Disclaimer : I Don't Own Labyrinth, The Songs Listed At The End Or The Lyrics. I Really Wish I Did, But I Don't. So Anyway, Enjoy, R & R =).
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It was a beautiful day. It was the time the summer transcends into autumn and the leaves change and fall. However the sun was still warm, beating down on the guests in a blanketing glow. All around the church, the guests waited in joyous anticipation. It's nearly time. It truly was a day befitting a wedding.
Sarah peeked nervously out of the tinted windows of the limousine. My wedding ... My wedding, she thought to herself. Who would have thought it, me getting married! Her nerves coiled un-cooperatively in her stomach. Her hands felt like weights, resting on her lap. Her skin itched under the silken fabric of her dress. She needed air. Maybe she should stop the car and walk a little ?
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'' Oh finally, Sarah ! You're getting married ,'' Irene had beamed in a most insulting way when she'd heard of the engagement. '' Isn't it great dear ?,'' she'd said to Sarah's father. He looked up sheepishly from behind his paper. '' Terrific dear. ''
'' Oh I have to ring the girls, they'll be soo excited ! ,'' Irene said, her whitened teeth glinting like daggers under the luminescence of the sitting room chandelier. '' Good news at last ! ''
I don't see why she's ringing her friends, Sarah had thought. They're not coming to my wedding. Oh no, this will be private. Close friends and family only. Not Irene's country club posse. Stuck up cows.
Her father gave her a curt smile which she took to be apologetic as in I'm-not-getting-involved-with-your-mother's-gossip-or-behaviour and continued with his paper. He dug around for a pen in his pocket and bore an expression of utmost joy when he came upon one. He seems more happy to find the pen, Sarah said to herself, than to hear I'm getting married.
She twirled her spoon around in her cold Earl Grey tea. I really don't understand why Irene still hands me tea when I come to visit. I haven't drank tea since I was eight and got sick. Maybe it's a high class thing to serve tea to guests as soon as they come in ?
She took the momentary pause to look around the room. This wasn't the house she grew up in. It was newer, bigger and classier as Irene would say. Brand new furniture straight from that European art deco furniture place she was always rattling on about. Mahogany wood on most of the floors. Interior designers picked the wall paper and that such thing. And the pool was about the size of her old back garden.
Her thoughts wandered to upstairs, where Irene had insisted they decorate a guest room for Sarah. It was pink and feminine and all the things Irene wished her to be. Sarah hasn't stayed in it once. They moved when she was twenty one and had an apartment of her own. Toby says it's all a bore, with the butler and stuff but the pool is fun.
Toby. The only person Sarah actually came to see. '' I'll be right back ,'' she said to her dad, but she may as well have been talking to a wall, he didn't seem to hear. She ran up the stairs, her shoes squeaking on the polished surface. The maid came running to protest but Sarah dodged past her.
She eventually made it to Toby's door, which had a huge sign saying ' DON'T COME IN. THIS MEANS YOU, MOM. ' She had to hand it to him, the kid new evil when he saw it. She rapped her knuckles on the door four times and then knocked. It was sort of like a secret knock they had, since he was little.
'' Come in,'' he called, and she did just that. Toby's room was a male teenager's dream. Big bed, big computer, big game stations and countless video games, big stereo, big wardrobe... Well maybe not the last one, Irene picked that. Sarah knew the Armani suits were rotting inside, since Toby refused to wear them. My brother, she smirked, the rebel.
He was sitting on his bed reading a comic. '' Hey Sarah. ''
'' Hey Toby. '' He peeked over the pages at her sad tone. '' What did she do ? ''
Of course Toby could read her like a book. He was referring to Irene. '' She's inviting the country club gals to the wedding. ''
Toby was quiet for a moment. '' Don't invite her then, she can have no hold over the plans or guest list then. ''
'' It's not that simple Toby. She'd freak. And dad would be angry because she's moaning to him about it ... ''
'' They'll deal with it, it's your day Sarah, don't let her ruin it. How are you anyway ? How's the play ? ''
Toby was talking about her theatre show, she was the leading lady and it was on its 8th run tonight. Irene was a bit miffed when she pursued acting. It wasn't a tangible career in her opinion.
'' Good, great. You ? ''
'' Same old, same old. ''
'' Any girlfriends you'd like to invite to the wedding ? ''
Toby's face darkened. '' No. ''
Sarah loved her little brother, she watched him squirm still because of the question and she laughed. Toby was the first person she'd told about the wedding, and her engagement for that matter and all he said was ,'' if you're happy, I'm happy. '' Nobody had asked her that before, not even her parents.
