me any attention; he had promptly started dancing QUITE distractingly to the Rolling Stones' Suck on the Jugular, which was blaring out of Wakka's massive subwoofer, which he had selflessly lent to the occasion. Before you could say "Wow, I should probably tap that," girls attacked him, dancing around him like a bunch of drunken retards (who's to say they aren't?) and taking their time grinding his legs provocatively, seeming to enjoy every second of it.
"HEY Kairi!" Riku exclaimed, appearing out of nowhere and dancing over to me.
For the first time all night, I was glad to see him. His gorgeous blue eyes were glittering down at me impishly, his long silver locks painting over his smooth skin. "Hey gorgeous," I responded with a grin, and stood on my tiptoes to give him a quick kiss on the lips. At least…I meant it to be quick…
On impact with those full, pouting lips, my mind completely checked out and I hungrily started making out with him. I had felt so alone moments before, but I know I'll always have Riku…he's so kind, so sweet, and best of all, so flattering!
"Hey Kairi, I must say, of all the girls here, you are far and away the most breathtaking!" he said tenderly, when our lips separated. See?
I blushed and looked away, my heart thumping in my chest like a tom-tom. He pulled me close and started firmly massaging my back, which caused me to moan in appreciation. I knew where this was going from experience, and I must say I didn't mind at the moment. If anyone could give me the proper release, it was this sexy elf!
"It looks like our buddy Sora's having the time of his life," Riku observed astutely as our mutual best friend was getting a lap dance from at least eight girls at the same time.
"You think?" I said wryly. "At least he's finally coming out of his shell."
"HA! You said 'coming!' And coming is what vaginas do during sex!…And THAT reminds me of sex!" Riku proclaimed. (A few months ago, Riku apparently officially decided that sex was hilarious…)
I gave him my much-honed "you're a retard and you should seriously consider castration" look before returned my attention to the thumping party. I honestly don't know why I put up with this joker, except for the looks part.
Riku leaned in and began peppering my exposed neck with kisses, each aching with sublime passion. I gasped as his arms started to reach around…
(Riku's POV)
Oh my god, my girlfriend is hot!!
But that's not why I'm so happy these days, cuz I've been ecstatic almost to the point of copulation ever since we got back. I really miss Mickey, and Sora's only here (mentally OR physically) like a tenth of the time, but just being able to touch the very sand of my childhood again…is enough to make me content for a lifetime.
Every day all I've done is lean back and let the nostalgia soak into my veins. There is NOTHING more soul-soothing than investing in a little celebration in your heart and spirit.
I thought I was dead…I thought I would be permanently deformed, possessed, or driven by darkness. I certainly never thought I'd see my home again in one piece, let alone see my two best friends make it through okay.
But everything turned out better than I could have possibly hoped for, even in my wildest dreams! Now EVERYTHING is a delight, and I don't take ANY moment for granted.
My mind…is finally at peace, and my soul at rest. It's all gooOOOD, yo!
As the party hammered on like the celebratory snare drums of Dionysus himself, I suddenly had one of those huge, uncontrollable urges. You know the kind? It kinda feels like,
I WANT STRAWBERRY SMOOTHIE, DAMMIT!!
Nearly foaming at the mouth and nearly breaking the sound barrier, I streaked over to the cooler-mixer thingamagadgets and took a long drought straight from the dispenser. The sweet strawberry sauce trickled down to my anus, and energized everything in between.
"WOOO-HOOOO!" I announced, and looked around for my flawless beauty, Kairi. She stood off to the side, morosely regarding the party. I couldn't have that, now could I?
There was a reason I had been avoiding my beloved turtle egg all night, and that was…I reached into my pocket and pulled out a small, velvet case. I…have never been more nervous in my life, but I have never been more sure of anything, either.
Kairi is perfect in every sense of the world, and I've wanted her from the moment I first laid eyes on her carefree, succulent breasts.
And said breasts have gotten much bigger in the interim. With huge, saucer-like nipples that I can see right through her tight, white shirt. And they're even better in action! And I know this, cuz I'm her BOYFRIEND!! Ya-hoo!! Take that, fate, you stupid dork!!
Ahem. I'm getting off track.
