***CHAPTER 1*** A paler shade of blue
Colonel jack O'neal's tall, muscular body glistened with the pale blue glow of the event horizon. This sensation was not new to him, for he had traveled through time AND space many times. As he swiftly and deftly strode through, he felt the familiar tingle and rush of the stargate. "I wonder whats in store for us this time, Eh Teal'c?" he said with his confident sardonic tone.
Tall, dark, handsome teal'c mysteriously shrugged in an "i don't know but lets find out fashion".
As O'neal blasted through onto the other side, thrown abruptly forward as space and time reassembled itself neatly, forming in his eyes the smooth, tight body of Samantha Carter. O'neal was tingling with more than just the sensation of space travel. Teal'c quickly followed, landing his large frame atop O'neal's back. "sorry, Colonel O'neal, I guess i mustve slipped and landed on your backside" Teal's said with a small glimmer of hope, faintly visible in his deep dark eyes. Passion dripping from every word like misapplied paint.
"i bet the stargate isn't the only wormhole you'd traverse, eh Teal'c?" O'neal said in his gung-ho fashion.
"will you boys stop playing around" Samantha said, "Dr Jackson, god bless his soul, would have never let our mission carry out like THIS" she said with a quick flip of her shiny blonde hair. Sam, still heartbroken after the suicide of her beloved Dr Jackson, had taken it upon herself to celebrate his life by eating well, keeping fit and having fun. She looked hotter than ever.
"Sam, Dr Jackson is GONE. And a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do. C'mon gang, lets lock n load." Said jack.
With that, the stargate SG1 crew loaded up their ammo and hit the dusty, hot red sands of P69 (a new star!)
"Jack, the mission control of the G'auold is located deep in the crystal cave. Lets head there first." Said Teal'c.
As they stepped out onto the surface of P69, the dusty, hot red sand blasted their hair movie style fashion, Sam truly was a cinematic view thought Jack.
Jack truly was a cinematic view, thought Teal'c.
"Dr Jackson would look so hot", said Sam.
"enough fantasizing!" Colonel O'Neal barked, as he noticed a strange little man with a long beard come towards them. "We have company"
***CHAPTER 2*** 3s company, 4s a crowd
"Samantha! Sam! Wake up!" O'neal screamed with a hot, fiery fear.
Teal'c was beside himself with love and lust… for his truly beloved had…. returned from the grave!
"My lover… my friend…" Dr jackson moaned, "Even death, in it's infinite glory couldn't stop me from returning to you. Although I may look different, my heart is the same." And it was true, Dr Jacksons body wasn't the same… he was once a handsome man, even his thick glasses couldn't hide the sincerity and truth that shone through his deep blue eyes. "once a secret now no more! Come to me my ebony skinned jaffa, my furious lover!" What was once under wraps truly shone to light in samanthas eyes. The playful games of butt tag, the sly winks of understanding, the passionate 'friendly kisses'… It all made sense to her now and in that moment Samantha truly knew what it was to have a broken heart as the pieces smashed, crashed, and fell into a million, billion other pieces. She died that minute, literally and figuratively. And like a freshly discarded newspaper, Samantha tumbled to the ground. The three amigos, stepping briskly over the discarded husk that was once samantha, talked excitedly amongst themselves. Little did they know they had embarked on a journey, a new kind of journey that they themselves could not fathom.
***Chapter 3*** A new kind of love triangle
Teal'c, Jack, and Jackson were abuzz with excitement. They all knew that they had initiated a love triangle, one that flew higher than any G'ouald Space pyramid and shone brighter than any pharaohs tomb.
What would become of the three lovers now? Once all equal in stature, height and beauty, now only two of the men were gods. Dr jackson was now a small, homely peasant in the eyes of both, and his own. Or did Jack see something more, something deeper?
"Jackson… please. I need to have a private word with you." Said Oneil. Jackson followed him into the crystal cave. Tealc stood alone. Once the two space warriors were inside, Oniel took Jackson by the hands and looked deep into his once beautiful eyes. "I was once a sarcastic man, who used his jokes as a means of self defence…" said Oniel as his eyes shone playfully in the crystal light. "But now… now… you're back. I need to tell you something. Although your body may be repulsive to some, to me… you are and always have been my Once True Love." Oniels face was turning red and his body was trembling with love and lust.
