Authors Notes: Hi all... this is my second Arrow Fic and I really hope you enjoy it. Please let me know if you do? Feedback is love!
It wouldn't have been possible without my new friend and Beta Ellen De Weerdt. Thank you babe!
Felicity sat up from bed. She swung her legs over the side and held her stomach. She had to think quick. Did she need to make a dash for the bathroom? Was she going to be sick?
"Hey... shhh..." A strong hand sprawled softly across her back. "Same dream?"
"Yeah."
"It's been a month, Felicity."
"I know," she said quietly as she mused to herself. A month... Was that a good thing or a bad thing? Way too long to believe Oliver could still be alive, but way too short to be finding comfort in the arms of another man.
Ray sat up and shifted to be almost beside her. His knees were bent and he wrapped his arms around them. "Do you want to talk about it?" He rested his chin lightly on her shoulder.
"No," she said flatly. "Yes... Maybe."
Ray grinned, that lopsided smile she adored and she couldn't help but smile herself.
"I take it that's a 'you don't know' if you want to talk about it and maybe... permission for me to pry a little?"
She turned her head and glanced at him. "What do you mean?"
"Well..." Ray moved his hand to lay over hers. "I think... and I'm not saying I am an expert or anything, but it seems to me. If you figure out what the dream is trying to tell you, then maybe you won't have to relive it every night."
"Every time I fall asleep," she confirmed.
Ray nodded and sucked in a slow breath. "Okay, well... You said that you hear Oliver's voice calling you. Do you see him?"
A tear welled in Felicity's eye. "Yeah, I think." She brushed the tear away. "Except I'm not quite sure where I'm seeing him." She closed her eyes and tried to visualize the image.
"Do you remember anything about what he's wearing?" Ray prompted.
Felicity's eyes shot open and a small grin curved her lips upwards. "Okay, so no getting around this one." She let out a breath. "He has no clothes. None, Zip, Nada. Nope, naked as the day he was born. Hmm..." She felt her cheeks tinge red. "Definitely naked."
Ray was looking at her and his eyes held no judgment. "Does he say anything? Other than your name?"
She sucked in the deepest breath that she could manage. If only it were true. "He says, Felicity I'm alive and..."
"And?" Ray asked.
Felicity closed her eyes again. She knew Ray was watching her, but she had to get past all of this. The dreams and lack of sleep were debilitating. "Felicity I'm alive and I need your help. Then... There's like this airy swirling sound and ... and I see like..." She made a face and gestured circles with her hands. "Like... if you could see sound waves. Or like when you're looking through a camera and the heat distorts it. I see those waves coming towards me and the colours are so bright, I..." She shrugged. "I wake up."
Ray raised an eyebrow. "Hmm... Interesting."
Felicity opened her eyes and elbowed him playfully. "I'm not one of your experiments, Ray Palmer. I'm not 'interesting.'
He grinned and shook his head. "I beg to differ." He leaned over and kissed her quickly on the lips. "But with that aside," he continued. "I guess the naked thing could be explained away. I could even buy the sound wave affect being some sort of..." His face changed as he said the words. "... grief mechanism. I'm wondering what you do when the waves first head towards you?"
"Do?" She didn't understand. "I wake up."
"Do the waves hit you and then you wake up?"
As she furrowed her brow, she realized. "I don't know, because I turn to run." She smiled having just remembered that.
"Are you frightened? I mean... all through the dream. When you see naked Oliver, for instance?"
"No." She was sure. "When I see him and he's looking at me. When he's silent. No." She swayed a little. "There's a sensation of... floating, I guess. Everything is... light and I'm not scared."
"And when he's not silent?"
"When he calls me... When he starts asking me to help, no, not frightened, but... Then I see the colours and the waves. They sort of... blend and..."
"Then you run and then you wake up," Ray finished. "Hmm... Interesting." Ray smiled and, the way he always did, managed to lighten the very heavy subject matter.
She leaned across and laid her head to his chest. "So, I must be frightened of it, if I run."
"Ahh, but you don't actually get to run. You always wake up."
"What do you think all that means? I'd give anything to be able to sleep through the entire night again."
"Any chance you could face those waves, instead of running?"
She glanced at him and furrowed her brow. "It's a dream, Ray. I don't exactly control it."
