Disclaimer: Don't own Once. Inspired by the song Last Mistake by Hey Ocean.
AN: Sorry.
Her hand trembled as she lifted her hair and pulled it behind her ear in one swift movement. Her eyes drifted upward, tracing the lines of the moon, trying her best to not lose control and let the tears fall. She had told herself that it was time, that she tried her best, that it just wasn't meant to be. The moon looked down at her, calling her to forget the past but she turned away, feigning light-headedness as her plan came to the forefront of her mind. She needed a plan—she always did. It was safe and comforting to know what would happen, the words she would say, the fluctuation of her voice. She needed to be precise and steady, listing all the reasons she shouldn't love someone so different, so heroic, so innocent. Because in truth, she wasn't innocent; she had killed, ruined, and lost. Her heart was black longer than it was pure.
She flipped her hair away from her face as the wind lifted strands into her eyes, and she began walking back towards her car parked in front of her vault. She wasn't sure why she came here at night; it was dark and so quiet. The rawness of her emotions has so easily taken control of her in this quiet place; it was starting to get unhealthy.
Her pace quickened, as did her heart. She had to do this. Her hand finally gripped the door handle and she jerked it open, sliding into her car before she could change her mind. She switched the ignition on, steeling herself for what is to come, and she slowly pressed on the gas pedal, her heart fluttering as the car took off towards Emma's apartment.
Her fist hovered over the door. Her eyes bore into the wood, beckoning it to not make a sound when her hand touches it. How could she ever want this? A broken heart is almost a common practice with her, and yet it always feels new and more painful the next time around. The tears threatening to fall made her angry at herself—she is not allowed to cry. If she cries, she's weak. If she's weak, she can't protect Emma. She needs to protect Emma. From what? She questions herself again, reminding herself that selfishness is in her past, and she needs to grow up. From pain. From me.
Her bare knuckles were hard against the door, the small pains traveling through her bones straight to her broken heart. She dropped her hand when hearing the slightest of movement on the other side. She wanted to curse everything that made her who she was, who she is, every bad thing that tempted her, every horrible choice she made, every person who taught her anything except good – but she knows that all of this brought her Henry. But it's costing her Emma, and that almost makes her laugh bitterly – the blonde who flipped her world upside down and inside out, made her bones tremble, and her blood boil. Emma made her angry, defiant, weak, strong- and now she can admit it, loved. Emma made her feel loved.
She exhaled, resolve setting in, her bones relaxing, her thoughts slowing down. Her eyes watched the motionless door. Until it opened.
Green met brown, and she almost grabbed Emma, almost kissed her, she wanted to cry and laugh and call this a prank – but it's not. Her heart cursed the skies above.
Emma, oh Emma, all she did was smile. A big radiant smile that lifted her cheeks and made her blush in the sweetest of ways. "Regina, to what do I own the pleasure?" Emma winked at the last part.
Regina's eyes widened, her heart catching up, and she told herself to smile, but her body played tricks on her and she frowned. "We need to talk," she announced, forcing herself to speak clearly and calmly.
Emma raised an eyebrow, quickly noticing her formal stance, but instead of fearing the worst, she just laughed. "Okaaay. Why so serious?"
Regina's mind flashed back to the other night when they had a movie marathon night and Emma introduced her to the 'awesomeness that is Batman' as she claimed, and now she can remember when the Joker said that same line. He had caused an unsettling feeling in her and Emma held her hand, and she knows Emma's trying to lighten the mood, but she needs to protect her.
"Now is not the time for satire, Miss Swan. We need to talk."
But Emma's face became more incredulous and joking, her eyebrows lifting and a light chuckle coming from her mouth. She rested against the doorframe, intently watching her girlfriend, looking her up and down. "I thought you only called me that when…well you know." Her eyes caught the dirt coming off her shoes, and Emma instantly knew where she had been. Her eyes lifted to Regina's again, and she stood straight, crossing her arms across her chest, her smiled quickly fading. "What's wrong, Regina?" She barely whispered.
The brunette looked at her, almost wanting to laugh at the situation she's gotten herself into. The Evil Queen and the Savior. If someone told her three years ago that she would fall in love with Emma Swan she'd probably punch them and then rip out their hearts. She wants to blame Emma for being everything she wants, everything she needs, but she can't. She loves her. I love you.
Regina looked down, taking a breath, then looked back up, moving forward. She stopped a foot from her, grabbing her hand, intertwining their fingers. The speech she had planned was long gone by now. She told herself she wouldn't touch her. But how could she not?
"Emma…" she whispered. "I want to tell you that we are the only ones who know this kind of love, and I want to tell you that the skies above had everything to do with it. I want to tell you that I'm strong enough, and to tell you that I'm your match in everyway. I want to tell you that we are soulmates, and to tell you that we are destiny." The blonde opened her mouth, but Regina placed a finger over it, moving closer, her voice lowering. "But I can't. Because I am not perfect, I am responsible for the pain and suffering of your family, I have killed thousands, have destroyed so many lives. I have lived in the darkness for long I almost forgot what it was like to live in the light. I am not good for you. I am not your Soulmate, or your destiny. I am me, and you deserve so much better than a broken soul. You deserve happiness, a family, stability, a safe haven. I'm sorry." A tear escaped and she cursed herself, her finger dropping from the Savior's perfectly pink lips, and she stepped back. "We can't be together."