Toby ruffled his sandy blond hair and cleared his throat, desperate to change the subject.
'' Anyway .... uh ... ''
'' What would you like your fifteenth birthday ? It's soon isn't it ? '' Sarah obliged. His face brightened up. '' Oh yeah ! Uhm ... I'm not sure. Maybe you and me could go out somewhere ? Like the movies or something ? ''
'' We always do that, why not something special ? Is there somewhere you want to go ? How about a holiday ? ''
Her parents weren't the only ones with some cash. '' No thanks, Sarah. I hate planes ,'' he said sheepishly. '' OK, how about the movies, dinner and then I could bring you to that comic shop you like ? And you can pick out anything and as much as you like, how about that ? ''
'' That's so cool Sarah, thanks ! '' he opened his arms as if to give her a hug and then paused, and made a fist and play punched on the arm. '' Yeah, that'd be cool ,'' he said, his voice deeper. Toby loves the comic shop but Irene forbade him to go. All the nonsense will rot his brain she thinks. Kids are much better without imagination in her opinion.
'' What are you doing on the day, it's the eighteenth right ? ,'' she continued, amused at his actions. He'd suddenly become more suave and laid back and concerned about his image, these last few months. Sarah thought back to her adolescence and remembered the same things, just maybe a bit later. '' Mom wanted a tea party with my friends ,'' he made a face, '' but now we're settling on a ' nice family meal at the Ritz ' '' he quoted. She noted the disdain on his face. '' Jeez, Sarah. I know I'm at risk of sounding spoilt and all but what does a guy have to do to get some freaking McDonalds around here ? '' Her laughter made him smile. '' I'll take you there if you want then, Toby. ''
'' Your birthdays soon too, isn't it Sarah ? What age will you be ? '' Toby deliberately did this, he liked to rub it in.
'' Thirty,'' she made a face to rival his previous one. '' And it's not til next year squirt, so shut it. ''
'' Ah to be middle aged... '' Toby sang, in a dreamy tone.
'' Shut up, Mister-I-Can't-Get-Into-Most-Movies! ''
'' Hey ! I'm small for my age ! ''
'' I know, I know. I'm just kidding Toby.''
'' So was I.''
There was a thoughtful silence and then Toby pierced it, with an unexpected question.
'' What's it like Sarah ... to be grown up ? '' The seriousness of his voice only showed a fraction of the fear in his eyes. When Sarah was his age, she was so afraid of growing up. Her childhood was short, she had to grow up an awful lot after her Mother died and her father married Irene. She loved fairy tales and acting all the time though, something she'd retained all her life. Toby seemed to be hurrying to grow up, instead of savouring his childhood. Sarah couldn't verbalise how important it was to just have fun and be a kid for as long as you can. She couldn't crush his spirit like that. Sarah struggled to find the right words.
'' It's ... strange. But just like an adventure, I suppose. ''
'' That's life ,'' Toby chimed in, smiling.
Sarah ruffled his hair and smiled. '' Yeah, your right Tobe. ''
She ducked in and pecked his cheek. He made a face again. '' I'm too old for that,'' he protested. '' Sure squirt. I better be going, I have to get ready for the play. ''
'' Okay, bye Sarah. Tell John I said hi ''
'' Yep. '' Sarah went to hug Toby but he looked uncertain. Fine, I wont ruin his image she told herself. Toby settled for the manly handshake instead and laughter bubbled from her lips.
'' Don't grow up too fast kiddo, I still remember babysitting you in your red and white all-in-one when you were only little. ''
'' Do me a favour, don't bring that up ever again. ''
Sarah smiled, '' Sure thing. See you at the wedding, Best Man ''
'' Bye, Mrs. Bride '' He never could remember John's last name.
Toby hummed here comes the bride while she walked out. Toby was slipping through her fingers everytime she saw him. Irene didn't appreciate her child as much as she should. If she could just take a break away from all of her posh meetings and hostess duties - maybe she could take pride and a little sadness in Toby growing too.
Sarah believed she'd never heard a door shutting ever so sadly.
She skipped down the stairs and the maid reappeared to scold her but Sarah just hummed a tune to drown her voice out. Irene was still on the phone when she returned, laughing at something in a very high pitched way. '' I'm gonna head off Dad, I've got to get to the theatre for seven ,'' she said, shrugging on her coat that she'd left on the chair, much to the maid's annoyance.