"Oniel, thank you. As you know, Tealc and I were once one, but now.. I fear the worst. He looks at me differently now. The Soul Tranfusion wasn't a complete success.. even though I, my spirit, my essence has survived, I am now trapped in the form of a Dirty Dwarf. Your words have meant more to me than i can ever hope to express."
Oniel and Jackson both broke down in hot, salty tears. That was the first time they made love, deep in the crystal caves. But it wouldn't be the last. The beautiful blue light shone upon their bodies… the two, the god and the mortal, became one. rising weakly from their sticky salt bath, the cool of the crystal cavern raising hot steam in intricate swirls off their corded muscled backs. "we should go see Teal'c'' said Jackson, "it's getting late and he must be worried." These words struck a chord with Jack O'neal, hot jealously flushed and contorted his fine figure as he knew, deep inside, jackson still had earthly longings for the flesh for Teal'c's smooth, hairless frame. Jack knew he had to supress these thoughts, lest his inner passions be revealed. though he had spoken candidly with jackson in that blissful cave, he still clung tightly to his old self, and knew that only he owned his own heart.
The two clandestine lovers limped lethargically from their impromptu den of desire, small sweaty streaks of evidence stained their camo fatigues. Teal'c was the first to notice the smell of passion clinging to jacksons crippled casing.
"you have been in the cave for 3 hours now," Teal'c whimpered pathetically, betraying, if only briefly, his frustration and understanding of the events that transpired. "you must never make me wait like that again, O'neal"
Colonel Jack O'neal knew it was a dick move, he also knew Teal'c loved dick moves. But even though Jack knew what really made Teal'c tick, He'd already crossed a line. Jack loved Jackson more than he ever had before and at that moment Jack knew the three buds had formed a new kind of love triangle.
Chapter 4 — fisting for compliments
After that sordid and steamy night of clandestine love and broken hearts the gang set out once again, but with a new mission in mind. "The soul transfusion device is still out there," Jackson whispered softly in Jack's ear, "We must find it and return me to a more 'suitable' form." Teal'c looked on in dispassion and frustration. "If we can find me a proper cut, sexy, body, then I believe we will truly be able to love each other as lovers."
"what are you two whispering about?" Teal'c asked inquisitively. "if its another one of your crazy missions Colonel O'neal, then I must remind you, mission command sent us here on a very specific quest. We must first make contact with the locals and establish that they aren't hostile or working with the gouald."
"also the perfect opportunity to scout out young supple bodies," thought colonel O'neal to himself, as he licked his soft lips.
As the three men strutted along, it wasn't just the sand of P69 that was hot and dusty. With each step, the men knew that they were being brought closer and ever closer to what lay ahead. And what did lay ahead? Love, betrayal and sheer masculine attitude.
Oniel quickly and forcefully grabbed his Sports Glasses and cooly lay them upon his furled and sweaty brow. "Come on, men. Lets go get the bad guys."
"Sounds like a plan to me, Boss." Said Jackson with a quick wink and more than just a thin layer of flirtatious undertone.
Just that MINUTE the gouald barged through over the sand dunes. "Jack! Look out!" yelled both tealc and jackson. The two men gave each other knowing and jealous looks, and it became apparent that they were both in love with the same Space warrior.
Tealc and Oniel both whipped out their huge, black and firm weapons. "Thank god I gave my glock a fresh spit shine last night." Thought Oniel as he shot seven goulad warriors dead on the spot. Jackson whipped out the only weapon he had, a small single shot crossbow, made from the bones of a once alive and tiny mammal. Jackson never felt more alive as he firmly pressed his quivering finger against the release mechanism of his makeshift death dealer. each twang of the taut rope snapping gave him chills of ecstasy, thinking also about the twang oneals hard phallus would make as they slapped thighs later tonight.
