Disclaimer: I don't own 'em and we all know it. Some Gabby Bashing but you can deal with it, ya big baby! Simply a skit comedy... You don't like it? Tough luck. Just don't read it if you're gonna be that way!
Rated: PG-13 for 1 naughty word.
Skit #901: Custody of the Chakram.
By Delenn
Judge (neither guy or girl as of now :p ): Case 901, custody.... wait a second, you two are getting divorced??
Xena and Ares, simultaneously: Yes.
Judge: And you're fighting over custody of a kid?
Ares and Xena, again simultaneously: No.
Judge, exasperated: Then who the hell is 'Chakram'??
Xena: It's a what, not who.
Ares, pulling out something from behind his back: I enter into evidence, said Chakram...
Judge, eyeing the weapon: You've got to be kidding me!
Xena, turning angrily to Ares: HEY! I knew you had that, you see, *this* is why we're getting divorced!
Ares: Yeah well when I get *my* sword back... well, then we can talk about the chakram!
Judge, being handed up the weapon, not wanting either warrior to have it: Ok, let's hear both sides of the story....
Xena: Listen to me, bud--
Judge: Your Honor, please.
Xena and Ares, snickering: Yeah sure.
Xena: As I was saying, you wouldn't believe this guy! Always trying to kill my best friend, I can't handle the stress!
Ares: Oh yeah? Miss 'I can't cook, you can't cook, let's move in Gabrielle!' That makes for a real good marriage!
Xena: Don't you start with me, Mr. 'I was a big bad god of war, lets go kill everyone' that really helped things!! I had to have Gabrielle to keep me sane.
Judge: Uh, excuse me...
Xena and Ares, still glaring at each other: Shut up!
Ares, in seductive voice: You know you wanted to... Don't tell me the blonde didn't get on your nerves...
Xena, looking away from Ares: Of course *Gabrielle* did, but honestly, what would we have done if we killed everybody?
After a moment, Ares: How bout we just start off taking out the warlords and stuff... We're an unbeatable team!
Xena, snickering: We're too old for that! And out of practice...
Ares, pointing to Gabrielle, who is glaring from the stands: That's what she wants us to believe!
Xena, thinking it over: Well I guess....
Gabrielle, from the stands: XENA, NO, NO, NO! I let you marry him; I will not let you fight with him! Fighting leads to other things!! Like getting along!
Judge: EXCUSE me, could we get back to the case!!
Ares, to Xena: She does know we're married, right?
Xena moves over to Ares, grabbing his hand she pulls him out of the courtroom: Gabrielle.... We want a divorce! See you in court!
Judge: But wait, but---
Ares: Go to Tartarus!
Xena stops suddenly, Ares colliding with her. Ares: Shit, what'd you do that for?
Xena, suddenly remembering: My Chakram! Arees.... Go get it for me?
Ares, suspicious at the sexy look she gave him: Why?
Xena, pouting: Cause I don't want Gabby to see me!
Ares, giving in angrily: Fine, but this better be worth my while.
Xena, calling after his retreating back: Ooh I PROMISE!
The End
Rated: PG-13 for 1 naughty word.
By Delenn
Judge (neither guy or girl as of now :p ): Case 901, custody.... wait a second, you two are getting divorced??
Xena and Ares, simultaneously: Yes.
Judge: And you're fighting over custody of a kid?
Ares and Xena, again simultaneously: No.
Judge, exasperated: Then who the hell is 'Chakram'??
Xena: It's a what, not who.
Ares, pulling out something from behind his back: I enter into evidence, said Chakram...
Judge, eyeing the weapon: You've got to be kidding me!
Xena, turning angrily to Ares: HEY! I knew you had that, you see, *this* is why we're getting divorced!
Ares: Yeah well when I get *my* sword back... well, then we can talk about the chakram!
Judge, being handed up the weapon, not wanting either warrior to have it: Ok, let's hear both sides of the story....
Xena: Listen to me, bud--
Judge: Your Honor, please.
Xena and Ares, snickering: Yeah sure.
Xena: As I was saying, you wouldn't believe this guy! Always trying to kill my best friend, I can't handle the stress!
Ares: Oh yeah? Miss 'I can't cook, you can't cook, let's move in Gabrielle!' That makes for a real good marriage!
Xena: Don't you start with me, Mr. 'I was a big bad god of war, lets go kill everyone' that really helped things!! I had to have Gabrielle to keep me sane.
Judge: Uh, excuse me...
Xena and Ares, still glaring at each other: Shut up!
Ares, in seductive voice: You know you wanted to... Don't tell me the blonde didn't get on your nerves...
Xena, looking away from Ares: Of course *Gabrielle* did, but honestly, what would we have done if we killed everybody?
After a moment, Ares: How bout we just start off taking out the warlords and stuff... We're an unbeatable team!
Xena, snickering: We're too old for that! And out of practice...
Ares, pointing to Gabrielle, who is glaring from the stands: That's what she wants us to believe!
Xena, thinking it over: Well I guess....
Gabrielle, from the stands: XENA, NO, NO, NO! I let you marry him; I will not let you fight with him! Fighting leads to other things!! Like getting along!
Judge: EXCUSE me, could we get back to the case!!
Ares, to Xena: She does know we're married, right?
Xena moves over to Ares, grabbing his hand she pulls him out of the courtroom: Gabrielle.... We want a divorce! See you in court!
Judge: But wait, but---
Ares: Go to Tartarus!
Xena stops suddenly, Ares colliding with her. Ares: Shit, what'd you do that for?
Xena, suddenly remembering: My Chakram! Arees.... Go get it for me?
Ares, suspicious at the sexy look she gave him: Why?
Xena, pouting: Cause I don't want Gabby to see me!
Ares, giving in angrily: Fine, but this better be worth my while.
Xena, calling after his retreating back: Ooh I PROMISE!