The point is, I'm going to ask her to marry me, because nothing could make me happier in the whole world. She is the only person I've ever had feelings for, and she just drives me crazy every time she moans into me or sighs at my touch.
I've had this ring for a few days now…but frankly, I have no idea of the time or place to make the proposal. But I know it has to be done, or I just won't be able to live with myself…when I'm with her I feel complete…
The only problem is…Sora. I know he's liked her for a long time (or at least, used to), and so I gave him a long opportunity to make a move.
But no such move ever came, much to my surprise.
So I took this disheartened Kairi under my wing and comforted her with my friendship until finally, I revealed to her my feelings that I'd had for ages! And she actually returned them!
I had never, ever expected to start dating such a flawless woman…but hell, I'm certainly not complaining! She's far and away the best thing that's ever happened to me.
I put the velvet box back in my swimming trunks pocket, and headed over to my lovely lady. I've just gotta wait for the right moment…
And I hope Sora doesn't hate me for it…I mean, somebody's gotta be my best man!
(Sora's POV)
Maybe going down to this dance wasn't such a good idea.
I just knew it would be awkward being this close to Kairi, and having her still avert her gaze, pretending I'm not there…
I was forced to throw on a fake smile and start getting down with my bad self (Captain Jack Sparrow found it necessary to teach my a thing or two about 'breaking it down').
Now, seven or eight girls, all of whom I've never even met before (save Selphie), are all on top of me, touching me, groping EVERY part of me. Thanks, Jack.
NEVER before have I been so freaked out and exposed.
My eyes flit over to Kairi, who is being seduced (apparently) by Riku from behind. My anger starts to rise uncontrollably, until it manifests itself as pure, unbridled hate. Why? Why is she with that pig!? He could NEVER appreciate her the way I do, for all that she's worth.
I don't know why she doesn't like me…not that I ever expected her to, but, you'd think she'd at least give me the time of day, considering how I've saved her life multiple times. And I don't think I'm THAT bad looking, but of course I'm far trailing Riku in that department.
Throughout my travels, all I'd ever dreamed about was her. She was my muse.
Now she's my nadir.
As the impending gag reflex sensation starts to overtake my already-shaken esophagus, I manage to somehow snake my naked body out of the pounding throng of twisted women (stopping briefly to snatch and re-equip my boxers).
When Riku's hands begin to roam a little TOO close to home is when I crack. I look around wildly and see a stray champagne bottle, and choose to wield it as a weapon.
Picking it up, I flourish my glass bat and plot my attack.
(Kairi's POV)
Riku suddenly (and quite surprisingly) ended his passionate makeout/fondling session with me and pulled away, looking with smiling eyes at my face.
"Kairi, I have something I want to talk with you about."
"Of course, Riku, what is it?" I said, cocking my head in confusion. Riku? Talking like a civilized person? It was nearly unheard of!
"I uh…" he said, with blatant nervousness etched on his face.
Suddenly, Sora (in all of his distracting half-naked perfection) skipped by, somehow smashing a full champagne bottle on Riku's shoulder.
"Riku!!" Sora said, wide-eyed, looking from his bottle, to the growing puddle of pink, to the dripping image of my boyfriend. "I-I-I-I…I'm so sorry! I was just-"
Riku glared at him for a moment, and for a second I was worried he would attack my best friend. Then, Riku spontaneously shrugged. "Don't worry about it, man! Just enjoy yourself, I'll go wash up!"
"A-alright," Sora said, laughing shakily.
Riku walked away, leaving the two of us in our own private envelope of silence, completely cut off from the out-of-control party.
We both looked at each other at the same time (I got a magnificent glimpse of his gorgeous blues), and turned away instantly. "I…um…" Sora started promisingly.
I grinned wryly. "Don't feel bad about Riku, I know it was an accident."
For some reason, Sora visibly winced at these words, and silence draped over us once more. It was so thick that I just wanted to end it, any way I could. Jumping on him, punching him, running my leg along the front of his boxers, and telling him he always was and always would be the only one for me all seemed like viable vehicles to do so. So I opened my mouth and said,
"Those were some pretty awesome fireworks, huh?" D'oh!! Why the hell did I say that?!
Sora smiled winningly, and said quickly, "Yeah, they were great. Riku did a wonderful job on them."
