Author's Note: Hey everyone, if your waiting on the next update for my Rizzoli and Isles story, "Would It Ruin Everything", I promise it is in the works. However, I couldn't get this week's episode of Supergirl out of my head and this story came to me. I just had to write it. I hope you like it.
FYI, I'm taking my cue from the CW and pretending that Alex wouldn't take one look and Supergirl and realize that it was her sister minus the glasses.
Contains spoilers for Season 4 Episode 10 and the trailer for Season 4 Episode 11.
I wrote this up pretty quickly and I've only gone through it once to quality check it so I apologize for any spelling/grammatical errors. Feel free to point them out if you find them.
I don't own Supergirl, of course, and I'm not making any money off of this story. Just in case you hadn't figured that out all on your own ;-)
Kara held Alex in an embrace that she knew was just this side of too tight and whispered in her ear, "I love you Alex, so much."
"Everything's going to be alright, Kara." Alex responded, holding her broken hearted sister as tightly as she could. "I promise." Giving the superhero one last squeeze she turned to J'onn. "I'm ready."
Kara walked out of J'onn's office without looking back. She couldn't watch as the most important person in her life willingly submitted to an invasion of her mind that would take from her the defining detail of their relationship. They would still be sisters but so much of their sisterly bond was based on the shared secret of Kara's alien origins and the fact that she was Supergirl.
How would it affect that relationship when Alex no longer knew that Kara was even an alien let alone that she was Supergirl and had been working alongside Alex and the DEO for years? Would they still be as close as they were now if Kara was just some human teenager who lost her family and got adopted by the Danvers?
It was bad enough that Alex would have to go back to lying to Kara about what she did everyday and who she really worked for but now Kara would have to lie to Alex about being Supergirl. She wasn't sure she could do it. For the first time she thought it might not be such a bad thing that she was banned from the DEO. It meant she wouldn't see as much of Alex while she was Supergirl.
She had asked J'onn what Alex would remember about Supergirl. She was afraid that after the mind wipe she might have to worry about Col Haley convincing Alex that Supergirl was a potential threat who needed to be controlled. J'onn had assured her Alex would remember that Supergirl was a friend and ally, someone who needed to be protected from the kind of control Col Haley wanted to exert over her.
"She will remember that your first act as Supergirl saved her from a plane crash," J'onn had told her. "She will remember all the missions you went on together and every time you saved her life or she saved yours as Supergirl. She just won't remember that her sister Kara is Supergirl."
He had made it sound so simple but she knew it wasn't. Kara's and Alex's and Supergirl's lives were so entwined she didn't see how he hoped to separate them out.
It was early yet so Kara went back to work. She went to James' office on the pretense of updating him on a story she'd been chasing for a week. Instead she told him about the mind wipes J'onn had performed on Alex and all the DEO agents who knew her secret. He was now one of the few people who knew Supergirl's secret identity and he needed to know that so he didn't unwittingly unmask her.
"Clark and Lois are on Argo right now so I don't have to worry about them spilling the beans and Brainy said he'll make sure Winn knows on the off chance he comes back to this time. J'onn said he'd talk to Eliza. Would you mind letting Maggie know? It's unlikely she'll be in touch with Alex but better safe than sorry and I think it would be easier for her if it came from you than me."
"I'll take care of it," James said, reaching across his desk and giving Kara's hand a squeeze. He didn't mention that it would probably be a lot easier for Kara too.
"I should get back to work," Kara said, although she didn't move from her chair in front of James' desk.
"Go home, Kara," James said. "You're too distracted for work right now."
"Yeah, okay," Kara responded with a sad smile. She knew he was right. All she could think about was how this mind wipe would affect her relationship with her sister.
When she got home she changed into her PJs, even though it wasn't yet 4:00 PM, grabbed a pint of Ben & Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk out of the freezer and plopped herself on the couch to watch Big Bang Theory reruns on TBS.
About an hour later her phone pinged with a text from Alex. "You mind if we postpone movie night for a couple of nights? I've got a killer head ache. Gonna go home and go right to bed."
