Disclaimer: I Don't own Kenshin (if I did it would be scary)
Fuzzy Balls
It's like, "What the hell is this!"
That's what we thought, too.
A long time ago like, maybe two minutes, there was a great battle that took place over the Meiji Country Club in the city of Kyoto. This battle took place between Makoto Shishio and Kenshin Himura.
Shishio wanted to use his masterful tennis-playing skills to take over the Meiji Country Club and…possibly every other rich-sissy-boy club in the world! Kenshin Himura, the once legendary Olympic Tennis Player known as the Battousai, was determined to stop Shishio. However, after beating his ex-wife in the tennis match of the century, Kenshin swore never to use his awesome forehand again, and from then on only used his backhand, thereby weakening his tennis-skills considerably!
Accompanied by Sanosuke Sagara, the hillbilly banjo-player, and Hajime Saito, the undercover country club janitor, Kenshin makes his way through Shishio's maze of tennis courts behind his giant mansion on Shishio's private mountain (yes, Shishio is that rich). So now, the first gate door surrounding the court opens….
Anji, the giant jazz-banjo player, stands there waiting. Little do Kenshin and Saito know that Anji was the man who taught Sanosuke his secret technique, the Futai Banjo Kiwami, which allows the banjo's sound to be amplified by over a hundred decibels!
"I'll fight him, Kenshin," Sano says. "You need to save yer strength and stuff for yer big fight with that Shishio guy."
Anji is actually a poor soul of a man, tortured by his past. He used to be a simple banjo-player. The little children of his village used to sit on his porch to hear him play. Oh well, that's all gone now, and Anji's all depressed and whatnot, blahdiblahdiblah.
I mean, we all know the story, so let's skip to the part with Aoshi, because the author didn't see the episodes with Saito fighting and all that crap. We know he wins anyway.
Aoshi has been in a deep depression ever since his comrades died trying to save him. Somehow inside his warped little brain, he thought it was Kenshin's fault, and so set out to kill our little sissy-boy hero. Armed with two godachi-brand ping pong paddles and his unleashed anger, Aoshi is a formidable foe. However, Kenshin inevitably wins with his secret technique, Ama-kakeru-ryu no –smack-the-tennis-ball-down, in which Kenshin uses his left hand, something which is incredibly easy due to his ability to use backhand all the time. So Aoshi loses and Kenshin wins, and we go onto the next tennis court!
Sojiro Seta used to be a tennis-playing child prodigy. He made much money in his matches against Olympic-Games-level type players. We have no idea where he got his skill, but we suppose it must be genetics. And since his father was a car salesman, we guessed his mom must have been more than just a hooker. Anyway, Sojiro's family was mentally abusive and took all of his money away, leaving him to sleep in the family store with nothing but the smell of new cars to keep the hunger at bay (hyahahahaha! new car smell.).
Until that one rainy night, when Shishio, on the run from the Olympic judges (being accused of using a corked racket), stumbled into the closed car store and convinced Sojiro to hide him away. As payment, he gave Sojiro a badminton racket, and told him to use it well. Sojiro's family eventually found out that he was hiding Shishio, but Sojiro escaped by beating them all over the head with his badminton racket.
Sojiro now stands on the opposite side of the court from Kenshin, ready to play tennis. But Kenshin drives Sojiro crazy with his talk of 'backhand' and 'not playing', etc., and Sojiro starts beating himself up (which on a tennis court with all that gravel isn't the most painless thing to do). So Kenshin wins and Sojiro is dragged off to the insane asylum for psychological therapy in a non-tennisical environment.
Now the final showdown between Shishio and Kenshin begins. Although Kenshin is at a seeming disadvantage from using only backhand, Shishio also has a weakness! He has a severe case of tennis elbow and can only play for less than fifteen minutes at a time! However, he usually defeats his opponents before then!
But wait there's more!
Shishio also has a secret technique that enables him to hit the ball at amazing speeds! There is a secret rocket mechanism in the ball that only activates when is senses the material in Shishio's tennis racket—made of catgut, just like violin strings! Thus, Kenshin is at a disadvantage.
But he wins anyway.
How, we have no idea, since the odds of that are 304, 985, 345, 873, 465, 609, 758, 648 to one, and we kept having to refocus the cameras because of all the blood, gore, and vomit everywhere, so we couldn't see much. Oh yeah, and a bunch of other people commit suicide and keel over for no reason at all, but we don't really care about them. All that really matters is that Kenshin won.
Oh yeah, and over at the Aoiya restaurant near the country club, Kenshin's newfound volleyball-playing friends, the Oniwabanshuu, fight some more of Shishio's henchmen and win. Gee, we didn't see that coming. But we didn't really care, so we paid no attention to that fight whatsoever, even though it would have been really interesting with Kamitari and all.
Riiiiight….