"Yep. You did a nice job shooting them off though."
"Thanks."
"Mm-hm." So much for that path of conversation. I started chewing on a strand of hair.
I noticed him looking at the mountains, at the stars, the sand, the sea…anything but me. Why?! What about me is so repulsive?
I then felt my throat start to clench up and the familiar, harsh grip of sadness clench my heart. Why am I suddenly crying? Pull yourself together, Kairi, he's not lost…yet!
(Riku's POV)
Axillism! Damn could I use some more of that right now! I'll have to ask Kairi about it after I get washed off. (At this point I imagined Kairi's reaction to this suggestion) Hmm…perhaps a bit more couth is in order? Let's see, perhaps something like, "Pardon me, madam but if you are not too preoccupied with something of infinitely lower importance, could you pass a bit of axillism this way? Pray tell? Oh yes, quite. Hmm! Yes!"
As I was splashing sea salt drunkenly onto my friggin' sexy chest, I suddenly realized I've never even tried champagne before!
So, I took a chance, dipped my thumb into the bubbles still gushing off my chest, and licked it off…
That stuff's good! It's like peach, berry, and alcoholic goodness all rolled up in one fizzy, fancy cage. Now Sora's offense just became that much more…er, offensive.
Poor Wakka. Oh well! What he's too drunk to remember can't hurt him! (I have a feeling that statement might apply to me in a day or so)
Suddenly, a veritable BOTTLE rammed up against my leg. Heh-heh, bottle…I stooped down and picked it up, expecting to find a dead mouse, used condom or something else equally amusing inside. As I shook it around, however, I saw through what appeared to be a scroll…a pair of glowing yellow eyes glaring back at me!
"What the SEX?!" I yelled in stupor, and it was all I could do not to break the bottle. Something I succeeded in, unlike my guileless best friend. I'm still the best, heheh…
(Sora's POV)
How do I keep getting myself caught up in these situations?
I don't dare to look at her one moment, or else I will fall headfirst into her deep, flawless eyes…resulting in an erection on my part. Which would be VERY noticeable given my very loose boxers…
I'm already a little hard, but I hurriedly try to get my mind on other things than sliding my tongue down her chest. C'mon Sora! You can suppress it! You have to, she's actually got self-respect, unlike other women! Let's see…moutains…well, they're nowhere near the size of Kairi's breasts, so no! Um, stars…are romantic to watch on the beach ground after sex so, no! Let's see, sand…is where Kairi typically sunbathes topless, so no! Er…the ocean! It's wet. So no! Damn, now I'm REALLY horny.
Twisting my torso to hide my special powers, I sighed. That's when I noticed she was starting to sniffle. Risking supreme embarrassment from getting turned on by a friend who clearly has no interest in me, I braced myself and started to lightly massage her shoulder.
"It's alright, Kairi…what's wrong?"
She looked up at me and I noticed her eyes are as red-rimmed as mine. "Sora…I just wish…we could be friends again."
My eyes widened in shock. I'm the problem? All I've ever done is stay out of her way, after she made it clear that things could no longer be the same for us…
I gave her a half hug, and quickly pulled away. "Me too, Kairi! That's what I want more than anything!"
"Sora…" she said my name with a sad smile. "We can't though, unless we can actually talk the way we used to."
I nodded. "Yeah…we should both work on that." I permitted myself another look into her deep eyes, but pulled out before I drown in the despair I feel just from looking at them. "Our friendship is so brittle, Kairi; it's so close to breaking that I don't know what to do anymore."
She winced and looked away, her red locks dancing with her. I put my hand on her shoulder and said, "I don't want that to happen any more than you do, but it's gonna take a little work from both of us. So whaddya say? Is this important enough to you that you want to go all the way?" Go all the way eh? Hmm, I like the sound of that…no! Stop, bad Sora! She's like your sister, for god's sake!
She nodded her head, and turned back around, hugging me extraordinarily tightly for having never touched me since I came back home. I awkwardly put my arms around the living angel, trying not to think about whose swollen organs are squeezing against what. Damn…
"Of course, Sora!" she squeaked. "I NEVER want to stop being friends with you."
(Kairi's POV)
As he held me there, I tried not to start crying uncontrollably like a retard. My tears of despair turned into those of happiness though, since it finally seemed like my Sora had actually noticed the growing void between us, and wanted to fix it!!
