You would think, that after all that has happened, after all of the wanderings through the worlds... that doubt, would be the last thing weighing on my heart. I thought so, at least. Everything that I was so sure that I wanted... Everything that I was set on getting... I'm not so sure I want anymore. I searched for so long for this, for a way to get back to my island. For this way to stay with her.

Kairi was everything I thought I wanted. Accent on the 'thought'. That is what is bothering me now. That these things aren't lining up. As I went from world to world, she was all I thought about. Her name was the most important thing that I wanted to get back when I forgot everything. I promised that I would find her. And when I found her, and everything was over, I promised that we would be together, everyday.

I promised in front of Roxas, so I feel as if I owe it to him. I feel like I have to uphold that promise to Roxas and Namine, since they are still a part of us. So I stayed with Kairi every day. Sometimes she would hold my hand and we would walk on the beach, just the two of us. And sometimes, we would goof off and play around with Riku, just like we always used to do. But I noticed, that when we are alone, just the two of us, we would watch the sunset. Kairi would watch it set and be satisfied, but I would get lost, looking out over the infinite ocean. I felt like, I wasn't really there.

I said to Riku once, soon after we had returned to our island, "Nothing has changed.", "And nothing ever will". But I think, that I was wrong. There were things that I thought would just always be the same because it all just seemed to go on forever, like the ocean. Maybe it isn't that big. Maybe it isn't the world that has changed, or anything like that. Maybe, its just in me.

I think that Kairi has noticed it. Noticed that I don't look at her in the sunset the same way. In fact, I don't think I have felt that same way since we returned. That feeling inside just isn't there anymore. When we are together, I hear Roxas's voice in my head, and Namine's laugher. I think that all that's left is them. I think I owe it to them, because they returned to being part of us. But to me, when Kairi and I are together, I see Roxas and Namine together. I don't know what it is, but I know that things are not the same.

I'm sitting on our favorite tree again. I find myself here nearly as much as I find myself with Kairi, recently. With its trunk bent so far over, it makes a good seat and I look out over the ocean like we used to do. I can hear footsteps crunching on the sand but I don't need to look to know who it is. I have heard those steps so many times before that I should know them like clockwork by now.

The sound of the foot steps stopped just behind my left shoulder and I felt the tree trunk give just a little as it took the weight of a person sitting on it. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the pale tint of Riku's hair.

We sat silently together for the longest time. Both of us just looking out over the water. Things have been like this since we returned. When we weren't doing anything, and I had escaped from Kairi, Riku and I would sit here together. He always managed to find me. No matter where I decided to stay, he would always find me. I chose, once, to climb the top of the giant tree that sat on the island. I had never been able to climb that tree before, but now, it was easy. I had sat up in that tree and just looked all around the island. When at last I had climbed down carefully, I found Riku at the base, sitting against the tree trunk. I didn't say anything, I just smiled. For some reason, knowing he had been there made me happy.

"Sora," Riku spoke up quietly, apparently he was breaking our trend. "Do you ever think about...going back there?" I look at him as he continues to look out over the sea. When I don't respond he continues. "You know, leaving his place and seeing the other worlds again, seeing those people out there? Do you ever miss it, miss them?" My eyes turn back towards the horizon.

"That's...hard to say. I know that it will all be ok. I know that the people I care about, even if I cant see them, will always remember me, and are thinking of me." I speak with such a ring of resolve and belief but for some reason, right now, to my ears, those words sound empty. I cant help but wonder, can Riku hear that note of uncertainty?

"You say that...but sometimes I feel like...just remembering isn't enough. A memory isn't the same as the real thing." There seemed to be a slight pang in his voice as Riku spoke but I couldn't be quite sure. I let the conversation fall into silence and thought about what he said. I supposed, that I could understand Riku's view. He had been locked the darkness for so long. He had lost everything, even his body. For so long, all Riku had known, were memories. I had lost mine, but even as I gained them back, I had been lost in dreams and sleep. Riku only had painful wakefulness, with nothing but memories to keep him company.

Riku turned away and looked out at the scenery and I turned to look at his profile completely. Now that I thought about it, it was harder for me to understand him, perhaps because, I had never lost my memory of him and had never lost my ability to search for him. Riku remembered me and been so close to me all the while, fighting me along the way sometimes, but he couldn't ever come close enough. Maybe that was what he wanted. Maybe he really wanted to go back and see those people. Maybe in his mind he couldn't prove to himself they were real, or true, without seeing them himself. But he would never say that.

As I struggled to connect myself to Riku again and be able to understand exactly what he meant, I felt Roxas reach out. I could feel this other part of me turn his eyes to the sky and try to find the world he had lived in for that brief spell, that had felt like a lifetime. Their names echoed in my mind through Roxas's voice. "Hayner, Pence, Olette..." They were friends he would never see again. I felt the pain in my heart and I wondered if this is what Riku felt. I opened my mouth to ask but he spoke first.