Kara's heart clenched in her chest. She had completely forgotten it was supposed to be movie night with Alex. She was a little surprised Alex remembered.
"Certainly, feel better," she texted back. Normally, she would have offered to go take care of Alex but in truth she was glad she wouldn't have to see Alex so soon after the mind wipe. As much as she wanted to know what had changed in her relationship with her sister, she wasn't ready to face it just yet.
The next day, just as she was finishing up an interview with a source on her current story, Kara got a text from Brainy. When Supergirl had been banned from the DEO, he had devised a way to contact her without it being traceable by Col Haley or anyone else in the DEO, so he could let her know when her help was needed.
"Op on the docks going badly. Supergirl's assistance required," was all the text said.
Kara excused herself as quickly as possible and slipped into an empty stairwell to change.
When she arrived at the docks the scene was chaos. Some how the aliens had managed to pin down the DEO agents in a shipping container. The agents couldn't escape and when their ammunition ran out they'd have no way to fend off their attackers. Supergirl had arrived just in time to save the day.
In short order she had neutralized the aliens and was helping the DEO load them into a prisoner transport bound for the DEO's desert base.
"Thanks Supergirl, that one was a little too close for comfort." Kara tensed at the sound of her sister's voice. Brainy hadn't mentioned that Alex was on the op.
Taking a deep breath in and slowly letting out Kara turned and forced a smile onto her face. "Director Danvers, always happy to help."
Alex gave her a funny look, unaccustomed to Supergirl being so formal, she usually used her first name rather than her title. There was something off about her smile to and the look in her eyes. Was that sadness? She knew Supergirl wasn't happy to have been forced out of the DEO but they had worked out a way to keep her in the loop without Col Haley finding out about it.
"Supergirl, is everything alright?" Alex asked.
"Of course, why do you ask," Supergirl replied, her voice uncharacteristically high pitched.
"Well, you haven't called my by my title since..." Alex's brow furrowed and a puzzled expression came across her face. For some reason she couldn't remember a time when Supergirl had used anything but her first name but that couldn't be right. Alex always used her title when she first met people in an official capacity even if it was her cover title as FBI Special Agent Danvers. Giving her head a little shake she continued "for a really long time."
"I, uh...I'm just really happy for you. You know for your promotion to Director. Besides, you have to admit, it has a ring to it...Director Danvers." Supergirl's reply sounded good but Alex could tell something was off. If anything the sadness in the hero's eyes deepened.
"Well if you don't need me anymore I've got to get back to Ca...catching bad guys." She had been about to say CatCo. Damn it Kara, the hero berated herself, first meeting post mind wipe and I already almost blow it!
"Okay, stay safe," Alex replied with a puzzled expression on her face. She was sure Supergirl had been about to say something else and she felt as if she should know what it was she was about to say. As if she had heard her say it a hundred times before. She searched her memory but nothing came to her, she drew a blank.
The next night Alex came over for their postponed movie night. After Supergirl's near slip up the previous night, Kara was dreading it. What if she slipped up as Kara and accidentally mentioned saving someone from a burning building or forgot and asked Alex about one of the agents at the DEO who Kara was no longer supposed to know.
She needn't have worried though. The loss was too new. There was no chance she would forget and to her relief Alex seemed as affectionate and caring as always. Asking about her job, and cautioning her to be careful with her latest story which had her interacting with some unsavory figures in the world of illegal gambling.
"How has work been lately?" Some perverse impulse in Kara made her ask even though she knew Alex would be forced to lie to her.
"Eh, boring. You know being an FBI agent isn't nearly as exciting as it looks on Criminal Minds."
"So you've said," Kara replied forcing a chuckle.
Alex caught the forced quality of Kara's response and looked up to see an expression of deep sadness flash across her face. It was gone so quickly that for a moment she doubted she had seen it at all but as the evening progressed she caught the same expression on Kara's face a number of times, especially when she thought Alex wasn't watching her. She considered asking her about it but something held her back.
