Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or the characters thereof.

Warning: Wincest! Sam/Dean. Some language, graphic imagery. Sexual Content. Dark content. If you don't like Wincest, don't read! I get graphic with most of my Wincest and I don't want to offend you.

Plot:

Sam is dealing with Lucifer as best he can. Until he can't anymore and needs to do something to make the tug of war that he feels between Dean and Lucifer stop. He knows the 'lucifer' piece in him is real and he makes a deal with him. He tells the truth. And if Dean lies in anyway when he does, even to make him feel better, Lucifer gets him and he ends up stuck in Hell memories for the rest of his life, he and Lucifer together, just them.

What happens when he tells Dean? Will Dean lie or will he free him finally from Hell's hold on him?

Can one white lie really make that much of a difference?

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Sam was doing it again, and Dean and Bobby were out getting food.

"Tell the truth, I guarantee he'll lie." Lucifer said.

"I can't tell him." Sam said and shook his head.

"What? That you're demonic. You have powers, you can't tell him?" Lucifer said.

Sam thought of this often. He had jumped into the cage, spent the first part human but had lost it, was demonic by then. His soul had been left behind when Cas pulled him out with Crowley. Even soulless, he was still demonic, it just showed better. Then ensouled, by his soul, also demonic, and now this.

Lucifer and his jabs and Dean and his judging and the crevice beneath his feet, opening wider by the day, Madness, hell memories, all of it. Tied to both of them and they were sawing at the ropes with pocket knives, whittling away at his heart and mind. Dean not knowing it but Lucifer, or the piece of him in Sam the real one had left there, knew it, though.

"Make you a deal." Lucifer said smoothly and Sam was tempted to listen. Wanting the tug of war to fucking end!

"Listening." Sam said and Lucifer nodded.

"You tell him when you're ready, this week…by the end of it actually." Lucifer said, and knew Dean's responses as well as Sam did. "If he says he accepts you, and tells that little white lie to make you feel better, I win. You leave him and I get you. If he says it and means it, well, I go away and you never hear me again; I'll leave you, Sammy."

"And the Hell memories?" Sam asked, he hated those!

"I'll take them with me." Lucifer promised. "But if he lies, in any way, you will burn forever in your Hell memories with me as your only companion."

Sam gulped, feeling torn again. Pulled two ways and knowing he couldn't keep fighting Lucifer and Dean at the same damn time without cutting both ropes himself and just burning up anyway, fuck them both!

"I'll do it." He agreed and sighed.

"Good, I'll talk to you more and you can tell him everything, including our wager. See if he lies when he says he accepts you and loves you still, even that he's not afraid of you. If any of it is a lie, you lose, Sam." Lucifer said.

"He loves me, he'll accept me." Sam said and believed it with all his heart. He could always count on Dean.

Lucifer just laughed and Sam cringed.

He'd taken the wager. Now he just hoped Dean would help him win it or he'd be lost forever.

Xxxxxxxx

"Sam, you okay?" Dean asked worried.

Sam was rubbing his temples in an attempt to block out Lucifer's words. 'He'll lie…' They whispered.

'No, he won't.' Sam thought back to him.

"I'm fine, my head hurts is all, just tired." Sam told Dean, a white lie but it kept Dean from pushing it. He had been restless for three days now. Sam looked at the date on his watch. Four more days. Fuck, time was passing too fast!

Dean eyed him, not believing a word. But said nothing.

They'd talk more when Bobby wasn't around.

Something was bothering Sam more than usual and he knew it. Dean felt it in his head and heart, sensing Sam's turmoil as he always could.

Why was he hiding it? Dean had to ask himself and dreaded the answer.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

Sam let his form show and breathed in relief. It hurt to hide the wings and the bigger form but Dean wasn't ready to listen; or so he told himself. Then pulled it back in and sat down as they walked in. Sam argued with Lucifer in his head, Lucifer replaying all the times Dean had lied to make him feel better, saying he'd lose for sure.

'He won't lie!' Sam cried in his mind.

'Oh, but he will…he loves you too much not to." Lucifer said, 'And that is what will doom you, Sam.'

'No, he'll accept me!' Sam argued.

'No.' Lucifer sent sadly, 'He won't and deep down you know he won't. I lie on purpose, what's your excuse?'

Sam ignored him and stared at the floor now.

"Sam, you okay?" Dean asked and got more worried, Sam was more agitated than he was two days ago. It was getting worse.

"Bad Lucifer Day. Sorry, Dean." Sam said and Dean hugged him

"You got me. I won't let him have you." Dean said and smiled.

"Thanks." Sam said softly and sighed.

'He'll have no choice.' Lucifer whispered, 'He'll lie.'

One White lie.

One 'I'm doing this to make you feel better, Sammy' fucking white lie.

That was all it would take to doom Sam to permanent insanity and Hell…again.

