Haruhi Suzumiya... How do I describe Haruhi Suzumiya? The first word that comes to mind is "insane." The second word is "eccentric." Third word is "oblivious." I think you get the idea, but after about the fortieth word, I start being a little more reasonable. "Misunderstood" and "misunderstanding" come to mind. It's starting to feel like I'm playing roulette with my words...
Allow me to elaborate. Haruhi Suzumiya is God, the key to auto evolution, and some sort of space-time anomaly, but she doesn't know any of this. I am probably the only "normal" human she even takes note of, and she still wouldn't take me seriously if I told her, anyway.
"Hey, Kyon!" Speak of the devil...
"What is it now, Haruhi?" I asked in exasperation. I was hoping for another normal day in the clubroom. I guess all good things come to an end.
"Look what I found online!" She shouted, turning the computer monitor around. "Another alien sighting. I bet this one's real!" She can't be serious.
"Hold on. Where was this sighting exactly?" I asked. I already had a good guess at the answer.
"Some small town in the southern United States. That means it's gotta be real!" How does she figure that? "The way I see it, if something big happens in a big city like Tokyo or New York, it's fake because it's just some small person's way of drawing attention to themselves, but if something big happens in a small town, then it's just gotta be real!"
I get the feeling she gets her reasoning methods from the same websites she gets her intel.
"We can probably catch a plane to the States at the airport," Koizumi said with that creepy smile of his. I bet his organization will pay for the—
Suddenly there was a bright flash from the window behind Haruhi's desk as a huge tremor shook the school. Not another Earthquake!
"Kyon, look!" Haruhi shouted as she turned to the window. "There's a crater in the middle of the sports field. C'mon, let's check it out." She then ran around her desk, grabbed me by my tie, and sprinted out of the room. I couldn't tell if the others were following or not.
When we got to the sports field, most of the student body was already there to see what had happened. Almost directly on what was once the finish line for the 100-meter sprint track, there was a white... thing... It was about the same size as a bus. It had two small tube-like structures connected by triangles to its main body.
"It's a spaceship!" Haruhi shouted excitedly. "I wonder what the aliens are like."
"I-it's probably just a military test ship," I said hopefully. Somehow, I figured Haruhi was a little closer to the truth. I'm going to guess that this thing is here because, three years ago, something amazing happened which ultimately led them here to Haruhi. That's why Nagato, miss Asahina, and Koizumi are here.
A hatch opened at what I assumed was the back of the ship.
"Nice going, Rallen," a girl's voice came from the other end of the newly opened door. It sounded remarkably like Haruhi's. "You crashed the ship again! Once again, we have no idea where we are."
"Hey, at least we can ask for directions," a second, masculine voice said. "I just hope these people speak Japanese."
Then, we saw them. The aliens were... remarkably human... with the exception of their hair color. The boy had shiny, rust-colored hair, which reminded me of something. I'll probably figure it out later. The other alien, the girl, had pink hair that grew all the way down her back.
The reaction from the assortment of students and teachers around me was a little overwhelming. Some people started whispering about an invasion, others about first contact, while still others were busy talking about... the aliens' cute outfits...
Idle chatter aside, it was apparent that this was no ordinary Haruhi-ism. Most of the time, only the three anomalies, along with their respective factions, and I are aware of Haruhi's effects on the world around her. This time, everybody at school was aware that two humanoid aliens had just crash-landed behind North High School.
It was at this point that Haruhi decided to make first contact. "Welcome to Japan!" she shouted as she excitedly clambered down into the crater. "I'm Haruhi Suzumiya, chief of the SOS Brigade. Who are you? Why are you here? Are you human?"
The rusty haired boy smiled sheepishly as he leaned backwards away from Haruhi. This caused both the pink haired girl and I to face-palm.
"Well, I guess we know they speak Japanese," the boy said with a grin before turning towards Haruhi. "I'm Rallen and this is Jeena. We're officers of the Nanairo Planetary Patrol. Our ship was sucked into a strange portal and our landing sequence was messed up by cloud distortion in the lower atmosphere of this planet."