"Sora," I breathed. It's been so long since I have actually been able to say his name to his face, and it feels so good to say it while we're both in such close proximity. I sighed into his neck, secretly wishing he meant what I know he didn't about 'going all the way.' For now, though, I just bathed in the radiant warmth of his purity and friendly love, drinking it up like I had been dehydrated for months. We fit together so well…why can't he just see that our destinies should be intertwined?
Sora suddenly pulled away, wide-eyed. "Um, I-I…sorry," he said, running a hand through his ridiculously hot hair sheepishly. So that's it then? Am I really that appalling? I guess he's just trying to maintain that despised 'friend barrier'. Damn whoever came up with friends…
"…it was no problem," I choked out, examining the ground through painfully heavy eyes. "Thanks for comforting m-"
"Guys, guys, look! You're never going to believe this!!" Riku suddenly exclaimed, running up, dripping with moisture (yummy!). "There's something alive trapped inside this bottle."
Sora, who had been covering his chest in apparent shame at being so nearly naked, jolted into awareness. "What?! Is it something from another world?"
"Hell if I know!" Riku said with a shrug, struggling to pop off the cork. "Ugh…er…damn thing's stuck!" He intoned.
"Let me see it!" I said with a roll of my eyes. My boyfriend offered it to me with a cocked eyebrow, and I threw it at the ground as hard as I could. Obviously, the bottle broke apart, and a giant golden snake slithered out from the remains. I think I screamed, cuz the guys both looked at me like I was mental…or maybe that was from me smashing the bottle…
"How dare youuu?!" the snake demanded in a high-pitched, prissy male voice.
I gaped at it. "I-I-I-I'm sorry!!"
(Riku's POV)
Hot sex, a talking snake!! I can die content now!
"Hey buddy, sorry bout that, she's a little cuckoo!" I said, kneeling down and patting the gilded snake on the head.
"ME?! You should talk," Kairi said, offering an incriminating glare my way.
"Do not PAtronize me!" the snake said snottily, crawling its way across the sand to my ever-elusive bud, Sora. "I am Sir Hisssss, knight and clerk to His Impotencssse, Princsse John of Nottingham," the reptilian dude said, holding his head loftily.
My bro didn't look too impressed and just looked at him evenly. "…And?"
"His Exsscellencsse would like an audience with the three keyblade masters…that is you, isn't it?"
"Hell YEAH it is!!" I informed him, whisking my frickin' sweet dark, alien keyblade out of the night sky with a flick of my wrist. "What can we do for ya man?"
Sir Hiss rolled his eyes and sighed. "Our fair kingdom has fallen under the repeated attack of a band of expert thieves, served…(here he looked at us with something like slyness in his eye) by the Heartless!"
Kairi gasped, like she did in bed last night, and Sora pursed his lips but didn't move otherwise.
"The people are suffering, since all of our funds continue to be sucked away due to repeated attacks. Our armies are malnourished and don't stand a chance…"
"No, of course not. No one can damage the Heartless by physical means," Sora said, breaking out of his silence. "Alright, you've got yourselves a deal. We'll come help you out."
Kairi looked up at him and grinned. "Really?! This'll be just like old times!" Then she narrowed her eyes at me for some reason. "I AM coming this time, aren't I?"
I gestured broadly. "Girl…as long as you keep wearing that, you can come wherever you want!" I said, running my eyes over her magnificent body. She blushed adorably, and Sora did the same. Both then looked to the side and clearing his or her throat conspicuously.
Heck, I'm such a beast, I make myself blush!
(Sora's POV)
It feels good to be here, working with these two again…almost like I belong…
I look up into Riku's eyes, and I can almost feel his confidence and passion bounding off him in waves…I wish he'd spare some for me.
"So…how are we supposed to get to this…Nottingham or wherever it is?" I asked in a monotone (my headache is steadily worsening, and being in Kairi's radiant presence isn't lessening the pressure at all).
"Ah, an excellent question, my lord!" Sir Hiss said contentedly. He twisted his tail in a bizarre gesture. "Do as I do; this is the sign of the Prince's kingdom! A gateway will open if we all do it together."
