Over the years, he had been brainwashed into coping with the loss, as colleague after colleague had died in the name of the greater good. There was no room for grief he had told himself, as three days after Ros's funeral he dragged himself into work to rebuild his shattered team. It had been a bitterly cold and truly awful few days with his unplanned trip to Scotland, to right the wrong that Nicolas Blake, betrayer and traitor had heaped upon his section and more importantly on the country he fought so hard to protect. He had always bounced back god knows how, but this time he was far from certain.
What he couldn't accept but more importantly didn't know how to cope with, was the fact that she had said no. Move on he had told her, we move on from this, impossible though he knew it was. He had been so sure that she would say yes as they had grown closer, dependant on each other even, but as usual he should have thought it through rather than just blurt it out. He should have told her that he loved her, but no he hadn't and as always when it came to her, he had messed it up.
Nicholas Blake was dead, he had no regrets about that, other than the fact they she would know that he had been involved. Maybe she was right not to accept him after all the dreadful things that he had done and quite likely would still do, but it didn't stop the dreadful ache and the need he had for her, something that he knew would never leave him, despite his efforts to make it otherwise. Oblivion was what he wanted and that was what he had found. Taking a taxi home from the station, he unplugged his phone, turned off his mobile and having drunk the best part of a bottle of whisky, he dragged himself upstairs to bed.
Ruth had sat at home, her mind in turmoil after Harry's unexpected proposal. She had picked up and put down her phone for the best part of two days as she tried to find the right words to say to him. She had seen the dreadful hurt and confusion in his eyes when she had told him that they couldn't be closer than they were right now. Who in their right mind said that in response to a proposal from someone that they were in love with, albeit that his supposed reasons for wanting to marry her were ridiculous. Going into work on Monday was her biggest concern. With Ros now gone and Lucas away, she, Harry and Tariq would be the only core staff until Lucas and Dimitri came back. It would be almost impossible for her to avoid Harry, in fact there could well be hours during the day when they would be the only two on the grid.
William Towers had been pacing the floor of his new office as he waited for his meeting with legendary Harry Pearce. If rumours were correct and he was sure that they were, then Harry was the one person that he needed to impress, even though the likelihood of achieving this seemed slim. Countless Home Secretaries had come and gone during the time that Harry had been head of Section D, the last of which had been blown up quite spectacularly followed very quickly by his predecessor who had suffered a heart attack. Job security seemed unlikely he thought, perhaps he should also check the terms of his life insurance.
'I do hope that we're going to get on Sir Harry,' he said as he shook the hand of the man who looked far more confident at being in his office than he himself felt.
The niceties over, Harry went on to update him on what he presumed to be the latest crisis although Harry seemed to infer that it was an everyday occurrence, telling him that his section head was currently on a tanker in the North Atlantic tracking Europe's top Al-Qaeda suspect. Following it up with the suggestion that to increase his popularity as the new Home Secretary, he should reintroduce slavery and invade Belgium, Towers considered the real possibility, that Harry Pearce was taking the piss.
Promising to keep him updated, Harry turned to go.
'My resignation,' he said, handing Towers an envelope.
Gathering his thoughts together, he realised that his tenure would be even shorter than his predecessors, were he to tell the PM that the head of counter terrorism had resigned during their first meeting.
'I know the recent death of your section head has proved difficult, but I think we need to pop this into a drawer and let it percolate.' said Towers proffering Harry's letter in front of him.
'As you wish Home Secretary.' said Harry, as without another word he promptly walked from his office.
Not unexpectedly after the previous evening's indulgence, Harry had a blinding headache and the last thing he wanted to do was go into Thames House and onto the grid. He knew full well that he was kidding himself that his decision to resign was because of Ros's death or Blake's betrayal, when the overriding factor was the impossible situation that he now found himself in with Ruth. He hadn't seen her for two days, he certainly hadn't spoken to her and if truth be known, he just didn't know how he would re act when he saw her again.
Tariq of course was completely unaware of the fact that the grid was just about to be turned into an emotional minefield. Ruth had been quieter than usual he had noticed although he assumed that that was probably due to the fact that Ros had only recently been killed. They were currently huddled round her computer assessing the mountains of intel that was coming in from GCHQ, when the pods whooshed open and the reason for Ruth's current turmoil walked in. Harry in a bad mood wasn't unusual, especially when he had been to a meeting at the Home Office although today it appeared it went far beyond that, as without a word he nodded in their direction and went straight into his office.
Five minutes later he emerged again and headed for the kitchen, presumably to make a drink, which was unusual thought Tariq because it was always Ruth who took him his first cup of coffee. Ruth had shifted awkwardly in her seat when Harry appeared, as though she were trying to avoid him. Fighting the urge to be anywhere but on the grid, he looked at his watch to see that it was still half an hour before he could justify going out in search of a sandwich.