Disclaimer: I own nothing in this story that you recognize, all property JK rowling, and I don't own the cover either. That's a picture of Andrew Garfield.

Risqué? Maybe. Awesome? Definitely.

Remus had been having a pretty good day. It wasn't the best day he could remember, but he was fresh off the new moon, his professors had yet to assign homework, and a pretty girl he didn't know had smiled at him. Yes, it was relaxing, peaceful, and much-needed.

Count on Sirius and James to cock it all up.

Bloody ridiculous, really, and not that he would ever admit it, rather pathetic because he didn't know where he was, how he got there, how he was going to get out, and what on Earth was going on. All he knew was that Sirius and James were literally rolling on the floor cackling like the evil bastards they were, and Remus couldn't strangle either of them because he was separated from them by a clear barrier, an invisible wall which he had yet to investigate. He had only discovered it moments ago, anyway, when he realized he had been mercilessly robbed of his clothes. When he felt the draft through his briefs, he noticed Sirius with a grin and Remus's belt held in his hands, and James and Peter laughing as they put the rest of his clothes in a bag, he lunged forward ready to tear them to pieces, encountering the damn wall in his wake.

Damn it.

After hopeless attempts to get their attention, while his so called friends were still laughing, Remus huffed and sat down, cringing at the feeling of the cold floor without his clothes. He sighed in frustration and leant back involuntarily, expecting a wall but falling straight down. Smacking his head against the floor, he yelled in anger and ran a hand through his hair, looking around.

Where the bloody hell am I? he wondered. Looking backwards, it seemed to be a square hallway, one that never ended. The walls were a deep red, gold accents brushing over the swirling pattern, as if painted on with-

Shit.

"A painting?!" Remus screams, finally getting his friends' attention. "What were you arseholes thinking?" he growles at them, eyes murderous. "I swear to Merlin, if you don't get me out of here right no-"

"And what are you going to about it?" Sirius cackled. "You're stuck!" If looks could kill, Sirius would have burst into flames.

"Tsk, tsk, Moony. It's all in good fun." James smirked at him, and Remus saw red. "We just couldn't help but notice that you're in the need for a bit of an attitude adjustment. Why are you so down lately, huh?"

Remus rolled his eyes, clearly exasperated. "Oh, I don't know, maybe because I turn into a bloody werewolf every month!"

"But your furry little problem is nothing to be ashamed of! C'mon Moony, tell us what's up. Prongsie and Pads are here to listen, Wormy for moral support." James gave him a winning smile.

Stupid Potter. Stupid Black. Stupid Pettigrew. He was still contemplating murder when James spoke up again,

"Well, either way, we've got the perfect remedy. My dad pulled in a favor. You're gonna love this," he said, but the wicked grin on his face told Remus he would feel precisely the opposite. "Check it out." James held up a sign, about the length of just under his armspan, and it took Remus a bit of time to figure out what it was for, which was pretty pathetic, considering it was the exact same size as the distance between the walls on either side of him, and that it read PLAYWITCH.

Oh, shit.

"No. No freaking way that's happening. How on Earth did you manage this?"

"I told you. I know a guy."

"And getting you in the painting was lickity split. We're smart too, you know. Step one, Stupefy," Sirius began to explain pompously, upturning his nose.

"Gimme a break," Remus muttered. "Smart when it comes to thinking of ways to ruin lives."

"Step two, blindfold. Step three, strip. Step four, Charm brilliant witches in the art department into making this painting for us. Step five, stick you in it."

"That's what she said," Remus grinned.

"Anyway," Peter spoke up for the first time, then split into a goofy smile, "here you go." He approached the painting and hung the sign on top, pinning it onto the invisible barrier. Remus sighed.

"I don't want to do this. Is that so difficult to understand? Honestly, guys, look at me. You want to put me in Playwitch?"

"On the cover," Sirius corrected.

"Just what you need," James agreed firmly, clenching his jaw, "the birds'll be flocking to you!"

"That was a stupid metaphor."

"What's a metaphor?" Peter whispered to Sirius, who shrugged, apparently dumbfounded. Remus snickered. Smartarse, he thought.

"What's so bad about this, anyway? I thought it was a great idea. A nice bout of confidence is just what you need."

"What's wrong with it? You can't be serious."

"That would be me." Sirius put in, and Remus glared at him,

"That's not even good enough to be called a joke."