I leaned and squinted at the strange shape he made. "How the hell…" Kairi apparently did the same thing as me, and we both knocked heads at the same time. She stood back up, closing her eyes and giggling, but I just looked at her coldly. I wish she wouldn't treat me like everything's fine between us…maybe she likes it the way it is, but we still have a long way to go…
"Guys, guys, GUYS!" Riku said with annoyingly increasing volume.
"What?" I snapped, looking up, and was shocked to see his hands twisted in a much more understandable shape. They were exuding a shimmering cloud of blue light.
"I think I got it!" he said jovially. "And watch your tone, bitch!"
I stuck my tongue out at him, just to show I'm the mature one. Then a thought struck me. "I'm going to get dressed again…" I looked over calmly to Kairi, and noticed something akin to disappointment in her eyes. My breath hitched, and gazed deep into them again, my feelings for her flaring up again. "You…might wanna cover yourself up more too, that is, if your boyfriend will permit it," I said, inserting as much venom as I could into the world. Yep, I'm as mature as the hills…
Kairi blushed, "No, I…I don't mind…what would you like?"
I looked up at Riku, wide-eyed. He shrugged, equally mystified. Did she seriously just ask that? "UMMMM…"
"Go for it, Tootsie Roll!" Riku encouraged her. "Why wear clothes? They're for queers!"
"O-okay," she said, offering him a little smile (how can you argue with that logic, after all?) and then looked at me with that brazen look in her eyes. Yeah, you know the one I'm talking about. "Fine, we'll just wait here for you to get dressed!"
…Am I the bad guy here? What's going on? "Alright, fine," I say, giving her my special 'I don't know what the hell is going on with you' look that I find myself giving people a lot these days, but turning around and walking towards the still-blazing-away party.
(Kairi's POV)
So Sora's being his now-typical jerky, out-of-it self again. Maybe he's having his period? But regardless of his emotional fluctuation, he's got one TONED back! I take the rare opportunity to stare down his butt (which is very easy on the eyes) as he walks away irratably.
The weird snake guy fluctuated to the left and the right before us. "…Are you sure you are able to save His Majesty's kingdom?"
I glared down at him (I don't find snakes very agreeable). "Of course we will! Combined, the three of us have killed THOUSANDS of Heartless!"
"Yeah," Riku said, tapping his shoulder with the Keyblade. "We've got this covered, no worries." He offered me one of his cheery smiles, and it was so infectious that I couldn't help but return it.
The snake rolled his eyes and bit down on the scroll that had accompanied him in the bottle. He pulled it over to where I stood and laid it down at my feet (as he backed away, I could swear he took a dedicated look up my miniskirt).
"What's this?"
"A contract," he said in his buttery voice, nodding towards the scroll. "It puts you temporarily in the king's service. You will be rightfully rewarded for your efforts after you completely dispatch of Robin Hood and his Merry Men."
"Alright, sounds easy enough," I said, shaking the sand off of it and unfurling it.
(Riku's POV)
I really like bananas! And my girlfriend's ass too, but well…that's a different subject entirely.
(Sora's POV)
After dodging a bunch of pale preteen girls in their underwear who all flocked after me as I rapidly stepped past, I managed to scour my Fairy Uniform from the crags of the hill. I kicked a few of the groupies away without much regard to their feelings (it's their fault they threw them all away on me…okay, I guess I can sympathize with the ugly ones with zits and glasses, but you know…they'll find some perverted greasy scoundrel to settle down with one day, right?) as I shimmied back into my clothes.
Finally covering up all my body parts had never been such a ridiculously tremendous relief.
I crouched and kicked off of the ground, soaring through the air over to the threesome. I skidded to a stop into the sand, trying to not get any in Kairi's face but plenty in Riku's.
"Hey, what are you signing?" I asked. After they explained and offered it to me, I shrugged and sketched my signature after their two names. What could go wrong anyway? I mean, three keyblade masters? These punk thieves didn't stand a chance.
"Alright, now that all preparations are finally complete," Sir Hiss said annoyedly, wrapping the scroll back up with his tail, "We can finally return to the Kingdom of Nottingham."
"Awesome! Another adventure!" Riku declared. I rolled my eyes; apparently he didn't remember how horrifically bad the last two had been to him.