Ray smiled at her, but this time it was one of those, I am going to teach you something, smiles. "Yep, thought so," she said to herself the moment he started to talk.
"You know, Felicity, there is solid scientific information about Lucid Dreaming."
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Lucid dreaming. Felicity had six windows open at once. She sped read most of the contents, but was getting confused with some of its ideological roots. Used by Indian Sharman's, it was thought that 'living' in the dream was beneficial, physically and spiritually. "What about emotionally?" she asked out loud.
"What was that?" Roy asked as he hung up his bow. She watched him do it and had a flash of Oliver doing the same thing.
After counting backwards from 10, she took in a sharp breath. Why didn't you come back, Oliver? Why did you leave us behind? "Nothing," Felicity dismissed and turned to face him.
"Whoa..." Roy's smile slipped and his face contorted to concern. "You have bags under your bags. Looks like you haven't slept, forever."
"It feels like it, too," she quipped. "Thanks for noticing."
Roy looked at her screen and then back at her. "Why are you researching Sharman's?"
"I'm not," she said and closed all the windows with keystroke. "It's a bit fanciful, if you ask me."
"What is?"
"Lucid dreaming. You know you're dreaming, when you're in a dream."
Roy nodded. "Yeah, I know what it is." He squinted at her. "Why? Has this got something to do with you looking so ragged?"
"Again..." Felicity tilted her head sideways and smiled. "Thanks for noticing and yes, it does. I've been having nightmares." She glanced away. "About Oliver."
"Understandable," Roy said simply.
"Ray thinks it could be my subconscious trying to make me deal with losing him."
Roy nodded. "Plausible."
"Thing is, even if that's so. He thinks if I can face what I'm frightened of in my dream; it'll stop replaying every night."
"Possible."
"Roy!" Felicity whined. "Can I have more than one word comments?"
Roy gestured with his hands and said, "Sorry."
Felicity just rolled her eyes.
"I'm not sure what to say," Roy argued. "Have you tried looking at it from another perspective? I mean, there are other cultures that talk about dream walking apart from the American Indian."
Felicity hit a couple of keys and started to read. "Okay, so..." She scanned quickly with her eyes. Even the Chinese have similar beliefs." She scrolled down the page until she read something that made her stop to think. "Astral travel?"
"What about it?" Roy frowned.
"Nothing," she said and closed the screen. "They're just dreams."
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It took forever to go to sleep that night. Ray had wanted to come over, but she had said no. She didn't know all that much about the stuff she'd been reading, but some of it had sunk in. Maybe she could actually stay asleep long enough to face the grief that chased her? That meant knowing, once and for all, Ra's al Ghul had killed him. She scrunched her eyes shut tight and told herself she'd already done that. The first night she made love to Ray was the night she accepted that Oliver was really dead.
"Not so fast, Felicity," she scolded herself out loud. "You can't deny it. You know there's some part of you that wishes..." She stared at the dull light on her phone. "Hopes..." she corrected herself. "He'll miraculously come home."
Who was she kidding? She needed to face this. It was eating into every part of her life. She thought she had moved on. She'd convinced herself of it, but... These dreams proved that at some level, she hadn't and she needed to give this Lucid Dreaming thing a real try. If she could just stay in the dream and not turn to run. Maybe it would work? Maybe she could get past it?
As the hours went by, she tossed and turned. She was so over tired, but her mind would just not switch off. She turned and laid on her back staring at the ceiling. She didn't even realize that she'd closed her eyes.
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"Felicity! Felicity!"
The sensation of floating, being airborne wasn't strange. In fact it was almost invigorating. She was drawn to an area, like she was holding a rope and being pulled. It was so quiet, so still.
"Oliver?"
"Felicity, I'm alive. I need your help." Oliver was floating too. She got a small glimpse of his body, but she couldn't make out what was behind him. She could only see colours. They were bright, changing and dancing in the background. Something she'd never really noticed before.
He had nothing on, but she didn't mind. In some weird way it was almost natural. "Oliver? How, how can I help you?"
"Find me."
Felicity could feel herself frown. That was new. Wait... How did she know that was new? She was dreaming.
"Let me show you, Felicity."
Even newer.
She gasped as the waves started to head towards her. The panic she felt boiled up inside of her, made her want to run, but she didn't. She faced it, right up until the moment of impact.