"Fuck this," Tealc said under his breath "I'm going to show these men what I'm made of."
With that, he gave his best warriors scream and lunged forward, kicking three goulad square in the head. They died instantly, and with their deaths Tealcs pride grew ten fold. "What do you think of that, boys?" He said in a quick and wistful tone. "I am truly the most masculine warrior P69 has ever seen."
The sight of Teal'c's fierce flurry of fury made O'neal sweat with excitement. "Time to show these Goualds how hard we really are, good job Teal'c, now watch THIS!" and with that O'neal back flipped through the air, landing squarely on the shoulders of a surprised Gouald. "Heres a little surprise for you" Oneal said as he pulled out a shiny, round little grenade from his front pouch, placing it in the garish goaulds mouth. "I call this one, the kiss of death!" he sang, as he he cart wheeled away, leaving the hapless warrior to explode into tiny bits.
Jackson was as impressed as he was turned on by oneals graceful display. This moment of distraction would prove an advantage to his attackers though, as one Gouald snuck up behind Jackson and clasped him in a firm bear hug with his large biceps. Jackson had to think quick! With a flick of his toes, he launched a shoe full of sand into an oncoming goualds face + eyes. As his captors bear hug tightened Jackson knew what he must do. "Beautiful nose" he said between gritted teeth, "a shame ill have to… BREAK IT" and with that he used the back of his tiny balding head to bash the face the gouald behind him. Spinning around quickly Jackson scooped up a full fist full of hot P69 sand and tossed it square in the eyeballs of his stunned opponent.
"Pft, that was fucking lame" said Teal'c, trying to also catch the attention of Oneal and show him the cowardly tactics of doctor jackson.
"Hey now Teal'c" Doctor jackson said, hurt in his voice, "My new form doesn't allow for the same stunning maneuvers of you slick golden gods. When I get a new body I'll show you a few tricks"
"That'll be the day, Jackson. You're stuck in your new body for the rest of time. Get used to it, and stop trying to run with the big dogs." Snapped Tealc. He bared his perfect white teeth at Jackson and gave a surly grunt. "Lets finish this mission and get the fuck back to base. Come on, fags. We're out of here." He said to the two men, with true distain.
CHAPTER FIVE *** Instrument of Mass Desire
"Soldiers! Stop this squabble right this SECOND," screamed Oniel "We've got work to do!"
The three men walked across the hot, dusty sands in silence.
"We should do a Life Scan," suggested Tealc. "We must find the locals and gather information so we can defeat the Goauld."
"Now thats thinking with your head, Tealc." Said Jack Oniel. And with that, he whipped out the Life Scanner and did a Life Scan of P69. His face went white. "Jack, whats wrong!?" screamed Jackson "You look like you've… seen a ghost."
Jack Oneil wept a single, crystal tear. "Thats it, it's all over now. I know what I must do. Tealc, my dear brother, my lover and wife, I'm sorry for what Must be Done." Thought Jack Oneil to only himself. Tealc would have to be sacrificed. There were NO bodies, beautiful or otherwise, left on P69.
The planet was as bare and lonely as the bed Tealc and Jack once shared at the mission control base. "In a way Tealc will live on forever, physically. His hard and beautiful black body will still keep me warm, but it will be Jackson, my true lover, behind Tealcs deep brown eyes.
As these dark dreams dipped around Oneal's stormy consciousness, the stargate crew came upon the temple which housed the deadly device within.
That's the place that holds the soul transfusion device!" Jackson said superfluously, as everyone already knew it was the place.
"We must watch out for traps" Teal'c said with no small bit of caution and worry in his voice.
That tone touched Oneal deep, as he knew that Teal'c still cared for him, and in a way he too still cared for Teal'c, however the spark was gone, and now Jackson had come to fill Jacks loveless hole.
As they pulled open the carved stone doors a blast of musty stale air hit the nostrils of Jackson.
"now thats a smell i haven't smelled in a long time" he thought to himself. Luckiy for the intrepid adventurers, as they made their way through the hot and dusty temple, not a single trap was sprung. In fact there were no traps as far as the crew knew, only the trap of Oneal's desire.