"Keep making excuses and you'll get nowhere," Jeena said with conviction. "It's your own fault the ship crashed." She then began speaking to Haruhi. "So this planet is called Japan? And you're the one in charge? Aren't you a little young to be the leader of a planet?"
"No, no. This planet is called 'Earth.' You're just in Japan," Haruhi said, getting a pair of strange stares in return.
We returned to the clubroom with the aliens, and half the student body, in tow. Once Haruhi, the aliens, and I had gotten into the room, Haruhi slammed the door in Okabe-sensei's confused face.
"What's with them? They act as if they've never seen someone crash a ship before," Rallen said with a scowl. Fullmetal Alchemist! That's it. This kid has the same hairstyle as Edward Elric.
"Rallen, open your eyes! These people have obviously never seen anyone go to space before," Jeena pointed out while rolling her eyes. "That portal sent us to a primitive colony. I bet we're the first otherworldly humans they've encountered."
Haruhi was eagerly observing them as they talked back and forth about where they are. All of a sudden they stopped talking and looked at Haruhi.
"I'm sorry," Jeena said with sincerity. "I guess we've kinda been keeping to ourselves a little."
"What was it you were saying before? You're Haruhi Suzumiya and you're the chief of the...?" Rallen asked.
"The SOS Brigade. Our mission is to find aliens, time travelers, an ESPers and hang out with them!" Haruhi gave the same speech I had to sit through not too long ago.
Rallen and Jeena stared at her blankly. Rallen then spoke up, "I don't get it..."
This statement truly surprised me. Both Miss Asahina and Koizumi had said something along the lines of "I get it" or "I understand" right after Haruhi had said something very similar, but these two aliens were just as clueless as me.
"Who exactly is in this Brigade?" Jeena said skeptically.
"I'm the chief, as you know," Haruhi began the introductions. "This is Kyon, subordinate number one." Hooray, a promotion. "Over there playing Othello is Itsuki Koizumi; he's the second in command. The one with the glasses in the corner is Yuki Nagato. And this," Haruhi said dramatically as she pulled miss Asahina from her hiding place behind the clothes rack, "is Mikuru Asahina, our mascot and second subordinate."
I noticed that Rallen's expression drastically changed at the sight of miss Asahina. Jeena rolled her eyes and moved her hand to shut Rallen's open jaw.
"Hopeless," Jeena chided as Rallen's jaw fell open again.
"So, what d'you think?" Haruhi asked with a gleam of pride (or insanity) in her eyes.
"I think the sooner we get off this planet, the better," Jeena said. "You wouldn't happen to know how to fix a patrol cruiser, would you?"
"No clue," Haruhi said with a frown and a shrug. "I guess you're stuck here for a while, then. Don't worry, you can stay at my place."
Rallen and Jeena looked at each other nervously. I don't blame them. If Haruhi had offered to let me stay at her house, I'd have probably been more than a little nervous of the consequences.
"I think we'll just stay in our ship, but thanks for the offer," Jeena said with a half-hearted grin.
"Suit yourselves," Haruhi said. "Offer's always open." She then turned to leave.
"Where are you going?" I asked. Usually she doesn't leave until much later.
"Home, duh," she said as if I should have already known that. "I've got a lot of resources at home that I can't get to here at school." And with that, our glorious leader left us alone with two unidentified aliens.
"She is one strange girl," Rallen commented quietly.
"So you're not here because of her?" I asked with genuine surprise.
"Uh, no," Rallen said.
"Why? Should we be?" Jeena asked curiously.
"I think you should let them explain," I said gesturing to the other three members of the brigade. "They're the ones who understand the situation. I'm just stuck in the middle."
"I guess I should do the talking," Koizumi stated after a few awkward minutes of miss Asahina cowering in her seat and Nagato quietly reading. "The simple explanation is that Haruhi Suzumiya, Yuki Nagato, Mikuru Asahina, and myself are not exactly ordinary humans. Kyon, on the other hand, is completely normal.
"I myself can be described most basically as an ESPer, or one who uses Extra Sensory Perception. Unfortunately, these abilities only work under certain conditions."
"Judging by Haruhi Suzumiya's... interesting introduction," Jeena though aloud, "Yuki Nagato and Mikuru Asahina are a time traveler and an alien."