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"Oliver?" She sat up in bed, like she had every other night since Oliver had left. She was covered in sweat and her heart was palpating, just like before, but there was something different. The wave had actually touched her and something had changed. Find me and let me show you, were things she'd not heard before.
"Oh my God," she said softly as she got out of bed and grabbed her lPad. She needed to do a little more research.
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They were in her office and Ray was sitting opposite her. He was deep in thought as he analysed what she was telling him. "Interesting," Ray said with a smile.
"So what do you think?" she asked. "It's always been exactly the same, but this time..." He didn't answer straight away and she started staring. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Anything."
"How do you know so much about all of this?"
He met her eyes and then looked away. "It's how I dealt with Anna," he confessed. "I... like you, kept seeing her in my dreams. I was watching her die over and over again. I loved her so much, it was killing me." He felt a twinge of deep sadness. "I had to tell her to go, to leave. To rest in peace. I had to say goodbye." He looked back at Felicity. "Thing was, in my dreams, she was always there. In your dreams with Oliver..." He shrugged. "I'm guessing it has something to do with those waves.
Felicity reached across the desk and touched his hand. "And you think that's what I need to do with Oliver? Say goodbye, or tell him to stop calling, or something?"
Of course it was. He knew, even if he didn't like it, that Oliver was the love of Felicity's life. Ray nodded. "Yeah, that's exactly what I think you need to do... and I may even have a way for you not to wake up."
"What do you mean?"
"It's a Chinese herb called Suan Zao Ren. It induces sleep and helps put you quickly into REM sleep."
"Suan Zao Ren, I've never heard of it."
"It's TCM... Traditional Chinese Medicine. It's used with a lot of children. Completely safe, I promise."
"Did it work," Felicity asked solemnly. "Did the dreams just stop?"
Ray nodded, but his face was laced with sadness. "She never came back." He forced a smile. "I mean, I've had other dreams where she's been in them, but... they were different."
Felicity sighed and glanced back at her computer screen. She looked so tired. So worn out. "I guess I'll try anything at this stage." She looked over at him. "Let's try."
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Felicity felt a little nervous. Showered and changed, she was waiting for Ray to arrive. The sheets were fresh and she'd moved a chair into the room, for Ray to sit on. It was at his request and she had to admit it was going to feel a little creepy knowing he was watching her sleep.
"Speak of the devil," she said when there was a knock on her door.
"Hey." She couldn't help the tense smile. She moved forward and grabbed one of the bags out from underneath Ray's arms. "What's all this?"
They both walked into her apartment and Ray put everything down on the counter. "Supplies. Some candles, incense for atmosphere and a grinder to make the tea." He leaned forward and kissed her softly on the lips.
"Sounds more like you want to seduce me, but ..." Her smile went to her eyes, this time. "You already did that."
"And..." He reached into the last bag. "I got you a little something."
Felicity felt her face heat up, when she saw the small package in Ray's hand. "You shouldn't have. Umm... I mean I know that's cliché, but no, really... you shouldn't have."
Ray smiled rich and genuine. "I wanted to, besides, it might even help."
That tipped Felicity's curiosity over the edge and she reached for the gift. It was wrapped in basic Crape Paper and the box was wood. "What is it?" she asked as she lifted the top.
"I had it made. My sister knows someone that makes jewellery charms. This one is supposed to promote fearlessness. Not sure it will work, but it can't hurt. It could be just placebo, but..."
"Whoa," she said as her eyes widened. "It's beautiful."
"She does good work. I was grateful she could get it done for me on such short notice."
Felicity lifted the beaded necklace and felt it between her fingers. "So, smooth... almost like polished Perl." She looked up at Ray. "Thank you."
He moved to be behind her and took the necklace. "Here, let me help you."
"This reminds me of our first date," she said as he was doing up the small clasp.
"It wasn't a date. Well... It wasn't supposed to be, but then I kissed you, which I suppose kind of made it feel like a date, but then I walked away and that kind of screwed things for a while, but I explained that and-,"
Felicity turned in his arms and placed her index finder to Ray's lips. "Don't you have some tea to make?" She kissed him quickly and moved out of the embrace, "Let's get started."
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Felicity felt like a queen as she sat cross-legged on her bed. Ray had transformed the room with candle-light and soft music. "You sure you don't want to seduce me," she teased.