The podium which once held the device was empty and barren, however, Oneal spied on the ruin floors the much sought after device, half buried in the sand. Using his nimble fingers he quickly scooped up the device and slid it neatly into his back pocket. "Theres no going back now, you old dog." Oniel said to himself.
"Well, boys. The device clearly isn't here. I'd say we should all settle in for the night, and head back out in the morning." Jack said to the two men.
"Sounds like a solid plan, Oniel. We all deserve a break." Said Jackson
"I must concur." Said Tealc.
The three men all met eyes at the same time, and the glances were ablaze with fire, passion and lust.
Just then Jackson pulled out a bottle of whiskey from his pouch… "Gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to my good friend Jim Bean. I've been saving this exquisite whiskey since I arrived on this barren wasteland.. saving it for a night like tonight."
Just then Jack quickly and secretly showed Jackson the device. They spoke with their eyes and said "Yes, we know what we must do."
CHAPTER 6 - Despicable Dicks
The three men passed the bottle around unit there was only a sip left. Jack took the bottle and poured the remainder onto the crystal floor. "This ones for Sam, you bitch. I knew you always loved me, and the thought of you always made me sick. Rest in peace, I guess!" The three men roared with laughfter and the sound of their voices echoed throughout the cave, bouncing off the crystal and filling the entire place with the sound of three lovers, three men, who were about to share a moment to remember.
After exchanging a few nervous laughs and coy glances, jackson abruptly stood up. "Alright boys, time to get down to the brass tax." He wore the most lavicious smile Jack had ever seen, and in that moment Jackson had his own erect rod in his hands staring down triumphantly at Teal'c and Oneal.
"I guess the dwarf wasn't compensating for something" Jackson said in his most innocent voice. "what WILL we do with THAT?"
"I have a few ideas" said Teal'c, his furious jealousy quickly replaced with a hot stewed passion.
And just as Jackson was the first to act, Teal'c was the first to grab. gripping Jackson's love stick with his large and calloused palms.
"ooh please be gentle… NOT! I love your rough hands, you alluring alien, you dashing devil, you slut!" Jackson moaned with unrestrained passion.
Jack was standing by watching the whole ordeal unfold before his eyes, but unlike a passive bystander, Oneal had other ideas. He quickly and confidently strode towards the two tangled lovers and snatched the dick from Teal'cs mouth. "My turn" He cooed into the tip of jacksons penis. And just like that Oneal began the most slippery and wet fellatio he had ever given to any man ever.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" screamed Jackson "Oniel! Oneil you whore!" He said as he shoved his throbbing cock deeper and deeper into Jacks throat.
At that moment Tealc grabbed Jackson from behind and shoved his massive black dick into his backend.. "AHHHHHH" screamed Jackson "It hurts! It hurts! DONT STOP, MY LOVER! MY FRIEND!" Screamed Jackson in agony and pleasure.
Oniel slowly slid Jacksons penis from the depths of his throat and then grabbed his hairy nuts and said "I aint no sucker, get ready and open wide." Jakcsons eyes grew with fear and anticipation as Oniel gently pushed his penis between Jacks thin, cracked lips.
Jack was like a pig on a spit. The three lovers kissed, caressed and fucked in many positions for many hours. Then Jackson and Jack met eyes and knew that it was time.
"Tealc, c-u-m over here" Said Jack with a deep and sexual voice, as he pointed to his own mouth. Tealc didn't argue, not for a second. He waltzed over to Jack and rammed his fleshy shaft into the back of O'niels throat. Even though he saw it coming, the force and size took Jack by surprised as his eyes splayed open wide with surprise and excitement, for one moment Jack reconsidered what he had to do, but he quickly brushed those thoughts out of his mind like the litres of semen he had brushed off his back, thighs, arms, chest, and face.
"O…O…ONEIL!'' wept tealc as he flung his large bald head back and scrunched up his features in pure ecstasy.
