a/n; Hey, guys I was cleaning out out my desktop and I found this, it was written during the same crack-filled, lulzy time of my life as was 'Dory and Marlin's Wedding'. Sadly, I have become mature and boring since then! But, hey, maybe one day I'll get drunk and write something for you. I was pretty much high when I did the other one. I don't know what I was on when I made this. Oh, and judging by the context of the fic, it's set before the wedding

disclaimer: I not be owning Finding Nemo...ARG! (a/n: yeah, I was something messed up)

Bruce started to break down in to tears, "I'm so fat!" he sobbed, "Why can't I stop eating?! Look at me." Bruce said, motioning to his body with his fins, "I'm so overweight!"

Bruce put his face in his fins and continued to cry.

"I know what you mean, mate." Anchor said, sadly, "I'm a size minus two! I'm so overweight!"

"Minus two! Minus two!" Bruce yelled through the tears, "I'm a size thirty two!"

Chum swam over to Bruce and patted him on the back, "It's alright mate, you never even knew your father. Having a terrible childhood can have effects your eating…"

Anchor swam over to the scales and prepared to weigh himself, "This is it mates," he said, nervously.

Anchor shut his eyes and went on top of the scale. He opened his eyes slowly, afraid to see how many pounds he was.

"Oh my god!" Anchor yelled, "Forty-two pounds!"

Bruce began to cry again because he was so much fatter than Anchor.

"I gained two pounds!" the hammerhead shark screamed, "I am disgusting!"

"It's alright mate," Chum said, "You just ate lunch, of course you're a little…erm… heavier."

"I knew I should have never eaten those three seaweed leaves!" Anchor said, disgusted with himself, "Look at me! I eat and eat and eat like some monster! Have I no self control?"

"Well I guess I'm just HUGE for eating an entire salad today!" shouted Bruce, who was still bawling.

"I'm not going to be fat! I'm getting this 'lunch' out of me right now!" Anchor sobbed.

Anchor swam towards the bathroom, Bruce followed quickly behind. They both reached the door at the same time, and shoved each other away, trying into the washroom first.

"I should go first! I'm fatter!" Bruce yelled.

"Well I can actually fit through the door!" screamed Anchor.

Bruce backed away with tears in his eyes, "You're right! I can't even fit!"

Bruce swam over to the corner of the room and cried and sobbed, mumbling things about never being able to model.

Anchor swam quickly into the bathroom, and stuck his fin down his throat. The other sharks could here gagging from the bathroom.

Anchor emerged, looking quite sick.

"You're stupid, mate," Chum said to Anchor, "I just don't eat at all. I haven't eaten anything for three weeks, but I'm still obese."

At this moment, interrupting the tear fest; came the clubs newest member, Dory.

"Hi guys!" Dory said cheerfully, "Sorry I'm late. It was Emo's birthday today and we were having a little party thing! It was really fun! With presents and coral hats and seaweed cake…"

"Seaweed Cake!" the sharks yelled together.

"You didn't eat any? Did you Dory?" Bruce asked.

"Well of course I did, silly! What's a party without cake to eat?"

The sharks huddled together and pointed their fins at Dory, "Fat! Fat! Fat!"

"Marlin says I'm just fine at the weight I'm at!" Dory said, "At least… I think he did."

"Well, he won't be saying that anymore; if you keep eating things like cake!" Chum replied.

"And, you do want to look this." Anchor said, holding up a picture of Coral, "Don't you?"

"Hey! Isn't that Nemo's Mom?" Dory asked confused, "Where did you get that picture?"

"That's none of your concern." Bruce said, "And if he's Nemo mom that also makes her?"

"Dead?" Dory finished.

"No!" Anchor said, "Marlin's wife! And you like Marlin don't you?"

"Well of course I like him, he's my friend." Dory said innocently.

"No, I mean 'Like' like him."

Dory blushed, "Well… Yes."

"I knew it!" Bruce exclaimed.

"Well, if you want Marlin too like you back you have to look good." Anchor explained.

"Ok," Dory said, "What do I have to do?"

"Well, you have too go on a diet!" Chum said.

"Um, how?" Dory asked, confused.

"Just stop eating, or eat less at least." Bruce said.

"Guys, I don't know, something is telling me I shouldn't do it," said Dory.

"Well, it's up to you mate," Chum replied, as he and the other sharks swam away.