It took me and Kairi a bit to figure out the sign, although I have a sneaking suspicion she was just faking confusion so Riku would come over and grope her hands while she got off on him, but in the end, we all managed to power a large blue vortex in the middle of the beach in the Destiny Islands.
Without warning, I suddenly felt myself being lifted off the ground and thrust into the portal. "Kairi!" I yelled, which was unsurprisingly the thing on my mind at the last moment of consciousness.
(Nottingham, 1234 A.D.)
When I came to, I was greeted by a vivid burst of yellowish light. After what I'm sure was a fascinating display of moaning from whoever was watching me at the moment, my eyes finally settled on a spectrum of light and took in their new surroundings.
My jaw dropped at the magnificent vision. I was in a gigantic, stone castle courtyard, covered with an assortment of stoic-looking animals ranging from Rhinos, Elephants, Weasels, and Crocodiles regarding us. Beyond this great castle, a hill covered with small houses extended into the atmosphere, farther than the eye could see.
"Wow…" I said in complete awe. My headache had completely disappeared too, which was a huge relief. Unfortunately…my sac started to seriously itch.
'Aw man, this is embarrassing,' I thought, banging my thigh against my crotch and smiling stupidly at the army looking at me from atop the ramparts.
I looked to my right to see how my friends had fared and I almost squawked in surprise, forgetting all about my hygienic problems. Kairi had adopted the guise of a drop-dead gorgeous humanoid fox with striking maroon fur. She was dressed in a fancy, decorated tunic that seemed to stress the importance of her overlarge chest…not that it's important, of course!! (In fact, sometimes I wish she wasn't so well-equipped…that way I wouldn't go light-headed with nervousness whenever I spoke to her…)
As she looked to me wide-eyed, my heart leapfrogged up into my mouth, so I quickly averted my gaze and looked to see what Riku had transformed into. He looked, much to my disgust, frankly adorable; he, too, had adopted the form of a fox, yet his coat was a snowy white and had the cutest black eyes…wait a second, what the hell is wrong with me?
This…was going to take some getting used to.
"INTRUDER ALERT!! SOUND THE ALARM!!" a heavily nasal voice echoed from within the torchlit palace.
"Um…what?" I asked dumbly as a flurry of movement erupted across the ramparts. To my despair, I noticed that all the archers had suddenly taken aim at us. Yippee.
"Sora?" Kairi asked in a very small voice. I turned and looked at her expectly, while lowering into a crouching stance. "What's going on?"
"Beats me," I muttered. "I thought we were supposed to helping out these guys, not serving as training targets."
In front of us, an extremely large and potbellied wolf-man creature was rampaging forward, brandishing a large, lit torch. "You're goin' down, ya thieves!" he informed us.
"Wait, ssstop, Sheriff!" Sir Hiss cried, slipping out in front of us.
"He's not stopping," Riku said rather needlessly.
"Alright, guys," I said, whirling to my friends, and trying to swallow down my nervousness. "You both try to take this big lug, while I fly around and disarm all the archers, got it!"
Riku and an extremely-frightened-looking Kairi quickly nodded, and whipped out their blades, narrowing their eyes.
Thus said, I unleashed the Kingdom Key from the sunlight itself and took to the skies to cut down the offending archers. And at exactly the right time, too, since they had just now launched their first barrage of arrows.
(Kairi's POV)
I gawked at Sora's new body flexing as he jumped, spun around impressively, and started flying around at high speeds, keyblade extended. But there was no time to dwell on how that was even physically possible, because right in front of us was a REALLY fat wolf guy!
"HIYA!" I cried with more courage (or perhaps, stupidity) than I knew I had, and flexed my Keyblade (That my boyfriend gave to me as a gift, no less! Love you, Riku!) horizontally at the monster as he approached. Wood met steel with a really loud thud, and we stood, pressing weight on each other. His eyes were deep, bloody red, and filled with malicious fury.
He suddenly bared his fangs and torqued the torch around wildly, throwing me backwards onto the stone floor. My head collided with stone roughly, and the resultant pain coursed through my back.
I looked up to see the Wolf man lick his lips hungrily as he regarded me on the ground, and I struggled to get up, using my Keyblade as a cane.
