I do not own Hellsing nor do I own Twilight
Episode 1 Questions
Aldara: Welcome everybody to the Hellsing vs. Twilight Interview
*Audience Applauds*
Aldara: Today we have two vampires. The first one is the mysterious, sexy, super BADASS, ultra strong, best vampire ever in history. Your one and only ALUCARD!
*Fan girls scream, fifty of them faint*
Fan girls: TAKE ME ALUCARD AAHHHHHH!
Aldara: All right now calm down, and now for the weak pathetic excuse for a vampire, sparkly fairy princess with a huge head, and a hair style that defies all things logical. Edward…
*One person claps and that is Bella*
Aldara: Alucard would you like to say anything to your fans.
Alucard: *Winks at fan girls*
*Three fan girls die of a heart attack and fifty more faint*
Aldara: Alucard stop acting more sexy we can't have anymore fan girls dying or we will get cancelled.
Alucard: I can't help it, it's natural.
Edward: Errr.. Are we going to get the questions or not.
Aldara: SHUTUP! I am gonna get started, you stupid fairy blood sucker.
Edward: *Cries a little*
Aldara: All right question 1. What is your favorite type of Human to drink from?
Alucard: I personally like strong pure blood, but since they're so hard to find I drink what I can I'm really not too picky.
Edward: I don't drink human blood it will make me more into a monster than I already am. I drink animal blood.
Alucard: You're an idiot, you're so pussy whipped its absolutely ridiculous. Just what the hell is wrong with you, you're not even a monster your from a fairy tale book. And another thing-
Edward: *Starts crying dramatically*
Aldara: * Hands tissue to Edward* Stop crying your making a fool of yourself. Now calm down and take deep breaths.
Alucard: Pathetic. He has to breathe to calm down. What vampire breaths.
Aldara: Stop it, you can be so mean. Question 2, If some dude was flirting with your girl or wife what would you do? Also the fan girl that wrote this says she loves you Alucard.
Edward: I would give him a glare with my eyes and flare my nostrils to make him know that I'm serious.
Alucard: *Glares at Edward* you're a-
Aldara: Don't say anything mean.
Alucard: Fine. If, he would have did that I would devour his soul with my shadow hell hounds.
Aldara: Question 3, What kind of super powers do you have? Also I have to pick three people in the audience pick the super powers that you named and have you guys try it on each other.
Aldara: Alright, you with the black shirt that says 'I LOVE ALUCARD' with a human heart get up here. Ummmm… okay you with the 'Kill Edward' shirt get up here. Okay we need one more person. Alright , you with the shirt that has Edwards head cut off get up here. Also, Walter call the ambulance.
Walter: Already did.
Aldara: Okay your name tags say Jessica, Amber, and Sasha.
*All three nod*
Aldara: You know what to do just after their done naming there powers pick the ones you want them to do.
All Three: Okay!
Alucard: I can Regenerate, summon shadows, shape shift, defy gravity, summon familiars, telepathy, superhuman senses speed and strength, hypnosis, sharp shooting skills, teleportation, memory absorption. And much more *winks at fan girls again*
*Three more fan girls die*
Aldara: Alucard stop acting so damn sexy people are dying because of it.
Alucard: Now don't be jealous your still mine.
Aldara: *blushes* whatever. Edward what's your powers?
Edward: Super human speed strength and senses and the power to read minds also to be incredibly beautiful.
Alucard: That's it, you suck.
Aldara: *sighs* poor guy. Anyways Jessica what do you choose.
Jessica: Edward I want you to punch Alucard in the arm and see if it hurts. And Alucard I want you to rip off Edwards arm.
Edward: *Punches him in the arm* What! Usually that really hurts any vampire that I know.
Alucard: Well it's my turn *Laughs like a maniac*
RIPPPP
Aldara: OH MY GOSH THIS IS AWESOME!
Edward: AHHHHHHHHHHH! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!
Bella: My love*faints*
Aldara: Alright Amber your turn.
Amber: Edward I want you to read Alucards mind. And Alucard I want you to use your evil love beam on him.
Edward: *Reading his mind* AHHHHHHHHH! Darkness, just blood and darkness. * shivers dramatically*
Alucard: Sing the Milkshake song.
Edward: MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD DAMN RIGHT IT'S BETTER THAN YOURS I CAN TEACH YOU BUT I HAVE TO CHARGE!
Aldara: That's just sad. Errr.. Sasha it's your turn and please have mercy on him.
Sasha: Edward since you're so beautiful try to turn Alucard on. And Alucard I want you to use your shadows and a bite one of his legs off.
Edward: *Go's into sunlight naked* Hey hot stuff want some of this.
Alucard *Gasp* YOUR FUCKING SPARKELING THAT'S IT IM NOT GONNA BITE OFF YOU LEG IM GONNA KILL YOU!
Edward: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Aldara: So much for having mercy on him. Well I hope you enjoyed the first episode of Hellsing vs Twilight Interview.
After the show
Alucard: Blah. He didn't even have the guts to fight back. Thank goodness I didn't eat him I could have been throwing up sparkles for a week.
Aldara: Alucard you know Integra is gonna kill you right.
Alucard: Damn…. What a minute why didn't you warn me of that in the beginning.
Aldara: *shrugs* I didn't think of it.
Alucard: Guess what?
Aldara: *Backs Away* What?
Alucard: Your on punishment.
Aldara: WAIT NOOOOOOOOOOO IM SORRY I THOUGHT WE WERE TOGETHER AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! DON'T!
Alucard: *puts Aldara into his mouth* *gulps* Hope I didn't chew on her.
Aldara: Great. *turns head* Seras what are you doing in here.
Seras: I was teasing him about accidently imprinting.
Aldara: oh don't worry it's not that bad in here.
Stay tuned for the next episode of Hellsing vs Twilight