Originally posted on my Tumblr (Uzuchi2). Hanahaki AU. Please enjoy and let me know what you think! :)
"When I used to look above,
All I saw was the sky;
and every song I would sing,
I sung not knowing why.
All I thought and all I felt,
was only just because
never was it you-
until it was all there was."
- Lang Leav, Before There Was You
It is early dawn when Sasuke is awoken from his sleep. The sky is still dark, the sun only just beginning to peak over the horizon. All is calm except for Sasuke. His chest hurts and he feels as if he can't breathe. He lurches upwards as a guttural cough wracks his body. His throat burns and he can taste the subtle hint of copper on his tongue. It makes him want to throw up. As the coughs subside, he glances down at his lap and is confused to find a handful of petals scattered on his sheets.
They are a vivid, vibrant orange-a stark contrast to his pristine white sheets. Curious, Sasuke picks a couple up and blinks at the soft velvety feel of the petals. It's real.
It's real.
Sasuke throws the petals as if they burn him. They scatter as another attack hits him and his body is subjected to a series of violent coughs. He feels as if something is lodged in his throat. The lump steadily rises until comes out as a perfectly formed tiger lily. The flower falls apart in the open palms of his hands. Sasuke stares at the petals in disbelief.
In the back of his mind, he recalls something Itachi mentioned to him before. A disease. Hanahaki, his brother had called it. A disease born from one-sided love that causes flowers to grow in the infected's lungs. This puzzles Sasuke. How could he have contracted such a disease? He was certain there was no one to have such feelings for. It was impossible even. Impossible because he's always been so carefully guarded at all times. Impossible because love has nothing to do with being a strong ninja like Itachi. Impossible because he would never allow himself to fall so carelessly or unknowingly.
Sasuke decides to ignore it in hopes that, like a cold, it will go away in time.
It happens again a few weeks later during a mission but this time Sasuke understands. He understands and it fucking terrifies him.
The realization comes as he and Naruto are training. They're sparring and taunting each other as normal. The teasing, the arguing, the playful rivalry between them-Sasuke has become attuned to it all. It becomes a sense of familiarity that Sasuke indulges in. In the darkest, most secret parts of his mind, Sasuke even admits to enjoying it. Not that he'd ever voice that aloud.
They're laying on the ground, panting, dirty, and sweaty. Yet, Sasuke's never felt more content and comfortable. He should feel tired-and he does to some extent-but he's also never felt so alive. He stares through the gaps of the trees and sees a purple and blue night sky scattered with billions of shimmering stars. A moment passes in silence before he decides to speak up, "You ready to head home?"
"Yeah!"
The enthusiastic reply makes Sasuke's smile just a little bigger. It's when Sasuke turns to look at Naruto that the revelation comes to him. It slams into him, punches him in the gut and nearly knocks the air out of his lungs. Naruto is before him, bathed in the faint light of the night sky. In the sun, Naruto's eyes sparkle like the sea but here, now, under the blanket of billions of stars, Sasuke thinks they reflect galaxies.
He doesn't even realize his sharingan is activated.
The stars have never looked so beautiful and Sasuke is completely and utterly terrified.
It is later in the night that Sasuke finds himself hunched over a small pond. Petals float upon the clear surface; blue ones to join the orange petals. Sasuke grimaces as he takes in the sight of his reflection. He doesn't recognize himself anymore. The emotionless mask he spent fifteen years perfecting is long gone and in its place he sees only fear, frustration, and confusion. His body feels heavy and he wants to tell himself that it's because of the sparring session earlier but he knows that isn't the case.
For the rest of the mission, Sasuke is forced to excuse himself periodically. No one knows what's causing him to act so strangely and Naruto is even more perplexed as he stares at the trail of orange and blue flowers that seem to follow Sasuke.
The attacks come regularly now and Sasuke can do nothing but hide and he hates himself for it. He has never been one to be cowardly but he also can't bring himself to face Naruto.
Sasuke isn't good with dealing with emotions. Never has been. As an Uchiha, he was warned ahead of time that emotions could be deadly, dangerous, and destructive. And oh, how right those teachings were. He just wished he had been a little more prepared to deal with them. He felt like he was dying, the disease eating him from the inside out. He finds himself frequently coughing up fully formed flowers these days and Sasuke feels like he's suffocating.
Why?
Sasuke asks himself this question daily. Why did it have to be Naruto of all people? Why did it have to be anyone at all? He had been so careful, so guarded at all times so as not to fall victim to such frivolous, distracting emotions. He doesn't understand. Naruto is his opposite. He is loud, brash, bright, and warm. He saw the good in everyone, even ones that hurt him. Sasuke is cold, quiet, and cynical. He isn't social and he hardly ever let anyone in. At least, that was the case before Naruto. Now, Naruto seemed to occupy a part of him he had no idea even existed until now.
The fact that Naruto was able to worm his way inside that space without Sasuke knowing was unsettling.
Sakura finds him the next time he has an attack. She finds him hunched over a trashcan having a coughing fit. She places a careful hand on his shoulder and Sasuke flinches. He's ready to snap at her but he sees a flicker of understanding in her eyes, something he isn't used to with Sakura, and he allows her to lead him to a park. They sit on a bench for a long time in awkward silence, or at least it's awkward for Sasuke. Sakura seems relaxed though.
They weren't particularly close despite being on the same team for so many years but Sasuke can at least consider Sakura one of the few people he can tolerate to be around now that she's grown out of her 'sappy crush' phase on him.
"You should tell him."
The statement catches Sasuke off guard. His eyes widen for a fraction of a second before he forces himself to keep his expression neutral. He turns to tell her to butt out, that she doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about, but he sees that she does understand and he presses his lips shut. Sakura sighs and brushes a strand of pink hair behind her ear, "It isn't good to keep it bottled up. It gets worse that way."
