I don't usually write many stories that involve Jacob, but I wondered what a fight would be like if it was Jacob and Emmett in the ring. Have you not? Hmm, maybe just me.

Anywho, I thought it would be boring and predictable to write it in either Jacob's or Emmett's point of view, so I wrote it in Alice's. Her insight to any situation is always much more interesting, anyway.

:]

((Don't Lick the Steak))

((A Twilight One-Shot))

"What's going on out here?" I asked Edward, who was standing in the yard outside our house, looking at something across the river with unashamed amusement.

"Wait for it . . ."

At that second, Emmett came crashing through the trees, posed for a fight. I cocked my head to the side, confused, until a massive russet-brown wolf came bounding after him, a snarl issuing between its clenched teeth.

I looked at Edward questioningly.

"Emmett licked Jacob's steak," he explained simply, not looking away from the fight in front of us.

"Would that not kill him? Our venom, I mean." Didn't Jacob say that one touch of our venom could be deadly to him or any member of the pack?

"He didn't eat it—said it smelled too repulsive." He chuckled slightly at that. "The venom has to reach his bloodstream to make a difference."

"And so now we're here," I said, finishing the story for him.

"And now we're here."

We returned our attention to the two idiots still scrambling in front of us. They slowly circled each other for a few seconds, then Emmett jumped onto Jacob's back, laughing menacingly.

"How do you like this, dog?" Emmett licked Jacob's shoulder.

Jacob howled and Emmett quickly jumped off his back, holding his tongue out.

"That was disgusting!" Emmett complained.

"Jacob didn't think it was too great, either," Edward said, reading Jacob's thoughts.

Jacob shook his head, holding it away from his contaminated shoulder.

After a quick hesitation, they lunged at each other again, taking their fight deep into the woods. So deep, in fact, that we couldn't see them anymore, only hear their grunts and snarls.

But, I couldn't look away—it was just too humorous. The simplest form of entertainment, but my gaze was too transfixed to look at anything else. I guessed this was like human's reaction to television.

Without my even noticing, Jasper was standing beside me, looking out into the woods.

"The steak?" he asked.

Edward and I both nodded, not looking away from the general direction of the battle.

Then, as if forced to, Jasper was staring at the battle scene just as intently as we were.

"Do I smell good, puppy?" we heard Emmett taunt. "Or is it too much for ya?"

As we heard the two progress violently closer to us, I thought about how stupid it was of us to just stand here, watching nothing. But I wanted to know the outcome—

Duh.

I searched the immediate future, looking for this battle and how it would end. It came up murky at first, but I focused on it as it came closer to the present.

Emmett and Jacob will come out of the woods together, Emmett on Jacob's back, riding him like a bull. "Yeehaw!" Emmett will shout as Jacob kicks wildly, trying to get the vampire off of his back. He will kick and jump around in circles, taking down a few trees in his struggle. When his back is facing the roaring river, Jacob will throw himself backwards so he is on his back legs, Emmett barely holding on. After much cursing, Emmett will begin to fall backwards into the river, but he will refuse to let go of Jacob's fur, taking him down with him, both of them being carried away in the river.

I stifled a giggle.

Edward looked over at me, and I quickly thought of something else, not wanting him to know what I saw.

"What is th—," Bella began, Renesmee walking beside her.

"Oh, Bella! You're back from your hunting trip!" I enthused, skipping over to hug her and Renesmee.

"I apparently chose a wrong time to come back," she mumbled absently, seeing the battle in front of her. And, like the rest of us, she was too engrossed to say anything else.

But Renesmee wasn't so easily distracted. She walked up to Edward, and he picked her up as she held her hand to his face.

"No, they're not trying to kill each other," he said, answering her unspoken question. "They're just . . . playing."

Nessie didn't look convinced, but didn't argue.

The fight slowly made its way closer to the river, and I waited for Emmett to jump on Jacob's back, ending this with a big finale. So far, it was just mainly Emmett teasing and taunting, and Jacob responding with a fierce growl and a lunge at his ankles.

Then Rosalie joined us.

"Oh my Go—is this still about the steaks?" she asked incredulously, hands on hips, glaring out into the woods.

"Yup," Jasper said, making a poping sound on the p. We all nodded.

She sighed, but stood there like we did, staring like we did.

Then—finally—Emmett began running closer to us, a huge grin on his face, lifting up his knees with every step, keeping his feet away from Jacob's teeth snapping at them.

The two kept gaining speed, and Emmett, with a smirk on his face, jumped up suddenly, landing with a thud on Jacob's back.

Jacob didn't bother to slow down, but kept running until he came to the clearing on the opposite side of the river from us. He began the kicking, eyes wild, snorting loudly, sounding much like a bull.

"Yeehaw!" Emmett screamed, now obviously trying to make a show for us.

The vision was laying out perfectly, and I anticipated the big ending. Picking up on my thoughts, Edward threw me a sideways glance. I quickly muffled my excitement by counting backwards from two thousand in Swedish.

"Emmett, you're being stupid!" Rosalie scolded half-heartedly. I think she wouldn't be too upset if he hurt Jacob in some way.

Then, as if on cue, my vision came true—Jacob reared backwards, throwing off his balance, landing in the river on top of Emmett.

They both stayed under for a moment, then came back up a quarter of a mile away from where they fell.

Jacob jumped out first, shaking out his fur, drying it, and soaking all of us as we ran to them.

Emmett finally came out from the river, soaked, clothes ripped, glaring at Jacob.

"Okay, man. Truce? For now?" he asked, holding out a fist.

Jacob started lifting up a paw to touch it to Emmett's fist, but he purposefully put too much force behind it and ended up knocking Emmett back into the river.

Jacob gave a throaty chuckle.

"What was that for?" Emmett asked as he immerged for the second time.

"He just wanted to do it before you got the chance to," Edward answered for Jacob.

Jacob shrugged.

"Jake . . ." Renesmee began, shaking her head. She walked over to him and he laid down on his stomach so she could reach his head. She wrapped her tiny arms around his neck, then quickly pulled back, her hand covering her nose.

Jacob looked confused.

"You smell bad," she told him.

We all looked at her. She had the most human sense of smell, so it was odd for her to smell Jacob like we did, but she obviously did.

She looked around at us. "No, not like that. Like . . . wet dog."

Jacob chuckled and lifted her onto his back.

"Yeah, you don't throw her off," Emmett mumbled. Jacob ignored it, running around, jumping lightly as Renesmee shrieked with laughter.

With the party being over, we all began to walk back towards the house. Once in the living room, Jasper and Edward began making fun of Emmett for his defeat.

"Em, you have to admit, he got you good," Jasper said between spasms of laughter.

"Jazz, don't say that," Edward scolded, almost keeping a strait face. "I think the correct term here is 'ownage'."

They both fell into a roar of laughter again. Rosalie rolled her eyes, but Bella and I could barely keep from laughing ourselves.

"If I was just warned before hand—." Emmett looked over at me. I turned my wide, innocent eyes on him. "You saw what was going to happen, didn't you?" he asked accusingly.

I stifled a giggle behind my hand. "Yeah, but I wasn't going to tell you."