Where was Riku anyway?!
My question was immediately answered as the gorgeous silvery fox wordlessly sliced a long combination of strokes into the wolf's back. The wolf staggered, glared behind him, and rushed headlong into Riku, swiping at him with drawn claws.
Riku shook off the attack, and began dueling the wolf, sword-to-torch. I looked down at Sir Hiss and saw that he was looking at me expectantly.
The wolf man managed to swipe fire onto Riku's arm, and then batted him away during the distraction. Seeing where Riku had already done some significant damage on the monster's back, I rushed forward to continue bashing his backbone.
I swiped again with all my might (which, admittedly, isn't much), but I only hit thin air. To my despair, I saw the more-agile-than-he-looks wolf man step out of the way, turn around, and raise his arm in preparation for a mighty blow.
"Ahh…" I cried in apprehension, squeezing my eyes shut. Suddenly, Sora dived down feet-first directly in front of me (accompanied by a sweet-smelling rush of his cologne) and sliced both of the wolf man's arms off.
"Arrrk…you'd betray one of your own?" the wolf said, glaring his beady eyes at Sora.
"What?! You were the one attacking me and my friends!" Sora said in confusion. I watched the blood drip off his sword in horror. Sora was capable of doing THAT?!
"You…I…I was told…you look like…" he muttered, falling to his knees and lowering his head. "It's all that Prince John's fault, he did this!!"
A loud clapping resounded across the pavilion. Sora, Riku, and I looked up to see a furry person clapping their paws together up very high on a balcony. "Bravo!! Bravo!! GOOD show!" he said in a very fruity voice.
"Um, douchebag?" Riku said with a wry smile as he approached us again.
"Definitely," Sora muttered with a grin.
I giggled, and called up to the lion person, "We all agree that you're a flaming douchebag! What do you have to say for yourself?!"
I grinned back at the guys and was entertained at their expressions of shock that I would do such a thing. Ha! Serves them right for prejudging me.
The lion man bristled, started sucking on his thumb, moaning in an Oedipal fashion about his mother. "Mommy, ooh Mommy, ohhhhh MOMmy!" I suddenly felt a little nauseous. I looked at Sora, expecting him to be glaring at me for being retarted, but he was just looking up at the douchebag in shock, whereas Riku looked like he was on the verge of cracking up.
A rhino guard dressed in black regarded him calmly. "Uh, Your Majesty? What do you want us to do about…"
"KILL THEM!" the lion squeaked between self-loathing sobs. "KILL THEM ALL!!"
"But Sire!" Hiss demanded, slithering forward. "Remember the plan?!"
"I don't care, I don't care, I just want them DEAD!! DEAD and FORGOTTEN!"
"What about the Heartless and Robin Hood?" Hiss clarified. "Don't they deserve even more death and insult to their memory?"
"MM!! MMMMM! MMMMM!…oh, I guess you're right," the man said, standing up tall again and looking down at us like nothing out of the ordinary had happened. "WELCOME! Brave Keyblade warriors, to my humble dominion. I am Prince John II, ruler of this blessed country. Who might each of you be?"
Riku stepped forward and thumbed his chest proudly. "Riku, Keyblade Warrior, at your service, milord."
"It's 'sire,' actually," Hiss said condescendingly.
"My name is Kairi, sire, and I am at your service as well," I said with a curtsy. He looked down at me importantly, beady yellow eyes gleaming. I tried to return a smile.
Sora (who had morphed into the guise of a lean, brown-furred wolf upon teleporting here) waited a fair share of time.
"Go on, you lazy bum!" I murmured.
He then sighed and muttered grudgingly, "And I am Sora. That's it."
Prince John twiddled his fingers, grinning craftily, and then reached down and produced the contract had signed only moments before.
"What the! How did he get that?!" I asked aloud.
"The document you signed was just a copy, magically linked to the one his Pendulousness is holding now," Hiss explained.
"As my first order, my three new, all-powerful servants, I demand the execution of the bloated prisoner on the floor before you!" We all looked down at the wolf man in question.
"Uh…are you sure about that, your majesty?" the rhinoceros said.
"Of course I'm sure! We don't need him anymore, not with these powerful beings! He's been an annoying thorn in my side for far too long!" the Prince murmured back.