Ah, Sasuke understands now. He realizes that Sakura understands him in this one instance because she has suffered the same, "What color were your flowers?" He asks quietly.
Sakura smiles and she gets this far away look in her eyes and Sasuke wonders what she's thinking about.
"They were yellow cosmos."
Sasuke frowns. Well, that was unexpected.
"I thought it was you at first but I realized that cosmos don't really suit you," Sakura giggles suddenly, "I guess we both have our dumb blondes to deal with, huh?"
Dumb blondes...? Oh, Sasuke realizes who Sakura is referring to. He's mildly surprised but he supposes it isn't so farfetched. Love, as he's come to find, was unpredictable. Sasuke leans back against the bench and looks up at the expansive blue sky. He suddenly feels like he can't breathe again and so he closes his eyes to shut out the blue and reminds himself to breathe.
He licks his lips and takes a breath, "Mine are tiger lilies and blue hydrangeas."
"I know," Sakura says softly, "They're beautiful, Sasuke."
Yes, Sasuke agrees, they are.
It was only a matter of time before that beauty killed him.
Weeks later, Sasuke finds petals scattered along the sidewalk. They aren't from him, he knows that much. The petals are pure white and carry a sweet but subtle scent. Curious, he decides to follow the trail that soon leads him to a familiar looking swing with an even more familiar looking boy sitting on it.
The sound of retching reaches Sasuke's ears and he freezes in his spot. He watches as Naruto's body shakes and trembles, watches as white petals fall freely from his mouth, only to be carried away by the wind. The entire grassy area around the swing is covered in these delicate white petals, some fluttering and dancing around Naruto in the wind.
Sasuke feels a familiar ache in his chest at the realization that Naruto has found someone to love. And it hurts, it hurts, it hurts. There's a fluttering sensation within him that's working his way up his throat and Sasuke attempts to run away before he can expose himself.
The lump, bigger than it usually is, forces its way up his throat and Sasuke can't stop himself from gagging. His knees buckle as a handful of blue petals fall from his mouth, mixing with the white.
"Sasuke?"
The sound of his name strikes him like lightning and Sasuke is suddenly paralyzed. He had been avoiding Naruto for weeks due to his condition. He hadn't heard Naruto say his name, hadn't seen Naruto in what feels like forever. He feels powerless and vulnerable before now. And Sasuke isn't used to feeling like this.
Then again, he had never felt many things before Naruto.
"You've been avoiding me." It isn't a question and Sasuke knows Naruto isn't stupid despite how often he gets called that by teachers, peers, and Sasuke himself. Naruto is more perceptive of people than most and more intelligent than others think, more than how Naruto let on.
"I've been busy." Sasuke manages to say.
"Bullshit."
What? The spell seems to break and Sasuke stands and spins around to glare at Naruto only to back away when he realizes how close Naruto is to him. He stumbles backwards and clenches his hands into fists, his nails biting into his palms, "How would you know, dead last? You don't know everything that goes on in my life."
"Something happened," Naruto says it like it's fact, "I did something or fucked up somehow, right?"
"Don't be stupid."
"Don't," Naruto grits his teeth, "I-if I've done something, tell me. I can take you teasing me. I can take you being angry at me. Hell, I can take you hating me. But I can't-please don't pretend like I don't exist."
"Naruto..."
"You're such a bastard, you know that?" Naruto kneels down to pick up a handful of petals, "This is your fault."
"My fault?!" Sasuke snaps, "What the hell are you-"
"Yes, your fault! I used to think you were nothing but a frigid bastard with an icicle shoved up his ass. But no, no, you actually had to turn out to be nice and fun and amazing! I mean, what the hell! It wasn't supposed to be like this. You're supposed to be my rival! I wasn't supposed to like you! You were supposed to be nothing more than a stuck up ice princess and-"
Sasuke blinks. Only half listening to Naruto's rant and half stuck on the 'like you' part of his speech. Sasuke finds his body moving on its own as he moves forward and kneels in front of Naruto. He takes Naruto's hand, causing Naruto to drop the petals, "Wh-what are you-"
"What did you just say?"
"Huh?" Naruto frowns, "You were supposed to be a stuck up ice princess-"
"No, before that."
"What are you talking about now, bastard? What do you me-" Naruto's eyes widen and he blushes when he realizes what Sasuke is referring to. Sasuke's heart starts to beat faster. Naruto bites his lips and looks everywhere except for Sasuke. He isn't even able to make eye contact.
"Tell me," Sasuke pleads gently, "please."
Naruto sighs and locks eyes with Sasuke, a spark of fierce determination in those turbulent blue eyes, "Listen up and listen well, bastard! Because I'm only going to say this once, alright? I-I like you! There! I said it! You better not make fun of me, bastard! I swear, I'll kick your ass and-Oof!"
Naruto isn't given a chance to finish his threat because he soon finds himself being abruptly pulled into Sasuke's arms into what seems to be a hug. Only it's kind of awkward, Naruto's face is squished against Sasuke's shoulder and his arm is being pinned between his and Sasuke's chest. Sasuke doesn't seem to mind the uncomfortable position though.
Surrounded by dozens of colorful petals, Sasuke feels complete and the lump in his throat goes away. He feels calmer than he did before now. Naruto clears his throat and pulls back, "Um...Sasuke, does this mean you like me, too?"
Sasuke chuckles and simply presses his forehead against Naruto's. It's the most intimate Sasuke has ever allowed himself to be with a person but it feels right, "Hn, Usuratonkachi."
"Wh-what! You jerk-"
"Yeah, I like you, too, idiot."
END.