The next few moments passed with pain, unbearable pain. Regina held her breath, her eyes staring, her hands at her sides. She said what she needed to say. It's done. But she didn't move, she tried not to blink for this might just be the last time she saw Emma Swan. She waited for a reaction, for tears, for yelling and screaming, for Emma to do something. But she did nothing. She just stood there, not breaking eye contact. Her breaths came out in short, even puffs. Regina wanted to count them, wanted to memorize the rise and fall of her chest. For everything that she's been through, this is the worst of all of it.
Emma's heart has definitely stopped beating. How she's still standing is unknown to her. Is this real? When Henry had shown up at her door 3 years ago, and told her that she is the daughter of two Disney characters, that was impossible to believe. But this? This is absolutely insane. She wanted to scream. And finally, after blankly staring at the woman who has stolen her heart as if she ripped it out herself, all the Savior can manage through gritted teeth is, "How could you."
The former Queen's eyes widened in a foreign childlike manner, as if she ate the sweets she was told not to, and she felt guilt. In actuality, she did eat sweets. The best kind. And they came in the form of a woman with blonde hair and a red leather jacket. Regina flexed her fingers. "How could I what?"
Emma fumed, wanting to move away from her, but moving closer, speaking lower, her voice reaching an octave she didn't know she could touch. "How could you be so selfish?" Her body was a breath away from her girlfriend former girlfriend? and she almost wrapped her hands around her neck and shook her until she found some sense. Emma waited, trying her best to hold her tongue.
Regina scoffed, crossing her arms at Emma's proximity. "On the contrary, I am selfless."
Emma smirked, anger clear on her face. "Let me be the judge of that."
Regina stepped back quickly, putting some distance between them. She has never seen Emma act this way, and honestly it was scaring her. But she trusted her, yet the emotions and doubts were clouding her judgment and Emma was a time bomb. "I'm trying to protect you, Emma." Her voice broke when she said her name.
The blonde stood up straighter, fisting her hands, her lips thinning into a line. She was sure her veins had turned into lava and her heart was close to a seizure, but she had never felt so alive, so sure. She would not let Regina walk out of her life if it was the last thing she could do. "Regina."
The love of her life cocked a brow, loosing her hold around her stomach, relaxing at the sound of her name. "Yes?"
Emma tried to relax with her, but she was buzzing with anger, determination, fear. She moved closer to her, resting her hands on her shoulders, squeezing lightly. "I love you. Do you get that? I love you. You. Regina Mills. I love you, Regina Mills." Emma wanted to shake her with every word, but chose to remain still.
Regina's eyes watered. "I know. But I am no good for you. I am broken. And I will make you unhappy, and you'll always wish you had more. I can't give that to you." She tried to pull away, but Emma pulled her closer.
"No, you don't know, obviously," the blonde shook her head, her eyes wilting. She had thought she'd proven her love, or least some of it, but this infuriating woman in front of her clearly hadn't comprehended the extent of her feelings. "Regina, I love you. I always will. You could never make me unhappy. And if you hadn't noticed, I'm broken too. But ever since you came into my life, I've been healing. Slowly, but I have. And I know what you've done to my family. But I forgive you, Regina. I forgive you for everything."
Regina was definitely crying, and her walls came down with every word from her beloved's lips. She didn't understand how Emma could forgive her. She ruined her childhood, she almost ruined her chance at being born. She was the root of the reasons Emma grew up feeling unloved and abandoned. "I ruined your life…" She whispered, cocking her head slightly.
Emma smiled, shaking her head, holding onto her shoulders tighter. "But I love my life. I have no regrets."
Regina listened to the finality in her voice, yet even with all the reasons Emma has given her to stay, she still has that lingering doubt. The constant question in the back of her mind, would she be able to keep her safe? "No," she whispered to herself. Emma looked at her oddly, and was about to reiterate that she has no regrets, but Regina spoke up first. "No." And she reached deep within, her mind softening, still maintaining eye contact as her magic heated around Emma's hands on her shoulders. Emma shrieked, jumping back, pulling her hands away from the heat in surprise. Regina frowned, but straightened her back and in one movement, disappeared in purple smoke.
Emma had no time to react, no time to think, no time to comprehend what was about to happen. The next thing she knew, she was alone in her doorway, silent tears streaming down her face, staring at the spot where a brunette once stood.
She had told herself that she wouldn't let her leave, but now that it's too late, she knows that this will be her last mistake. She quickly inhaled, moving into her apartment, her hand softly clicking the door shut. And out of every moment that's she's been the first to react, to speak, to love, she just stood there.
And waited.