This is the seventh international call I've attempted to make. Today. Damn phone just keeps ringing. I thought we had an answering machine? Didn't I shell out something like $25 for one just days after arriving in Rome with my sister and that... that... I don't even want to think about what Andrew is right now. And I certainly don't want to think about what he's doing. TO MY SISTER.
I'll give credit where credit is due. Spike found many creative ways to preoccupy me between calls. I believe at one point he told me that he wanted to just fuck me into submission. I told him I'd like to see him try. So, he did. When challenged, my vampire always rises to the occasion.
We had just finished round three when Angel decided to pay us a visit. He was all brood and blah, acting all injured-party like he had the night before. And, again I ask... I once fell for that why?
"I just wanted to make sure you were okay, Buffy," he lies.
No, he just wants to be a big, fat buttinsky. He so needs to get an unlife.
"All of the good here," I tell him quickly. Now leave.
Instead of catching the 'get the fuck out so I can get back to blowing my vampire' tone in my voice, he invites himself in and plops down on the couch. I shoot a wicked grin at Spike and he licks his lips in response. Yeah. We're thinking the same thing right now.
Spike is wearing his jeans. No shirt. I have a red silk kimono wrapped around me. If Angel can't figure out that we're busy by our state of undress, I'll be more than happy to give him a moment to smell it. And he will because the couch reeks of it. Even I can smell it and I'm not Miss Vampire Senses. Of course, after the burning of my popcorn, I probably should be second-guessing his vampiric senses.
"Reason why you're here interrupting our happy reunion, Mate?" Spike asks him as he comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. He kisses my neck, just to further illustrate his point to Angel who is still firmly planted on the couch.
"I just... I don't get this. You said you were cookie dough. And I thought that meant that there was a chance..."
I'm kind of tuning him out now because one, I've had this conversation way too many times already. Two, more than ever, I realize that he is so not the vampire for me. And three, it's hard to think any coherent thoughts when you've got a bulging erection pressing into your lower back.
"Angel." I don't even know why we have to do this. Again. "Can't we discuss this later?" That would be your cue to leave, Pal.
"I just don't understand why... why him." Sometimes I just want to scream.
"Why the hell NOT me, you bloody bastard?" Spike took the initiative to respond for me. I cross my arms in front of my chest and raise a questioning eyebrow.
"Yeah. Why the hell NOT him, you bloody bastard?"
I'm thinking I said something along these lines to him last night. Maybe he was just hoping that it was my drunkeness and that my senses had returned along with my sobriety. Sorry to break it to ya, Peaches. My senses flew out the window long ago.
"Buffy." Angel's trying out what I think he means to be a resolve face. Good grief, even Xander has a better resolve face than that. Or maybe I just don't have it in me to succumb to any of Angel's faces any more.
"Okay. Listen good this time because I am not going through this again. The cookie dough speech? At the time, it was meant to be part-truth but it was also part-distraction tactic. I mean, really. Apocalypse coming up and you wanted to discuss a future I may or may not have had? And I certainly didn't need a string of insults about Spike thrown at me when I was preparing for the biggest battle of my life."
I feel Spike loosen his grip on me and he walks into the kitchen to somewhat busy himself. He's giving me some space. But staying close enough to hear everything I say and to be ready to stake Angel if I don't do it first. I look back at him and he gives me a little smile and wink. I blow him an air-kiss back and then return my attention to Angel.
"When I thought that Spike was gone... really, really ashes to ashes gone... I wanted to die. That thing with the Immortal? So not what you think. And also not any of your business."
Angel's looking at his clasped hands in front of him. Is it my imagination, or has he gotten a little soft around the middle in the past eight years? Or maybe I'm just used to my rock-hard vampire... rock-hard in all the right places... I shake my head a little to clear my brain.