Dean watched Sam curl in a ball and face away from him, and then he heard it.

Crying. Sam was Crying. Sobbing silently but still…sobbing.

Dean held him and rocked him. Sam let him and still cried.

'Going to lose him.' Echoed like a pinball in his brain.

'Two days.' Lucifer said, 'Then you'll be mine.'

'No!' Sam screamed.

Lucifer just laughed.

Making Sam scream more internally.

And sob harder on the outside.

Dean could tell he was breaking but only got one reason for it.

"Lucifer." Sam had answered when he'd pushed for an answer.

Dean swore internally. The answer was always 'Lucifer!' And he hated it more every damn time Sam said it.

"I got you, Sammy." Dean promised, "It'll be okay." A lie to soothe Sam.

Another white lie.

And Sam prayed he'd find the truth before Sam got doomed to Hell again.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

"I have to talk to you, Dean." Sam said. Risking it all as Bobby took off to give them time alone to talk.

"What is it?" Dean said.

"I'm demonic, have been since before he pulled me from Hell. My soulless self was demonic, too." Sam said. "That is bad enough, I know. But it gets worse."

"What is worse?" Dean said softly, grief in his heart for Sam already. They both knew what happened if that had happened; it had always been their plan B.

"I made a wager with him, to fix this 'Lucifer' shit. You want me to be human and wholesome and he wants me to break and let him in to drive me to Hell…again. and you both are tugging me in opposite directions and there's this space beneath me, full of everything I can't tell you and things that I'm pretty sure will kill me if I remember them! Hell is in there, Dean! You two are tugging me in opposite directions…and Hell is under my feet! I can't keep this up." Sam said, "You have to accept me fully, no white lies to make me or you feel better, or I leave you and he gets me, and I get dragged into the Hell memories and he is my lifelong companion. " Sam explained it was a piece of him, the real Lucifer that was doing this. "I can't keep fighting you both, and I know you'll accept me, I know it!"

"So either I accept you and mean it, no lies even small ones, and you stay and he goes, takes the Hell memories away. I lie at all, you go away and he gets you?" Dean said and Sam nodded.

"Can I see you as a demon?" Dean asked and Sam nodded, stripping naked.

"My form is bigger, it tears up the clothes, sorry." Sam said and changed. Gained another few pounds of muscle, large wings, taller body and glowing eyes with little fangs. He had a longish tail that trailed behind him. He was blue, Sapphire blue with light blue on his wings, which were feathers, not leathery like Dean had figured they'd be, Azul highlights on the ends of each feather, he noticed.

"Do you hurt people, or want to hurt them?" Dean asked and Sam shook his head.

"No." Sam said, "I have hunted with you and killed things like a human, and never once used my powers to do it." Sam shrugged, "I have all of Lucifer's powers now, and they are vast, let me tell you!"

"I am your brother still, in your eyes, right?" Dean asked and Sam nibbled a lip, eyeing the clock. "How long we got here, Sammy?"

"Two hours." Sam said then looked away, "No, not as a brother."

"Then what?" Dean asked and Sam sighed.

"As my Mate. I would never pursue it with you. I use others for…to relieve the pressure I feel when I…want you or am close to you and …want more." Sam reassured him, "I can be your Brother only, don't worry!"

"It's not…I…fuck!" Dean said softly while he watched the clock tick off the minutes. Resisting the lie, or he'd lose Sam to Hell for good now. "We need more time to work this out, Sam!"

"There is no more time, Dean." Sam said sadly and packed now. Dean ran and took Sam's hand from his bag, knowing they only had minutes left.

"I love you, we've been through Hell and back, and apparently brought Hell back with us as you demonic. But…I want this with you, whatever we got now. I accept you, Sam! Don't leave me." Dean pleaded.

"It just takes one lie, even the ommissive ones." Sam said sadly and felt the figment thinking.

Dean eyed him nervously and Sam closed his eyes and pictured the creek they'd sat by as kids, letting their toes play in the water and cried. He'd miss him terribly. Dean held him tightly as if that would stop Lucifer from taking Sam from Dean and leaving him alone.

Lucifer probed Dean's mind, searching for truth in the words. Searched for even the smallest lie.

And found none there.

He really had accepted Sam.

And now Lucifer screamed and Sam taunted him!

'You said you'd go and take the Hell stuff with you. You have to keep your word. Go fuck off and take Hell with you!' Sam spat. 'No more whispering or tormenting me, you bastard.'

They watched as a shimmery form pulled out of Sam, holding a red ball that seemed alive and full of pain and hate. They knew who it was and wouldn't miss him much.

"You didn't lie?" Sam said happily.

"Not even a little white one." Dean said softly.