Alex had brought pizza and potstickers for dinner. Kara was happy to see her sister hadn't forgotten her favorite meal. They filled there plates and each got themselves a glass of wine and sat down on the couch to watch the first movie. Kara had found an article on the Good Housekeeping website about the 50 Best Romantic Comedies of All Time and suggested they start at the bottom of the list and work their way up.
Alex said she was not in the mood for a Rom Com and had talked Kara into an Aliens movie marathon. Kara had wanted to ask how Alex could watch a movie about fictional Aliens when she dealt with the real thing every day but since that was something "Kara" was no longer supposed to know she kept the question to herself.
When the first movie ended they took a break to clean up the mess from dinner and get themselves some dessert. Kara had gone to a bakery on the other side of town to get Alex's favorite desert, turtle cheesecake. It was her way of thanking Alex yet again sacrificing her own wellbeing to protect her. Even though she knew her sister couldn't even remember doing it.
"Mmm, this is so good," Alex moaned in delight. "You are the best sister ever for going all the way across town just to get this for me."
Kara just smiled sadly at her sister but in her mind she thought, no, I come in a distant second in that race.
As the opening credits began to play on the second movie Alex said, "You know the aliens in these movie kind of remind me of..." her sentence cut off abruptly and her brow furrowed. "I'm sorry, my mind just went completely blank." After a moment Alex remembered the alien species she was thinking of that was very similar to the one in the movies. What she didn't understand was her momentary conviction that Kara would remember them as well. She had been about to mention them to Kara when her mind went completely blank it only lasted a moment but it was very unusual for her.
Kara was looking at her oddly. "Alex, are you okay?"
Clearly, Alex couldn't tell Kara about the real life alien species that resembled the fictional one and she couldn't think of any other way to finish her original sentences so she tried to laugh it off. "I must be getting old. I have no idea where I was going with that statement."
Kara gave her a worried look and behind it Alex saw that same sadness she'd seen in her eyes earlier.
"Come on, let's watch this movie and enjoy this insanely good cheesecake." She stuffed a huge bite of cheesecake in her mouth and smiled at her sister.
Kara just smiled back and shook her head at Alex's antics.
The days turned weeks and the weeks into two months. Col Haley hadn't given up her quest to discover Supergirl's secret identity but at least she had accepted that no one at the DEO knew what it was.
To the casual observer, Alex's interactions with both Kara and Supergirl would have seemed completely normal but Alex knew something was off. There was a stiffness to her interactions with both women that was never there before and when they looked at her there always seemed to be an underlying sadness in their expressions.
That was bad enough, but more and more when she was with Kara or Supergirl she found her mind going blank in the middle of a thought. It terrified her. No matter what else was going on in her life she had always been able to count on her intellect and now it seemed to be failing her.
She was sitting in her office reviewing the DEO budget, one of many administrative duties that went along with being the Director that J'onn had failed to mention when he stepped down and named her as his successor.
Except, she wasn't really reviewing the budget. Her mind was preoccupied with Kara and Supergirl and her momentary mental lapses, replaying every interaction she'd had with both women over the past two months. She kept coming back to the sadness in their eyes whenever they looked at her, especially after one of her mental lapses. The way their brows would furrow, Kara's crinkle...Kara's crinkle...on Supergirl's forehead. Then out of nowhere, a memory came to Alex, something seemingly irrelevant and innocuous and at the same time so huge. She remembered standing in the DEO with Supergirl and calling her out for being upset about something because of that crinkle, Kara's crinkle, and Kara had responded that she was going to get Botox for the crinkle if they could figure out how to get a needle in her skin.
"Oh my God, Kara is Supergirl!" Alex slapped her hand over her mouth and glanced up at her office door, relieved to see it was shut. Then she thought, no that's impossible, Kara's human. Her parents died..." but she couldn't remember how Kara's parents had died. Hey can't I remember how Kara's parents died!
