Just a quick warning before you start to read this; this story contains very dark thoughts that include suicidal thoughts. So if you don't like that kind of stuff then I suggest you click 'backspace' right now. If you're still reading this then you stayed, I'm impressed. I don't really mind about reviews on this one I just had to get it out... the italics is a letter. Well I'm done rambling, you can read it now...

Jess.

First, I'll start with my sorry. Nothing was supposed to end up like it has. We were supposed to be together forever; remember? We made that promise at the same time I promised you I'd protect you no matter what; I guess we both kind of suck at promises then. But that isn't why I'm sorry. What I'm sorry for what I have become. Since you have died; I have forgotten how to live. I have gone so far off the rails that there is no chance of me ever reconnecting with them again. I haven't been eating so good, I've been drinking too much and caring too little.

Since I have lost the sight of your beautiful face every day; I have tried to submerge myself within the arms of other women. I'm not proud of that. I knew none of them could ever be you, they couldn't even be half as good as you were; but I needed to try, for if I hadn't I would have perished long before now. I survived as long as I possibly could. But I don't know maybe that kick to the head on the subway knocked some sense into me. It made me realise that nothing could replace the gaping hole that you left in my heart; so what was the point in trying?

That brings me to where I am now. The empty, dark graveyard. My standard piece resting on the ground next to where I am writing this. My hand shaking as I write my final goodbye. Your pale-white tombstone in front of me; standing out in the dark that is the night. Like how you once stood out in that dark that was my life. But now that light has gone out; come to an end, as will do my life. So now, my love, I have to say goodbye to you in order to see you again. I shall see you soon, my angel, it won't be long now till we can embrace one more time; and I can honestly say that I cannot wait to see you again. Even if it does mean the ending of my mortal life, I would do that just to see you again; I'd do it a thousand times over if it only meant seeing you for a couple moments. For without you my life is nothing. You were like oxygen to me; and now my supply has run out.

So goodbye, I hope god can forgive me for my sins so I can see you one last time. I love you. I'll love you even when my body starts to decay. Forever and always, Jess; isn't that what I used to always tell you?

Goodbye my love, see you soon.

Don xx

XXXX

A single tear fell on the paper that Stella Bonasera gripped tightly in her hand; it was quickly followed by another and then another, until finally the whole paper was covered in her tears, running down it smudging the ink along the way.

"It wasn't a murder" her voice was thick. She saw Mac nod; he quietly bent down and removed the gun from Don's cold hand.

"Why?" Stella asked breaking out into a fresh set of new sobs. She quickly felt Mac's arms wrap around her and pull her close to him.

"He couldn't take the pain anymore" Mac explained. Stella nodded; a part of her blamed herself. She should have seen the signs, been able to stop him, show him that there was another way. But she had failed both as a friend and as a co-worker. Mac hugged her tighter, as if he knew that she was blaming herself, she let the two pieces of paper fall to the ground both of them landing softly next to the now deceased blue-eyed detectives body. One bore his last words; the other bore the birthday greeting that Stella had brought for him. At least he was happy now...