A/N: I'm going to give you due warning. This is probably the stupidest thing I've ever written. I was inspired, surprise surprise, when my internet cut out for ten minutes, leaving me nothing to do but inflict this upon all of you. My apologies.
Also, while I'm here, I may as well take the opportunity: I have another Supernatural fic on the go, which is a lot less stupid than this. It is also Destiel (eventually), which always makes everything better. Please, fall prey to my shameless self-advertising and take a look. You may even leave a review, if you are so inclined. I'll see you there. *extremely non-threatening stare*
Disclaimer: Supernatural is not mine.
Severed Life Lines
Cas stared at the computer screen, wide eyes blank before the dread set in. "Dean?" he asked warily, not daring to turn around. "What's happened?"
Dean looked up from his plate, mouth full of bacon. He let out a muffled noise before painfully swallowing and repeating, "What do you mean, Cas? What's happened?"
His gaze fearful, Cas turned the laptop so Dean could see the screen. The man squinted and got up to wander over.
"Problem loading page," he read out, "Server not found." He swallowed a last morsel of bacon. "It's nothing to worry about, Cas, there was probably a blip in the wifi."
Cas blinked. "A blimp in the what?"
Dean didn't quite manage to suppress his snigger. "Nah, man, a blip in the wifi."
"Your exaggerated pronunciation does not make that phrase any more comprehensible to me," Cas told him exasperatedly.
Dean grinned good-naturedly and explained. "The internet service waves or whatever probably got held up by something. I dunno, man, it happens sometimes. It'll come back in a sec."
Cas frowned. "Does this happen often?" he asked.
Dean shrugged. "Yeah, pretty commonplace."
"That is terrible service. Why do you not complain?"
Dean laughed. "It's not really anything to complain about, it's barely even an inconvenience."
"I beg to differ."
"Oh, come on, then, let's try and get it up and running for you," Dean sighed, still grinning slightly. He commandeered the laptop. "Okay, most things can usually be fixed by turning it off and on again, so we'll disconnect, okay?"
Cas nodded solemnly, as if they were about to disconnect a human from life support.
A couple of clicks and it was done. "We'll wait a few seconds and then try again," Dean told him, tapping his fingers on the tabletop. "Do you want to try and start it up? Indispensable human skill."
Cas nodded again, graciously, and clicked on the 'Connect' button that Dean indicated. There appeared a promising-looking loading box, which disappeared after a few seconds and then suddenly the blue rotating circle on the 'wifi widget', as the Winchesters called it, was replaced by four white lines.
"And there we go!" Dean said, sounding satisfied. "You go back to...whatever you were doing."
Castiel thanked him and reloaded his web page. By the time Dean had returned to his breakfast, Castiel realised it was taking too long. "Dean," he said.
Dean sighed. "What now, Cas?"
"It's not working."
"Give it time, dude, miracles aren't made in seconds."
Castiel frowned at the falsity of his statement before fear chased the disapproval off his face. "Dean," he said more urgently.
"What?"
"That message is here again."
Dean came storming up behind him to take a look. "Cas, for the last – oh. Okay, that is a bit odd."
Castiel looked at the wifi widget. Four white lines, but now with a yellow triangle encasing and exclamation mark. "What does that mean?" he asked, pointing at it.
"No internet access," Dean breathed as if he didn't quite want to believe it. "But...that doesn't make sense! Why wouldn't we be able to get internet?"
Cas had no idea. "Shall we try disconnecting and reconnecting the wifi?" he asked, proud of his new vocabulary.
Dean shrugged, looking harried. "Worth a shot," he mumbled.
His efforts proved fruitless.
"Shit," Dean proclaimed.
"What does it mean?" Castiel asked.
"It means that even though the wifi is fine, we can't get on the Internet."
"Why?"
"I dunno, dude, ask Sam! Actually –" Dean's face paled alarmingly. "Don't ask Sam. Don't mention it to him. Maybe it'll be back by the time he gets in with the shopping," he suggested hopefully, appearing to be convincing himself more than Cas.
Cas frowned. "Why must I not mention this to Sam?"
Dean hummed and hawed a bit. "Let's just say that the internet is like life blood to Sam, okay?"
Cas nodded. He knew this fact well.
"And so internet connection is like a life line."
Cas nodded again, beginning to understand. "If you sever the life line, you sever the life."
"Exactly. So Sam can't know."
Cas blinked, suddenly confused again. "But surely the life line will be in a severed state, with or without the living being's knowledge."
Dean smiled tightly. "Not in this case," he told Cas sharply.
Cas was about to ask another question when they heard the door open. Dean's posture suddenly became as stiff as a board.
"Remember," he hissed to Cas, "not a word."
"What's up, guys?" Sam greeted as he lugged the shopping bags down the stairs.
Dean and Cas smiled brightly at him, perfectly stationary. Sam blinked.
"Everything alright?" he asked slowly.
"Peachy," Dean replied, just as Castiel said, "Indeed."
Sam nodded, temporarily appeased, though his face still displayed remarkable amounts of confusion. "Right. I'll leave you two to unpack, then." He gestured to the bags. "I'm gonna take a lie-down." He made for his room.
"Great," Dean enthused, rubbing his hands together. "We've got the laptop here and there's no other way of accessing the internet in Sammy's room. We're safe."
"Safe from what?" Cas asked.
"Sam, when he finds out his wifi suspiciously cut out while he left us alone with it for half an hour."
"I see."
They began to unpack the shopping bags. Not a minute passed before they heard Sam's voice floating from his room.
"Guys?"
Dean dropped a can of beans. "Shit. Oh, shit, I forgot about his tablet!"
"Guys, what the hell did you do to the wifi?"
"It was Cas!" Dean screamed.
Castiel didn't even have time to glare at him before the wall of fury named Sam hit him.
A/N: Again: stupidest thing I've ever written. Never mind~ Thanks for reading, if you even got this far. Sorry.