Title: Purple Hills
Author: Muthru
Characters: Ron, Hermione, Harry, Seamus, Dean
Rating: K+
Warnings: Humour, gen, mention of slash/het
Summary: Ron finds his old "friends" from second year on his dinner plate with some extra added flavour.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
A/N: This was first posted at LJ's community: tntdah, under Prompt #2- Sneaking slugs into Ron's food is not funny. He does not like being reminded of his incident.
Purple Hills
Ron Weasley was not amused. Not. One. Bit.
It had all started in his second year at Hogwarts, when Malfoy had opened his ugly mouth and insulted Hermione; his Hermione. It was the pure-blood's fault his life was what it was at the moment...
Oh fine! It wasn't the ferret's fault, it was actually Harry's. He was the one who didn't know how to drive the bloody car!
And because Harry Potter didn't know how to drive a car at the age of twelve, he'd had to do it himself and they had crashed in the tree and Ron's wand had gone a bit wonky, which eventually had led to puking slugs.
"Oh dear. They did it again? Why can't they just leave you alone? It's not nice to joke about something like that." Hermione, his ever so loyal girlfriend, sighed and poked his dinner plate which was swimming with slimy slugs.
At the beginning of his seventh year, Ron's twin brothers had opened another joke shop at Hogsmeade and since then had been tormenting their little Ronnie.
It had started innocently with some stupid hats that sang dirty songs every time a teacher was nearby and had gone from that to underwear that tented when they certainly shouldn't and quills that wrote love letters to your worst enemy. Malfoy had had fun that week until he wrote one for Harry (by accident, he claimed). They were a couple now. Ron pretended they were just plotting to kill each other.
"How did they get the house-elves on their side?" Ron whined, tasting vomit. He could almost feel the slugs sliding up his throat.
"Oh, Ron, I have no idea," she muttered. "Maybe they bribed them, which, of course, is against school policy." Ron bet she was already planning to go to the teachers.
They finished eating their lunch, and when the bell rang, they grabbed their bags and headed to their next class.
Well this looks safe, Ron thought, turning his big piece of chicken to inspect the other side.
"Still afraid to find old friends, Ron?" Dean asked, sniggering, as he flopped down next to his house mate.
"Shut up," Ron mumbled before cutting the meat.
When the rest of the house joined them for dinner, Ron had already finished his second piece of chicken.
"This is so damn good." He smiled to his friends and ate some more.
"Yes it is, I haven't had fish for a long time," Hermione gushed while offering Ginny some green peas.
"What do you mean fish? This is chicken!" Ron wrinkled his forehead, mouth full of food.
"Err no, Ron," Harry said warily, looking at Ron's now purple eyes. "This is fish.".
"Fish?" Ron asked, looking a bit green around the ears.
"Yes, Ron."
"Ah, mate, your eyes are a bit purple," Seamus said, chewing his fish slowly. "You okay?"
"I feel funny," Ron mumbled, eyes turning yellow.
"Funny as in 'I just saw Snape's hairy arse' or funny as in 'Hagrid is sexy'?" Seamus asked, looking worried while Hermione grabbed her boyfriend's hand to support the swaying boy.
Ron giggled and smiled brightly. He suddenly looked like a young child in a sweetshop, and before anyone could react, he was up on his feet, running to the teachers' table. When he reached the podium, he turned to face the students.
"Snape has a hairy arse and I like purple hills!" he screamed. "Can you see them? So pretty! Let's fly away!" And then, he jumped towards the Gryffindor table.
End