(Riku's POV)
Personally, out of all the forms I've ever acquired, this has GOTTA be the awesomest one yet! It's like receiving really good fallaccia from an Italian babe! I'm so white and sexy that I'm pretty much just the sexiest, whitest thing I've ever seen.
Shrugging, and since it's always fun to kill people for no good reason, I raised my Keyblade and cut off the Wolfman's head, causing a large splatter of blood to emaciate from the displaced cellular structure. A large portion erupted onto Sora and I's coats, so I quickly shook myself off, as to not stain my sexy sheen!
Sora didn't really do much except lick his lips (his reddish-brown fur hid most of the onslaught of blood regardless). Kairi, on the other hand, stared at me like I was something hella crazy. Which I am, of course, in bed…and most of the rest of the time, too.
"Mission accomplished, sire!" I said, bowing deeply to the toolbag.
(Sora's POV)
Wow, that was…messy! But whatever.
Flitting my eyes over to Kairi's vixen form, I noticed that she looked more than a little steamed at Riku. If I just stay out of it, maybe those two will do my work for me! (Then, of course, there's the whole matter of getting her to like me, which isn't likely to happen anytime soon)
Prince John seemed completely ecstatic, however. Like he could barely hold his bladder, in fact. "That was…MAGNIFICENT!! The three of you will be my new, crown jewels! The notorious Sherriff of Nottingham, who has been terrorizing these streets for countless years, has finally been beheaded! May the streets ring out with jubilation!"
All of the guard animals clapped dutifully, but with a noted absence of jubilation.
Prince John continued his directionless sputtering. "I hereby declare a parade on this day, the twelfth of June, year 1234 A.D.!! May the rejoicing begiiiiiiin!
It was as such that I found myself riding through the Nottingham countryside in one of nearly sixty stage coaches in a grand caravan of the retard Prince's design. While Riku was busy watching the front, with the prince himself, I unfortunately had wound up in a very fancy caravan with none other than my crush since I was seven years old, the gorgeous Kairi.
She looked like she had a question on her lips, so I intelligently asked, "What's on your mind?" I was starting to feel a bit less inferior to her now that we were spending more time together; I had come to realize that she wasn't a perfect, spiritual being of pure beauty descended from the heavens, but in actuality, a person with a whole array of emotions, faults, and interests. And picturing her as being as ugly as possible helped to with me getting her mortality through my head, too. But still, even as a fox-lady, she was more gorgeous than ANYTHING I've ever seen before and my heart feels like it's trapped in a steel vice, ready to explode.
Kairi tossed her hand around and said, "Well yeah…what's up with…" she gestured down the length of her body, causing me to involuntarily clear my throat as I was forced to look upon her way-too-flawless chest that I had been trying to ignore.
"Whaddyou mean?" I said, swallowing nervously. "You look fine to me…" What a DUMB thing to say! I'm so effing retarted!
She smiled snidely (I think…it's hard to tell with a fox face), "No, I mean – why do we look the way we do now?"
"OH!" I said, catching on. "Well, before, me, Donald, and Goofy would transform when visiting some planets if humans would look out-of-place there. Something similar has probably happened this time to us, since it appears this world is only populated by humanoid animals."
"But wasn't that powered by the Gummi Ship?" she said, looking a little bored with the subject. "How did we transform this time?"
I shrugged broadly. "Beats me! Frankly, I don't really care as long as we get our old bodies back once we're done killing this Robin Hood character."
"That's another thing," Kairi said, her voice changing in tone slightly. I looked at her questioningly, taking great care to not check her out like my heart was telling me to. "Are you sure it's the…right thing to do?"
"Killing him, you mean?" I shrugged again. "If he's allied himself with the Heartless, then why not? Besides, I have a feeling that's the only way we'll get to go home."
"I know, I know that…" Kairi said hesitantly, "But…this whole thing just feels…wrong, somehow."
"Hmm, I know what you mean," I said darkly. "I think we should watch ourselves with this Prince John maniac."
--End Chapter--
A/N: So, whaddya think? Another chapter is in the works (it will likely just be these two), so you should see it up within a few days. And please, for the love of God, Review!! It makes me happy to get ANY reviews, no matter what they say.
See you in a few!
KoshKing777