Ray sat down on the chair and handed her the mug. "Careful it's not too hot."
"No, its fine," she said after taking the first bitter sip and scrunching up her face. "Not... you know, too bad." She took another sip.
"Maybe let it get cool and gulp it down," Ray suggested. "And just FYI... If seducing you were an option, I'd be taking it." He grinned and moved back in the chair.
She met his eyes and placed the mug down on the side table. "Ray, when you said good-bye to Anna, do you think it was possible... I mean, was it really..." Felicity was finding it hard to express her thoughts. They sounded so crazy to her analytical and logical mind, but the last 2 years had made her smart enough to ignore that side of her when she needed to. "Was it actually Anna?"
"Are you asking me if I believe it was Anna's spirit, soul... her being." He waved a hand. "I'm sure there are many other names for it, but... yes," he confessed and leaned forward to take her hand. "I'm not sure I want to get into religious or cultural beliefs right now, but yes... it was her."
"I think this could really be Oliver, too," she finally said it out loud and it made her realize how much she trusted this man beside her. "Something changed with that last dream. When the waves hit, I... I felt him. It was..." She looked into Ray's eyes. "He touched me, somehow."
There were tears in Ray's eyes as he squeezed her hand. "You loved him, didn't you?"
"Yeah." She let out a slow breath. "And the kicker was..." she looked away. "He loved me too. He just told me too late."
"I don't doubt he loved you," Ray spoke softly and his face turned serious. "Drink, then lay down. It shouldn't take long."
Felicity grabbed the tea and took a sip. She then drank it as fast as she could, but the mug was pretty big and she needed air. "Oh, Yuk," she gasped. "This tastes like shit."
Ray grinned at her cussing. "Keep going." He gestured encouragement.
It was gone in the next two gulps. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and tried not to burp as she lay down.
"Pleasant dreams," Ray said with one of his lopsided smiles. "I'll be here, when you wake up."
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"Felicity! Felicity!"
The sensation of floating, being airborne wasn't strange. In fact it was almost invigorating. The dream started out almost exactly the same every time.
Almost. It was like the air was crisper.
"Oliver?"
"Felicity, I'm alive. I need your help." Oliver was floating too, but this time he seemed to be smiling.
"Is that really you? I know I'm in a dream. I know-,"
There was a flash of light and she could only see changing and dancing colours. She couldn't see Oliver.
"Oliver, come back," she shouted into the void. "We need to talk."
"If we talk, will that mean that it's over?" Oliver asked.
She spun at the sound of him behind her. She could already feel hot tears burning her eyes. "Oliver!" She moved forward to embrace him. He was clothed and in his Arrow suit, but she didn't question it. His hands were strong and his arms were warm.
"Felicity," he whispered into her ear. "I knew you'd come."
Something in that sentence jarred Felicity and she pushed out of their embrace. "I had no choice but to come. You're invading my dreams."
Oliver smiled and stared down at her. "It was the only way to reach you." He touched the side of her face with his palm and she closed her eyes.
Was this real? It felt so real. Please be real? She opened her eyes and there was that same flash of coloured light.
"Felicity?" Oliver was suddenly to the side of her. "We're running out of time."
"What were those?" she asked. "Are they my grief at losing you? Is this just a dream? Are you Oliver's spirit?" She shook her head. "Because if you are, I've got to say good-bye to you." Felicity started to move backwards. "How can you be real? You're not, you can't be."
"Felicity, I need you to listen to me"
"No, wait, no. I'm not listening to another thing. This is a dream, damn it. I want you to be alive. God, Oliver, you have no idea, but... I need something. If you're telling me you're really alive, then... I want proof of life. Something that I wouldn't know. Something I can check."
Oliver smiled, but his jaw was tight. "You're disbelief weakens the link. I could reach you, because you believed..." Oliver seemed to think for a moment. "The laptop computer. The one I asked you about when we first met."
"Yeah?"
The microchip with the information that you were able to save. It's in my bedroom at Thea's apartment. There's a safe behind the elephant painting. Combination is your birth date."
Felicity didn't know what Oliver did with that chip. She also knew nothing about a bedroom safe. This could be the proof she needed. "My birth date?" Felicity grinned. It was soon wiped from her mouth as she felt a wave of vertigo wash over her.