All of the sudden Alex was inundated with wave after wave of memories. They came so fast they made her dizzy and she grabbed her desk to keep from falling out of her chair. She remembered Superman bringing Kara to them after her pod landed on earth. She remembered teenage Kara nearly exposing her secret to save someone from a burning car and her mother admonishing her for not taking better care of her sister. She remembered, adult Kara catching an airplane as it fell from the sky to save her life and finally being able to share her work at the DEO with her sister. So many memories, good and bad that had shaped her relationship with Kara and now she understood the sadness that she had seen in her eyes for the past two months. Finally, she remembered that day two months ago when Kara had held her so tightly and told her she loved her before J'onn had performed the mind wipe.
She had tears streaming down her face when the flood of memories finally stopped tears of joy and tears of sadness. She was so happy to regain what she had lost and so sorry for the terrible pain that loss had caused her sister. Then the fear hit her. I've got to get out of here, she thought. I've got to get to J'onn and figure out what went wrong with the mind wipe. I can't let Col Haley find out I know Supergirl's secret identity.
She took a deep calming breath and wiped the tears from her face. She fixed her best "Director Danvers on a tear" look on her face left her office. The look worked. Nobody stopped her to ask a question or update her on some ongoing situation. She stopped by Brainy's work station just long enough to have him text Supergirl to meet her at J'onn's office.
"Will do. Is there anything going on that I should know about?" He asked. Brainy wasn't always good at reading human emotions but the Director seemed upset.
Alex forced a smile. "No Brainy, everything's fine. Thanks."
Anyone else would have seen right through the pretense but he took her at her word. "Okay, that's good. What shall I tell Col Haley if she asks where you are?"
"Just tell her I decided to take a break from reviewing the budget and went out for a late lunch. Tell her you don't know if I'm coming back today or not." That would look bad to Col Haley but she couldn't risk coming back to the DEO until she was sure she could protect Kara's secret.
When Supergirl arrived at J'onn's office she was surprised to see Alex there. Brainy's text had simply said she needed to get there as soon as she could. It hadn't mentioned why or that Alex would be there. The last time they had been here together was the day J'onn had performed the mind wipe. It was the last time Alex had known that Supergirl and her sister were the same person.
"Hello, Alex. I didn't know you were going to be here. Brainy didn't mention what this was about." To Alex, who knew her so well, it was clear that the hero was fighting back tears. Alex smiled at the thought that she did know her so well. She wasn't just a friend and former co-worker. She was Kara, her sister, her best friend, her person.
Alex couldn't help herself, she walked over to the other woman and wrapped her in a tight hug. Supergirl tensed, this was not something they did anymore, not when she was Supergirl. They were friends, nothing more.
"Don't be sad Kara, everything's going to be alright. I told you that the last time we were here."
"How can you say that Alex, you...wait, what did you just call me?"
Alex released her sister with a big grin on her face. "I called you Kara, my sister, it's who you are."
"You know!" Kara exclaimed gathering Alex in a bone crushing embrace spinning her around then putting her back down and holding her at arms length so she could look into Alex's eyes and see the recognition there. "You remembered? How?" She asked shocked and overjoyed all at once.
"I remembered," Alex replied unable to keep the silly grin off her face at witnessing her sister's happiness. It had been a long two months since she'd seen a genuine smile on Kara face.
"It was that silly crinkle you get when your upset that did it. You, both of you, have been looking at me with that crinkle between your eyes for the past two month I finally put it together. I'm kind of surprised it took me so long."
"But you remember everything? I mean it's not just that figured out I'm Supergirl. You remembered the last time we were here together, so does that mean you remember everything?" Kara asked clearly eager for the answer to be yes.
"Yes, I was just telling J'onn about that. Once I figured out that Supergirl and Kara were the same person all the memories came flooding back."
Kara looked over to J'onn as if just now noticing he was in the room.
"What happened?" Kara asked. "Why didn't the mind wipe work on Alex? None of the other agents seem to have figured out my secret identity.
