Title: To Be Saved 1/1
Author: Mandi
Pairing: None
Summary: Davis runs into Cruz.
Disclaimer: They are not mine
AN1: Post-'The Other L Word' : I went on a lil Davis/Cruz kick for a while and this was the outcome.

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I forget what it feels like to smile. To want to wake up in the morning and live another day. I go through the motions. Hoping one day I'll just snap out of it. Come out of this trance I've been in ever since I discovered the truth about my dad's murder. But it's hopeless. I lost myself on my quest for the truth. Then I lost the one person who has been a constant in my life from the moment I needed him most. I don't expect things to go back to the way they were between Sul and I. I know they can't. This thing, this entire fucked up situation will shadow us forever. Hanging like a heavy burden over the friendship we once shared. I care about him. I always will, he's been more than my just my partner over the years. But in my heart, I can't forgive him. Not yet anyway.

I may have felt as if Sully betrayed me at first. But after a while I understood why he did what he did. He had his reasons, his heart was in the right place, it's always been. I know I have it in me to move past what he kept from me because no betrayal hurt me more than what Sasha did. I opened up to her, I laid my heart on the table, and all I asked for was honesty. All I wanted was to be in a relationship with no secrets creating barriers between us. But in the end, I got screwed over again. Story of my life. Just when I think things are going good, shit like this happens.

I told Swersky I needed a personal day after my ordeal in the locker room. I don't know what happened. Sully just kept pushing me about what happened with CT Finney and something in me just snapped. The locker room's gonna need a new mirror but I could care less. After that happened I grabbed my jacket and got the hell outta there. I couldn't be around that place. It reminded me that I was a cop. I was a cop who had been in the dark for years about his dad's murder. A cop with nothing left to lose.

I got home but I couldn't stand being pent up in my apartment. The walls, being so confined, for the first time, I couldn't breathe. I felt trapped, suffocated. I needed out. So I threw on some sweats and went for a jog. I don't know how far or for how long I run, and I don't care. My mind is elsewhere the entire time. Only when I see her, does anything around me register. I slow my pace, hesitating as I approach. She's standing alone, supporting her weight against the railing in front of her. She's looking down at something in the water. I to look over the rail, curious of what holds her interest. I see a crumpled paper floating on the surface and I watch as it sunk into the depths of the water below.

My eyes return to her and as I near, the hushed whimpers became easier to hear. She's crying. I stop for only a moment, letting the scene before me play out in my head. Never before have I witnessed her so vulnerable, so defeated, so broken. Something in me changes in this moment. The heavy heart I've been living with for weeks now finally lifts. My features soften. I don't know her well, but no one really does. She doesn't let people get close. But that doesn't seem to matter now.

"Cruz?" I saw finally reaching her. She turns, her wounded eyes meeting mine but she's not really looking at me. She doesn't see anything, just the pain, the emptiness of her life. I know because it's the same for me. Before I can say anything else she grabs me, pulling me to her as she cries. Her tears soaking my sweater. At first I'm completely numb, unsure of what to do, but then I slowly bring my hands up to rest on her back. Trying my best to soothe her.

I don't think she knows what's happening, I don't think she cares. Her crying doesn't cease, it gets worse and I try my best to comfort her, pulling her closer as she clings to me. I breathe in the scent of her hair, my chin resting lightly on her dark hair as I feel the trembling of her body start to subside. I don't say anything, I just let her cry.

Now I wonder, what could have brought this woman to tears like this? I know this doesn't happen often with her, her actions now give it away. Her tears have stopped flowing and all that's left is a hollow expression. A ghost of the woman that was once alive.

She blinks a few times, wiping weakly at her eyes as she pulls away from me, taking a step back but still remaining close, "Davis?" she utters, finally realizing it's me. She pushes the hair from her face as she continues softly, "whatcha doin' here?"

I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out at first. I shrug as I let my fingers rub the back of my neck in a nervous gesture, "I was jogging...and I saw you—You okay?"