'' Bye Sarah.'' There was a ripple of dejection that ran through her heart.
He didn't even look up. Daddy, look at me.
She turned to walk away.
'' Wait Sarah ! ''
She turned, her heart beating in her chest. '' What's a six letter word for hopelessness ? ''
Sarah swallowed.
'' Despair. ''
And then she walked out, ignoring Irene's calls, her father's confusion ( ' That's seven leffters ... ' ) and the butler who ran to open the door before her.
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Sarah's heart jumped in her chest. She was sure she was going to start sweating. Euuww. She really needed air. She wasn't fond of cracking the window though, because the reality would leak through. She could see the country club women waiting like harpies, ready to take her in, digest her and then list out the flaws. They're pastel hats hooded them like prophets or witches. Old hags.
Sarah looked out again. Irene joined the posh women with a huge smile plastered on her face. Sarah's father looked apathetic and kicked some pebbles with his Italian leather shoes. There was so many faces ... Her Dad's work associates, the Country Club Gang, her actor or artist friends, various photographers and John's family ... She couldn't find Toby. And then she did.
He was waiting at the doors with a lazy smile on his face, leaning back against the granite designed walls. He looked up when he heard the limo drive by and somehow, his eyes connected with hers through the tinted glass. She was going in. She had too.
Her mouth was dry as she whispered to the driver to stop. He got out, signaled to the photographers and opened the door. It was as if her life had suddenly gone into slow motion. The light poured in as well as the oohhh's and ahhh's of the onlookers and the flash of cameras.
She couldn't place faces, just smiles and laughter that sounded somehow tauting in the warped hazy time. Her high heeled foot was the first to step out as her hands gripped the side of the door with an unnatural urge not to let go. She felt like she was falling. Alice In Wonderland, her thoughts echoed.
The silk dress cascaded in falls of light shimmering pools around her creamy legs, the garter suddenly constricting as she stands. Her bones felt old and unable to move or carry her but something compelled her on. She knew she look dazed, not excited. There was no smile. Just wonder. The corset styled bodice dipped down at her back where her hair tickled her naked skin under the ends of the veil. The plaits and hair piled in curls or waves on top of her hair felt heavy, and the pearls embedded throughout stung her scalp.
One of her eyes was clouded with the mesh connected to an ornate antique clip. Toby had found it, buried in a box in the attic with Sarah's father and real mother's wedding things. He presented it to her last night with a shy smile and a kiss. Its teeth didn't rake her scalp as she suspected, it had a calming presence about it. You're here Mom ? I hope you are ...
There was thunderous clapping and their excitement was palpable, it tickled her skin. Her lips pulled back into a smile of their own accord, it was reassuring. It was meant for herself. Sarah had never felt this lost before, searching for someone through thick fog and not even knowing who it was. Or had she ...
Her mind flickered with memories of a ball of sorts, masked dancers and haunting music. Maybe she had, it must have been a play she did a few years ago. Yes, a scene from a play. Her gaze flickered past the heads and over the surrounding shrubbery. Their was well kept bushes and hedges around the church itself but also a garden on either side of the car park, home to fading blossoming trees and leaves turning golden and red. There was something familiar ... Something she couldn't place.
In her trance, she didn't notice the guests filing into the church or the absence of the laughter as it followed them in. She felt a tap on her shoulder and it was the driver, pointing out her last bridesmaid, her friend from Art College, walking in. He was trying to say, now is your turn but she couldn't comprehend. She walked mechanically to the door and looked inside. A whole rainbow of assorted colours burned her eyes but it just turned out to be the contrasting colours of the guests outfits.
She could see the back of Irene's head, huddled close to another Country Club hag as they watched the procession of bridesmaids. She could see her father standing with his back to her, waiting to walk her down the aisle. She could see Toby, waiting at the altar with the Bridesmaids and she could see John, her fiancé waiting with a smile.
Her heart ached. John ... She thought back to the time she'd first met him in Art College, she was handing out flyers with a friend for the newest play. He'd taken one and smiled a crooked smile and promised he'd be there. He was handsome, tall and thin with black hair to rival the night sky and blue eyes to compete with the sea. They'd got chatting after the show and had been inseparable since.
She'd only introduced him to her family a short while ago as she was reluctant for any of her boyfriends to meet Irene's scrutiny but he'd passed with flying colours. He even seemed to interest her Dad. Toby was the first one she told and who had met John. They shared a love of comics and he was like the older brother he'd never had.
She had a sinking suspicion that something was missing but she couldn't place it.