"That is correct," Nagato spoke up in her monotonous voice. "I have been classified by Kyon as an alien. The Data Integration Thought Entity, who oversees this galaxy, created me to observe the actions of Haruhi Suzumiya. The Thought Entity believes that Haruhi Suzumiya is the key to auto-evolution."
"We ESPers believe she is the reason for our powers," Koizumi butted in.
"And the people in Mikuru Asahina's time plane believe Haruhi Suzumiya is the cause of a time-space anomaly that prevents them from traveling before a set time," Nagato concluded.
"And when did all of this stuff happen? I mean, when did Itsuki Koizumi get his powers, and when does this 'anomaly' stop time travel for Mikuru Asahina?" Jeena asked as Rallen just stared blankly at each of us in turn.
"Three years ago," we all said simultaneously.
This caused Rallen and Jeena's eyes to widen significantly. Then, Rallen looked at his wrist while saying, "That's how long ago we found Aldous and the prizmod. Jeena, could there be some sort of connection between all of these events?"
"Well, there's definitely a correlation between all of the events they listed, but I don't think Haruhi Suzumiya caused us to find the prizmod," there was self-doubt evident in her voice.
"The problem with all of this," I decided to point out, "is that Haruhi doesn't and can't know about these powers. If she does... we don't know what will happen... but we don't want to test it."
"Are Haruhi and Haruhi Suzumiya the same person?" Rallen asked. What an interesting question. I just nodded slowly and looked at him like he had just suggested the sky was pink. "What does 'Suzumiya' mean? Is it some sort of rank?"
It then occurred to me that they hadn't given us any sort of family names to call them by. I also realized that, until that point, we had been using full names. I decided to explain the naming system of Japanese to the two aliens. I also explained that people could be referred to in a formal way by their family name or in a friendly way by their personal name.
"That's why I refer to Mikuru Asahina as miss Asahina, Yuki Nagato as Nagato, and Itsuki Koizumi as Koizumi," I concluded.
"So you consider Suzumiya to be your friend," Rallen stated matter-of-factly. "Okay, now it makes sense."
It had never occurred to me that I called Haruhi by her personal name. I guess I do consider her a friend, but it requires a dramatically elastic imagination.
All of a sudden, Nagato closed her book and stood up. Even with these two guests here with us, we took this as a sign that it was time to pack up. The aliens followed me out the door as I headed down to my shoe locker. At which point they stood awkwardly next to me before speaking.
"So you're the most familiar with Suzumiya?" Rallen asked tentatively. Apparently he had a very stretchy imagination.
"Not really, I was just dragged into all of this by surprise and never decided to leave," I said honestly.
"Oh..." They both said and remained quiet after that.
They followed me out of the school building and turned to walk around to the back. I continued down the hill and wondered what the effect of two aliens landing behind North High School would be. Maybe I'd come to school tomorrow and find twenty news vans out front. I eventually decided just to go along with it.
Taniguchi caught me right as I was a bout to turn the corner towards my house.
"So, Suzumiya's got a couple more freaks in her circus," he said in that agitating, perverted voice of his, "and I hear these ones are real aliens. How much you wanna bet it's all one, big, American hoax?"
"C'mon, didn't you see the crash?" Kunikida asked as he came up behind us. "There's no way the Americans would waste money on a jet like that just to crash it into suburban Japan."
Will these jokers ever get off my back about me joining Haruhi's Brigade? I just shrugged them off to leave them to their argument. Whatever tomorrow brings, I'm sure I won't be prepared.
This started out as such a great idea... then I got lost and the conversations got awkward... Do any of you want me to retype this? Feel free to say "yes, it sounds stupid, edit it by doing (insert your idea here)" in your comment/review.
For the Spectrobes fans: I will bring the krawl into this, don't worry. I can't have Rallen and Jeena here without bringing the main antagonists as well.
I am on a crossover rampage! First SpectroCraft, now Spectrobes no Yuutsu! What's next, Axis Powers Spectrobes? That actually sounds pretty terrible... I guess Neverwinter Spectrobes might end a bit better.
I don't own Spectrobes or Haruhi Suzumiya no Yuutsu or any of their characters.