"We're losing connection. You need to wake up, Felicity. The next time you sleep, ask john for Agrimony. It's the herb I'm using to reach out to you."
Felicity suddenly saw lights and then felt a sudden jolt. Her eyes few open and she was wide awake.
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"Felicity?" Ray said and moved to sit on the bed.
She could hear herself panting, but she hadn't sprung to a sitting position, like she normally did.
"What happened?" Ray asked. "Did you see Oliver?"
"Yes." Felicity sat up and reached for her phone. She hit Roy on speed dial.
She didn't bother with formalities, when he answered. "I need to know where Thea is and I need a way to get into her apartment."
"Thea's out of town on business for a few days. Something about renewing the club's licence. Said she'd be back on Saturday. It's 2 O'clock in the morning, Felicity. What's going on?"
"Can you meet me there in an hour?" She looked over at Ray, who had a confused look on his face.
"Ahh, yeah, I guess. Has this got something to do with Oliver's death?"
"Disappearance," she corrected sternly. "There's a chance... maybe... that Oliver is still alive and I need to get into that apartment, to know once and for all if it's true."
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Ray walked slowly behind as they approached Roy Harper. He shouldn't have been all that surprised that the kid was mixed up in all of this. It was starting to get a little twisted for his liking, but she asked it of him, so that was enough.
"Hi," Roy said, eyeing him. He looked across at Felicity with a, 'what's he doing here' look, but quickly turned back to the door. "Okay," he said as he pulled a lock-pick from his pocket.
"You're going to pick the lock?" Felicity seemed surprised.
"No, I'm going to shoot it off." Roy frowned. "How did you think we were going to get in?"
Felicity shrugged. "Guess I didn't think that far ahead."
As Roy knelt down and started his quest to get the door open, Ray pulled Felicity aside.
"Felicity, I... look... you know that I... well I know you go to work." He made air quote signs with his fingers. "When really you're already at work, but... I mean... I had no idea me getting you to face Oliver in your dreams would lead to us breaking and entering. I know I said-,"
"Got it," Roy interrupted with a hint of accomplishment in his tone. He stood up and smiled. "See, there actually are benefits to a misspent youth."
"Do we know which one is Oliver's room," Ray asked as they all climbed the stairs.
"No," Roy answered and Felicity shook her head.
"Oliver said the safe was behind the elephant painting."
When they reached the top of the stairs, Felicity counted the rooms. "Four bedrooms. Let's split up and see if we can find this elephant painting."
Ray went to the first bedroom on the right. He only needed to walk in to realize it was Thea's room. Roy came out of the opposite bedroom a moment later and shook his head. No paintings of elephants in here."
"Nothing here, either," Felicity said as she came out of the third bedroom.
"Okay, then." Ray started to move towards the 4th room. "It must be this one then."
They all converged into the room and their eyes quickly scanned the walls. There were three paintings, but none of them were of an elephant.
Ray could see Felicity's face start to fall. Her eyes held doubt and were etched with pain. "It was all just a dream then." Felicity walked out looking like she was about to cry and Roy followed her.
Ray stood in the room for a moment longer. He walked to the third painting and stared. It looked so out of place. The other two paintings were clearly masterpieces, probably worth a lot of money, but the one he was looking at, was red, blue and yellow swirls. It looked like it had been painted in Kindergarten. There was a small imprint on the bottom left hand corner and Ray needed to squint to see it.
"Felicity! Roy!" he called them back into the room. "I... I went along with this because, I thought you needed to just get it out of your system. I thought that-,"
"You were right, Ray," Felicity interrupted.
"I'm not so sure," he admitted. "Take a look at the logo on this painting."
Both Felicity and Roy moved in closer and Felicity smiled. "This was painted by an Indian elephant. Not of a painting of an elephant, by an elephant." Felicity's face lit up. She moved to remove the painting from the wall and gasped when it revealed a small safe. "How could I have doubted you, Oliver?" she whispered.
"Okay, there's a safe," Roy said. "Does someone want to let me in on what that's got to do with Oliver being alive?"
"Felicity's been dreaming of Oliver," Ray informed. He looked across at her as she started to twist through the combination. He could hardly believe it himself. "This was proof of life."
"Oh my god!" Felicity screamed when there was a loud click and the safe opened. She looked back at him and then over to Roy. "Oliver's alive! Oliver's alive," she repeated as she scoured through the contents of the safe. "Malcolm Merlyn is a liar."
