Ranger's POV
'I can keep doing this. I suppose I am too selfish to give up this life. And I don't want you to have to give up what you love either.
Missed skype sessions, texting becoming less frequent and in the last two years we have only been in the same place all up for two weeks... it is just not enough.
I love you with everything I have, but it is time to end the torture for the both of us. It is what is best.
I will always miss you!
Forever yours, Steph'
I stare at the email in front of me and squeeze my eyes shut. She has gone and done what I have been thinking about doing for the better part of the last year.
I, too, am too selfish to give up this life. The army, the possibility of getting into Ranger school, this is my life and I am good at it. Steph, likes to travel and is incredibly successful with her blog. She has seen a lot, has done so much and I would never ask her to give that up to wait for her Soldier boyfriend to come home….possibly in a box.
But man this hurts. The love that I have for her is supposed to be greater than anything else, but at this stage of our lives it just isn't.
"You ok Cuz?" Lester comes up from behind and I quickly close the laptop.
"I am good" I nod, grab my gun and stand. Time to move out.
"We will make it" She assures me, but I have my doubts. At 18 years old she still seems to be a hopeless romantic and idealist.
"Babe, this is long distance we are talking about" I remind her, while caressing her naked back. We always seem to have the hard and serious conversations after we just had sex.
"I will only be gone for year. By that time you will have completed basic training and will be way on your way to become a General. I am going to join you on the base in Texas, find a job and everything will be fine" She lifts her head and smiles at me.
"You make it sound so easy" I kiss her, just because I can. She is mine and always will be. From moment I first laid eyes on her in Gym class in elementary school, I knew she was it for me. How she had to explain to the teacher that, of course she didn't mean to hit her nemesis Joyce with the Medicine Ball in the head and that the ball totally had a mind of his own. Or how she seemed to be tripping over her own feet when chasing after a ball during a soccer game. Or how she jumped of her parent's garage, because she wanted to fly like Wonder Woman. It all led to me hopelessly falling in love with Stephanie Michelle Plum.
"That's because it is. We will defy every cliché about long distance relationships. You will see" Steph says with so much conviction, that she has even me convinced.
That was 5 years ago. I don't regret joining the army and I know she doesn't regret going travelling in South America, but a small part of me can't help but think if we hadn't gone this route we would be happily married by now. Something I cannot imagine doing with someone else.
"Don't go there" my best friend Tank warns, while working his way through the thick bush of the Brazilian jungle. "Don't play the 'What if' game."
On our way to the drop off point, I told him and the others about the email. "Can't help it" I reply harshly enough to let him know to drop the subject and continue to fight my way through the thick bush. Oh the perks of being in the army.
"I am thinking about going to Europe" Steph announces. It's been six months since she returned from South America.
"What?" I look at her surprised.
"I am antsy as hell, I hate my job, the people there...I want to be out there, exploring the world" Babe informs me. I know she doesn't like the situation on the base, but there are no other jobs for someone who never went to college.
"You aren't asking for permission, are you? You have already made up your mind!" I state flatly and narrow my eyes at her across the dinner table.
"I have" She sighs, her expression sad. "I am leaving in two weeks."
"I can't believe this!" I stand abruptly, causing the chair to fall over with a loud bang. "Why didn't you tell me? Are we keeping secrets from each other now?"
"I am sorry, I didn't know how to bring this up…." She responds quietly. "I didn't want to hurt you."
"I wouldn't have been hurt, I would have understood. Hell I am shipping out in two…" And suddenly it becomes clear to me. "You don't want to be here without me."
"I don't" she acknowledges.
"How long will you be gone?" I ask in return.
"As long as you are" Babe states. "I will come home once you do."
"Promise?" I ask, hating the way this makes my heart ache.
"I promise"
She did come home when I did, but left for Canada just a short while later. She was gone for three months and when she returned, I shipped out for six months to Iraq.
The next time we saw each other face to face was six month after my return from Iraq. We had two weeks with together before we parted ways again. And this is how our relationship has been for the past 5 years. Back and forth, barely any time with each other, never in the same place for any length of time.
We tried, we failed.