"Look me in the eyes as you come in my mouth Tealc" Jack commanded "LOOK INTO MY EYES"
It took every ounce of Tealc's strength to rip his thoughts away from the immense and intense feelings that were surging through his loins as he craned his neck downwards and stared, deeply and intimately in Jack's eyes. What Teal'c saw caused no small amount of confusion as Jack stared back with a sad longing stare, a single tear running a trail down his dusty and sweat slicked face.
After the deed was done, Jack put on his best acting chops and pretended to swallow Tealc's heavy load. He could barely speak as the thick Jaffa juice sloshed around his tongue. and he looked over to Jackson, it was his turn to do a dirty deed. Jackson took Tealc by the hand and led him away from Jack while he fiddled and configured the soul transfer device, filling it with Tealcs manly essence.
"Tealc, you must rest now, we've had a long night, the three of us. Please just close your eyes while i stroke your bald head." and with that jackson sang the sweetest song he had ever sung to any man or woman. A sung of love and passion and gentleness. Those soothing words lulled Tealc into a deep slumber, and as his eyes slowly closed he thought he saw Jack striding into the room with a weird semen filled tube in his hands. It couldn't be, but by then it was too late, Tealc was asleep.
Chapter 7 — short end of the dick
"Lovers, my lovers… I had the strangest dream… come to me, let me tell you the tale." Said Tealc. "Thats strange… my voice sounds… different…. higher pitched and unpleasant to my ears… maybe I'm still dreaming…" thought Tealc. He opened his eyes and pushed himself up off of the crystal floor… instantly he knew what had happened. "NO! Those bastards! Those scoundrels! How could they… how could they…" Tealc wept in the cave for what seemed like eternity.
"The soul transfusion was a success, my lover." Said Jack as he held Jackson tightly in his large, masculine arms. Jackson was a troll no more! "Yes! Yes! I can leap, jump, twirl and spin! I can dance again!" sang Jackson in true and honest pleasure. "Yes, lover, my wife. Let me watch you dance. Dance for me now my true friend. One last dance on this wretched sand star, and then we shall return home through the stargate, leaving Tealc here alone forever."
Jackson danced and sang like he never had before. His new muscular legs glittered and glowed, his nude body was truly a sight for sore eyes.
"Thank you my lover, my one true love. Now let us Leave this hell wish. Good bye tealc, you truly did take one for the team. Sucker." And just as the devil himself comes when you mention him, Jackson and Oneal heard many quick hurried steps and the squeaky squeely familiar voice of a certain small someone.
"MY GOD HES AWOKEN" they both cried in unison, locking fearful eyes for just a moment.
"we must escape his wrath, I forgot to disarm him of my crossbow" shouted jackson, all wild eyed and panicked. and with that the two lovers ran, hand in hand, away from the treacherous temple, away from the jilted lover, away from the despised dwarf that was once a shared flame for the two men.
After running for what seemed like forever, Oneal and Jackson arrived at the stargate, the soft blue glow of the event horizon basking Jacksons new rippled form in a soft alluring light. But there was no time for that, they had to act fast.
"I'm glad i brought all of these explosives with me" jack said softly, "and though i regret this, we must make sure Tealcs vengeance doesn't follow us through the stargate."
"wait, please Jack, I know we have an entire lifetime to spend together, but I ask of one thing. One final kiss on planet P69, our heartland and honeymoon." and with that Jackson passionately grabbed Oneal around the waist and pressed his newly acquired fat, wet, voluptuous black lips against Oneals full bodied, though dried and thirsty lips. The two lovers kissed, for what felt like the first time.
They set up the explosives upon, around and beside the event horizon and set the timers for 1.5 seconds after the jump. They had done it, the plan was a success.
"One last question, Jack… if we needed Tealcs essence to transfuse your two souls… how did you end up with the body of a dwarf?"
"Oniel, you know this better than anyone. Sometimes… A mans gotta do what a mans gotta do."
And with a wink, the two lovers grabbed each others hands and leapt through the event horizon, leaving Tealc, the disgusting, heartbroken dwarf, alone and crying in the hot red sands of Planet P69, the sand star.
But that story, dear friends, is best saved for a different time.