J'onn rubbed his head and gave them a sheepish look. "I really should have known this might happen. So much of the development of Alex's personality during her formative years revolved around the fact that you were an alien. Since you've become Supergirl her drive to help and protect you in that capacity has been driven by the fact that Supergirl is her sister. It was simply too much to try to erase from her mind.
The mental lapses you described to me Alex were the result of your mind's in ability to fill in the gaps from so much missing information. Everyone else who underwent the mind wipe didn't have anywhere near as many experiences with Supergirl or Kara and the ones they did have didn't have the same level of emotional attachment. Their minds had no trouble filling in any blanks in their experiences with Supergirl."
He sighed, "I owe you both an apology. This really is the best possible outcome from my attempt to erase this knowledge from your mind. If the mind wipe had stuck it could have fundamentally changed who you are. Fortunately, Alex, the force of your personality was stronger than the effects of the mind wipe."
"So you won't be performing another mind wipe on Alex?" Kara asked, relieved at the knowledge that whatever else happened she wouldn't be losing such an important part of her relationship with her sister again.
"No, it's too dangerous and it wouldn't work." J'onn replied.
"Then I guess I'm going to have to quit the DEO." Alex said. She seemed resigned but not overly upset by the prospect. "At least this means we can work together again. The Danvers sister, together again, protecting National City from threats both human and alien in nature."
Kara smiled, she liked the sound of that.
"Actually," J'onn interrupted Alex. "That might not be necessary."
"I won't take any chances with Kara's secret," Alex stated firmly.
"You won't have to." J'onn explained. "Instead of a mind wipe I can place a block. It's like a post hypnotic suggestion. It will keep you from referring to Supergirl as Kara or vice versa when ever you're at work or with anyone from the DEO. Since Brainy is the only one at the DEO who is still aware of Supergirl's secret identity it shouldn't be a problem."
"Will that work if Col Haley forces Alex to submit to the Truth Seeker creature again?" Kara asked, concerned.
"No, it reads thoughts and the block just keeps you from speaking Kara's name not from thinking it. I think it is unlikely that Col Haley will try the creature again, having failed with it last time but if she does I think I have an answer for that."
"What is it?" Kara and Alex asked in unison.
J'onn smiled at them. "Supergirl is not charged with or suspected of committing any crime. Col Haley has no probable cause to force anyone to submit to the Truth Seeker since it is not illegal to keep someone's identity a secret when they have committed no crime."
"Yeah but Haley's argument will be that Supergirl is an alien so that protection doesn't apply to her," Alex argued.
"But you are human, so it does apply to you. You can't be forced to submit to such an invasion of your privacy to reveal a secret you have every right to keep."
"I think Col Haley would argue that by her very alien nature Supergirl poses a threat that needs to be contained," Alex shot back all too familiar with the the way Haley thinks regarding aliens.
"I'm not so sure she'd be willing to argue that in public in a court of law."
"I am," Kara put in, "and with the way anti-alien sentiment has been on the rise I'm not so sure she'd lose."
"If it comes to that then Alex can quit the DEO. There's no way Col Haley can force a civilian to submit to the creature and I don't see any court in the country impinging on human rights in such a way."
Both women looked apprehensive but they were clearly considering his argument. Finally, Kara turned to her sister. "I think it's worth the risk Alex. We still need you at the DEO counteracting Haley's negative influence. I'm not the only alien who needs your protection."
Alex sighed and nodded. "You're right," she finally admitted with resignation. "It's too bad, I was kind of looking forward to leaving the DEO. It's not the same place it used to be when you two were still there."
Kara felt bad for her sister, once again sacrificing herself the good of others, in particular her alien sister. "I have to believe that we're just going through a bad spell. If we can all just hang in there and keep doing our best we'll get through this and things will get better again."
Alex smiled at her sister, ever the optimist. She'd missed that about her these past two months. She was happy to see it again and even happier to know it was the return of her memory that brought it out."