"If we could go there again...would you want to?" I couldn't help my surprise. There was less pain, but a strange note still rang in his voice. His question was all wrong. Was he asking...permission? It seemed like that to me. It was then that Roxas called out for his last friend. "Axel..." The one friend he could never see again. How could I not visit my friends if I got the chance? How could I ever forgive myself if they were gone forever...and left me with only a memory...That was it. That was that note in Riku's voice, I just knew it.

"Yeah, I would." It was a simple enough answer but some who it seemed to have a calming effect. I hadn't even noticed a tension, what with Riku's natural way of seeming relaxed and my own lack of observation.

"You know, I am glad I never forgot you." I was talking suddenly without even thinking but somehow I didn't really feel like making myself stop. "Of all of the things I remember from our adventures, I remember you the best. I forgot Kairi once, but not our promise. But that's not the same. I never forgot you, or any part of you. You were always there, even if it was on opposite sides for a while." I could tell that Riku was looking at me, though I didn't look back, and continued to observe the horizon. "I never had to search for you. You always found me first. I was never left with 'just a memory'. But when...when you were lost, on the other side of that door...that was different." I've never thought about it until this moment but...how did I feel? It was different from when Kairi vanished.

I knew Riku wanted to ask a question, I could feel its weight on his tongue but I had the distinct feeling he was going to swallow it. And swallow it he did. We fell back into silence, each now lost in our own thoughts, until a voice broke the frail glass of the moment. Kairi could never just walk up the way Riku did. She would always call out to us, and come running. She could never just sit down and enjoy our silence, the way that Riku did, that was just the way she was.

I shook my mind off its thoughts. I had never compared Kairi with Riku before. It was an interesting train of thought but I knew this was not the moment for it. I turned and smiled kindly at her as she ran up and threw her arms around me. She hugged me from behind, with her goofy smile and I let out a small laugh. Riku smiled too, just that small smile that told her 'hello'. Neither of us was angry with her, she didn't know what we had just been talking about. It wasn't her fault she had torn that fragile thread.

"I've been looking for you, Sora." She spoke with her head resting on my shoulder. "Why don't we go for a walk on the beach?" I knew she would ask that. It was the same nearly every day. We had a short list of the things we would to at sunset. Taking a walk was a third of the list. I knew Riku would never say anything, obviously because he wasn't really part of this dilemma, but right now I wished he would speak up.

"Well, no, not today Kairi. I just don't feel like walking right now. Besides," I added, feeling that my reasoning wasn't good enough, "the sun is already setting and by the time we get going its going to be too late." I looked at Kairi and I could see the ever so slight disappointment in her face but her good mood was not to be deterred so she climbed up on the log next to me.

"That's ok, we can stay here. I don't mind." Kairi sat on my right and leaned in, resting her head on my shoulder. We sat there, watching as the sun finished its fall below the horizon of the sea but the feeling just wasn't the same. With the three of us I tried to recall that aura that there had been when there was only two of us, but now it just seemed cluttered, or crowded. I could feel that she wanted me to do something as she slowly snaked her hand into mine and I laced my fingers with hers. I let my head rest on hers and she seemed content.

Out of the corner of my eye I watched Riku. He had remained basically as he had been before but still...He seemed to refuse to look at me even though I was sure he knew I was looking at him. He had this affinity with that sort of thing. Suddenly I felt Kairi jerk her head away and I felt mine jerk upwards in reaction. I turned to look at her and she was gasping at her watch.

"Oh no! I have to go!" She swung her legs over the trunk together and she pulled me after. "My parents are going to kill me! I have to get home!" I looked back at Riku, who was looking over his shoulder at us. For a moment I felt a sudden rise of irritation at Kairi and almost asked her why she had to drag me along when it was her that needed to get going. But snapped back almost instantly. That wasn't me. I had never been angry with Kairi. Never, not even when we were little. Instead I opted for calling out to Riku.

"Riku! I guess I'll see you later! Hope you're free tomorrow!" I cupped my mouth with my free hand to make sure my voice got to him. He nodded and waved back. I'm glad he didn't say when, because I felt I just didn't want Kairi to know. I didn't like this feeling that I was trying to keep something from her, but still...

As we ran across the sand towards the boats and back to the island where Kairi lived, I looked back at Riku, still sitting on that tree trunk. I couldn't place it, and perhaps, somewhere in my heart I didn't want to place it, but I knew in my mind. No matter what part of me wanted to deny it, something had changed. I followed Kairi complacently, and hoped that it was something for the better.

I dropped Kairi off at her house and said goodnight. She kissed me on the cheek before she closed the door. I could see her blushing in the dim lights of her house. Somehow I though that this would affect me more, but I just feel so ...empty. I think I should feel something and at that is all that is running through my mind as I wander down the steadily darkening towards my own home.

This gathering darkness is good for my thoughts, and no longer bothers me. I think when I was a small child I was afraid of the dark. Then, as I grew up I felt that I was no longer afraid of the darkness, but what was in it that I could not see. And when my journey began I found that I was really, actually, terrified by the darkness. Not the darkness that could be banished my a mothers voice or a small light, but that darkness that sat in my own soul, the darkness that took Riku...