"I love you, my Mate." Sam said softly, leaning in and hesitating, eyes searching urgently to see if he was messing up or misunderstanding something, biting a lip in worry. "You said you wanted this, did you meant the Mate thing…I could keep pretending the brother stuff, honest. It makes you happy. All I've ever wanted was for you to be happy. I can be with others and you can be with others. The way it was before."

"So you only pretend to feel brotherly?" Dean asked.

"Yes." Sam said sadly, "It hurts but…I won't lose you. I'll take what I can get." He sighed, "As long as I have you, I'll be okay. I'll be good. You keep the evil at bay, Dean."

Dean sighed then thought, taking Sam's clawed hand and feeling his skin. "Like silk…your skin, it's like silk…"

"Yes, it is softer now. I have some fur on my skin; that is fur you feel." Sam explained then used his powers to look for Bobby. He was in the diner, waiting for them to come after they worked it out. "What do you want me to do?"

"I…don't know if I can be more than brothers and I don't want you to keep lying either." Dean said, "I don't know what to do."

"Just stay with me; that's all I need." Sam said softly as his heart broke in his chest and all his dreams and hopes of Dean returning his feelings were smashed to pieces.

"I'm hungry." Dean said then tugged Sam up, "Let's go eat, Little Brother."

"Me, too." Sam said and they went to Bobby, who smiled in relief as they approached, Sam was in human form now.

Sam told him the truth and Bobby…well, he didn't take it well but he didn't leave.

Xxxxxxxxxx

(Several Months later)

Sam slept in a trap, crying silently in his sleep, shaking. Dean lay in the bed listening and hating the sound but didn't know how to deal with it. So he did nothing and thought some more.

Bobby listened and his heart broke at the human sound coming from his demonic son and did nothing as well. He also was trying to figure out what to do.

Even when Sam felt Dick take Bobby and popped in, burning the Leviathan and all his people up into fine ash and saved Bobby, they still didn't know what to do.

So, Sam decided to fix it. He broke the trap, kissed them goodbye and left.

With a note to explain.

'Bobby and Dean,

I can't keep doing this.

Can't keep living in a trap, I've done that all my damn life and won't do it anymore. I can't be with you but I won't be far from you either. I will watch over and protect you always. My Mate, My love. My Dean.

I love you like my own Father still, Bobby, but you will never trust me this way and I can't keep trying to prove myself to someone who will never really trust me anyway. So I have to stay away.

This breaks my heart but…I can't stay with you. But I'll always be watching over you.

I love you both with all my heart and pray someday you forgive me.

I am free of Lucifer and my Hell memories, thanks to you, Dean, and for that I will always owe you my heart, my love, and my undying gratitude. I will always be yours, Dean.

Bobby, can you try to love me again someday and accept me? Both of you?

I need you but…not like we are now.

This isn't goodbye so I won't say that. I just don't know what to call it.

Call on me like you used to do to summon Cas if you need my help. I would lend you my soul if I had to just to keep you safe but will settle for using all my powers and love to do it instead.

I may be demonic but, damn It, I'm still me!

I love you still,

Samuel Winchester

P.S. I'm a true abomination now, the Angels were right.

You should have let them kill me.'

And then he was gone.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

They woke up to a broken trap and a note laying where Sam once was.

And reading it broke their hearts. Much in the same way it had broken his to write it.

Then they decided to try harder to love him more and figure out how to deal with this new Sam. A Sam that only stayed long enough to help on Hunts then poofed away again and they were left staring at the empty place he used to be standing in.

Wishing he was still there but knowing they still didn't know how to deal with this.

And Sam stayed away but watching them always, knowing they didn't know how to deal with it and understood it very well. He felt the same, too.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(A Year Later)

"Let me go or kill me!" Sam screamed at them as they trapped him and pinned him to a chair, fastening him there securely. "Please don't trap me again!" He sobbed. "You'll never love me or accept me, or treat me like anything but a filthy demon and I'm not! I'm me! Just stuck this way. I am like Lucifer and…hell, I am me but also like Lucifer was without being his or him. I don't want to rule Hell! I just want you to love me." Sam cried and begged. "Burn me up or let me go! Holy oil will do it, I smell it in here; you got some…"

"No, no, not…not hurting you…" Dean said softly, and hugged him. "Sammy, I missed you!"

Sam remained stiff in his arms then softened slightly.

"I will not live in traps anymore." Sam said haughtily. "I am not an evil demon come to kill you or anyone else! I refuse to be treated that way. I will not consent to living in traps the rest of my damn life for you, Bobby Singer. I refuse to prove myself that way. Fuck you if you expect that." Sam spat and meant every word. "I want my bed, I want to run down to eat breakfast and talk with you. I want to do research with you and hug you without you flinching and reaching for the demon killing knife every damn time! I want to say I love you and know you feel the same and know you are not measuring my every damn word looking for the lies in them. I love you, but if you can't be my Dad again, either kill me or let me go!"