Even though she couldn't name it, it left a noticeable hole in her mind's view of the church.
She let her fingers hesitate on the door handle as the torn of a rose cut through the skin of her other hand. Stupid bouquet ... She paused to examine the cut, tiny and nondescript with no trace of blood to stain her dress. Okay, she sucked in her breath, I'm ready. The door cracked open the slightest bit and she heard the voice of one of The Country Club women waft through over the trundle of the limousine, looking for a proper parking space.
'' Can you imagine, after all of Irene's talk, she's only marrying an Art School graduate ? ,'' there was distinctive distaste in the voice,'' you'd swear she was marrying doctor by the way she was going on, or a King ! '' Sarah's anger flared inside her. Another voice joined in. '' To think Irene spent all that time moaning about what a disgrace she was and now, she's marrying some art punk and Irene's happy ? She's so hard to understand, Sylvia. If she wasn't rich - ''
Sarah slammed the door as hard as she could, causing the two women and her father who were closest to the door to jump. She felt the bouquet slip through her fingers and fall to the ground and her misery washed over her like a wave over a tiny shell. Irene thought I was a disgrace ... She's just happy to be marrying me off so I'm out of her hair and image . The weddings just one final act before I'm not her responsibility. How dare she ruin my wedding, to the man I love -
Sarah remembered. She doesn't know how, or why but it struck her then. The autumnal colours she'd felt signified something was the Labyrinth and it's off seasonal hues and the missing link she was searching for. She understood. The dancing ballroom scene was a memory all right. Everything rushed back to her, she hadn't a chance to think of them while planning the wedding under Irene's watchful eye.
'' I wish, the Goblins would take me away,' she whispered as a tear slid down her cheek. '' Right now. ''
13.17, 7th August 2009.
Songs I Listened To While Writing.
My Chemical Romance - Disenchanted - Toby Asking About Growing Up
The Killers - Tranquilize - Stepping Out Of The Limo
Paramore - When It Rains - To The Labyrinth - Abandoning The Wedding - Jareth & Sarah
Lyrics :
My Chemical Romance - Disenchanted
They sold the cause for the queen,
And when the lights all went out
We watched our lives on the screen.
I hate the ending myself,
But it started with an alright scene.
It was the roar of the crowd
That gave me heartache to sing.
It was a lie when they smiled
And said, "you won't feel a thing"
And as we ran from the cops
We laughed so hard it would sting
Yeah yeah, oh
If I'm so wrong (so wrong, so wrong)
How can you listen all night long? (night long, night long)
Now will it matter after I'm gone?
Because you never learn a goddamned thing.
You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya
I spent my high school career
Spit on and shoved to agree
So I could watch all my heroes
Sell a car on tv
Bring out the old guillotine
We'll show 'em what we all mean.
Yeah yeah, oh
If I'm so wrong (so wrong, so wrong)
How can you listen all night long? (night long, night long)
Now will it matter long after I'm gone?
Because you never learn a goddamned thing.
You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya
So go, go away, just go, run away.
But where did you run to? And where did you hide?
Go find another way, price you pay
Woah, Woah, Woah, Woah, Woah, Woah
You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya, come on
You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya
At all, at all, at all, at all
Paramore - When It Rains.
And when it rains,
On this side of town it touches, everything.
Just say it again and mean it.
We don't miss a thing.
You made yourself a bed
At the bottom of the blackest hole (blackest hole)
And convinced yourself that
It's not the reason you don't see the sun anymore
And oh, oh, how could you do it?
Oh I, I never saw it coming.
Oh, oh, I need the ending.
So why can't you stay
Just long enough to explain?
And when it rains,
Will you always find an escape?
Just running away,
From all of the ones who love you,
From everything.
You made yourself a bed
At the bottom of the blackest hole (blackest hole)
And you'll sleep 'til May
And you'll say that you don't want to see the sun anymore
And oh, oh, how could you do it?
Oh I, I never saw it coming.
And oh, oh, I need the ending.
So why can't you stay just long enough to explain?
Take your time.
Take my time.
Take these chances to turn it around. (take your time)
Take these chances, we'll make it somehow
And take these chances to turn it around. (take my...)
Just turn it around.
Oh, how could you do it?
Oh I, I never saw it coming.
Oh, oh, how could you do it?
Oh I, I never saw it coming.
Oh, oh, how could you do it?
Oh I, I never saw it coming.
Oh, oh I need an ending.
So why can't you stay
Just long enough to explain?
You can take your time, take my time.
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