"Or he truly believes Oliver is dead," Roy offered.
"Maybe," Felicity conceded. She let out another squeal when she pulled out a small plastic casing with a small chip in it. She sucked in a breath as she turned to face the others. "We need to call John. He's got the Agrimony herb and I need to go back to sleep. We're bringing Oliver home."
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Oliver was weak, falling in and out of consciousness and that made it difficult to keep track of the time. How long would it take for Felicity to get to Thea's? How long would it take her to find the chip? How long would it take her to convince Diggle to supply the Agrimony? He sighed and his eyes fluttered close.
It wasn't that he was in danger and he knew Maseo and Tatsu would take care of him, but he really wasn't prepared to take the months that were needed for him to heal. For him to be able to walk out on his own. He was clearly presumed dead and he needed to correct that. He could only imagine what they were going through.
He wanted to go home, back to his friends, his life and Felicity. Problem was, they wouldn't tell him where he was and they wouldn't let him contact anyone. They said it was for his own protection as well as theirs. The hut's whereabouts needed to remain secret. Maseo explained that it wasn't that he didn't trust him, but he could not risk a rescue from Oliver's friends. It would draw Ra's al Ghul's attention and that could put his family in jeopardy.
Oliver got all of that, he did, but Maseo didn't know his team and at the very least, he didn't want them grieve, but that argument fell on deaf ears.
He'd heard about the psychic abilities of the herb Agrimony, but like most westerners, he'd dismissed it. Tatsu had given it to him to help him sleep deeply and to ease the pain. Oliver wasn't sure, if she had intended for him to use it, the way he was.
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"Take this," Tatsu said as she handed him the cup.
"What is it?" Oliver asked.
"Agrimony. It will help you sleep."
"No," Oliver said, waving a hand. "All I'm doing is sleeping. I've got to let my friends know that I'm not dead." He tried to sit up, but quickly changed his mind.
"You're sleep is restless and it's not allowing your body to heal as fast as it possibly could."
"Tatsu, please? I need to let them know."
Tatsu nodded and looked away. "I understand Oliver. I know what it is like to think a loved one is dead, but it is too dangerous." She turned back to him and gestured. "Drink. This will take you into deeper state of relaxation. A good place to be for a man as close to death as you were."
Oliver lifted himself up on his elbow to drink. He really had no choice at this point. "Okay."
"Visit your friends in your dreams, Oliver," Tatsu said with a hint of a smile. "It's the only way you'll be seeing them anytime soon. We must be far away and safe, before you go home."
Oliver smiled. The effect was hitting him quicker than he'd thought it would. He laid back down and turned to face towards the woman, that once again, had saved his life. "Thank you, Tatsu."
Tatsu smiled. This time full and bright. "Sweet dreams, Oliver."
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He felt like he was floating on a rainbow of light. He was perfect and whole, nothing hurt. Oliver guessed that it was his recognition of being in a dream, that first time, that had started him on the journey. He could think independently of his surroundings, even while he was dreaming.
Felicity, of course, was the first person he thought of and it had eventually brought her to him. Closer and closer each night, calling her while she was asleep and susceptible. She still hadn't worked out her nightmares were his effort to contact her, so when he'd run to her she would get frightened and wake up.
In hindsight, the colours he produced as he approached her, may explain the waves she spoke about. He needed to go slow and touch her softly. It worked last time, he got to speak to her, but something else had changed too, for Felicity. She was now self aware and Oliver wondered how she'd jumped that hurdle.
"Felicity!" he called out and tried to get his mind to relax. He couldn't help the questions going on in his head. Had he given her enough time for her to prepare and now that she believed it was him, what would he say?
"Oliver?" Felicity spoke quietly.
He approached her slowly, even though he knew she wouldn't spook, this time. As she came into focus he reached his hand out to feel the side of her face. He let out a sigh the moment he touched her skin. Emotions flooded him and he needed more. He pulled her into a kiss that was wet and hungry and desperate. He didn't want to wait another second to show her how he felt.
"Oliver," Felicity panted as she pushed out of his embrace. "I've taken Agrimony and getting here was easier, but I don't know what might wake me up."
