James only knew one thing. He was not afraid.

When he ran around the school grounds in his stag form, only guided by the moonlight and familiar shapes of his dearest friends, the very notion of danger disappeared.

There was nothing more reassuring than the slight thud of his hooves on the dirt, and the warm and powerful energy that exuded from Padfoot. This sense of community and friendship stronger than words overwhelmed him with gratitude.

In these moments, he felt so free.

This feeling could only be compared to flying, that thrill going through his entire body from the moment he kicked the ground to the moment he landed. It was an indescribable sensation, pure joy mixed with the speed, the height, the cheering of the crowd. Freedom tasted delicious.

He cherished these moments. He loved every second of their monthly excursions.

He could not imagine ever feeling scared again.

James only knew one thing. He was very much afraid.

A minute earlier, Lily Evans had sat next to Remus at the lunch table and James had choked on his eggs when she had glanced in his direction.

Lily Evans. Had there ever been a dreamier name? In James' opinion, it was unequivocal.

She was the most beautiful girl he had ever laid his eyes on, but somehow, that wasn't the most attractive about her. She was the only person in Hogwarts who dared to say no to him, apart from Sirius. And that, that more than anything was the reason why he couldn't get her out of his head.

That, along with her long auburn hair cascading in waves down to the small of her back. That, and her ocean green eyes, that stared always a little deeper into James' soul.

"Prongs! When you will be done eye-balling Evans we would be honoured to have your opinion on the subject at hand." Sirius snapped, loud enough for Lily to hear.

James wiped his sweaty palms on his robes under the table before ruffling his hair with a sigh. He shot a discreet glance towards Lily. She was listening to her friends' conversation and smiling to herself but nothing in her behaviour showed that she might have heard Sirius.

"I was not eye-balling Evans," mumbled James. "I was waiting to see if she was done with the turkey."

"Right..." said Remus with a smile.

"I was!" James tried to look offended. "HEY EVANS!"

In his attempt to keep his confident façade in front of his friend, he spoke much louder than needed and a couple dozen heads at the Gryffindor table turned to him.

Lily swept a hand in her fiery hair in a perfect imitation of James that made the rest of the Marauders laugh, before turning in his direction with a smile.

"Well that was louder than necessary Potter. Are you trying to get everyone in the Great Hall to notice your fat head or are you so blind that you can't tell I'm only three feet from you?"

Peter looked shocked, and Sirius tried to hide his smile under his long black hair until Remus kicked him under the table. James froze for a second, unsure of what to say as he felt a rush of blood in his cheeks. He rumpled up his hair unconsciously, making it even messier than it had been, and shook his head in disbelief.

"I was only trying to get the turkey, but if you're gonna be like that don't even bother," he said quietly as he grabbed his school bag and got up.

He stormed out of the Great Hall, paying no attention to to the silence that followed the exchange, nor to the precipitated footsteps of his friends trying to catch up to him.

He didn't know where he was going, but he sure as hell was going somewhere. His face was flushed with anger and humiliation and some other feeling he could not comprehend. Fists and teeth clenched, he proceeded to climb the first staircase he saw while making as much noise as possible. He didn't know why he was so upset. It was ridiculous after all, to make such a big deal out of an interaction so small. It was ridiculous after all, to care so much about Lily, and her hair, and her voice and her words.

His nails were digging in his palms and his heart was beating out of his chest.

He punched a tapestry hiding a corridor, drawing a few wrathful looks from the paintings around him, before finally slowing down to let his friends catch up to him. This part of the castle was empty at this time of day, so he leaned against a wall before letting himself slide all the way to the floor.

The Marauders approached him, Peter out of breath from running so fast and Remus with his hand on the small of Sirius's back.

"She hates me." James' voice sounded weaker than he intended it to, and for a second he hated himself for it.

"Nah she doesn't," said Peter softly, but the pity in his eyes was all James' needed to see to understand the emptiness behind his words.

James turned to Sirius, hoping for comfort or perhaps an ounce of compassion.

"Yeah, she does, mate. Sorry."

James made a face at him. There was no one in the world he loved more than Sirius, and he would die for him without a second of hesitation, but he had to admit that his friend's brutal honesty was not one of his best traits.

Each second that passed his heart sank lower in his chest. He worried for a second he was going to forget how to breathe. He desperately needed confirmation that no, Lily did not in fact hate him. He needed to hear it from someone else than the little voice in his head, growing quieter and quieter.

"Moony?"

Remus looked pale and tired next to handsome and haughty Sirius. He avoided James' eyes for a few seconds before shaking his head.

"She might not hate you but I don't think she likes you very much."

James forgot how to breathe. Remus never said anything he hadn't thought over carefully in his head. He was kind and considerate, and knew the value and importance of words. He could read people and their emotions with an ease that impressed all of his friends. And he was close to Lily.

There was no way he could be wrong.

Remus sat down next to James and wrapped his arm around his shoulders, while Sirius sat in front of them, crossed legged in the middle of the hallway.

"You haven't been the most... tactful with her, to say the least," Remus continued. "And from what I got from her friends, she thinks you're an arrogant prick."

James buried his head in his hands and grunted.

"Her words not mine," said Remus apologetically. "But see, here's the thing: she's wrong."

"Is she?" James muttered, his face still hidden.

"Fuck yeah, mate!" said Sirius with a smile. "Couldn't be wronger."

Remus shot a severe glance at Sirius. Over the years, the two of them had perfected the art of communicating wordlessly, and they would now have full conversations in complete silence. Sirius answered with a rude hand gesture that made Peter giggle.

The sound caused James to lift up his head and look at his best friends. His eyes were a little bit red but no one dared to comment on it.

"She is wrong," Remus said. "You are an amazing friend, you are brave and you always stand up for any one of us when we need you. You are one hell of a talented Quidditch player, so you're allowed to brag about it from time to time. You're funny, like maybe twice a year, it's more than she can say... Ouch!"

James had punched his friend in the shoulder and his smile was back.

"Excuse you, I am funny all the time!"

"Don't give yourself too much credit," Sirius shrugged. "You steal ninety percent of all my jokes."

"Oh please, that was one time, will you ever let me live it down?"

"Never."

Remus and Peter laughed wholeheartedly. Listening to James and Sirius bicker was one of their favourite things to do.

"Besides, James," Remus said once he stopped laughing. "The way she talked to you back there was not abnormal for her at all. That's just how you two have been communicating since first year! So if you want my professional opinion, just be more gentle with her next time, and try not yelling her name for everyone on a sixty miles radius to hear. Try something more along the lines of smiling at her and holding a normal conversation for more than five minutes. You are a great guy and your heart is pure, she is bound to see that."

James stared at him, looking a bit defeated.

"Are you sure it's gonna work?"

Sirius and Remus glanced at each other before replying at the same time:

"It will."