But now I wonder, what am I afraid of? Riku, I am sure, broke me of my fear of the darkness because he overcame it. He proved to me that it could happen. An I am the light so that doesn't frighten me. And the nothing in-between doesn't scare me. I looked up into the growing shadows and listened for anything. There were no birds, as they settled down for sleep, and no people. I shook my head and continued walking. I never used to think like this. I never had to. Things were always just that easy, and although we all wanted something more, we still never needed to move.

Kairi told me once, that I should never change, I didn't respond but I sort of took it as a minor sort of agreement, and although she has gotten older, Kairi kept her word, she is still the same. She is still the same fun loving girl I grew up with. She is still the same girl I would fight with Riku for. She was still...Kairi. I wonder, then, what about me? Why aren't things the same? It makes sense that things should change but for some reason...

I looked up as I heard the soft sounds of foot steps. I finally arrived at the beach where my house is. I might have heard the person's foot steps better if we were on the hard packed roads near Kairi's house, but down here the sand muffles our feet. When I looked up completely and meat the eyes of the stranger I knew who it was instantly. It is like this every time. No matter what the situation, I can always recognize Riku. It must come from searching for him so desperately.

"Hey." Is all he said as I slowly approached him. My hand finds the back of my head. I do my best to convey the embarrassment that I want to show and the regret as well, because I really am sorry.

"Sorry about earlier, I..." I stopped myself because I know I have nothing else to say. I looked down because I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eye with nothing to say. For some reason, facing him like this makes me feel terrible.

"Its alright, I was going to head home soon anyway." His tone was causal and I looked up to find him looking off in the direction of his house. He lives not far from me, and in fact, when we were younger we would sleep over at each other's houses all of the time.

"Oh," is all I could bring myself to say. I felt very sheepish. I found a slight amount of solace in the idea that perhaps I am still some of the person I used to be. Some things about me haven't changed.

"You wanna walk home?' he asked me and all I could do is nod. He took a few slow steps to make sure I was coming before we both set off at a good pace. The sand crunched under our feet and the stars began to speck the sky more fiercely. We walked in silence and enjoyed each others company. It took me a moment, but only a moment to realize we were not headed towards either one of our homes, but were gently making our way towards the beach. I smiled but I couldn't bring myself to break the silence. Instead I gently stepped closer to Riku leaning on him and pushing him gently towards the water until we were heading directly towards it. He looks at me surprised but I just kept pushing him with a grin. He gets the idea and allows me to push him forward, while he takes heavy steps forward.

Eventually we are sitting on the beach, at the water's edge. This is the silence we had before. It a peace that I cant seem to find anywhere else. I think the water is starting to touch the souls of my shoes but I cant say that I care at the moment, in fact I think I have half a mind to take them off and let my feet soak. I looked over at Riku. He is sitting with his head leaned back ever so slightly and his brilliant eyes closed. Yes, brilliant. Even the darkness couldn't over shadow that. Even when he tried to blind himself, he couldn't really keep his eyes silenced. They conveyed every part of his soul. All of the power and all of the strength. They even showed the battle we waged with the darkness all the way up to the end, and sometimes I wonder, even now.

I let a small smile onto my face and tilt my head back and relax, letting my eyes slide closed. I can feel the pale light from the rising moon on my skin, and I feel all of the stress from before, drift away on the tide. My thoughts go blank and I find myself drifting on the sand. The sound of the waves is so peaceful. Suddenly in my mind, I am back on the desolate shore. That place in the realm of darkness. The dark sands felt the same under our tired bodies and the rush of the surf sounded so familiar. We made a deal there. We had done what we had to do, and now, we were stuck here. But in that moment, we were ok with it. Riku had been alone in the darkness and I had been fighting in the light. We had both been opposites fighting for the same thing. But we made a deal there. Since the light was safe, Riku promised to stay with the darkness, and I promised to stay with him. He had promised to stay with his nightmare, and I had promised to give up my light. I felt that I was back there, and I felt the weight of that promise covering me like a cloak in the breeze. It didn't feel like an unwelcome burden at all.

"Riku," with my eyes still closed, I felt myself speaking involuntarily again.

"Yeah, Sora?" he responded in a quiet, relaxed tone.

"You remember all of that stuff we said back there?" I didn't bother to specify where, because I knew that he knew what I was talking about.

"Yeah?" I heard him, but Riku's voice seemed even quieter this time when he spoke.

"Do ever wonder about it? Like, you know, if we really knew what we were saying?" I had no idea where I was going with this but Riku just 'hmm'-ed his acknowledgment. "Sometimes I think I do, and I figure I should tell you." I could feel him look at me but kept my eyes closed. I tried to fight it, but at the end of my paused I lost the battle and small grin crept onto my face. "I meant every word."

"Oh yeah?" there was a pause but I could feel a certain weight coming off the situation. "Me too. Glad you told me." I could feel Riku's smile. The whole uncertainty from earlier was melting off of my heart, and I felt better than I had. Something was different. Something had changed, I knew it. But for right now that was ok.

"You know Riku, when I said everything was the same?"

"Yeah?"

"I was wrong." my words were casual and I heard Riku chuckle.

"I figured you were."

so, there is more on the way! i hope you enjoy this!