Disclaimer: Don't own anything. Lost belongs to JJ, ABC, blah blah blah you know the rest.
Summary: A conversation with Juliet in the jungle makes Kate realise she doesn't need to feel so hurt anymore. Jate. Post Left Behind, when they're back at camp.
A/N Just a short little ficlet I wrote on the spur of the moment. Man, I'm on a roll! I've been writing non-stop for days! I'd planned to get up and do a lot of writing this morning, but I was sick for four hours straight and didn't feel up to it. I had some sort of tummy bug, and I had the worst night ever! And another thing that's annoying me is that my alerts aren't coming through. It really annoys me when FF gets clogged up like that! One time, when I posted a story, it didn't show up on the website for days! Hmph, no one really read it coz it was so far back on the listings by then. sigh Well, if anyone's interested its called Somewhere To Run Away Again, and you can find it at the bottom of my profile.
Anyhoo, please review this story!!!!
I can't take my eyes off her. I haven't been able to, ever since we got back. She makes my skin crawl, the stupid cow. Moving in here, talking to him, laughing with him, making him smile. That used to be me. And it hurts that its not.
God, what I would give to be able to teach her a lesson. When we were in the jungle that day, when she started listing all the things about him that I didn't know…it annoyed me. But it hurt me too.
I didn't know Jack had been married. I think to myself, how dare he not tell me that? But how can I think that, when I've lied to him so many times. When I've kept so much from him. It makes me wonder, how much I don't know about him. In reality, I know so little.
You broke his heart. That hurt more than anything she could ever have told me. But at least, now, when he ignores me and treats me like this I understand. I know what it feels like now, to have your heart broken. I broke his with Sawyer, and he's slowly – piece by piece – breaking mine with Juliet.
I don't hate him. But I do hate her. I follow her into the jungle one day, when she's wandering around as she normally does. Someone has to, until we're sure she's not a spy. I still don't trust her. She has to have some sort of ulterior motive, for coming here. I creep around behind bushes, following her, watching as she slowly picks flowers and smells them.
"I know you're there."
I stand up straight, stunned, trying to think what to do. And then I remember a day, just like this, when it was me picking the flowers and Jack watching from the bushes.
"I wasn't hiding."
She laughs. "Sure you weren't. Why are you here Kate? You've made your contempt for me quite clear, I don't really get what you're doing."
"I'm watching you. No one trusts you, you know."
"Jack does." Ouch. That hurt. I can't help but flinch, and she smiles, obviously enjoying rubbing salt in an all too open wound. I want to walk across the two paces in between us and punch her so hard she won't be able to get up again. I have to actually clench my fists beside me so that I don't.
She sighs and starts to pick more flowers. "He thinks about you all the time, you know, worrying that you're okay. He needs to stop. I'm trying my best to talk him out of it." She glances up at me, her eyes glinting maliciously. "He's coming round."
I can't help it any more. I slap her hard across the face, and it feels so good that I really don't care about the consequences any more.
"How dare you! How dare you march in here, and start acting as if you know him so much better than me, than any of us here. You know facts about him, but you don't know him! You don't know anything about him!" I can almost feel the venom dripping from my mouth. It tastes good.
She places her hand on her cheek, where I hit her, smiling slightly. She turns around and locks her eyes on mine. "So what do you know about him Kate?"
Now, my chance to hurt her back, to make her feel a fraction of what I've been feeling for the past few days. I can think of so many things to say. But there's only so many important things. I step forward, leaning in so my lips are closer to her face, making sure she gets the full gravity of my words.
"I know that he cares too much. I know that it tears him apart when he can't save someone, even if there was nothing he could do. I know he's the kindest and most compassionate man I've ever met." I move closer still, mulling my next words over in my mouth. These are the ones that will hurt her the most, and I savour them. "I know what it feels like to have his lips on mine, to have him hold me. I know what its like to be pressed so close to him that there's not a single gap between us. I know what's its like to be lying on top of him, my lips millimetres from his." I wait for surprise to register on her face – pain, upset, anything. But it doesn't. She just smiles and looks at the ground.
Goddamnit! This was supposed to hurt her! This was supposed to get her to back off, to realise that Jack's mine. I push her back up against a tree, my forearm pushing on her throat, my hand pinning her arm at her side.
"Stay away from Jack!"
She looks at something over my head, and for a quarter of a second I thought I saw surprise. But I don't turn around. I don't let her go. I'm not falling for any of her tricks.
"You love him, don't you?" She's still looking at whatever's behind me, her eyes sharp and her voice louder than was really necessary.
I think about lying to her, telling her something that hides the pain I've been feeling. I don't want to give her that satisfaction. But something stops me.
"I…yes. Yes I love him." I can feels tears coming to my eyes and desperately try to blink them away, but they won't go. I let Juliet go and step away, turning my back to her to try and hide my tears. And I see Jack.
He's standing a couple of metres from us, looking at us both. For a second, I thought that he hadn't heard. I hoped he hadn't, that he'd just arrived. But when I met his eyes I knew he had.
He turned and walked away, and I'm left standing there with Juliet. She looks at me pointedly.
"Are you going to go after him?"
I can't stop my tears now. "What's the point?"
"He still loves you Kate! Are you blind? He never stopped! You broke his heart and still he loves you! You don't deserve him, but the least you can do is make him happy."
She throws her half-collected bouquet on the ground and storms off toward the beach. I crumple to the ground, only half-believing what just happened. Completely by accident, I let Jack find out that I loved him. I hadn't meant to ever let him know, to protect him. But…but now that he does know. I sigh and toy with the flowers on the ground. I smile, picking up one and running my fingers over the soft petals. I pull one off gently, and watch it fall to the ground. He loves me…I pull off another. He loves me not…
He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me…
I'm left holding only the stalk, looking at the petals scattered on the ground. I think of all the times he's made me laugh. I think of all the dreams I've had, vivid and hot, waking me covered in sweat. I think of how he's been my best friend, and my forbidden love. And in an instant, my mind's made up.
I jump off the ground and run through the jungle, not entirely sure of the way there but knowing exactly where I'm going.
And when I get there, I see him. Sitting on the same log in the same clearing where we first kissed. I often come here to think. And obviously, so does he. He gets up and turns around at the sound of my footsteps, already knowing it would be me. I don't hesitate to run over to him and throw myself around him, kissing and embracing him frantically. I'm crying, but I don't care. He kisses me back, and I can feel my heart bursting with happiness. I've always loved him, and now, I know he loves me back.
I pull him down onto the ground, onto me. I love the feeling of his familiar body, lying on mine in this new way. Kissing me, touching me. I'd only dreamed about this.
He pulls away, just enough so we can breathe. His hands are up my shirt, mine cradling his head. Both of us are breathing heavily, against each others lips.
"Kate…" he whispers. I kiss him, loving the fact that I can.
"You have no idea how long I've wanted this."
"Funny, I was thinking the same thing." He just smiles in response, rolling over so that I'm lying on top of him. Slowly, looking into my eyes, he lifts the hem of my shirt. When I don't protest he slips it over my head, and I take off his. To be able to feel him like this, pressed chest to chest – skin to skin – I thought I had to be dreaming.
And it was a dream, all of it. A beautiful, untouchable, waking dream. And this time, when I fell asleep, feeling his body pressed close to mine; I didn't feel so hurt anymore.