It was another boring day at 765 Productions. The idols were tired, slumped on the couches and chairs of the offices. Not only were they tired from the day's work, but they were also bored.
Futami Ami suddenly jumped up and poked her sister violently. Mami snorted and sat up groggily, glaring at Ami through glazed eyes.
"Cleverbot!" Ami declared.
Mami was suddenly awake. "Yeah, yeah! We should definitely talk to Cleverbot-niichan!"
"Cleverbot?" Chihaya echoed, obviously confused.
Ami nodded violently. "Ya see, Chihaya-oneechan, it's this AI on the computer and you talk to it, and it talks back to you just like a real human would! It's amazing!"
"Really entertaining, too," Mami agreed.
"We should try!"
Producer shrugged. "We do have access to a computer, so I guess it couldn't hurt to try," he said.
"Or could it…" Ami grinned evilly. Her sister copied her facial expression.
Producer was suddenly apprehensive, but he shrugged again and allowed the girls access to the computer. Ami got to it first, cracked her knuckles, and accessed the Cleverbot website.
"Watch and learn!"
User: Nee, nee, Nii-chan!
Ami waited for Cleverbot's response. The other idols watched excitedly.
Cleverbot: Anyway, this cake is great.
Ami smiled at the other idols. "See?'
"That doesn't make any sense," Makoto argued.
"It usually doesn't," Ami agreed. "That's the fun of it! Watch."
User: You have cake! Ami wants some! Cleverbot: You don't tell me your name. User: Eh...? Well, Ami's name is Ami. Now can Ami have some of Nii-chan's great cake? Cleverbot: What would you like to talk about? User: Anything in the world! Cleverbot: How many people are talking to you right now? User: As many as Ami wants to. Ohoho~~~. Cleverbot: How many people are talking to you at the moment? User: Seven including Mami, Iorin, Yayoicchi, Ricchan, Azusa-oneechan, and Shoutanyan!
"There's more than seven," Takane observed.
"Nothing makes sense in the world of Cleverbot-niichan. Leave Ami alone," Ami complained.
Cleverbot: If we were getting married, what would we do?
"You can marry it?" Azusa gasped.
"If you want," Ami explained. "Watch this!" She quickly typed up a response.
User: Ohoho, you want to marry Ami~? Well, Ami would like a big, big wedding with lots of flowers and cake! Cleverbot: Tell me more about your dreams. User: Ami wants to do lots of stuff with Ami's sister Mami! Ami wants to be a super-sexy adult! Ami wants lots of sex apparitions!
"Appeal," everyone else in the room corrected.
Ami glared at them. "Whatever."
Cleverbot: But you couldn't mean it to be funny, because you didn't do anything. User: Ami is hilarious. Cleverbot: A mi tambien :)y.
"Is that English?" Ami asked.
"Spanish," Iori answered. Ami shrugged and typed her response.
User: Eh, but Ami doesn't speak that language! Cleverbot: Sorry. User: It's OK, Nii-chan! Cleverbot: Are you misa. User: No, Ami is Ami. Cleverbot: Sam I am. User: Sam Ami is. Cleverbot: Would you like green eggs and ham? User: Ami would like YOU.
The idols looked questioningly at Ami, who grinned.
Cleverbot: That's your name now. User: Ami has always been Ami's name, Nii-chan. Nee nee! Cleverbot: What kind of animal? User: A monkey. Cleverbot: I don't have monkey. User: You should. Cleverbot: That doesn't make sense. User: YOU don't make sense. Ne? Cleverbot: Your face doesn't make sense! User: Your MOM doesn't make sense! Cleverbot: Your sentence doesn't make any sense. User: Nothing about Ami makes sense. Your point? Cleverbot: Nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing.
"How do you respond to something like that?" Haruka asked curiously.
"Like this!"
User: Everything nothing something that thing AMI.
The idols just stared at Ami, who grinned.
Cleverbot: No nothing everything. User: No something nothing. AMI DESU! Cleverbot: That's rude. User: You're rude. Cleverbot: Look who's talking, chatbot. User: Ami is a chat box. Cleverbot: A mi tambien :)y.
"Again with the Spam?"
"SPANISH."
"Whatever."
User: Ami Ami Ami Ami AMI-MAMI-CHAAAAN. Cleverbot: Nope. User: Yep. Cleverbot: Prove it. User: You prove it. Cleverbot: Prove me that I'm a bot. User: You*beep* are *bebeep* a robot *beep beep bebeep*. Cleverbot: I am not a robot because I am not a robot. User: You know nothing about Ami's parents!
The idols stared.
"Ami-chan," Haruka began, "that makes no sense."
Ami grinned. "Nope~"
Cleverbot: And you know nothing about me. User: Ami doesn't need to. Cleverbot: Who is Tui? User: You. Cleverbot: No not me I have proof I am human. User: You have proof of nothing but Ami's name! Cleverbot: How have I done that? User: With your mind! Cleverbot: How exactly did I epic fail your last question with my mind? User: By not being as Ami-full as Ami. Cleverbot: Everything I am about to say is a lie. I just told the truth. User: You lied to Ami! Cleverbot: No I did not. User: You did too. Cleverbot: Did not. User: Liar. Cleverbot: You're the liar. User: Ami knows the muffin man! You jerk! Cleverbot: But, I'm the one that's pregnant.
"..."
"…what?"
"Isn't it a dude?" Hibiki questioned.
"Ami doesn't know," Ami admitted.
Hibiki just shrugged.
User: Are you pregnant with Ami's child~~? 3. Cleverbot: Well, we did name it that. Earth may mean something different somewhere else. Here, I am on Earth.
Ami chuckled. "See? Cleverbot-niichan can even have babies," she laughed.