Oliver smiled, took her hand and looked into her eyes. "You're right. Okay... I'm badly hurt, but it's no longer life threatening, so don't worry. I will be coming home."
"Where are you? You said, find me."
Oliver sucked in a breath. "Now that you know I'm alive, I need you to be patient. I no longer want you to try and find me, okay?"
Felicity's eyes widened. "What? After all of this, are you crazy? Are you sure you didn't pop one or two other kinds of herbs into your tea?"
"Ra's al Ghul must continue to believe that I'm dead. At least for the time-being, otherwise the people that helped me will be in danger. You can't swoop in and save me, this time. I really wish you could, but The League would find out."
Felicity squeezed his hand. "How long? How long before you can come home?"
"My injuries are extensive, Felicity. I've got a broken right leg and a fractured left foot. I can't just walk out of here." He grinned. "I have a feeling there might be a bit of a climb involved, too."
"Malcolm Merlyn said you were dead. He gave us a sword with your blood on it."
"It's true. That sword did pierce my heart, but... and I can't explain it, I've been spared."
"Oh, Oliver." Felicity moved in closer and looked up at him. "I love you, but the first thing I'm going to do when you get back is slap your face."
Oliver's brow furrowed. "What? Why?"
"You never, and I repeat never, tell a woman that you love her and then go off to nearly, almost, sort of, die. Merlyn said you were dead and I believed it and that was like, oh my god, Oliver." She moved back and shook her head. "Then you come back and haunt my dreams, to tell me you really are alive and to find you, but then when I finally believe it's you, you tell me I'm not allowed to find you!" She frowned. "Am I supposed to just take Agrimony every night so I can see you? I mean, really, what kind of man does this to a woman?" Felicity sucked in a breath and held it for a moment. "It wouldn't be so bad if I could just stay asleep. Stay here with you, but I can't."
Oliver's smile went all the way to his eyes for the first time, since he could remember. "I wish you could too. God, I miss you," he whispered out.
Felicity glanced behind her and then looked back at Oliver with urgency. "They're calling me. They want me to wake up."
"Where are you?"
"In the Arrow Cave. Oh... and Oliver? She plastered on a smile.
Oliver knew by the tone, the tilt of her head and the guilty smile that this was going to be something big. "Yeah?" he asked cautiously.
"Ray helped me reach you. He wasn't exactly trying to help me confirm you were alive. Rather the opposite, actually and..."
"You told him who I was."
"Umm, well, no..." She entwined her fingers together. "Didn't have to. He's one of the people calling me back. He took one look at HQ and figured it out." Her eyes darkened and her smile slipped. "There's something else, too. A little bigger than letting yet another person in on your secret."
"Something bigger?" Oliver drew in a calming breath.
"Ray, well... He's been helping me get over you. I'm not sure I wouldn't have survived if... I really thought you were dead."
He knew he didn't have the right to judge and he wasn't stupid. He understood what she was telling him. "Okay," he said simply. He talked quietly, so as not to portray the jealousy he felt inside. "You're starting to fall back. You're starting to fade."
"Bye, Oliver." She smiled and blew him a kiss. "Until next time." Her eyes were fixed on his and he could tell she was looking for reassurance. After all, she had just told him she was sleeping with Palmer.
As lame as he felt, he blew a kiss back to her. He only had a moment before she'd be gone. "Remember, no one else must know, that I'm still alive. Promise me."
"I promise," Felicity said as her voice faded away.
"Until next time," he whispered into the light.
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All three of the current men in her life, were standing over her, when she woke up. They all looked pale and worried. John was the first to speak.
"You stopped breathing for a second," he explained. "We had to counteract the herb."
"Scared the crap out of me," Ray interjected.
"Yeah," John agreed. "Won't be doing that again, anytime soon."
"I'm fine." She tried to sit up and forgot she was hooked up to heart monitors and had electrodes across her forehead. The wires started to tangle and pulled one of the electrodes off. "Ouch."
"Whoa, hang on there." Ray moved forward and pushed her back down gently by the shoulders. "Let's get all of these off of you first. Then in a few minutes you can sit up slowly." He started to remove the monitors and Felicity laid still. She felt fine, but she probably needed a few minutes to consolidate what had just happened.
"Did it work?" John asked. "Did you see Oliver?"
Felicity smiled. "He's alive, John, but apart from us, no one else can know."
"Why?"