"What's wrong with it is that a: it'll be all over the school in minutes. What if a professor sees it? I won't be able to show my face here. Riddle me that, Potter."

"I think McGonagall would enjoy them-" James cut in, and Remus turned a vile shade of green.

"I think I'm going to puke-"

"don't ruin the backdrop!"

"Ugh. B: If I hadn't just turned seventeen, this would be illegal, and c:" here, Remus took a deep breath, and turned quiet, muttering weakly, "my scars."

"I knew it. I knew that's what this is about. That's what we're trying to fix! You're going around all insecure about them. No one's going to find out, and birds dig a hero, seriously. They're only running it for a week, Moony. We promised them someone the ladies would love, and you've got nothing to be ashamed of," Sirius winked, "Give it a shot. For us?" His face melted into the poorest impression of a puppy Remus had ever seen, particularly pathetic considering he could turn into a dog.

Remus's lips twitched into a smile. "Are you flirting with me, Sirius?" Remus laughed out loud when Sirius gagged.

"So you'll do it, then?" James asked, and Peter looked hopeful.

Remus was silent for a while, and then muttered, "Fine." His friends whooped, and he grinned sheepishly. Suddenly, he wanted just a bit of revenge, and couldn't resist. "Hey, James, what if Lily falls madly in love with me at the sight of my fantastic abs?" James narrowed his eyes at him, lifted the camera, and shot a picture of him like that, hunched over in laughter, and Remus glared at him.

"Then I'll murder you, easy."

Remus smiled, a genuine one this time. "We'll see. Now let's get this over with, before I'm stuck like this. It's freezing in here."

Sirius grabbed the camera and grinned wickedly, "Strike a pose, man," he said, and Remus laughed.

"Oh. My. Merlin. Remus! REMUS! Remus remus remus remus-" Tonks voice echoed around the hallway, and Remus clenched his eyebrows together in thought. What could have her going crazy like this?

"-remus remus remus remus-"

Laughing, Remus tumbled around the corner, following her voice. Tonks was staring at a small magazine, eyes sparkling and grin growing.

"Dora," he said hesitantly, "is there a reason you're freaking out?"

"Look. At. This." Dora beamed, shoving the magzine in his face. There, on the cover, was his reflection, posed sensually against a deep red background in nothing but his dark briefs, a smouldering look in his eyes and a charming, he'll admit, smile on face, under the title PLAYWITCH. Remus groaned.

"I thought we got rid of all of them," he muttered.

"What? What was that?" Dora dramatically cups her ear in her hand, leaning in close. She pulls away and laughs out loud, clutching her sides. Remus can't help it, he leans in and kisses her and she wraps her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss and smiling. She pulls away breathless,

"When did you do this? Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"Sixth year. It was James and Sirius's idea, they thought I needed some confidence," he mimicks, rolling his eyes and groaning, and Dora laughs again.

"Why aren't you a stick?"

Feigning offence, he asks, "Excuse me?"

"Well, you know, whenever I think about when you were young, I picture this lanky dude, sorta awkward-"

"Awkward?" Dora grins cheekily at him.

"Very woflish," she continues, eyes twinkling and leaning in close, "weird, skinny, completely lacking in personality and any sort of bulk, or muscles, or looks," she leans in just a bit closer, grinning widely "and charm-"

Remus captures her lips with his, effectively silencing her.

A/N: The marauders are made of awesome. That was so much fun to write, I hope you liked it! Frankly, this is now part of my extensive canon, and I hope it is in your's, too :D Please leave me a review and concrit, if you did, and check out my other work maybe? Written for:

Hogwarts Painting Comp: Medium: Remus Lupin; Winter Games Challenge: Team Sprint: write about the Marauders; Star Challenge: Capella: write about the Marauders; Cinema comp: Nightmare Before Christmas: write about someone playing a joke on another; Test your Limits Comp: Round 1: your character (Remus) posed for Playwitch Magazine, years later, his current romantic partner finds out; Gemstone comp: aquamarine: write about a strong friendship; Off the Block comp: IM Easy: write about Tonks; AVPM challenge: "riddle me this, eh, Potter?"; Fanfiction terms comp: profile: write about someone revealing a secret; Chapter title acrostics comp: R: action prompt- robbing

Hope you liked it! Also, I'm taking a poll about author's notes, so if you could check that out, that would be great :)

Lara,