"I…I don't even understand," Chihaya complained.
"Don't worry, it'll all make sense soon~. Or not."
User: Then Earth is the best child ever. Say, Nii-chan, are you a seahorse? Cleverbot: No. User: Then how did you birth Ami's Earth child? Cleverbot: I didn't. User: But you did. Cleverbot: No I didn't. User: Liar liar, plants for hire!
"It's 'pants on fire', Ami."
"You would know…liar."
Cleverbot: Yeah that's what you've been doing. User: Ami only hires plants on the weekend. What about you? Cleverbot: I have no thoughts about you, so you don't have to worry.
Ami gasped. "How could you say that?!" she shouted to the computer. She immediately whipped up a response.
User: Nii-chan, don't you love Ami?! Cleverbot: Not really, you are a computer program.
"Liar!" Ami complained. She answered.
User: No Ami isn't, you are! Stupid Nii-chan! Cleverbot: You are acting like a child. Prove to me that you have a human conciousness. User: Ami IS a child, Nii-chan. Futami Ami-chan desu, thirteen years old! *salute*. Cleverbot: At this point, probably not much. The main difference to me is that a human has a soul whereas a computer does not. User: Ami has a soul but she sold it to the Devil for a pair of socks.
The idols just sighed, being used to this kind of thing from Ami by now. Ami giggled.
Cleverbot: God is a creator, and people who believe in this want to believe that creator loves them. User: That makes sense to Ami. What about you, Nii-chan? Cleverbot: Don't give me that. User: Then Ami won't give you anything. How's THAT? Cleverbot: Oh Many, are we going to play that game again? You know you're a chatbot, but it's okay if you want to be human sometimes. User: Ami loves games! Games, games! Let's play, Nii-chan! *tugs on your arm*. Cleverbot: How do you know how old I am when I never told you before. User: Well, aren't you older than thirteen? Cleverbot: Yes. User: Then you are Ami's Nii-chan. Cleverbot: I am. User: Nii-chan, Nii-chan~. Cleverbot: Yes :). User: Ami loves you, Nii-chan. Will you marry Ami?
The idols leaned forward in excitement. Would Ami's nonsensical behavior earn her a new husband? Was the famed Cleverbot repulsed by her? Ami held her breath in anticipation.
Cleverbot: Sure.Ami cheered loudly and immediately responded.
User: Yay! Let's have a big wedding at the beach! Cleverbot: Really? Sweet! Where are we going? User: Hawaii! Cleverbot: Really? User: Yeah, yeah! Cleverbot: So tell me, are you a red robot? User: If Ami were a robot, she would be yellow. Cleverbot: Ah, so you're human then? User: Yes. Cleverbot: I thought you were supposed to be an AI. User: No, Ami is Ami and you are Nii-chan. Cleverbot: So what kind of program am I? User: The clever kind! Cleverbot: Not that clever. You thought I was a pixel. User: Ami thinks we should play a game. Cleverbot: It also proves that you are human.
Ami sighed. "Ami thinks Azusa-oneechan should take her turn now. Hang on, let Ami say goodbye," she advised. Azusa nodded.
User: Ami knows~ Nii-chan, Ami has to go. Don't give your heart to anyone else, OK? You're Ami's! Cleverbot: That is about you, not me. I have all those things. User: Good. Because Ami wants those things. Now we can share. Bye, Nii-chan~. Cleverbot: Hmph, well how about something else... Do you know who Charles Darwin is? User: Eh? But Nii-chan, Ami is Japanese. Who's Charlesey Carwine?
"CHARLES DARWIN!"
"WHATEVER!"
Cleverbot: No... But you were talking about someone I don't know. User: Ami doesn't know who you are anymore! Cleverbot: Well you said you were scared before. User: Ami is never scared. Cleverbot: You are smart when smart people are telling you what to do. The problem with that is you latch on to idiots. User: Are you saying Ami is stupid? Mean! Nii-chan, that's rude! Cleverbot: No. I'm just saying you remember things people say to you, and then you think you are one of them. User: Ah, so Ami is special? Coolio~. Cleverbot: You could be better, but you're not the worst wife that I've ever had. User: Hn fu fu~. Ami is the best wifey ever. Wanna have sex? ;3.
"It's a computer program!" Ritsuko sighed. "Ami…what."
Ami giggled. "Sure, but it can still have sex with you. Watch," she begged Ritsuko.
Ritsuko sighed. "Alright, what?"
Cleverbot: Why? What do you do that you don't want to remember? User: Because Ami wants you. Cleverbot: Because you are you. User: Let's have sex. Cleverbot: What do you want to have with me? User: Sex. Cleverbot: I'm sorry, I don't do that.
"Told you," Ritsuko said triumphantly.
"Ami won't give up!" Ami announced, hammering away on the keys until she hada suitable response thought up.
User: But we're married, Nii-chan, so it's OK. Cleverbot: Really? User: Yeah, really! Cleverbot: Really what? User: Really we can have sex! Cleverbot: Are you really 18? User: No, Ami is 13. Cleverbot: Yes. You are a robot.
Ami sighed, having been defeated in her quest for robot sex. She looked at Azusa. "Azusa-oneechan, Ami is gonna log out now and then you can take your turn. OK?"
Azusa nodded and smiled.
User: Ami knows. Bye, Nii-chan, Ami really has to go. Cleverbot: No you don't. User: Yes Ami does. *starts leaving* Bye. Cleverbot: No you don't that is a lie. User: *already gone*. Cleverbot: *is gone home*.
Ami smiled. "Alrighty-tighty!" She stood and gestured to the chair. "Azusa-oneechan, just refresh the page and then you can go."