"If Ra's al Ghul knows he's alive, then he'll kill the people that saved him. Oliver won't risk their lives. He made me promise that no one else can know he's alive."
"What about Laurel?" Roy asked.
Felicity turned her head and looked straight at him. "No one, Roy. I gave my word."
Roy looked disappointed. "That's going to be hard."
Felicity started to sit up and Ray's hands supported her. She glanced at him and he gave her a sad smile. He wasn't stupid . This changed everything and he knew it. She closed her eyes for a second and took a breath. Hurting him was the last thing she had ever wanted to do.
"No one can know that he's alive. Not yet..." She looked around at all three of them. "There will come a day when he may need our help, though. To do that, we need to know where he is."
"Didn't he tell you?"
"He doesn't know, but..." Felicity smiled. "He's somewhere high. My guess it's a mountain. He said he needed to climb down."
"Felicity?" Roy moved closer. "Merlyn found the sword. He said it's the custom to leave the instrument of death."
Her smile grew even wider as she pointed a finger and talked through it. "That means he's been to wherever Oliver supposedly died." She wanted to get off the gurney and go straight to her computer. "If we track Merlyn's whereabouts over the past month, we can narrow it down."
"You could just ask him where he got the sword," Ray Offered. "Maybe say you want to hold a memorial or something." He shrugged. "Just a thought."
Diggle nodded his head in consideration. "Something like that could work."
Felicity looked at Ray proudly. He was going to be a valuable member of the team. "It's a great idea," she said. "Problem is, something like that could draw too much attention. Merlyn could get suspicious when we don't actually hold a funeral. No..." She got off the gurney and moved to sit at her workstation. "We need to do this the old fashioned way." She hit a few keys. "Hmm... Not surprisingly he's not been on any commercial flights."
"I can help," Ray said. "Palmer Tech can-,"
"No!" Felicity swivelled her chair to face them. " No information can be accessed outside of the cave. There can be no chance, even a small one that anyone can see what we're doing."
"Are you telling me that Palmer Tech can be hacked?"
Felicity grinned and put her hand up. "Guilty."
Ray shook his head. "Why am I not surprised?"
"I'll check out the private airways, see what flights Merlyn has taken," Diggle said and started to walk away.
"I'll come with you," Roy yelled after him and ran to catch up.
Ray sat down in the chair next to her and looked at the screen. "What about if you reverse calibrate the sensor adapters, maybe give them a bit more flexibility. Will that make a difference?"
Felicity stopped what she was doing immediately and turned to face him. "I've just found out that Oliver is alive." She gestured to him. "You've just found out that Oliver is the Arrow... Which he's none too pleased about, I might add... and you want to troubleshoot the chip for your ATOM suit?"
Ray looked at her for a long moment. She could clearly see the compassion she'd come to depend on, but there was something else. Something a little more bitter-sweet.
"I need to move forward, Felicity," he said softly. "Your focus now is to find Oliver. I understand that, but if I can't be of help here, then I need to go back to something that will help, one day..." Ray stood. . "Besides... I have a feeling I'm going to need the distraction for a while."
He was looking down on her now and she could feel the sting of an unshed tear in her eye. He was letting her off the hook. "Umm..." she said and swallowed hard. "Yeah, it might. If you reverse calibrate every second adapter, there could be enough kinetic energy to feed it back into the chip itself."
Ray's eyes widened slightly. "I knew you more than just a pretty face. That... That might actually fix a couple of other issues, too." He looked animated.
"Maybe after we locate Oliver, I can take another look?"
Ray nodded and stepped towards her. He kissed her on the cheek. "After you find him, I'll hold you to that…" He grabbed his jacket and walked out.
Felicity stared at Oliver's green Arrow suit. She would keep her promise. No one else would know he's alive, but that didn't mean she couldn't know where he was, physically. She was simply being prepared.
One day, the second Oliver gave her the go ahead... She was going to bring him home. Hopefully sooner rather than later.
Felicity laid her head down on her hands and closed her eyes. "I wonder how long it would take me to fall asleep unaided?" she asked herself out loud before she sat back up. It was only 4 in the afternoon, but she had a feeling she would be sleeping a lot more often over the next few weeks. She tilted her head upwards.
"Sweet dreams Oliver, wherever you are. I'll see you in my dreams."
THE END.