"I can't be your brother, Dean. I love you too much. I need you more than that. I have tried. I will love you as my Mate until the day I die, which if you never will love me; then let that be now." Sam said and sighed. "Kill me, accept and love me, or let me go to keep watching over you. But don't keep me trapped again like before. I am not a monster nor am I a threat."

Dean stood there for the longest time, staring into Sam's eyes and thinking. Then cut the ropes from him and undid the chain, helping Sam up. Then they looked at each other and Dean said softly, "I will be your Mate, I will love you. Let's go, Sammy." He took Sam's hand and sighed, "I'm sorry I took so long to understand."

"That's okay, you are human. Understanding takes time. I know that now." Sam said. They headed to the stairs and Bobby's voice stopped them.

"Where are you going?" He asked in amusement.

"Leaving. He will never be put in a damn trap again if I have to break them all myself." Dean swore. "He's still your son, and if you can't see that, then go fuck yourself!" He headed up again and Sam stayed with him.

"Stay. Supper isn't ready yet." Bobby said softly, "I made all your favorites, Sam."

"Huh?" Sam said in confusion and turned to feel arms hugging him. He looked down at his adopted father's hands. They weren't reaching for the knife, he happily noticed.

"I love you, Sam. I made you a path through the traps. Your bed is made up and breakfast is at eight. I expect conversations with you and for you to listen when I talk to you. I expect the smiles and 'yes, Sirs' again." Bobby said smiling, "I expect you to act like yourself, Sam. Be a good demon and live with us."

"I've learned recently that I was wrong before. I am not a demon." Sam sighed, "I'm what Lucifer was."

" The Ruler of Hell?" Dean said and Sam sort of nodded.

"Supposed to be but not doing it. Hell is mine though. So yeah, I suppose so." Sam sighed. "I am an Archangel like he was. I am now the Archangel of Light that he used to be. I do police it and keep them there, kill and command them to stay in Hell or I kill them but I haven't properly taken the throne. Apparently God felt that with Lucifer being in cage, that Lucifer didn't need his Grace or Powers and stripped him of it all and then put them into my soul. When you put my soul back in, you infused me with Lucifer's Grace and Power and it sort of merged with the demonic cells. I am a hybrid demon/Archangel actually." Sam explained and smiled.

"So you can go to Heaven now, like the other Angels could?" Bobby asked.

"I don't know, never tried. Don't care to either. I want to stay here…with you, Dean." Sam said softly.

"Then stay and love me forever, Sam." Dean said and held him now, laying his head on Sam's chest, Sam's arms went around him. "My Mate now."

"My son." Bobby said looking at him now and smiling. "Stay, Sam."

"I'll stay. As long as you want me to." Sam promised.

"That would be for forever then." Dean said softly.

"I know. We all got the time for it. Eternity is ours, my Love." Sam said and Dean looked at him confused. "I made you immortal months ago while you slept. I just never told you. Both of you. I shared my Grace with you. You have been immortal for six months, Dean. You, too, Bobby." Sam smiled. "Whether or not you ever loved me again, I couldn't bear a world without you in it. So I made it so you would live in it with me and would never have to leave it."

"Will I get wings? Cause that would be cool! I could fly!" Dean asked and grinned at the thought.

"Maybe, not sure. Just shared a bit of it. Might get powers though, some kind of gifts or something. Might change physically like me, more muscular, not sure. Sharing Grace is a rare thing for an Archangel to do. I don't have the knowledge to know for sure how it will change you but it wouldn't have happened all at once. It may take years for it all to show up." Sam explained.

"I hope I get wings." Dean said again. "I want to fly and see how the clouds really feel. Ride the winds and feel them carry me. I want to see nothing but blue around me and know this is my sky I am flying in!" Dean said softly, "I want to be free."

"Fly with me then." Sam said softly and wrapped his arms around Dean also. "I will show you your sky then maybe…I will show you Heaven, if they let us in. I want to see it all with you, I always have. You showed me the largest ball of Twine twice, so why not let me show you the World and share it all with you again."

"Yes, Sammy. Show me my Sky." Dean said happily as they flew upward, through clouds that tickled his nose and made him smile. His green eyes glowed with happiness. And Sam stopped when there was nothing but blue around them. "My blue!" He said softly in wonder and awe, eyes sweeping the sky around him.

"Yes." Sam said smiling. "Shall we fly higher, my love?"

"Yes, I want to fly higher." Dean said then smiled, kissing him softly, "But only if you promise to always fly higher with me."

"I promise." Sam said and they flew high.

And they found Heaven with each other then, long before they ever actually reached the real one. Since the Heaven they found, it seems, was the only Heaven they had ever really needed to find or see anyway.

Heaven was them together, touching in love.

And, with each touch and every heartbeat, they were no longer bound and held apart.

They were together and they were Free!

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