"GERMANY!" Feliciano cried as he ran down the stairs.

With a groan, Lovino shot him a glare and flipped the news paper in his hands from his face. "Potato Bastard's not here. What is it?"

"THERE'S A REALLY BIG SPIDER!" the younger brother cried. "It was really big and really black and really hairy and really scary and was going to kill me!"

The elder Italian raised a brow as he stood with crossed arms, setting his paper in the large chair. "You always over exaggerate these things." he sighed, passing Feliciano to go up the grand stairs. "I bet it's just a little harmless thing, or even just a shadow of a crumpled paper."

When Lovino made it to the room his brother was running from, he was sorely mistaken. "OH FUCK!" he screamed. "FELICIANO! GET THE POISON FROM THE CLOSET!" Feliciano followed his brother's instructions with shaking hands. The second the poison was in Lovino's hands, he squirted the large black creature.

The spider hurried out of the line of fire the moment it felt small drops of poison on its body.

Lovino grit his teeth when he saw the spider disappear behind a desk. "You're not getting away THAT easy, bastard!" With determination in his widened green-brown eyes, he sprayed the poison around the desk, blocking every exit, and even lined the wall. The creature was cornered.

Seeing it as a victory, Lovino nodded with a huff, handing the bottle back to his brother. "Put the poison back." he sighed. "No need to use any more."

"...But it got away!"

Hearing that, the elder brother huffed out a chuckle. "I backed it in a corner. I even covered the wall in case the bastard thought it could climb itself out of it. The mother fucker's as good as dead."

By the time Feliciano came back from putting the poison back in the closet, Lovino's attention was brought to the spider, sickly trudging across the floor for one last attempt of escape. "Veniciano!" Lovino called. "You still have your shoes on. FINISH OFF THE BASTARD!"

"Me?!" Feliciano cried. "But I don't want to be responsible for killing something! And the spider would hurt me if I go near it!"

"No it won't! It's sick! Think of it as putting it out of its misery!"

"But-"

Before Feliciano could finish his thought, the two brothers jumped at the sound of a loud thump. While they went back and forth, they didn't see the spider growing tall into the form of a large man before collapsing on the ground out cold. The man's rolled golden eyes drooped closed as his body went completely numb. His ears buzzed and his vision was blurred before it went completely black. The last clear word he heard was, "Fuck!"

Lovino and Feliciano stared at the man in shock. "...What..."

"...the fuck..."

"...just happened...?" they asked.

After a moment, the younger brother took a firm hold on the man's arm and attempted to pull him down the stairs, but not going any further than half an inch with each hard tug. Lovino looked at him in confusion. "What are you doing, bastard?"

"This man needs help." Feli huffed with another weak tug. "It is kind of our fault he's sick now."

"He's a fucking SPIDER!" Lovi shouted. Seeing his younger brother ignore him, he groaned. "...fuck me!" Making up his mind, he clenched his teeth and grabbed the other arm. "We'll pull at the same time, understand?" he huffed as he was answered with a nod.

After about an hour of them both pulling and tugging the man down the stairs, Lovino took the other arm from Feliciano while the younger brother took the man's feet in his arms. With all four of the limbs in their hands, they began swinging the body. "Uno, Due, Tre!" they counted off before tossing him on the couch.

In the first attempt, the man hit the frame and fell on the wooden floor, flipping to face up. His head had a large, purple bruise from the frame and his nose was horridly crooked with little drops of blood running down from inside the nostril. On his face were silver, thin glasses that were just dangling on his face. The glasses frame caused a bad scratch on his eyebrow from the collision.

Both the brothers flinched upon seeing how badly they failed before Lovino huffed. "Saves us the trouble of turning the bastard over." he stated as they each took the limbs back in their hands and swung the body again, this time higher. "Uno, Due, Tre!" Lovino counted off once again as they released him once more. They saw his body bounce on the cushions as they slumped in exhaustion.

As Lovino groaned and glared at the stranger, Feliciano ran in the kitchen and hurried back with a damp wash cloth, a thermometer, a spare blanket, and a first aid kit from the laundry room. The elder brother gazed at the younger brother, watching him move the man's arms to his own sides, placing the blanket over him, easing the thermometer in his mouth, padding the cloth on his head, and tending to his little injuries.

The older Italian stared for another second before sighing and waving it off. "As soon as the bastard's better, he's out!"

Funny back story to this possible one-shot, possible full story, my mom and I actually found a big, black spider in our laundry room just the other day, and up until the point where the spider turns into Claude in the story, it's exactly how my mom and I got rid of the spider. This story literally came from my thought of What if the spider we killed was Claude?