She nods slowly, "I was just—I had a hard day..." I watch the change in her. She's closing up again. Her eyes darkening as she's once again hiding within herself. I got a taste of her more vulnerable side, but I think that's all I'll ever get from her. At least now, I know she's human, like the rest of us.

"I know what that's like..."

Suddenly I see fire in her eyes, her jaw tightening, "how the hell would you know what it's like?" she hisses and my eyes widen slightly. I didn't expect her to be so ticked off about what I just said. All I was doing was trying to make her feel better. She steps closer to me, her chin lifting so that she can look up at me. The last thing I wanted was to be on the receiving end of this woman's wrath.

"Hey, Sarge, I was just—," I try but she cuts me off.

"You're alive, Ty. You got your life ahead of you. You can plan, you can have a family, anything you want..." I watch as her eyes again fill with tears while my mind tries to make sense of what she's telling me, "you don't know what it's like when every moment is precious, every breath is a blessing, any day could be your last...you don't have one fuckin clue, Davis!"

"Cruz," I step toward her, but she pushes me away harshly.

"You—you and the rest of them! You all take your lives for granted—you don't know what it means to live. To be able to wake up in the morning and know you're okay. You're healthy...you're fine..." her words cut through me like a sharp blade, but I let it effect me for only a moment before I notice the heaviness of her breaths, the weakness in her face, and I close the remaining distance between us as her legs give way. Her head falls against my shoulder, as I look down at her weakened demeanor.

"I'm sorry," she breathes barely above a whisper, "—I'm not...I'm not feeling okay."

I nod, "I'll take you to the hospital."

Her loose grip on me tightens as she shakes her head quickly, "no—no hospitals...I'm fine."

"No, you're not. You need to see a doctor."

"I did...he's no help. There's nothing no one can do," her words still confuse me, but I let it go, caring more about now and getting her help. "Please..." she quietly pleads, "I just need to lay down..."

As her eyes slowly drift close and the rest of her body relaxes in my arms, I realize that she's allowing herself to trust someone. Trust me. To take care of her. And right now, I want to. I lean forward slightly, my right arm reaching to her legs before I lift her into my arms. I have never realized before how incredibly tiny she is. Her strong and always confidant attitude had always diminished the fact that she was physically small. Though, she's light when we first started off, by the time I reach my apartment, she's heavy as hell. My arms are about to disconnect from the sockets as I lower her gently onto my bed. I figured my apartment was a lot closer than, well, I really don't know where she lives. I didn't bother asking since she was passed out in my arms on the way here.

I leave her for a moment to call up the House and explain the best I can to the boss why Cruz won't be coming back today. After a while, Swersky gives in letting me off without a detailed explanation. I know he trusts me and right now, I'm grateful for that fact. I make my way back to the bedroom, dropping to one knee next to my bed so I can pull the covers around her. She shifts slightly and her hand finds mine above the covers. She opens her swollen eyes just enough so she can see me. I hold my breath as she speaks.

"Thank you...Ty..." is all she says before she drifts off to sleep, her hand still holding mine. I reach out reluctantly to brush a few strands of her hair from her face. I let my hand linger on her smooth cheek. This isn't the woman I thought she was. The person she pretends to be. As I look at her now, I see a little of me. I see a person tired of pretending, tired of drowning, tired of running from her demons.

I sigh heavily as I gently slip my hand from hers and move to sit in the chair in the corner of my room. I lean back in it, letting the comfort relax my body. My eyes never leave her face. I know she's hiding something. I replay her words earlier in my mind now. Something's not right. She's not okay, and I can only guess the reason.

I had thought I needed saving. But now I realize, I have always had others who were there for me. Cruz...she's had no one. Right now, I made up my mind. I wanna be that one for her. She needs a friend now more than ever. I'm involved, I don't care whether I should or not. It doesn't matter to me because she deserves a chance.

And who knows, maybe with this, we can end up saving each other.