A/N: this is just a little thought i had a few weeks ago. if any ya'll read my other stories i appologize for the extreme length between updates. i hope to get those up to date soonish. but if anyone likes the way this sounds you could lemme know. i was thinkin about writing more...y'know bringing B back and all that. so yeah...love to hear back!

I remember the last time I saw her. It was in the Las Angeles County police department. I had decided to turn myself in because I thought that's what she wanted but when I turned around and saw her face I knew that wasn't what she had in mind.

"You're all about control; you have no idea what it's like on the other side! I mean nothing's in control; nothing makes sense! There's just pain and hate and nothing you do means anything! You can't even-"

"Shut up!!"

"Just…..Just tell me how to make it better…"

She didn't by the way…she never actually told me how to make it better. So I was left to decide that for myself. Have you noticed how I pretty much suck at making decisions? Yeah well goin to jail was towards the top of the list. I do want forgiveness for all the shit I've done but my stay in the big house was definitely the low point of my life so far. Well just above Buffy stabbing me; never really felt worse than I did when I was literally stabbed in the back by the girl I love and fell off a building. Well I guess not literally…it was actually my stomach.

I just can't believe she's really gone. Dead. Dead and buried. Six feet under. Worm chow. It just doesn't seem possible. She was supposed to live forever. Or at least long enough for me to work up enough courage to tell her I loved her.

As my eyes start to burn and overflow with tears I stand up angrily and continue to stare at her house. I can see the gang all inside. I wonder what they'd do if they knew I was out here. I guess they've really been doing their best to keep the hell mouth at bay. I bet it wasn't easy either.

I did catch a glimpse of that creepy robot thing that looks like Buffy. That is just wrong. Apparently it can actually slay vampires and stuff, not very well but enough to keep the creatures of the night thinking the slayer's still in town.

When Wess told me about Buffy and about how she….sacrificed herself, I couldn't believe it. I really didn't believe him at all, but then the hard facts started to sink in. She went out with a bag that's for sure. A true hero's death, Wess called it. Apparently she saved the world, but it wouldn't be the first time.

I tag one last drag on the cigarette in my hand and flick it to the street. I keep the hot smoke in my lungs and close my eyes. Sometimes I can still see her face. I think of the happiest times I had with her; when we trained together, slayed together, hell even fought each other. I think of all those times, and it's almost like she's not really dead at all, almost.

I open my eyes and exhale quickly. I knew this wasn't gonna be easy. How would it be? But the hell mouth needs a guard and I'm the only one that can do that. The only one alive anyway…

I stare hard at the big wooden door in front of me trying to work up the courage to knock. They know I'm s'posed to be arriving tonight. Sooner actually, but when I got here at five I decided to walk around Sunnydale for a while. I thought about visiting her, but then decided against that idea.

As I raise my hand to knock the door suddenly opens and Willow's standing in front of me. She has an unreadable expression on and at this very moment I'm regretting returning here more than ever. I start to take a half step back when she kinda jumps at me and grabs me into a hug. She barriers her face in my neck and starts sobbing really hard.

We stay like that for what seemed like 10 minutes before a blonde chic whom I presume to be Tara comes down the stairs and stairs at us in shock. She looks worried and concerned, probly about why her girlfriend would be huggin on me like this, I don't blame her.

"It's good that you're here" Willow says into my shoulder "We need you more than you know, Faith".

I'm a bit taken back by this statement so I say nothing. Instead I kinda shrug and she takes this as the hint that huggin's not my style. She pulls back and wipes her cheeks with the back of her hand and sniffles loudly.

"Um, anyway…sorry. Still kinda emotional. But really, thank you." She says with a shaky voice.

"Hey no worries, I go where I'm needed, where will I be crashin?" I say trying to divert the subject a bit.

"Oh y-you can take B-Buffy's old room….no one's been in it since-s-since…" Tears start rollin down her cheeks again but this time no sobs. I nod and sling my bag over my shoulder and cross the threshold.

I don't know if I like the idea of staying in B's old room. In her bed…where she slept. It seems weird and kind of wrong but I decide not to argue with an uber emotional witch and head straight to bed.

Mumbling a quick goodnight I take the stairs two at a time and stop outside the door to B's room. Slowly I turn the handle and the door swings open. I flick the light on and it's pretty much exactly how I remember it. The only difference is an eerie layer of dust covering everything pink and girlie. Also the normally stuffed closet is completely bare. My eyes burn at the sight, and not just that, the smell. That's right; it even still smells like her.

I sigh heavily and sit down on her bed. I wonder if they washed the sheets? Guess I won't know till….I dig into my pack and pull out a tank and shorts then quickly change. After that I close the door, flick off the light, and walk straight to her bed…I mean 'the' bed…guess it'll always be hers though huh?

I crawl under the covers and pull them up to my chin. Nope, they either didn't change the sheets or just all of the sheets for this bed smell like her. It's just too much; tears start coming out of the corners of my eyes and I don't hold back. Rolling onto my side I grab her fluffy, soft, little pig; Mr. Gordo and hold on tight to him. I cry hard and long and after I finish I feel a little sick.

Not long after that my eyes, already extremely heavy, slowly close and I slip into a thousand different dreams all about the same girl. The only girl who ever really mattered. The only person I ever really loved.