Kara and Alex walked out of J'onn's office side by side wearing matching grins. J'onn had placed the block in Alex's mind and she and Kara had arranged to meet Brainy for breakfast the next day before Alex had to go into the DEO to test that the block was working. They were both ecstatic that things were finally back to normal or at least as close to normal as they could get for the time being.
"So, I can't go back to work today. Why don't you play hooky for the rest of the day and we can have an early movie night," Alex suggested.
"I think that's an excellent idea. I'm sure James will understand," Kara replied enthusiastically.
"Great, I'm going to run home to change. I'll bring the pizza and potstickers if you bring the Ben & Jerry's and the turtle cheesecake from that bakery across town. We can meet back at your place in an hour." Alex glanced over at her sister when she didn't reply. Kara was looking at her with a dopey grin. "What?" She asked with a self-conscious chuckle. "I really like that cheesecake."
Kara shifted sideway, bumping into Alex's shoulder. "It's not that," she responded with a chuckle. Putting her arm around Alex's shoulder and giving her an affectionate squeeze she said, "I'm just really happy that you know that your 'sister' can make it across town to pick up your favorite dessert and still make it back in time to meet you an hour from now."
"Me too Kara, me too."
A little over an hour later the sisters were snuggled up on Kara's couch with two large pizza's and a double order of potstickers in front of them.
Kara was sitting so close to Alex as to practically be sitting in her lap. It made eating pizza a little awkward but Alex couldn't find it in herself to object.
Kara took her plate and Alex's and set them both of the coffee table on top of one of the pizza boxes and took Alex's hands in hers. She looked at her sister somberly. "Never again Alex, I can't lose you like that again. I mean, I know I didn't t technically lose you but I kind of did and..."
"I get it Kara," Alex interrupted her, "and I agree. I know these past two months have been hard on you but at least you knew why. For two months I've felt something was off, that something vital was missing but up until today I had no idea what it was. It was so frustrating and scary, like I was losing my mind."
Kara was on the verge of tears. Alex squeezed her hands. "Hey, I don't think you have anything to worry about. You heard J'onn. The fact that you are Supergirl is almost as essential to who I am as it is to who you are. Even a Martian mind wipe couldn't erase it completely."
Alex held Kara's gaze until she gave a short quick nod then released her sister's hands and picked up their plates from the coffee table. Handing Kara her plate she said, "So what shall we watch first?"
Kara took a deep breath and let it out slowly, releasing the tension of the previous conversation. "What would you like sci fi, suspense thriller, action flick," she rattled off all the genres she knew Alex preferred.
"How 'bout we watch one of those top 50 rom coms you were telling me about before?"
"Really?!" Kara squealed with excitement.
"Yes, really," Alex responded, feigning exasperation with her sister's taste in entertainment.
"You're the best sister ever!"
"I am, aren't I," Alex joked, affecting a superior tone.
Kara turned serious again. "You really are Alex, the best sister anyone could ever ask for. Much better than I deserve."
"Well that's simply not true," Alex responded, just as serious now as her sister.
"I mean it Alex, I don't tell you nearly enough how important you are to me. I never would have survived here on earth without you. Thanks to you I've done so much more than survive. I've thrived. As much as I miss my parents and Krypton, if I could go back and change what happened I'm not sure I would if it meant never having you as my sister."
Alex was momentarily shocked into speechlessness. She new Kara loved her and that they shared a bond beyond normal sisterhood but she never even considered that Kara might choose her over parents and her planet. She wondered if she would/could do the and she realized she could and she would. If it ever came to that.
The realization was too overwhelming for the stoic DEO Director. Even as her eyes filled with tears she bumped her sister's shoulder, "Pssh, come on, let's get this fluff fest started," she said, effectively ending the serious portion of the evening.
Kara smiled affectionately at her sister's seeming unwillingness to accept the compliment Kara was giving. She knew Alex had heard her and that the feeling was mutual. She decided to let it drop and picked up the remote and pressed the button to start "Crazy, Stupid, Love". Somehow the title seemed to fit the evening's conversation.