"Cookies don't always have to be baked to be delicious," I tell him. "And I figured out that my vampire likes his cookies unbaked. Straight from the cookie tube. And, uh, I like my cookies that way, too. In fact, the most important people in my life are pleased as punch to have any kind of cookies at all. Baked, unbaked... nutty... not so much. Some like theirs with milk. Some with blood." Angel looks a little lost. "Are you following me?"
He nods. He's following. He's just not liking where it leads.
"How do you know he won't hurt you?" he asks me.
I think back to what happened in the bathroom before Spike got his soul. And I've had a lot of time to think about the part I played in causing that whole mess. How would I have reacted if Spike had treated me the way I had treated him? Oh, Spike... fuck away all my pain. No! Stop you big, soulless piece of shit! But wait! Don't go! I know I said no! I know I said you were a soulless piece of shit... but, uh... I'm kind of fucked up and I'm into that kind of thing now. No, wait. I changed my mind again. Don't touch me.
Yeah. I was a total mind-fuck.
"Because he's had plenty of opportunity and hasn't hurt me before," I state confidently.
Angel stands and starts pacing. All this subtlety isn't getting me anywhere. I just need to tell him to get out. Leave. Let me have my vampire all to myself. Go take your forehead and brood somewhere else.
"We're going back to Italy in the morning," Spike suddenly announces. "Already called and made arrangements with the Rome office to take up residency there. Told them I could act as liason between them and the Council of Wankers and they about drenched their knickers on the spot."
I try not to laugh. Between Spike's announcement and the look of absolute abjection on Angel's face, I'm beyond giddy.
"You can't stay for a few more days? There's a lot we need to talk about," Angel pleads with me.
"We've done all the talking we're going to do, Angel. You're making this more difficult that it needs to be. Besides, aren't you dating Wolf Girl?" I ask, remembering Spike making mention of this werewolf chick Angel had been spending most of his time with.
I see him stiffen and then stand. He walks over to the windows and looks out to the fading daylight.
"He'll never be able to walk in the light with you," he tells me.
"Neither will you."
His back is to me, but I can tell he's scowling.
"Don't you want a normal life with a normal guy?" It's a last-ditch effort, and a very sad one at that.
"Been there. Done that. Not all that interesting," I respond firmly. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly a normal girl. I tend to like a little monster in my man. Or, in Spike's case... a big monster," I giggle. Yeah. Low blow, but he had it coming.
"So, you're just going to leave. With him. Tomorrow."
"Yes. Yes... and yes."
He turns and looks between the two of us and attempts a weak smile. He tells me that he needs to hear me say the words and then he'll leave. And I know what words he needs to hear. I nod.
"I love Spike."
Angel's eyes dart from mine to lock onto his grand-childe's.
"And I love Buffy. She's my whole reason for being."
I turn around and flash him my brightest smile. He's still staring at Angel, his eyes serious.
Angel walks slowly across the room, stopping only when he reaches the door. His hand pauses on the knob before he turns it and he looks back at us.
"I love you both. Very much." And I can see in his eyes that he does.
Sometimes I'm lost - And then I'm found
Sometimes I feel - Turned inside out
I'm often silent when I'm screaming inside
Instead of love - We tend to hate
We never quite - Apprecaite
How much the other person cares or tries
Hold me close
Don't ever let me go
I'm confused
Maybe someday I will know why...
Sometimes I'm right as rain
And when it rains it pours
You're such a mystery
Why can't I unlock the door
All that glitters isn't gold
Too much is overkill
Love can be beautiful
Or a bitter pill
And when I'm right - I'm also wrong
We give and take - To get along
There's so much more to this
Than I ever dreamed
And when you smile - I have to laugh
And when you cry - I'm torn in half
So calm and yet so loose at the seams
Liebe kahn eine bittere pille sein
Eine bittere pille
Liebe ist eine bittere pille
Liebe kahn eine bittere pille sein
Ich will ein bier
Ich will be soffen sein
Die ganze welt is dumm
Mir steht es so im hals
Ich sage dir
Die liebe kann nur luge sein
... Or a bitter pill